ostavil | 001 wakanda

001 wakanda

There's peace in Wakanda. Bucky had spent a little while under the ice while Shuri figured out a way to work on his deprogramming and while it's been a painful process, it's a necessary one and he's glad for all her work on the tangled knot that's HYDRA and the mess inside his brain. It's all wired incorrectly, a bomb that never went off but still needs to be defused, and he's scared every time she goes in there that something will go wrong and he'll attack her; it hasn't happened yet.

When he isn't working with her or Ayo, he has a little hut to himself where there are goats and sometimes children come visit him to see the curious white man who has taken up on the fringes of Wakandan society. Steve has visited a few times but when they announce a visitor this time, it's apparently not Steve. They're still at the palace being received, though, so Bucky takes the time to tidy up where he's been staying as much as he can one-handed; he's neat by nature but he also isn't used to having company come by either.

Who could it be? Sam? Sharon? Bucky isn't sure who would come to visit him aside from those two and Steve. Tony Stark certainly wouldn't and he isn't sure the Wakandan government would even let him in. Would Wanda come to see him? He's not certain. He imagines she's in hiding the same as he is, trying to avoid the Sokovia Accords and their inevitable consequences on her. It seems she's suffering more from them than anyone else, even himself, so he doesn't think she'd risk coming to see him.

He catalogs the other people he knows and he comes up with Natasha. He's got a strange history with her. He's shot her twice while the Winter Soldier but curiously, both times, he'd shot her non-fatally. It's almost as if he'd known that she needed to live even if he didn't know her and that's not what the Winter Soldier does. He doesn't leave loose ends. He kills whoever is necessary, even an innocent bystander, and Natasha has been actively opposing him both times he's encountered her. Even when he'd been activated by Zemo he'd attacked her but didn't take her down. There's something in him that protects her and he wonders why that is and always has. He doesn't know why she'd visit him but he wouldn't turn it down, either, so when he hears someone at the door he calls for them to come inside.

"Come in, I'm not busy." He's just finishing up wiping down a counter in what counts for his kitchen and when he comes into view of the visitor, he sees that it is Natasha. Curious.

"Hi."

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She's impressed when he brings out multiple bottles and not some 12-in-1 product. Steve had always talked about James being well dressed and a ladies man. This was just another one of those things hiding under layers of frozen feelings.

She drags a chair over to the counter to let him sit down and motions to the chair.

"Well then, I hate to tell you this, but we just added blow outs at the salon to our date that will involve cheeseburgers and chocolate covered fruit. If you start telling me too many more stories we're just going to have to book a second date though. You really can only fit so much into one day, James."

“It’s dating now? Damn, I didn’t even know it worked that way in the post-millennium. I missed a lot about everything but in my day, dates were very, very involved. It was dinner, it was dancing, it was walks on the boardwalk - you did everything you could to make it last as long as possible unless she was the kind of girl who was fine with coming home with you.”

Bucky had plenty of those in the day but he only slept with about half of the ones he dated. There was a reputation, sure, but he wasn’t all that bad. He tried to be a good guy about it and not lead anyone on or make them think he was heading down the aisle when he wasn’t. He was having fun before the war and after, maybe, he might have settled down.

HYDRA ruined all that for him. He didn’t get a wedding or a first baby or buy a house or any of the things you dream about doing. He just got misery. This with Natasha feels almost normal and it’s really nice.

“All right, show a man how to wash his hair correctly.”

She starts the water, keeping it away from his head, testing it with her hand, adjusting until she just got the right nice warm temperature of water. While she does it she smiles at him all dumb at the suggestion of the date.

"I more meant it as like - 'it's a date, put it on the schedule' -- but I'm not gonna say no to a proper date with James Barnes. Just give me a call when you're ready to take me dancing handsome."

She loves dancing, it's beautiful. It's the kind of thing that helped her escape the horrors of the Red Room. Sure, her stuff was mostly ballet, but going old old school dancing with James? Yeah, that sounded nice.

"Alright it's warm. Lean your head over and I'll wash it."

"Oh."

