ostavil | seeking a friend for the end of the world

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daisy johnson

seeking a friend for the end of the world

( The world is a shithole. Actually, that's putting it mildly, really, but Bucky's trying to be optimistic these days since there's nothing to be optimistic about anymore. As soon as the virus started spreading, he got his gear together and headed straight to the woods. Anything like this, you need to be as far from people as possible and he wasn't going to depend on his enhanced immune system to defend him from something like this. It changes people, rewrites them from the inside-out, and he's not sure that super serum can protect a person from that.

He tries to only go into populated areas for supplies and since he can hunt pretty well and survive on his own, supplies usually constitute bullets. On his last run, he'd gotten a compound bow out of a shelled-out sporting goods store and he's been looking for arrows ever since because what he can make in the woods isn't going to be strong enough for the draw on the thing. It's a white elephant right now but he's loathe to part with it. He does his runs at night when he can exploit the weaknesses of the totalitarian government that came into place after society disintegrated; dealing with scared soldiers with shoot-to-kill orders is not his idea of a good time.

It's a good run until he sees someone else and he touches his hand to the hilt of his knife just in case. Smaller person, doesn't move like one of the infected, clearly not military. An idiot. Fantastic. He tries to get the drop on them from behind. )

Either you've already gotten infected and aren't showing symptoms or you're a complete idiot. What are you doing out here? It's not safe.

( It's an understatement, really, the lack of safety and he almost laughs about it; two years ago, he might have been talking about a teenager sneaking out of their house at night and now it's not safe for anyone at any time of day. For this person to have survived this long, they're not completely stupid. He's closer now and he can see that it's a woman. )

I could have killed you or one of the patrols could have shot you without asking questions. What's worth those two outcomes?

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[ Daisy turns to face the last one approaching, noting that Bucky's already taken out the others. It's good he's letting her help; things would get very tense if he suddenly decided she was a helpless damsel incapable of defending herself. Instead, she approaches the infected, meeting it halfway. A kick to the knee sends it sprawling to the ground, and its teeth click at her as she stabs her knife into its head. When she pulls it out, she wipes the gory blade onto the infected's dirty shirt before standing again. ]

We need to go. I couldn't tell what direction whatever it is was heading in.

[ A group of infected or people, most likely. Heavier than this. Bigger. And just because she's immune doesn't mean she can't be torn to pieces with teeth or bullets. ]

( It's clear she can sense something he can't and Bucky is willing to defer to the abilities of an Inhuman over his own (albeit amplified) human ones. He adjusts his pack and re-sheathes his knife before setting a faster pace than before. He doesn't want Daisy running after him, no, but they need to get a move on before whatever it is gets the drop on them and they're at a massive disadvantage. )

Should be all right once we hit the trees. We have about three miles, more or less, but they're in the complete opposite direction from whatever it is that you felt.

( Bucky hasn't ever let anyone or anything into his base but Daisy is reliable and he wants to protect her, especially if the government is gonna drain her dry looking for a cure that might not even be possible for a baseline human. He's had that done to him by HYDRA more than once and she's an Inhuman; her people have had plenty of run-ins with the worst of humanity. The wind shifts a little and it's cold against his skin. )

A few more weeks and you'd have been up shit creek because we'd start getting ice and snow. Makes it harder to get out. That's why I'm making so many runs right now because I know it'll be harder to make them once the weather turns. Never met Coulson but he seems like one of the good ones if he gave you a head start.

[ Three miles of hiking among the infected. Sounds like a real picnic after hiking through miles of city with roaming soldiers. Plus, it smells better out here with all the fresh air. It'll be the first time she's smelled an actual tree in... months.

That wind cuts through her clothes and she flinches at the sudden cold, hurrying to zip up her leather jacket. She hadn't thought of the fact that it's nearing winter and she's really not prepared for it. Just the thought of the impending weather shift is enough to make her anxious. ]

He's the best. But I'm biased — he's the closest thing I have to a father.

( Her bag is just one bag and Bucky knows that everything he needs to survive doesn't fit in one bag. Sure, he could pare it down, but living comfortably is something different than just surviving. He'd like to be comfortable if he has to live his life at the end of the world. )

Hard loss, then. Everyone I've ever loved has been dead for decades. I guess it makes it easier when you're used to being alone to be alone again. You're the first person I've talked to in about a year, I think.

( He doesn't hear anything but the crunch of leaves and grass along with their voices and that's good. Whatever she'd heard earlier isn't after them, hopefully. )

And the last one was one of those sniveling weasels they post on perimeter duty. Traded him drugs for bullets. He was not a beautiful woman. You're already better company.

