ostavil | seeking a friend for the end of the world

Entry tags:

daisy johnson

seeking a friend for the end of the world

( The world is a shithole. Actually, that's putting it mildly, really, but Bucky's trying to be optimistic these days since there's nothing to be optimistic about anymore. As soon as the virus started spreading, he got his gear together and headed straight to the woods. Anything like this, you need to be as far from people as possible and he wasn't going to depend on his enhanced immune system to defend him from something like this. It changes people, rewrites them from the inside-out, and he's not sure that super serum can protect a person from that.

He tries to only go into populated areas for supplies and since he can hunt pretty well and survive on his own, supplies usually constitute bullets. On his last run, he'd gotten a compound bow out of a shelled-out sporting goods store and he's been looking for arrows ever since because what he can make in the woods isn't going to be strong enough for the draw on the thing. It's a white elephant right now but he's loathe to part with it. He does his runs at night when he can exploit the weaknesses of the totalitarian government that came into place after society disintegrated; dealing with scared soldiers with shoot-to-kill orders is not his idea of a good time.

It's a good run until he sees someone else and he touches his hand to the hilt of his knife just in case. Smaller person, doesn't move like one of the infected, clearly not military. An idiot. Fantastic. He tries to get the drop on them from behind. )

Either you've already gotten infected and aren't showing symptoms or you're a complete idiot. What are you doing out here? It's not safe.

( It's an understatement, really, the lack of safety and he almost laughs about it; two years ago, he might have been talking about a teenager sneaking out of their house at night and now it's not safe for anyone at any time of day. For this person to have survived this long, they're not completely stupid. He's closer now and he can see that it's a woman. )

I could have killed you or one of the patrols could have shot you without asking questions. What's worth those two outcomes?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only | Expand All

[ It is nice to hear all of that, though she wishes she were in a better place to properly respond to it. He's being so incredibly kind and she's just barely holding it together. She's not sure she deserves it, but she is grateful, which she shows through a slightly playful glance his way. ]

I think I can handle that. You know, you look pretty good for a senior citizen.

Yeah? I used to do swimming at the Y but you know, all that stuff's gone now so I have to get my exercise by running around and rescuing fair maidens. It's good for the soul.

( Bucky grins at her and honestly, he's so glad for the company. He might act like he needs no one but he does and this is nice. )

We could embark on an intense training regimen where we go steal shit at night and shoot infected during the day.

[ Daisy's torn between wishing she was alone to face her grief and the sudden shock of change and being glad she isn't. It isn't safe for her to be on her own out here — but it isn't safe for her to be with him either. The whole thing is confusing and frustrating and so... ]

Well, I guess we'll have to do something to pass the time. We can't exactly go to the movies.

[ Or anything else normal people used to do to pass the time. Whatever those things were. ]

Next time we go steal stuff, lets find some cards. I never got them before because I figured solitaire was a waste of my time but with you here, we could actually do something.

( When people made prep lists for the end of the world before the end of the world was a thing, they never mentioned things like music or books or playing cards. It was always stuff like food, ammo, fuel - things you need to survive. But is it living if you're just surviving? Is there life without something to break the tedium? Bucky doesn't think so. )

If nothing else, I can tell you all the things you didn't learn in history class. That'll get you through a month or two.

[ Daisy sorts through some of the things in the pack Coulson gave her. No clothes, there wasn't time for him to grab anything from her room, so it's just standard supplies with some extras thrown in. She holds one of the white pill bottles in her hand, feeling the shifting tablets within. ]

I didn't just learn about you in history class. At least, not just the ones in school. Coulson told us stories all the time during my first year with SHIELD, and then after HYDRA... We talked about you sometimes. What we knew about what happened to you. [ She doesn't look at him as she admits the next. ] I couldn't read all the files we found.

( SHIELD would have files on him. He'd been a ghost story for a long time, sure, but when SHIELD reformed after HYDRA had been rooted out, a lot of files that had been hidden suddenly opened up again. There's information on him that isn't public knowledge but it would be accessible to a SHIELD agent and, depending on the clearance, it might not be information he'd want out. )

They were in Russian, I bet. Or you mean you didn't have clearance? I know there's intel on me that was HYDRA eyes only. Things about...how they tested on me, what poisons and what drugs. What kills I made. What other things I had to do.

( He scrubs at the plates in his left hand in absence of anything else to do. He's never been much of a fidgeter but this is a hard thing to talk about. )

Pimped out to any government or terrorist who wanted me, for the right price. Not such a hero to you anymore, am I?

[ Glancing up at him briefly, she notices the way he rubs at his hand and wonders if it's the usual way he expresses his discomfort. Everyone has their tells, even the best spies, and she'd rather learn his from the start so she knows when to back off and offer whatever he needs, be it space or comfort. She'll need to learn that too. ]

Of course, you are. Growing up, you and the others were the stuff of comic books, but now that I know the monsters you faced and the horrors you survived, I understand how much you really deserve the title. Because look at you — still standing, still helping people.