Bucky leans over so she can wash his hair and he's glad he has to have his eyes closed for this because he's mortified. He should have known that date meant "save the date" or "put it on the schedule" and not date but he's an idiot and apparently can't parse the difference.

"I, uh, wasn't meaning to ask you out," he says. It's not as calm and collected as he would like and again, he's glad he can't see Natasha's face because his eyes are closed.

"I just thought it meant something else because it used to, you know? I know you and Steve are...whatever. Friends or something. I wasn't trying to interrupt that."

He's fumbling and it's adorable. Like, really tugging at her heart strings in a way that she didn't know it would with fondness. She loved the Winter Soldier, but James Barnes, he's goofy and god, she thinks it's cute. If he could see her, he'd notice the massive grin on her face as she runs the water over his hair making sure to get it good and soaked before adding shampoo and starting to massage it into his scalp slowly, really getting it in there good.

"Did you just disinvite me from a date, James?" she asks with a laugh. "I don't think I've ever had a man turn down a date with me before."

Well, that was a good thing because most of them had been marks anyways.

"Steve and I are friends. I have tried to set him up on many dates over the years. Most people assume it's me and Clint even though he's got a wife," she admits with a frown. That was always did bother her. Men and women can be good friends even when they work together well like that.

And she loves Laura just like family as well.

"No! I didn't disinvite you! I...look, can we just...I'm in a hole here, Natasha, and I need a shovel. So if you can help me with that and let me regain some dignity, that'd be great. Otherwise I'm going to drown myself in this sink."

Bucky doesn't think it's possible to do that but he's always been interested in accomplishing the impossible. He just doesn't want to do that with an audience around.

Her hands in his hair feel good so he just focuses on that and keeping his eyes completely shut so he can't see whatever look she has on her face. A smile? A smirk? Something in between? He's not sure with her because her trade is being anything for anyone even if he's pretty sure she's just being herself right now.

"No waterboarding yourself, mister." She says fondly with a chuckle. He can hear the affection on her voice with that. He fingers continue to really suds up his hair. She's planning on doing a double cleanse to get him really good and clean, but it feels nice to really make sure that it's set right away this time.

She's not sure what makes her do it. It's instinct, probably because both her hands are tied up in his hair. She leans down and gives his shoulder a kiss through the t-shirt. Dread hits her stomach after she does, she hadn't been thinking and shit, maybe that was a step too far.

"Seriously, when you're ready for New York we will go on a proper date. Until then, you just relax and get better. God knows it was hard enough for me to get over the nightmares."

"Um, yeah, sure. I can show you all the...well, you know them better than me now, I guess. All the stuff I knew is probably torn down by now."

He's a little flustered and confused about the kiss but he also doesn't want to bring it up in case it's just a pity kiss because it was in a strange place and he thinks a romantic kiss would be on his mouth or his cheek or something. Bucky thinks he's overthinking it. Instead, he addresses the one thing he does know about.

"They use Widows hard," he says absently. "Train for years to have no emotions, no politics, no feelings. Perfect ballerinas that get smashed to bits when they're not useful anymore."

"How else am I going to hear about the allies that Steve Rogers got beat up in hm? Come on, you've gotta give me some more ammo at the man," she laughs and then starts to rinse his hair making sure all the shampoo is out before starting all over again to double cleanse.

"Really though, I don't think that it's very different. They don't exactly tear down all those buildings to rebuild them or anything. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised in some ways," she says softly her voice goes a little lower once they get to the widow comments however.

"Aged out, not pretty enough to do the things they want you to do. Broken to bits and discarded, like a doll they're done playing with."

"As if aging is something bad. I remember...it must have been a dream or something. I only know things about Black Widows that I've heard offhand. I don't know anything about them. Just the prettiest Russian dolls, that's all. Malishka, but that's not a doll. Sometimes I get my memories mixed up with my dossier. It's confusing."

He knows Russian and knows it fluently but there's something about dolls that sticks with him and he's not sure why. There's something there but maybe it isn't something to examine with Natasha right here.

"Don't think you aged out, though. They say you defected. Good for you. You'd have to be fifty or sixty before you could age out."