[ His little compliment earns him a glance, though she doesn't say anything about it. Her thoughts are caught on something he'd said before, unable to escape until she untangles the snag. Crossing her arms, she hunches her shoulders against the chill and pretends it isn't also an attempt to hide from her own traumatic past. ]

Being used to being alone doesn't make it easier. You just convince yourself you don't feel the loneliness.

[ She speaks quietly and from experience. A whole lot of it. ]

( She has a point about not feeling the loneliness after a while but now isn't the time to discuss it. They've covered a good bit of distance, though, and once in the woods, Bucky points out a stream. )

Next time you come in and out of here, you'll need to remember the way. This stream leads straight to my camp. Just follow the water and you'll get there, all right? You don't look new at this, or anything, but we also don't have tech to help us.

( Mobile phones had been useful pieces of tech before the world went to shit and all the networks collapsed to just the one the military uses. If there were any towers left, it'd be worth finding one, but there's not. It's better to just use short-wave radio. )

I've got radio at my place. I'm dialed into the military's frequency so I can hear all their shit. I've got a pair of handhelds too. I picked them up on the off chance I had someone else show up. And hey, here you are.

[ No, she's not entirely new to this, but without technology to help her... Well, she's not sure how Coulson thought she would actually manage to survive out here on her own. He's always said she's capable of more than she imagined but this might be taking it to the extreme. ]

Here I am...

[ She murmurs the acknowledgment as she tries to commit their surroundings to memory. It isn't easy — for someone who has been good at recognizing patterns and differences her whole life, each tree and rock looks exactly the same as the last one. To mask her growing anxiety, she keeps the conversation focused on Bucky. ]

How long have you been out here?

Two years? Three? It's hard to keep count. I basically took my go bag and came out here the second it started spreading. I knew they'd be after me to poke needles and do tests. They always do.

( Daisy has done nothing but confirm that, too, because she'd run away because they were killing Inhumans to try and see if they could engineer a cure from their bodies. He doesn't want anyone trying to do that to him. There's a twinge of pain, too, because he wants to rescue them. Those people are innocent and they did nothing except be immune to this bullshit but this isn't the time to play a hero. He's not Steve and that's why he's alive. )

I try to keep away from people. Easier to stay away from infected if you're not in a populated area to begin with and I'm not tangling with the military. I can fight them, sure, but I'd rather not. It's messy and I don't like messy. You landed in my lap, though, and I'm a gentleman. I wasn't gonna leave you out there. ( He pauses for a moment and when he speaks again his voice is soft. )

I get soft when it comes to women and children. It's a weakness.

[ So he's been out here since the beginning. That's... She can't even fathom what it must have been like for him. After being kept from society for so long, he'd finally gotten close to real freedom, and now he's had to find it out here in the wild. Alone.

He doesn't deserve it. None of them do, but him least of all. ]

It's only a weakness if people use it against you. [ Her words are quiet, though she doesn't worry he won't hear them. ] I won't do that. If I become a risk to you, I won't take advantage. I'll leave.

[ Honestly, she might do leave anyway. Take just enough time to get her bearings and then go on her way. If she stays, she'll just end up a burden to him, and she's not willing to do that. ]

You won't risk me. You clearly have enough training to get out of a government facility undetected and I found you without you tripping any perimeter guards so you're not helpless. You've got powers, I'm assuming, so that puts you on more than an even playing field. I'm not worried about you holding me back.

( He shifts his pack and shows her a tree with a deep slash in it. The underbrush is clear here and this is the turnoff to his camp. It's just a little ways ahead and when he gets into view of it, he shines his flashlight. )

Home sweet home. Sleep off the ground and the infected can't get you because they're stupid and I can snipe the military. We'll get you settled in and get you better weapons. I've got plenty you can pick from. Having you here means I can get twice the supplies when I do runs. It's not a bad thing.

[ He says that now, but will he still say it if she loses control of her powers? Just the idea of sleeping off the ground has her anxious. One good nightmare and she could send the entire thing crashing to the ground if they're not careful. It's not as if she doesn't have a dozen on constant rotation. ]

I'll help however I can for as long as I can.

[ He's not wrong about her abilities, powered or otherwise. She's more than capable of defending herself against humans or infected. But the second she becomes more hindrance than help... Taking a deep breath, she lets it out in a heavy, tired sigh. ]

I don't think I've said it enough: Thank you.

Hey, you're doing me a favor. I'm used to talking to trees for company. A person is definitely an improvement over a tree and you're a pretty good person to keep company with. Besides, you're full of knowledge I don't have so you can give me intel.

