ostavil | 001 wakanda

001 wakanda

There's peace in Wakanda. Bucky had spent a little while under the ice while Shuri figured out a way to work on his deprogramming and while it's been a painful process, it's a necessary one and he's glad for all her work on the tangled knot that's HYDRA and the mess inside his brain. It's all wired incorrectly, a bomb that never went off but still needs to be defused, and he's scared every time she goes in there that something will go wrong and he'll attack her; it hasn't happened yet.

When he isn't working with her or Ayo, he has a little hut to himself where there are goats and sometimes children come visit him to see the curious white man who has taken up on the fringes of Wakandan society. Steve has visited a few times but when they announce a visitor this time, it's apparently not Steve. They're still at the palace being received, though, so Bucky takes the time to tidy up where he's been staying as much as he can one-handed; he's neat by nature but he also isn't used to having company come by either.

Who could it be? Sam? Sharon? Bucky isn't sure who would come to visit him aside from those two and Steve. Tony Stark certainly wouldn't and he isn't sure the Wakandan government would even let him in. Would Wanda come to see him? He's not certain. He imagines she's in hiding the same as he is, trying to avoid the Sokovia Accords and their inevitable consequences on her. It seems she's suffering more from them than anyone else, even himself, so he doesn't think she'd risk coming to see him.

He catalogs the other people he knows and he comes up with Natasha. He's got a strange history with her. He's shot her twice while the Winter Soldier but curiously, both times, he'd shot her non-fatally. It's almost as if he'd known that she needed to live even if he didn't know her and that's not what the Winter Soldier does. He doesn't leave loose ends. He kills whoever is necessary, even an innocent bystander, and Natasha has been actively opposing him both times he's encountered her. Even when he'd been activated by Zemo he'd attacked her but didn't take her down. There's something in him that protects her and he wonders why that is and always has. He doesn't know why she'd visit him but he wouldn't turn it down, either, so when he hears someone at the door he calls for them to come inside.

"Come in, I'm not busy." He's just finishing up wiping down a counter in what counts for his kitchen and when he comes into view of the visitor, he sees that it is Natasha. Curious.

"Hi."

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"I can get anything I want here. I've been watching and reading a lot of Wakandan media, though, because it's helped me learn the language. Immersion is best, after all."

He's not sure how they crammed all that knowledge into his head as the Winter Soldier but Wakandan wasn't one of the languages they deemed necessary considering how difficult it is to even get into the country and learning it has been a challenge to occupy his mind while he's been recovering. It's been good for him, he thinks, even if Shuri reminds him daily that he still sounds like an American when he tries to pronounce anything. He's learned that her love language is sarcasm and has even managed to toss some back once in a while. Still, it's nice to see a new face that isn't launching into the Bucky comedy pitch.

"I basically can get anything I want, though, if you want to watch Bond movies and eat...well, my food is all Wakandan at the moment but I'm sure there's some crappy boxed pasta somewhere in this country. It's clearly something that opening up the trade borders would allow in."

"Oh, I know a little bit about learning language through immersion," she nods in agreement. Her mind goes to his Russian, his American accent on it. The she and the other Widows used to refer to him as the American when they spoke about him behind his back. He spoke to all the handlers in Russian there, but he was helping with English pronunciation for all of them as well.

She laughs at the idea of boxed pasta though and shakes her head. "You know, if I never have to eat boxed pasta again, I will not be soon enough, I'm down for trying whatever Wakandan creation Chef James has gotten his training on and watching some bad spy movies though."

She remembers them watching them together on the odd mission she'd earned with him. It was only the best Widows who got to go with him -- which lucky for her she was. But she remembers him liking to watch and criticize the weird tricks they did that made no sense.

"Do you like spy movies?"

"Well, I sort of do," Bucky admits. "Thing is, they do everything wrong. They're so conspicuous, you know? I know I was always around for an intimidation factor as much as anything but I did my work clean and without getting caught. That's the point. And you damn sure aren't supposed to tell anyone your real name. Aliases only."

Bucky laughs, thinking of some of the movies he's seen where the spy just walks right up and introduces himself by first and last name like it's nothing. Stupid.

"Stealth isn't exactly optional but they treat it like it is. Nobody uses C4 as much as they do in those movies. Of course, I guess picking them apart is half the fun, yeah?"

Natasha bites at her lower lip, surprising a laugh. "Barnes, did you just mansplain to me how to be a spy?"