[ She stuffs the pill bottle back into the backpack and pulls it up onto her lap, her hands gripping hold of it like it's a security blanket. He's not the only one who has things that are hard to talk about. ]

And I do understand. A little. More than most. What it's like to be used by someone who only sees you as a tool... to have your mind rewritten so you don't fight it.

Wouldn't wish it on anyone. Sorry that it happened to you, Daisy. HYDRA, I'm assuming?

( They aren't the only ones who could do such a thing, no, but he knows that HYDRA was in SHIELD so deeply that when it all came down, there was a good three out of four agents that weren't trying to protect the interests of the people over the interests of HYDRA. )

They're pieces of shit. Of course, the government in general is a piece of shit right now and they don't even need the help of HYDRA.

HYDRA destroyed my family.

[ This shouldn't be hard to talk about, she's told this story a lot more than the other one, but it all just... hurts. Everything hurts so much more than it should today. It's like her chest is being pried apart while someone twists the knife in her heart. ]

I'll tell you everything about it if you want to know. I want to be an open book with you — it only seems fair when I know so much more about you than you do about me. I just... Not today. I can't talk about it today.

Don't ever have to talk about it if you don't want to. I'm not the kind of person to be into prying into personal lives. Mine isn't private and never will be unless you were born after the world went to shit but doesn't mean you don't have a right to your privacy. HYDRA took from you same as it took from me. That's all I need to know. If you ever wanna tell me more, you're welcome to.

( Bucky frowns at her in concern. Daisy looks shell-shocked and he knows it's been a hell of a day (night?) for her so he wants to see if he can comfort her somehow. He's not so good at that but he can offer what he has. )

Are you hungry?

[ It's nice of him to say all of that but it's not enough to change her mind, especially when he'll inevitably see the lasting results of all she's endured at the hands of HYDRA over the years. A bubble of panic threatens to break through the numb shock starting to set in and she's grateful for the change of subject even if she's not entirely sure what to do with it. ]

I, uhm... I don't know. [ She looks down at the bag again, though this time she hardly sees it. How long was she running before he'd found her? Hours, maybe? ] I should probably eat something.

Need to keep your calories up. Can't run away from shit if you're fainting from hunger. Here, let me get you something.

( Bucky has a stash of quick rations and he rifles through it and tosses over a protein bar and some jerky along with a thermos of clean water. He spends a good half his time working on water and making sure he has plenty of it to drink. He's grateful for all his paranoia now. )

We'll have something more substantial later when I cook but that should hold you over. I haven't checked my traps because I was raiding tonight. Didn't think I was bringing a partner back, though.

[ He's right. Keeping her calories up is something she has to worry about out here. At any moment, something could come upon them that they'd have to fight or run from, and there won't be a safe place to fall back to like there was in the quarantine zone. They don't have storerooms of shitty rations to rely on, only whatever they can scavenge or hunt. As many times as she'd gone on runs outside the walls, she hadn't been prepared for this.

Taking a bite of the protein bar that tastes like cardboard that sat next to a jar of peanut butter, she chews on auto-pilot, swallowing it down before speaking. ]

You can hunt and cook. I don't know how to do anything useful out here that you can't already handle yourself. [ Doubt and guilt well up inside her and she struggles to ride the familiar tide of it. ] I'm sorry about that. But I'm a fast learner.

You think I would have brought you with me if I thought you weren't worth the effort? I shoot people on sight most of the time because I don't want them telling their little friends who I am. I don't exactly have an unrecognizable face.

( Daisy should know, considering she'd spotted him on sight. People of a certain age are going to know exactly who he is and it's too dangerous to let them live to go back and tell the military or whoever that Bucky Barnes is ghosting around the QZ. He's got to live with it now. )

Bringing you back with me was my choice, not yours. I guess I've gotten soft in my old age.

[ Worth the effort. He hits the nail on the head with those words. Ever since she was a kid, she's had to worry about everyone around her in ways the average person doesn't. Will she be what they expected? And if she's not, will they reject her for it? Will they decide later she isn't worth the effort after all and regret wasting their time on her?

She's had to hide sides of herself to be what others wanted just so she could stay, and already she can feel those old tendencies rising up inside her. It will take a lot for her to even approach believing that it won't be an issue now, if it's even possible at all. ]

Yeah, I guess so. [ There's a strain to those words, though she manages a semblance of a smile for the next ones. ] The next step is creaky joints. You excited?

Know so. And yeah, I'm waiting to get my walker in from the VA. Don't even know if that exists anymore. Probably not. If you're alive in this bullshit, you're probably already walking wounded.

( Bucky studies her face in the low light and tries to decide if Daisy is the type to bolt in the middle of the night and rat on him. He decides she's not after a second. He believes her about being Inhuman and he believes her story about being tested on. She needs him. He might not need her here but he wants her here. )

You got any news with you? I don't get a lot of that because it's not my focus. Rebellions, shit like that?

[ Daisy is very much the type to bolt in the middle of the night, but not to rat on anyone. If she disappears into the darkness, it'll be out of fear and guilt, possibly even a misguided sense of needing to protect someone. The number of times she's sacrificed her own happiness because of feeling someone is better off without her is definitely well into double digits now.