"You flatter a girl, Barnes. You're correct in that I defected, but I don't think I would have lasted that long before they cleaned me up. It's all about asset control, you know that." she says reaching to rinse his hair again now that it's double cleansed and then move on to part three, the conditioner.

"I might not have the answers for everything, but Russian stuff, I might be able to answer. You can ask me any question you might want, about anything that's in your memories okay?" she says that and once again nerves pile up on the inside. What does he remember? What might he ask, not right not but someday down the line even. Is she prepared to answer those questions?

She's not sure. But she owes it to her Soldier that she once loved even though neither of them knew who he was then.

"Well, I'm not going to lie and say you aren't gorgeous because we both know that isn't true," Bucky says. Her hands in his hair feel so nice and he doesn't know if he can rope her into another one of these salon treatments but he almost wishes that he could. It would be nice to have this every once in a while.

"I used to be something, you know. That was before...everything. Now I don't have anything together and I only have one arm so I'm not exactly the catch I used to be. Did you know, I used to be able to get women to actually date me until Steve took that serum? I became invisible after that. Nobody wants the normal looking guy when they can have Captain America."

There's no sarcasm in his tone, only wistfulness, because those had been good days even if there was a war on.

"Probably a good thing they made me a sniper. Didn't have to stand next to Captain Perfect when I was on my belly in the trees."

Once she gets the conditioner though his ends she pauses, as it's time to let it sink in. Of course that coincides with the awkward part of the conversation, with the first man she ever loved was sitting in front of her complaining that one found him attractive. He doesn't even seem to remember being around Widows at all so it's not like she can tell him that they all used to talk about the handsome American who came to train them sometimes.

Of course, that man she love wasn't even all of him. Maybe some parts though. She's not sure, she sees hints of it in his eyes or his smile, or the way he talks sometimes. It's tough to be sure without more time with him though.

"So you're going to want to let the conditioner soak in for a few minutes each time before you rinse, it will help it work better," she explains.

"Anyways, I was never into blondes so I'm not really sure about the first point. You were a sniper though right? Any woman worth her weight in salt would prefer a sniper to a font linesman. Rough and pushy isn't what makes a man good in bed, patience, and the ability to always hit the target though..."

She's not actually trying to flirt with him, just cheer him up a little bit, which makes her surprised that the sexual innuendo is coming out this early but it's there. She wants James to not sound sad.

"I wouldn't know, I haven't had sex since the forties," Bucky says. It's an awkward conversation and he wishes he wasn't in it. Well, correction, he wishes the old him was in it because he'd be suave and know what to say. The man he is now has no idea what to do with it but he cracks his eyes open a little bit.

"Nobody ever complained, though," he adds. "So I guess that means I did well enough."

The women he was with always seemed to enjoy themselves and he thought about making sure that happened whenever he took someone home and he guesses that's what's good for both people. He thinks it's only good if both people enjoy it.

"Do you flirt with everyone you know or is it just me? Because nobody else uses my first name, either."

She huffs out a laugh at the comments. It's a combination of them all that get her though and it's the last one that she follows.

"I flirt with lots of people, it's part of being a Widow. But I'd first with James Barnes even if I wasn't. You're handsome James, and once you spend some time getting your memories sorted out I think you'll see that too."

There's an odd bit of confidence there. If he were to ever remember her, he'd at least know that she does find him handsome. Also then he'd remember he's had sex with at least one person since the forties. With his eyes open she has the urge to climb into his lap and kiss his lips and tell him everything will be okay, but that would just create far more problems then they currently have.

She never knew how to calm him with words, it was always touches when he was having a bad day, or his head was bothering him. She'll have to try her best though.

"It's not the handsome part I'm so worried about. It's all the mess in my head," Bucky clarifies. "And I know you just said when I get my memories sorted out I'll see that but right now that seems pretty impossible. Everything is so scattered around that I don't remember things that happened between 1945 and 2014, give or take."

Bucky bites his lip at looks at Natasha, looks at the fondness in her face. She has more confidence in him than he has in himself and while it's strange (don't they barely know each other and most of it is trying to kill her?) it's welcome. He likes feeling as if he's wanted for the person he is now and not the person he used to be.