Once she gets the question out her lips curl into a wicked smile that show she's amused by the situation and not upset by it. It's just cute that he was explaining such things. When the tea kettle starts steaming she gets up herself to take care of it helping him out because she's comfortable with it. Pouring two cups before opening his cupboard to look for some jam to put in hers.

"What do you take in your tea, anyways?"

"Nothing. Pretty boring guy. And no, I did not mansplain to you how to be a spy, I was just pointing out all the inaccuracies. Of course you know not to do any of those things. You're actually good at your job."

Being good at your job as a spy more or less means "not dead" and since Natasha has managed that, he imagines she's very good.

"How does it work now since you're an Avenger, though? People don't recognize your face? Or are you always using those new masks they came out with?"

She grins at him. "I was just teasing you James, sorry..." It had more been a hook and line trying to draw him out, see if he still had any of those memories from their time together previously. He doesn't seem to, and that's okay.

Hell, sometimes she wishes she didn't have memories of all the things she'd had to do over the years.

"Masks sometimes, but honestly, practical disguises work really well. If people aren't really looking for you they can't see you. You could be standing right in front of someone you've known for years and have no idea in the right situation," she huffs out a laugh at the idea bringing the tea back over to the table and offering him a cup taking her own.

"That's true. I just don't remember ever having to do that. I think my thing was more intimidation so they wanted targets to know they sent me particularly. I spent a lot of time blending in Romania, though. You're right. If they aren't really looking for you, they can't see you at all. I probably could have managed there forever."

It was no way to live, hand to mouth as he was, but it was free and that was more than he'd had for decades as the Winter Soldier. Bucky thinks this is close to things he doesn't want to poke at, though, so he takes a long swallow of his tea and doesn't care that it's too hot.

"Better here, though. Getting used to freedom, you know? It's like a shirt that doesn't fit me anymore."

"Completely changed, like a shirt that doesn't fit anymore." She repeats the last bit and takes a sip of her tea to hide any feelings that might be there with that. It's complicated, she's happy that he doesn't feel like an intimidation machine though.

He was like a big bulldozing tank for so long. It made sense that he'd like to be softer, less scary then that.

"I mean, I can confirm at least the goats and the kids who live here aren't scared of you as they were very excited to lead me to your hut." She says when she puts the mug down hands cupping around it idly. It's awkward, the entire discussion, but she knew it would be.

"So what's the best thing about freedom been so far, Mr. Barnes?"

"Knowing I can sleep and not worry about keeping one eye open," Bucky says. "I'll never sleep well, I don't think I'll ever do that again, but it's easier to sleep now that I know I don't have to look over my shoulder constantly."

Bucky shakes his head and gives her a rueful smile. "There's the food, too. I'm not half hungry all the damn time. This metabolism takes way more food than someone on the run can manage to get without standing out."

Natasha is asking questions that nobody else has thought to ask. Steve talks about the past and Sam mostly ribs him. Natasha's questions are insightful and they'd feel prying if he didn't know her but from her, he doesn't mind them so much.

She sighs a little bitterly at the comment at the ability to sleep. It's relatable to her. They'd cuffed them to the beds before graduation, it'd been hard to sleep after it still within the program. After it was somehow even harder, the nightmares that continued even though she'd done what she thought to bring the room down.

"When I got out I couldn't sleep forever, even when someone offered to stay and watch over me. I couldn't trust them..." It's not comparable to his experience but she hopes by offering him that view into her own life it will let him know it's okay to share these things with her. Hell, somewhere deep within her she hopes that it will crawl deep under his skin and somewhere bloom in his thoughts, remind him of things.

She didn't know how hydra had kept him fueled during all the times he'd been moved, only in the couple years he was in the Red Room with her. Shitty nutritional bars that were supposed to be complete needs and tasted like cardboard.

"All I wanted to eat was fruit when I first got my choice, Clint used to have to remind me that protein was important."

"They don't understand how good fruit tastes when you've been institutionalized. Fresh fruit? Shit's better than chocolate. It was expensive when I was on the run but I always made a way to get some because I couldn't help myself. It reminded me I was free and could eat anything I wanted, you know?"

Protein is important and you can get that in tasteless powder or tasteless bars but Bucky doesn't have to do that anymore. He has all the fresh meat and vegetables he could ask for; he even grows some of them out back. There's fruit, too, and there's some in Wakanda he's never seen before.