( Bucky grins at her then and tries to see if she's bought it. It's hardly the whole reason he wants her to stick around. He is lonely and he thinks she's useful and resourceful. If you're going to have someone around for the end of the world, Daisy Johnson seems to be a pretty good person. He doesn't think his judgment's off on this. )

And I can teach you how to hunt and fish. Isn't that exciting? Did you ever go camping as a kid? Because now you get the full Bucky Barnes experience.

I guess I've been pretty spoiled living in the quarantine zone. We've lost people and the government's ruled with a pretty iron fist, but I still had my team. I wasn't alone.

[ Could she have survived alone for as long as he had? She wants to brush off the idea because of course she would, but deep down she knows it would be the worst thing for her. Being truly alone and fighting for her life would bring back every horrible thing she's ever experienced. She would lose herself in all that pain out here.

It's a wonder he's managed it after all he's been through. Forcing a small smile, she loops back to the question he'd asked. ]

But no, I never went camping as a kid. The grand total of what I know about the great outdoors is from SHIELD's basic survival training, which I mostly skimmed just to pass the test. I never thought I'd be in a position to need it.

[ The one time she hadn't learned the material forwards and backward, and it's come back supremely bite her in the ass. It figures. ]

( The Quarantine Zone does have more people in it, true, but there's rationing there and he can eat as much as he wants here. Even if they wouldn't lock him up to run test after test, Bucky's fairly certain he'd be starving to death on rations. His metabolism just sucks up too much for him to function on so little food. When she says she hasn't ever been camping and just has basic survival training, he shakes his head. )

It's fine. I can teach you what you need to know. I didn't even know they had SHIELD agents do survival training but I guess field operatives would need to know it even if the paper pushers never did. I'm still wrapping my head around the idea that SHIELD isn't HYDRA anymore and I can trust them. Well. Trust you. And that Coulson guy you mentioned.

( Anyone who would risk his ass to bust someone out of the QZ is good people and, besides, he'd heard about Coulson from Steve even if that feels like a thousand years ago. He's glad Steve's not here to see all this. He doesn't know if his optimism would have remained if the world got this bad and a broken Steve is something no one needs to see. )

[ The rationing had been hard, though she would never openly admit it. Her metabolism is nothing like Bucky's, though being active means she's a bit thinner than she used to be, but the real trouble was the memories. She hadn't starved at the orphanage, but there was never extra, and she'd survived in the years after she'd left it, though some times were harder than others. It all made her more frugal when she'd finally earned a steady income with SHIELD. She'd accumulated good savings before the world ended; it's too bad money doesn't mean all that much anymore. ]

You know, he would be so excited to meet you. Coulson's always been a big history buff, especially when it comes to SHIELD and the SSR. He used to talk about the Howling Commandos all the time.

[ Back before they'd had other things to occupy their every waking moment. HYDRA, aliens, the end of the world... They hadn't been able to catch a break. ]

( Bucky smirks a little, tossing his head. The idea of someone being excited to meet him is novel, considering most of the time when he meets people they end up dead. There was a little while when it wasn't the case, a time when he wasn't the machine, but now he's back to killing people. Never civilians though. He's not like the hunters who rove around and steal from those who don't have it to give to begin with. No, he'll never be like that. He's just a loner. )

My war stories from then were pretty good though I didn't have as many about the rest of the guys than you'd think. I was a sniper. I spent most of my time up in a nest shooting people from far away and not on the ground in the action. I knew those guys, though, and they were good people. All of them. I miss them.

( He gestures to the ladder he has set up. He'd do stairs but Infected can get up stairs so it's a ladder. He can't really get hurt so much that he can't walk so it's convenient enough for him and Daisy seems to be in good shape. )

Go on up. I've got some food up there if you're hungry.

[ I miss them. Over the years, she's lost more than a few people, teammates and family. But Bucky... He lost everything and everyone in one fell swoop. And when he'd come back to the world, it ended not long after. It isn't fair. He deserves so much more than this.

So maybe she can stay awhile. Just until it isn't safe anymore. For him. ]

Okay...

[ She nods as she says it, reaching out to set a hand on the ladder. It is a better idea than stairs, much more secure, but just looking up at the structure above has her fighting back another burst of anxiety. There's nothing to be done about it, though, so up she goes, moving quietly and quickly. ]

( Bucky follows her up the ladder and once they're up in the nest, he points out a few things. It's not a lot but he has an extra bedroll, food and first aid supplies, some pain pills and various medications, and a few indulgent things. He has books, as many as he can manage to scavenge and he has a record player. )

It's not much but it's home. You're welcome to stay as long as you want. You're safer here than in any of the QZs and hunters aren't going to get out here to us. If they do, well. I know what I'm doing with a gun.

