breakout

[ostavil]

( Bucky actually hasn't had his own mind in decades and now he does. It's a secret - a huge one - but he can think for himself. The words aren't gone so if anyone knows he's not just a blank slate waiting to be commanded, he'd be completely wiped and put on ice again, but if he's careful no one will notice. He's quiet and taciturn as the soldier and he's quiet and taciturn as Bucky.

He owes it to an unlikely source. It's Loki, of all people, and from what he understands, Loki had just tried to take over the entire world and then gone in with HYDRA to see if he could still get control and cause mayhem that way. In spite of all that, Loki had chosen to bring him along when he left and Bucky still isn't really sure why. Loki hasn't made that explicitly clear. Bucky's not naïve enough to think a mischief god has done this out of the goodwill of his own heart but it's a better option than staying where he's used and abused so going with him is no question. Where they're going is a bigger problem. )

You know that they know how to track me, right? Did you think this through?

( His whole life has been nothing but rigid commands and structure between the Army and being the Soldier and he doesn't know what to do with someone who simply broke him out of the hell he's been living in without informing him of what the plan is. Bucky knows how to hide and stay off the radar because his work as the Winter Soldier had been more or less covert but he also knows that HYDRA had provided for him in those instances and given the directions as part of his orders. They'd find him very quickly if he went to any of those safe houses. He knows how to survive on the street, too, but Loki doesn't carry himself like someone who is used to being on the street or wants to be on the street. He carries himself like, well, a god, and he's going to be noticed. )

Is there a plan?

Comments

[dothelokimotion]

[ he seemingly sighs. ]

You're conflating godhood with omnipotence. It's not the same.

[ostavil]

Oh, so you're not omnipotent? See, I learned in church that God was all-seeing and all-knowing. I'm a little disappointed that I meet you and here you are, telling me you're not omnipotent.

[dothelokimotion]

Omnipotence is a myth.

If it were real, life would be far more terrifying.

[ostavil]

Would you ever want it? Or do you prefer surprises? I think it would be nice to know what was coming. Then you couldn't ever...you couldn't ever be ambushed like I was, you know?

[dothelokimotion]

[ he shakes his head. ]

Knowing everything is planned, that you have no agency in any of the events in your life?

It's worse than death.

[ostavil]

There's that. I just don't want to be...if I knew everything that was coming, I could control it, couldn't I? Things like HYDRA wouldn't happen if I knew. I could avoid it.

[dothelokimotion]

[ there is a flicker of sympathy. ]

You would think you're in control but you would find that it is that power which controls you. And you'll never be free of it. That power will define you.

[ostavil]

Better than being a killer or having a metal arm, I guess. I'd rather be a god than be...I don't know. Than be nothing.

( Bucky sighs a little, blowing a strand of hair out of his face. )

I was something, once. Thought so, anyway. It was a boring human something but I was proud of it. I was a soldier and I was fighting for a good cause. It meant something to me.

[dothelokimotion]

You are still something.

You simply do not believe it yet because you are used to the cause. The drive. The mechanism that pulls you forward. You miss the impetus.

But you cannot be nothing as much as a blade of grass is nothing. Insignificant, perhaps. Small in the grand scheme of the universe. But never nothing.

[ostavil]

You know, you'd be a pretty good motivational speaker. I'm...you say it like that and it sounds like I mean something. Been a long time since I meant something other than a tool to put in someone's hand.

What about you, though? You almost took over the world and now you're escaping with me. Are you gonna leave me behind like a blade of grass?

[dothelokimotion]

[ his gaze slides away as if loki can't maintain eye contact for long. he's risking enough as it is with companionship. he's lonely, but he's no fool. he knows who gets left behind. ]

The future has yet to be decided, for now.

[ostavil]

Back to that not wanting to be omnipotent thing, huh? So, if you could have anything in the world, what would it be? I can tell you what I want. I want a time machine. Go anywhere I want, see everything that ever happened? I'd never get bored.

[dothelokimotion]

[ he scoffs. ]

Wishing is a waste of time.

[ostavil]

Time efficiency is important to gods? I figured you have more time than anyone else to waste some. There has to be something you want. Everyone wants something.

( Bucky shrugs a bit. )

I spent almost eighty years not getting to want anything. I want everything.

[dothelokimotion]

I never said I did not want anything.

But wishing is futile. It is for those who do not choose to take charge of their own destiny.

[ostavil]

So what do you want, then? And it can't just be world domination or something like that. That can't really be satisfying. Not in the end.

[dothelokimotion]

Why do you ask?

[ what would bucky have to gain from such a thing? ]

[ostavil]

We're together right now, for better or worse. I know I want more out of life than I got - the chance to be human again, to see the world, to maybe love someone someday. You've gotta want stuff like that too, yeah?

[dothelokimotion]

You wouldn't understand.

[ostavil]

Try me. I've got nothing but time to listen. And in spite of the joke about world domination, I'm not gonna judge.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki falls silent and for a long time, it seems like he won't answer. until he does. ]

I want everything.

There's never a time I do not want. It doesn't matter what that thing is or who it belongs to. It doesn't matter if I can never have it and it'll never come to me. I want because wanting is what keeps me alive. So I embrace it. The greed, the selfishness, the yearning.

And if you give an inch, I'll take it all.

[ostavil]

Is that why you took me? Because you want me?

[dothelokimotion]

Is that so unbearable?

[ostavil]

No, it's not unbearable at all. It's just interesting. You don't need me for a bodyguard so you want me for something else and I wonder what that is, yeah?

[dothelokimotion]

I'll leave that for you to ponder then.