001 wakanda

[ostavil]

There's peace in Wakanda. Bucky had spent a little while under the ice while Shuri figured out a way to work on his deprogramming and while it's been a painful process, it's a necessary one and he's glad for all her work on the tangled knot that's HYDRA and the mess inside his brain. It's all wired incorrectly, a bomb that never went off but still needs to be defused, and he's scared every time she goes in there that something will go wrong and he'll attack her; it hasn't happened yet.

When he isn't working with her or Ayo, he has a little hut to himself where there are goats and sometimes children come visit him to see the curious white man who has taken up on the fringes of Wakandan society. Steve has visited a few times but when they announce a visitor this time, it's apparently not Steve. They're still at the palace being received, though, so Bucky takes the time to tidy up where he's been staying as much as he can one-handed; he's neat by nature but he also isn't used to having company come by either.

Who could it be? Sam? Sharon? Bucky isn't sure who would come to visit him aside from those two and Steve. Tony Stark certainly wouldn't and he isn't sure the Wakandan government would even let him in. Would Wanda come to see him? He's not certain. He imagines she's in hiding the same as he is, trying to avoid the Sokovia Accords and their inevitable consequences on her. It seems she's suffering more from them than anyone else, even himself, so he doesn't think she'd risk coming to see him.

He catalogs the other people he knows and he comes up with Natasha. He's got a strange history with her. He's shot her twice while the Winter Soldier but curiously, both times, he'd shot her non-fatally. It's almost as if he'd known that she needed to live even if he didn't know her and that's not what the Winter Soldier does. He doesn't leave loose ends. He kills whoever is necessary, even an innocent bystander, and Natasha has been actively opposing him both times he's encountered her. Even when he'd been activated by Zemo he'd attacked her but didn't take her down. There's something in him that protects her and he wonders why that is and always has. He doesn't know why she'd visit him but he wouldn't turn it down, either, so when he hears someone at the door he calls for them to come inside.

"Come in, I'm not busy." He's just finishing up wiping down a counter in what counts for his kitchen and when he comes into view of the visitor, he sees that it is Natasha. Curious.

"Hi."

Comments

[widowsdance]

She's nervous as she approaches his hut. She's heard about how he's doing from Steve, but it was all about his relationship with Bucky. No one, not even Steve knew anything about her history with The Soldier, and she planned on keeping it that way. For all she knew, Bucky had no memory of any of it, so what was the point of digging at old wounds for herself.

However recently Steve had gotten busy with something during his regularly scheduled trip and asked her if she wanted to go instead, citing Sam being busy as well. Honestly, it wouldn't have taken much more of an ask to get her to go. She'd been toying with the idea in her mind, but explaining to people why she was there was something she'd wanted to avoid so this had caused her the easiest cover.

"Hey there," she says when she sees him. The mixed feelings flood over her, reminders of an old love, fear of the last couple times she's fought him. Now here he is standing in the door of a hut, in Wakanda, looking so soft and far from either of the men she's previously known.

"Steve said he was worried you were getting bored and sent me," she says with half a smile. "He didn't warn me that the goats might try to eat my jacket as I walked by though."

[ostavil]

"They're pretty indiscriminate about their food sources. If you fall asleep around them, you have to worry about your hair," Bucky says, laughing a little. He doesn't quite know how to interact with Natasha since he's had few conversations with her and more attempts on her life. She doesn't seem to hold it against him since she has come to visit him but he still carries guilt about it, just one piece of the guilt he carries all the time.

"I'm sorry it's not very much but I wanted to get away from everything. They offered me rooms in the palace and I rejected them because I felt like I needed to get my head straight and it's easier to do that out here with nothing but the goats and the savanna. I have some kids visit me sometimes but other than that, I'm mostly left alone."

He chances a smile. "And, well, now you're here. You're a new face. I usually get Steve or Sam. I guess I didn't hurt you that badly last time we saw one another? If I did, I'm sorry."

[widowsdance]

"Oh is that what happened to your hair, Barnes? Goat barber?" she says it with a smile before crossing the distance to get closer to him. When in doubt, make a joke? Right. It always seemed to work for Steve so why not for this James Barnes who she only knows part of. It's worth a shot anyways.

She was worried about awkward greetings as she'd made her way here but that didn't even time to happen. The worries of the plane of do you shake his hand? Do you hug him? Do you jokingly pull a gun on him? They were all put to rest because here he was apologizing.

"Don't you even dare, James. We've all done shit that we regret, but you even get the excuse of brainwashing," she tilts her head to the side a little bit giving him a reassuring half smile. "I will however, accept a promise that you won't ever shoot me again. That seems like a fair trade."

[ostavil]

"I solemnly swear never to shoot you again," Bucky says and it is sincere even if there's a tinge of humor to it. He doesn't ever want to hurt anyone again but especially not Natasha, who he's hurt more than once and she seems to have accepted it wasn't his fault and still wants some kind of relationship with him. He doesn't know her well, at all, but she seems to be close friends with Steve and he'd like to know her too.

"It helps that I have no weapons here and I only have one arm. It's very limited what I even could do if I got activated. You'd take me down easily with your garrote. You could nearly do it anyway. I think it's only the...relentless nature of the Winter Soldier that's kept you from succeeding before."

He doesn't really want to talk about that, though, so he wipes his hand off on his shirt for want of something better to do. He's wearing a t-shirt and sweats today even though normally he wears Wakandan traditional clothes and he wonders if that's because he knew Natasha was coming today; he's been known to have a preternatural sense about things before.

"This is the part where I offer you something to drink but all I have is tea. Do you drink tea?"

[widowsdance]

He's nervous, and she thinks it's very cute. She nods, when he promises not to hurt her more. She trusts him, really, there aren't those nerves stirring that she thought would. Instead he looks soft, gentle in a way she'd never seen him over the years, it's hard to not just want to give him a hug when looks like that.

"Maybe, but I'm feeling awfully lazy about sparring so we'll have to wait another trip to find out."

It's a distraction, a simple one. The suggestion that if they were to fight it wouldn't be because of him being brainwashed anyways. She doesn't want him to think she's worried about any of that.

"Tea sounds perfect though, I am Russia you know," She shoots him a smile like he should know by now Russians love the tea. "Why don't you show me this little simple way of life hut, Steve never really described it."

[ostavil]

"One bedroom, one bathroom, galley kitchen, and a tiny living room. Everything is great because it's Wakandan but it's still simple enough that I can live out here on the fringes and pretend to be roughing it. They were nice enough to make it so it's not so difficult to use one arm to get everything I need."

Wakandans are nothing if not considerate and Bucky doesn't know how he'll ever thank them or repay the debt he owes. He imagines that Shuri would scoff at the idea of him owing a debt and Ayo would too but he feels like he should do more than express verbal gratitude. He knows he'll always fight for them, no matter the circumstances.

It doesn't take him long to set the kettle to boil and he comes back to see Natasha. She looks much the same as she did in Germany - same flame-bright hair, same confident posture. He imagines that very little rattles Natasha Romanoff and least of all a half-broken Winter Soldier.

"What are things like on the outside right now? Nice and quiet?"

[widowsdance]

"Oh you know, as quite as ever..." she says casually as he leads her into the room. It's cozy, she notes taking a seat at his little two chair bistro set up that is his kitchen table. She folds up her legs onto the chair crossing them as leans on a hand watching him move around the tiny kitchen.

He looks so calm, but strong. When she'd seen him after they found him in Romania he'd been a shell of himself, someone who was sinking into the shadows, who didn't want to be perceived but this Bucky wasn't like that at all. It's reassuring to see him be more comfortable in himself.

"Not long ago I finished a marathon of a bunch of Bond movies while eating crappy box pasta, so that's how it's going," she teases with a smile. "Is it just Wakandan films here or do they give you access to American media?"

[ostavil]

"I can get anything I want here. I've been watching and reading a lot of Wakandan media, though, because it's helped me learn the language. Immersion is best, after all."

He's not sure how they crammed all that knowledge into his head as the Winter Soldier but Wakandan wasn't one of the languages they deemed necessary considering how difficult it is to even get into the country and learning it has been a challenge to occupy his mind while he's been recovering. It's been good for him, he thinks, even if Shuri reminds him daily that he still sounds like an American when he tries to pronounce anything. He's learned that her love language is sarcasm and has even managed to toss some back once in a while. Still, it's nice to see a new face that isn't launching into the Bucky comedy pitch.

"I basically can get anything I want, though, if you want to watch Bond movies and eat...well, my food is all Wakandan at the moment but I'm sure there's some crappy boxed pasta somewhere in this country. It's clearly something that opening up the trade borders would allow in."