( He softens a bit. )

Is there anything you need right now?

[ It's actually kind of cozy, all things considered, and certainly a hell of a lot better than the van she'd lived in for years. Not that she'd ever say that aloud — she'd loved that van, it was the closest she'd ever come to a home until she found SHIELD. But this place... It could be a home.

Thinking of it that way isn't an option for her, though. She has to remember all of this is just temporary.

Shrugging off her bag, she carefully sets it on the floor, looking around the room with tired wariness. After a moment, she shakes her head, feeling every bit like she's just lost her entire world. Will she ever see her family again? She couldn't have stayed in the QZ, but now that she's gone, who will protect them? ]

No, I don't need anything. I think I'm... I'm still just processing, you know?

( Daisy looks lost, shell-shocked in the way a soldier looks when he returns home with half his weight and twice the baggage. He hasn't been affected by these things or run down by life because he spent so long as the soldier but normal people - normal people get hurt by this. He's been out here for a long time without anyone or needing anyone but now he thinks he needed a friend and maybe Daisy can be that.

It's been a long time since he had a friend. )

Yeah, sure. It's a lot to process. I'm not gonna ask you to talk about it. Before everything went to hell, I was in therapy, right? And she always wanted me to talk about shit and I don't process that way. I don't open up to someone because they tell me to do it. I write instead.

( He motions to a stack of journals. He's been keeping them since before all of this, since he was a man trying to piece together the broken fragments of his past. There's years of him in those journals, every emotion, and he'll keep stealing notebooks until he can't hold a pencil anymore. )

[ That stack of notebooks is a healthier way of coping with trauma than she's ever managed. She'd kept a notebook after Lincoln died, but it wasn't to process her grief, it was to plan her penance. A few years ago, she'd burned that book, watching the pages curl within the flames as she mourned yet another loss.

Death follows her wherever she goes. Maybe that's why it's not safe for her to be with Bucky. ]

I've been to therapy before. A lot, actually. [ Crouching down, she sits cross-legged next to her bag. ] Growing up in the foster system, I saw a different one every other year. It never helped. It didn't help when I joined SHIELD, either — there's just so much that's happened that no one could understand.

[ Over the years, she's picked up a few skills in self-analysis, though. So while she might avoid dealing with a lot of her own trauma and issues, she at least is aware enough to usually identify them, and she can pretend that counts for something. ]

We didn't have fostering back then. It was all orphanages. I was lucky, though. We were poor but I had a good family. We all loved one another and there was Steve, too. Even when I didn't have two nickels to my name, I had Steve and he had me.

( It's hard to think about, Steve, but he powers through it anyway because as much as he misses him, he's glad that Steve didn't have to live in the world like this. He's glad that Steve got to live a different life. )

When you're like us, nobody can understand what you go through. We're different. We're not even like the rest of SHIELD because we're not...you're an Inhuman and I'm something that isn't supposed to exist. We'll never be able to stand side by side with the rest of humanity and feel like we fit.

[ She envies him the family who loved him and the best friend who would and had done anything for him. For twenty-five years, Daisy had lived without either of those, and now that she finally has them, it's a searing pain to think they may have been ripped away from her. They've faced the end of the world before, more than once, and it seems so very unfair that now is when they finally lose. ]

There used to be a home for Inhumans called Afterlife. It was just us there, and no one from the outside world knew where it was. We were safe there...

[ Frowning sadly, she moves her bag into her lap, opening it up and half-heartedly examining the contents. ]

But I was an outsider there, too. I didn't follow the same steps everyone else did to get my powers, and no one knew who I really was. SHIELD was the only place I ever felt accepted.

And now your home is gone. I'm sorry. I know being out here in the woods with me is hardly the same but you've got a place for as long as you want it. I'm not going anywhere and I'm notoriously hard to kill. I've got your back, Daisy.

( Bucky doesn't know if it's the right thing to say but sometimes the genuine thing is more right than the thing that will make a person feel better. He's not about white lies or cushioning feelings, not anymore, and he feels like being honest with Daisy is a good policy. )

That is, if you can put up with a 106 year old man and his old man habits. I'm a history book, after all.

[ It is nice to hear all of that, though she wishes she were in a better place to properly respond to it. He's being so incredibly kind and she's just barely holding it together. She's not sure she deserves it, but she is grateful, which she shows through a slightly playful glance his way. ]

I think I can handle that. You know, you look pretty good for a senior citizen.

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