She takes another bite of the bar and chews carefully while she thinks over his question. ]

Working on a cure is kind of the biggest thing lately, though the public doesn't know about it. Until there's actual progress, they don't want to give false hope — but people are starting to get desperate. Crime is on the rise, and there have been a few attempts by assholes to take control of the QZ. [ After a moment of silence, she continues quietly. ] It's not a perfect place, but we've heard some of the others are worse.

[ The murder and dissection of Inhumans notwithstanding, of course. That singular event is threatening to change her entire opinion of the system and she's not sure how to cope with that. ]

Better than the places controlled by criminals. Although I guess I'm technically a criminal by the definitions set down by our wonderful Federal Government.

( Bucky watches her, taking in every movement. Daisy seems shaken but resilient, the kind of person who takes a hit and keeps on going. He doesn't feel like he's made a mistake bringing her here and he's going to trust his gut until he has a reason to turn on that intuition. As it is, he doesn't think she's done anything but tell him the truth and it will be helpful to have someone else. )

I thought about going up into the mountains in West Virginia? I figured it was emptier up there and I would be dealing more with stragglers and the lone human than hordes of infected. There's no QZ close, though, and the winters are harder than they are here closer to DC. We get snow here, sure, but it's nothing like what I'd get up there. I'm kind of glad I didn't move camp. If we move now, it'll be both of us. I'll get you outfitted in weapons tomorrow. Tonight, though...you want to listen to some music? I managed to steal a record player and some records. You can go pick.

[ Shaken but resilient is the perfect way to describe her current state. With everything she's been through in life, she's learned to be the type to take the hits and keep going, adjusting her armor to cover the new vulnerable spots. And she's feeling pretty damn vulnerable right now, with everything and everyone she cares about ripped away when she ran for her life. What kind of life is she supposed to have out here? What if this is all the life that's left for the world?

It feels strange to still be so relatively close to the QZ. He mentions the mountains and it sounds so much safer than being within a few hours of travel. The talk of snow is concerning, though, and she's distracted enough by calculating how soon winter will arrive that she doesn't realize what else he's said at first.

A record player. Coulson would love that. ]

Is it safe enough here for that?

Who's gonna come up here and try me, Daisy? They'd have to bring an army since I've been stealing all their riot weapons. I've got grenade launchers up here - the Feds are the only ones armed enough to take me and it'd have to be a whole tank of them, which they won't send out here.

( Bucky pauses for a moment. She still seems shell-shocked and he can't blame her. SHIELD agent or no, not many people have seen as much war and death as he has and while he's able to brush off just about everything because he's numb to it, it doesn't mean normal people can. He hasn't felt anything for anyone in so long that surviving day to day is his only objective and feelings don't come into it. )

It's up to you but I've had it for a while and I haven't had infected or people come up here because of it.

[ The fear and doubt rise up again as her mind latches on to one possible scenario that might convince someone to face the former Winter Soldier. If the government believes Inhumans are the path to a cure and they run out of test subjects... These are the times when people get desperate enough to do cruel and stupid things. If they get wind that she's hiding here with him, they might just send that tank. And then she'll have to go with them because she would never risk his life and freedom like that. ]

Okay. [ She nods absently at first, then more firmly. ] Okay. But you pick tonight. I'll do it tomorrow.

[ She isn't ready to get up and think and choose. Even the idea of it is exhausting. He can carry the burden of this simple thing tonight, and tomorrow she'll start carrying her weight in all things. ]

I'll pick tonight. I think I've got smooth jazz for elevators if that makes you happy.

( Bucky shuffles through his records until he finds a Billie Holiday record and put it on. He loves jazz and always has and if Daisy is overwhelmed and tired, she won't think this is too much. If not, he can try pop, but the jazz is probably more relaxing. He drops the needle and the music plays out in his treehouse. )

You can relax, okay? I know that sounds...I'm the most tightly wound guy alive, I know that, but I'm not going to let anything happen to you. You can relax.

[ The opening notes of the song hit just right, smoothing out the ragged edges of her nerves and settling something within her. Daisy's not naive enough to think she'll be able to keep hold of this sense of comfort, but she'll try to enjoy it while she can. ]

I've never been very good at relaxing. [ Her admission is said with a bit of a smile though. ] I like the music. Coulson used to listen to this in his office. I'd tease him about it sometimes.

Yeah? Coulson is climbing higher and higher on my list of people I like. Wish I could meet him. It's just you and me for now, though. I've got a lot I need to do before it gets too cold for us to do foraging in the woods but it'll wait until the morning. I want to get you in the routine fast, though, because you need to know how to do this in case something happens to me.

( It's borrowing trouble to say it, he guesses, but he needs to be open and honest with Daisy about what life is like here and how it's different than inside the QZ. )

I don't want you having to go back there. Ever.

Thank you.

[ There isn't anything else she can say to that. The weight behind that statement is almost overwhelming with all it means for them. He knows what she would be facing if she went back there, and she knows what he's capable of if he puts his mind to it. But he'll learn what she's capable of, too, sooner or later. ]

But nothing's going to happen to you. I won't let it. This thing goes both ways.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject