ostavil | breakout

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loki

breakout

( Bucky actually hasn't had his own mind in decades and now he does. It's a secret - a huge one - but he can think for himself. The words aren't gone so if anyone knows he's not just a blank slate waiting to be commanded, he'd be completely wiped and put on ice again, but if he's careful no one will notice. He's quiet and taciturn as the soldier and he's quiet and taciturn as Bucky.

He owes it to an unlikely source. It's Loki, of all people, and from what he understands, Loki had just tried to take over the entire world and then gone in with HYDRA to see if he could still get control and cause mayhem that way. In spite of all that, Loki had chosen to bring him along when he left and Bucky still isn't really sure why. Loki hasn't made that explicitly clear. Bucky's not naïve enough to think a mischief god has done this out of the goodwill of his own heart but it's a better option than staying where he's used and abused so going with him is no question. Where they're going is a bigger problem. )

You know that they know how to track me, right? Did you think this through?

( His whole life has been nothing but rigid commands and structure between the Army and being the Soldier and he doesn't know what to do with someone who simply broke him out of the hell he's been living in without informing him of what the plan is. Bucky knows how to hide and stay off the radar because his work as the Winter Soldier had been more or less covert but he also knows that HYDRA had provided for him in those instances and given the directions as part of his orders. They'd find him very quickly if he went to any of those safe houses. He knows how to survive on the street, too, but Loki doesn't carry himself like someone who is used to being on the street or wants to be on the street. He carries himself like, well, a god, and he's going to be noticed. )

Is there a plan?

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[ dryly. ]

That seems to be the modus operandi for humans.

You really have no respect for humans, do you? Well, luckily for you, I'm nice and altered by super serum and I'm not quite human anymore. Maybe I'm not as old and well-preserved as you but I know about life.

( Bucky thinks he doesn't even know a pinky nail's worth of things that Loki knows but maybe it's better than most. )

Tell me something no one knows. I'll go first - I know how to braid hair. You know, the fancy way. Your turn.

[ oh. loki ponders this for a moment. no one really knows him well, not anymore. thor used to. but that was a long time ago. ]

I like keeping my hair short. Not too short, but I never liked keeping it long like most Asgardians do.

Interesting. Figured you'd want to be the height of fashion. Maybe you are because you don't do the normal thing. All right.

People think I'm the best at fighting but I'm the best at dancing instead.

( That wasn't always a secret but it is now and he likes that he can share it with someone now and not have to worry about it looking like a weakness or something. )

There were limits to my conformity.

[ he wanted to fit the mold so badly, but it had hurt every time he did. so he made some concessions until finally he gave up. not that it mattered anymore. nothing loki would ever do would help. now that he knows the truth.

it had just been one big joke. one loki played on himself.

he blinks. ]

Dancing?

Oh yeah, I'm a great dancer. Maybe not the things they do now - I'm not up on that - but in my day, I was really good. It's one of my favorite things to do.

( Surprise from Loki is different considering Loki seems to be bored with humanity and mostly unimpressed and Bucky feels...strange about having impressed him just a little bit. It's sort of nice. )

I love music but I can't make any. Just appreciation over here.

[ loki leans back, his gaze distant. ]

I can dance. And play an instrument. I would put my mind to any skill if I needed it.

[ anything, anything to make him feel good, to be worthy in the eyes of others. even if it turned to ash later. he had been so desperate. like a child. ]

Yeah? What instruments can you play? Maybe I can steal you one so you can entertain me on long, winter nights.

( Bucky sounds like he's joking but he isn't, really, because music reminds him of before he was the Winter Soldier and of times when his life was good and happy. He'd happily get Loki anything he wanted to hear music again. )

[ loki blinks, taken off guard by the invitation. for a moment, he seems lost before clearing his throat and collecting himself. ]

I will . . . consider it.

Consider it? Well, that's going somewhere, isn't it? I really do appreciate music, though. I'm not just saying it to say it. I've always admired people who can make music.

( Bucky studies him for a moment, trying to read him. He thinks reading Loki is trying to read a book in a foreign languages translated into a different alphabet; there's elements of the familiar but most of it's tilted on its side and he hasn't quite figured out how to translate those parts yet. It's going to take watching and learning to figure out. )

Can you sing, too? Or just play?

[ these are such bizarre questions to ask. what worth could they possibly have in the long run of things? ]

I can sing, yes. A strange thing to admire.

Is it? They don't value musicians on Asgard? Music is one of the things I've missed the most since they...had me.

( Bucky thinks it's strange that Loki doesn't think it's admirable and maybe it's just a culture difference? He can't imagine a place that doesn't think being a good musician isn't admirable. )

If I could sing or play something, I could make my own music, but I can't so I have to depend on other people.

[ loki pause as if to digest his thoughts. ]

Asgard is a warrior culture. They care for song, but only in the service of that. But there was appreciation.

[ it just . . . wasn't for loki. it was never for loki. ]

Why are you asking these things?

You're the first person I've had the chance to talk to and get to know in decades. Why wouldn't I ask them? Getting to know people is a natural enough thing.

( Loki seems taken aback by what Bucky thinks is normal get to know you things and Bucky wonders if the world has changed. He frowns a bit, thoughtful. )

Do you not want me to ask?

No. It's just . . . not what I expected to be asked.

[ what kind of secrets could be gleaned by such a thing? bizarre. this is an assassin. loki is a — well, he's not entirely sure what he is anymore, but certainly nothing good. ]

Well, maybe I'm just not what you expected. The longer I'm out from under the programming, the more me I feel. It's still in there, unfortunately, but at least nobody's around to lock me down with the words.

( Bucky has the sense that Loki is one of the few people who could handle him when he's the Winter Soldier. )

So I guess I'm a little...chattier.

[ that hadn't taken long. a part of loki itches to take a deeper look, but no. it wasn't wise to jeopardize their burgeoning partnership early on. ]

So it seems. I'm not really the sharing type.

Well I'm just saying you could, if you wanted. I'm not going to tell anyone. I've always been that way about secrets. The way I see it, if someone trusts you with that, you owe it to them to keep it safe.

( He gives Loki a meaningful look. )

So if you ever feel ready to share anything, I'm a safe person to do it with.

[ loki purses his lips for a moment. ]

I will . . . consider it.

Well, consider as much as you want. Are you hungry? I don't know about how Asgardians have to eat but I have to eat a ton or my metabolism will eat me alive.

( Bucky grins at him. )

See? Sharing.

[ loki huffs. ]

I don't require as much sustenance as mortals do.

Do you like eating? Maybe that's a better question. Or does it make you feel human? Cause we wouldn't want you to feel human.

( Bucky isn't exactly laughing at him but he is generally amused and it's fun to poke a little bit. )

[ loki rolls his eyes. ]

I'm not some sort of automaton. I eat as much as anyone else.

Look, I'm just trying to see what you like. If we're gonna spend time together, we might as well try to get along, you know? Like I said, everyone needs a friend. Even you.

( Bucky gives him a smile. )

You're not a bad guy, Loki, even if you played at being one.

[ dryly. ]

I think I did more than simply "play" at one.

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