"We have so much good food here but you know what I would give my right arm for? A burger. You know, a really greasy diner burger. We had those back in the stone ages, you know, and I miss that. I probably haven't had one since before the war considering rationing."

"Okay old man. When we finally get back to the states you and I have a date with a double bacon cheeseburger and some chocolate and fruit fondue, because I absolutely will not accept that sort of slander at chocolate."

She can't help but smile over at him when she says it. She doesn't even mean date in a romantic sense in this point, she's just wanting to include chocolate in this discussion of things that must be delicious because it was one of her favorite things to overindulge in after.

"Also you really shouldn't give your right arm. Being armless seems like a pretty difficult way to live, even for James Barnes."

"I think I could manage with no arms," Bucky says, laughing softly. "Still got two legs and a brain, don't I? I could figure shit out. Besides, nobody can draft me for another war if I'm completely disabled. Can't keep fighting for other people's problems if I only have half a body."

He laughs again but it's uncomfortable this time because he's slid into something darker without meaning to. They were talking about cheeseburgers and fruit and now he's talking about getting failed by the draft board (does that still exist?) because he'd be completely disabled.

"I'm still learning how to have normal conversations. You've got to give me a pass on that one. I just...yeah. It's not something I'm good at anymore after not having any conversations for, what, seventy years? Felt like an eternity in there."

She takes another drink of her tea looking over the cup at him smiling gently as she shakes her head. He doesn't need to worry about getting weird around her, she's said enough weird things after she'd gotten out of the Red Room and she hadn't event been mind controlled.

"One I don't think the United States has drafted anyone since Vietnam. Two you're absolutely too old, and well three is just that you don't have to worry about it, James. I've been there, hell, some of the guys still say I'm weird about things."

It's a simpler explanation then what she'd like to give but they're just starting to talk to each other, and sometimes it's easier like that.

"What is it you normally get up to when you have guests anyways?"

"My guests are normally twelve and under and want to play with my hair," Bucky says. "So I've come out with some interesting Wakandan hairstyles, that's for sure. Steve just wants to talk about the past. Sam just wants to take the shit out of me. Shuri wants to make sure I'm still sane and take the shit out of me."

Bucky finishes his tea and sets the cup down gently.

"You're probably the most normal visitor I've had here, honestly. Well, T'Challa was nice but very formal so I'd say you and T'Challa have been the closest to fine. I don't want it to be 1945 anymore, you know? But I don't think I'm ready for now yet either."

"Please don't compare me to royalty, James," she says in a half kidding tone. "That is probably treasonous or something." The corner of her mouth curls into a smirk, clearly not too bothered by it.

"Well, I'm not above hair playing. I could braid it if you want, or if you want to lean over the tub I'm happy to wash it for you. I know for me, it's always nice to when I get to go to the salon and just have someone else deal with it," she explains her line of thinking. She doesn't want to suggest that his hair is too greasy or anything like that.

"Might help you relax a little bit? Not exactly the barber shops of your time."

"Gotta be better than the military barber," Bucky says with a laugh. Maybe it's weird to have a woman wash his hair for him but he doesn't think it's going to come up in regular conversation between Natasha and, say, Tony Stark so it's okay.

"Let's wash it first," he says. "Maybe it's more manageable when it's cleaner than I can ever manage to get it. I don't think I ever get the shampoo out all the way. Easier with two hands than one."

He's adapted but some things are still difficult.

She moves to stand up from the table with a nod, he seems to have taken the instruction well enough and she goes to walk over to the skin and inspect the spray hose that pulled down. It was nice and practical.

"If you bring a chair over here, and your shampoo and conditioner I think the sink might be the easiest place to do this? I'll even blow dry for you after." She adds that last bit like it's some how a lot more work after offering to wash the man's hair.

She knew how different it was to experience touch like this for the first time after getting out and it was a nice change for her. In the Red Room they'd at least had decent hair care even if it wasn't gentle, couldn't have a Widow not be beautiful. She was sure Hydra had never cared about The Soldier for that though.

Also, some little piece of her thought back to baths in hotels crammed in together, washing his hair for him. And it softens her thoughts a little more. This was a dangerous game she was playing an she knew it, but she can't help wanting to help him relax.