[widowsdance]

"Oh, I know a little bit about learning language through immersion," she nods in agreement. Her mind goes to his Russian, his American accent on it. The she and the other Widows used to refer to him as the American when they spoke about him behind his back. He spoke to all the handlers in Russian there, but he was helping with English pronunciation for all of them as well.

She laughs at the idea of boxed pasta though and shakes her head. "You know, if I never have to eat boxed pasta again, I will not be soon enough, I'm down for trying whatever Wakandan creation Chef James has gotten his training on and watching some bad spy movies though."

She remembers them watching them together on the odd mission she'd earned with him. It was only the best Widows who got to go with him -- which lucky for her she was. But she remembers him liking to watch and criticize the weird tricks they did that made no sense.

"Do you like spy movies?"

[ostavil]

"Well, I sort of do," Bucky admits. "Thing is, they do everything wrong. They're so conspicuous, you know? I know I was always around for an intimidation factor as much as anything but I did my work clean and without getting caught. That's the point. And you damn sure aren't supposed to tell anyone your real name. Aliases only."

Bucky laughs, thinking of some of the movies he's seen where the spy just walks right up and introduces himself by first and last name like it's nothing. Stupid.

"Stealth isn't exactly optional but they treat it like it is. Nobody uses C4 as much as they do in those movies. Of course, I guess picking them apart is half the fun, yeah?"

[widowsdance]

Natasha bites at her lower lip, surprising a laugh. "Barnes, did you just mansplain to me how to be a spy?"

Once she gets the question out her lips curl into a wicked smile that show she's amused by the situation and not upset by it. It's just cute that he was explaining such things. When the tea kettle starts steaming she gets up herself to take care of it helping him out because she's comfortable with it. Pouring two cups before opening his cupboard to look for some jam to put in hers.

"What do you take in your tea, anyways?"

[ostavil]

"Nothing. Pretty boring guy. And no, I did not mansplain to you how to be a spy, I was just pointing out all the inaccuracies. Of course you know not to do any of those things. You're actually good at your job."

Being good at your job as a spy more or less means "not dead" and since Natasha has managed that, he imagines she's very good.

"How does it work now since you're an Avenger, though? People don't recognize your face? Or are you always using those new masks they came out with?"

[widowsdance]

She grins at him. "I was just teasing you James, sorry..." It had more been a hook and line trying to draw him out, see if he still had any of those memories from their time together previously. He doesn't seem to, and that's okay.

Hell, sometimes she wishes she didn't have memories of all the things she'd had to do over the years.

"Masks sometimes, but honestly, practical disguises work really well. If people aren't really looking for you they can't see you. You could be standing right in front of someone you've known for years and have no idea in the right situation," she huffs out a laugh at the idea bringing the tea back over to the table and offering him a cup taking her own.

[widowsdance]

Natasha had originally said she could only stay in Wakanda for a couple days. She can’t bring herself to leave that early though so she stays for 10 before she makes her way back out to Siberia for the work that was intended.

She left a burner with Bucky, so she checks in with him once to let him know she’s going to have to go dark for a few weeks but not to worry. Everything is going well and she’s making progress in the work until her cover is blown and she has to do a what she’s been trying to avoid. The American’s have been hunting her since the fight in Berlin.

She’s left with no other choice then to call them in though, to throw off the path of the red room. Involved in all this she has to fake her death, which she wasn’t looking forward to but the loud media presence would make it easier for her to disappear in the smoke show.

She lays low for a week before being able to finally head back to Wakanda.

[ostavil]

She's dead.

Bucky's used to the idea of needing to go dark for a while; when you work in the shadows, sometimes you need the shadows to engulf you before you come back out with your prize. Still, he doesn't expect Shuri to come see him and deliver the news that Natasha had died with the words that "she suspected he needed to hear it from a friend."

It's right he needed to hear it from a friend, Shuri's that and more, but when she leaves he punches the wall hard enough to scrape his knuckles and tries to decide what he needs to do about it. He shouldn't have gotten attached and he knows that but Natasha had made it kind of impossible NOT to get attached and now he's heartbroken with bloody knuckles.

She at least deserves to have her body buried and honored the way spies never get and he decides that even if he has to go to Siberia to do that, he will. He has gear and he can get weapons from the Wakandans if he explains what he wants to do but before he does that, he pulls out the burner she'd left him with and sends a text she won't ever get to read.

You made me happy and they stole it. I'm sorry. I should have gone with you.