"So is my hair gonna be soft and pretty when you're done with it?"

"Shuri just got the programing out, give it time James," she says softly before she starts to rinse the conditioner out of his hair making sure to get it all so there's no oily build up left behind.

"I know what it's like to have my mind messed with too, you know." She reminds him incase that part of the file is missing in his brain. Sure, it hadn't been to the extent of it all that Hydra had done. The Red Room was more careful with it's operatives, it's one of the reasons he'd started developing a personality there anyways, too many erasures made them unstable. When they'd been caught though, she'd dealt with it too.

"Yes, it's gonna be nice. Now we just got to let it dry."

"I know, I'm just in a hurry to remember everything," Bucky says. "Because I need to know what I did and who I was before I can start moving on from it. I need...I don't know. I just need to know."

Natasha seems to be the only person who understands what it's like to have been used, though, and it's nice to talk with someone who gets it. No one else does because no one else has been through anything like this in their life.

"Am I the first guy to be a customer of the Romanoff Salon?"

"You're nosy about other men, James..." She says with a chuckle, bringing the towel to his head to towel dry his hair. There's something warm that crawls inside her, clawing at her stomach at the idea that he might be jealous of other men's attention.

"You can't force the memories, but we can drink beers and watch Bond movies, and I only do that with my favorite men," She tells him fondly with a grin.

“Well, I can accept being a favorite man who can watch Bond movies with you,” Bucky says. He hasn’t watched anything like that since being here and it’ll be an activity he shares only with Natasha. Something inside him really likes that and he feels a warmth in the pit of his stomach that he probably shouldn’t feel.

“The hair washing thing was nice,” he says. “I didn’t realize how nice it would be until you did it but now I kinda think I want to ask for it again sometime. Not too soon, though. I don’t want to be annoying about it.”

"You're right, too often would be annoying." She says rubbing the towel over his head before letting it go to let him deal with it himself. She figures it can air dry, and that he can brush his own hair because now that it's nicely conditioned it should really only take one hand to keep up with it in an okay way.

She shoots him a sideways glance before going over to flop onto his couch. "Do you know how to work this fancy TV of yours here or is that something that they haven't gotten to teach you yet, old man?"

"I've figured it out," Bucky says. He decides he's just going to leave his hair alone for the time being and whatever it does, it does. He thinks it'll probably curl up a little because it does that at this length (and explains the cowlick he'd always had when he had short hair) and then brush it later if it needs it.

He chooses to sit down next to Natasha on the couch instead but he doesn't grab the remote or anything. "But if you want to teach me technology for old people, I don't mind taking a lesson. It's always good to be learning something and I can use the practice."

She laughs at the idea of teaching him technology for old people and settles on the couch shaking her head. "Absolutely not, I did my work at the salon thanks. Now you get to pay me back by dealing with the TV and brining me beers whenever I need a new one."

She says it like it's not a suggestion, because it's not for her. She's perfectly content to make herself at home on his couch and even stretches out over two thirds of it, leaving a small amount for Bucky to join her.

"You didn't think I provide services for free, did you James?"

"I see how it is. Unfortunately, I have no beer for you because I didn't know you were coming and Steve doesn't drink."

Sam does and when he comes to visit, he and Bucky drink a few, but Steve doesn't touch alcohol unless he's sad and he hasn't been that kind of sad in front of him since the 40s. He'd heard that Peggy died, though, and he knows that probably tore him up inside; they never talked about it.

"I can make you more tea and find you a movie, though, but I need more space than that or you're going to be in my lap."

She doesn't make an effort to move and just shakes her head giving him a smile anyways.

"I washed your hair, and you have no beer for me, the least you can do is let me use you as a foot rest?" She says lifting her feet up to make room for him, making it evident she plans on flopping them into Bucky's lap.

"Next time you can make sure we have vodka though," She has to catch herself when she almost says you always did like vodka and bites her tongue shaking her head like she almost made a mess. "I have a much higher tolerance then Sam you know," she adds quickly to try to play it off.

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