Bucky does actually have nice bath products because Wakanda wouldn't let him have less than the best while under their care and it's sort of nice because he feels a lot more like a person when he has real shampoo and conditioner and nice soap and aftershave. He hasn't been shaving regularly because who's gonna care about that, goats? Still, if Natasha is going to make a habit of visiting him, he needs to be on his hygiene a little more so he sneaks on a little cologne and sizes himself up in the mirror and decides that it's about as good as he can ever be anymore.

He lines the bottles up on the counter next to the sink and laughs softly.

"You know, I've never been to a hair salon. Barber? Oh yeah. I was in there once a week, you know. I had to get all the edges shaped nice and get a good shave but never a hair salon. They all used to smell of perms and hairspray, I remember that."

She's impressed when he brings out multiple bottles and not some 12-in-1 product. Steve had always talked about James being well dressed and a ladies man. This was just another one of those things hiding under layers of frozen feelings.

She drags a chair over to the counter to let him sit down and motions to the chair.

"Well then, I hate to tell you this, but we just added blow outs at the salon to our date that will involve cheeseburgers and chocolate covered fruit. If you start telling me too many more stories we're just going to have to book a second date though. You really can only fit so much into one day, James."

“It’s dating now? Damn, I didn’t even know it worked that way in the post-millennium. I missed a lot about everything but in my day, dates were very, very involved. It was dinner, it was dancing, it was walks on the boardwalk - you did everything you could to make it last as long as possible unless she was the kind of girl who was fine with coming home with you.”

Bucky had plenty of those in the day but he only slept with about half of the ones he dated. There was a reputation, sure, but he wasn’t all that bad. He tried to be a good guy about it and not lead anyone on or make them think he was heading down the aisle when he wasn’t. He was having fun before the war and after, maybe, he might have settled down.

HYDRA ruined all that for him. He didn’t get a wedding or a first baby or buy a house or any of the things you dream about doing. He just got misery. This with Natasha feels almost normal and it’s really nice.

“All right, show a man how to wash his hair correctly.”

She starts the water, keeping it away from his head, testing it with her hand, adjusting until she just got the right nice warm temperature of water. While she does it she smiles at him all dumb at the suggestion of the date.

"I more meant it as like - 'it's a date, put it on the schedule' -- but I'm not gonna say no to a proper date with James Barnes. Just give me a call when you're ready to take me dancing handsome."

She loves dancing, it's beautiful. It's the kind of thing that helped her escape the horrors of the Red Room. Sure, her stuff was mostly ballet, but going old old school dancing with James? Yeah, that sounded nice.

"Alright it's warm. Lean your head over and I'll wash it."

"Oh."

Bucky leans over so she can wash his hair and he's glad he has to have his eyes closed for this because he's mortified. He should have known that date meant "save the date" or "put it on the schedule" and not date but he's an idiot and apparently can't parse the difference.

"I, uh, wasn't meaning to ask you out," he says. It's not as calm and collected as he would like and again, he's glad he can't see Natasha's face because his eyes are closed.

"I just thought it meant something else because it used to, you know? I know you and Steve are...whatever. Friends or something. I wasn't trying to interrupt that."

He's fumbling and it's adorable. Like, really tugging at her heart strings in a way that she didn't know it would with fondness. She loved the Winter Soldier, but James Barnes, he's goofy and god, she thinks it's cute. If he could see her, he'd notice the massive grin on her face as she runs the water over his hair making sure to get it good and soaked before adding shampoo and starting to massage it into his scalp slowly, really getting it in there good.

"Did you just disinvite me from a date, James?" she asks with a laugh. "I don't think I've ever had a man turn down a date with me before."

Well, that was a good thing because most of them had been marks anyways.

"Steve and I are friends. I have tried to set him up on many dates over the years. Most people assume it's me and Clint even though he's got a wife," she admits with a frown. That was always did bother her. Men and women can be good friends even when they work together well like that.

And she loves Laura just like family as well.

"No! I didn't disinvite you! I...look, can we just...I'm in a hole here, Natasha, and I need a shovel. So if you can help me with that and let me regain some dignity, that'd be great. Otherwise I'm going to drown myself in this sink."

Bucky doesn't think it's possible to do that but he's always been interested in accomplishing the impossible. He just doesn't want to do that with an audience around.

Her hands in his hair feel good so he just focuses on that and keeping his eyes completely shut so he can't see whatever look she has on her face. A smile? A smirk? Something in between? He's not sure with her because her trade is being anything for anyone even if he's pretty sure she's just being herself right now.

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