[widowsdance]

She doesn’t get the message as she’d had to lose the phone in the mess. That night though her jet is able to land in Wakanda with only the royal palace knowing of it. Wakanda was able to keep secrets for years and while she might not want anyone knowing it was the safest option.

Plus she had to see James and let him know that she’s safe. She picks the lock on his hut door in the middle of the night stepping it.

She knows better to scare him away from getting close to him so instead when she’s inside the door she announces herself for wherever he may be, asleep or not.

“James ?”

[ostavil]

Bucky's asleep and while he used to be a light sleeper he isn't so much anymore and when he hears Natasha call his name, he knows it has to be a dream. Or a hallucination. Both are possible at the same time, honestly, and he sits up in bed and plows a hand through his hair before going out to the front room to just...check. Like he always does.

And he sees a ghost. "If I'm hallucinating shit, I don't know what kind of therapy I need for that but clearly I need it. You're actually a ghost, you know. You're not real."

[widowsdance]

She’s quiet for a long moment. The idea that he thinks she’s a ghost instead of a spy sends shivers down her spine or guilt. It’s not like she’d planed any of this but it’s somehow worse knowing she’d caused him any sort of pain.

“James, honey, it’s me, I’m home. I’m so sorry…” her voice is a little shaky as she tries to push through the emotion. She wants to run to him and hung him but figures it’s better to give him any space he needs.

[ostavil]

"You faked it? Is it my brain or is it real?"

Most days, he has it sorted out, but sometimes his brain tricks him and he doesn't want this to be one of those times. He's fine with being crazy but he'd like to keep that to bad dreams crazy and not actually hallucinating while awake crazy. Or is he awake? Hard to tell.

[widowsdance]

"I had too, there were too many people on my trail from both sides," it's soft and she holds out a hand, he's still across the room but she's offering it to him anyways so he can feel her.

"I'm here James, it's not your brain." She bites on the corner of her lip, she feels horrible that he thinks he's hallucinating, she wishes she could have planned all this better. Warned him somehow, but there wasn't time and it was too risky to go for any communication.

[ostavil]

Bucky crosses the room and touches her hand, then the other, and it takes him a moment to realize she's a mess. Her face is bruised, she seems to be favoring one side and whatever happened to her, it hadn't been pretty. If he'd been there, he would have taken those hits and protected her. He should have gone.

"Get your clothes off. You're hurt and I need to see what I need to do about it," he says. "Stitches and bandages at least. If it's worse than that, I'm sending you to Shuri."

[widowsdance]

She lets him take her hands and nods, but doesn't actually move to strip though she follows him. That is, until he mentions sending her to Shuri, she can't be seen in such a place. She trusts the family, but there's too many people in the castle who could cause issues.

"James, you can do whatever you want but I can't leave for a while. I need people to think I'm dead I can't just go off anywhere.."

She follows him into the kitchen and sits on the table wincing as she hoists herself up on it. She's clearly favoring her right side when she does so.

[ostavil]

"Well, I'm not going to let you die in the middle of Wakanda with me for a doctor," Bucky says stubbornly. "I have the serum and you don't. It's a lot easier to nurse me back to health in secret."

Still, he starts working on her clothes. Tac gear is made to be practical and functional but it still isn't the easiest to pull off in an emergency and he's careful with it, not wanting to hurt her any more than he has to. Once the vest is off and the shirt underneath, he can see there's a nasty wound on her right side.

"What the fuck did this? Someone try to flay you alive with a butcher's knife?"

[widowsdance]

"I wouldn't have made it all the way here on the damn jet if it was that bad..." she protests as she helps him with the clothes groaning as she has to move some of the biggest gash on the side.

"You can stitch it up and it'll be fine..." she protests glancing down at the wound in the memory of it all. Apparently falling out of the sky tends to be tough on the body.

"Caught some shrapnel in a crash is all.." she mutters letting him tend to the wound.

[ostavil]

"Yeah, yeah. If it was not so bad you wouldn't be hobbling around. Hang tight so I can get my first aid kit."

It's more than a standard first aid kit - Bucky has sutures and staples, antibiotics and painkillers and anesthetics. He gets some gloves out and slides them on and rubs the wound down with anesthetic. He has some forceps and he gives her a look.

"Was it a through and through or is the shrapnel still in there? Because I gotta get it out before I stitch it. I've got lidocaine but you might feel it."