ostavil | seeking a friend for the end of the world

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daisy johnson

seeking a friend for the end of the world

( The world is a shithole. Actually, that's putting it mildly, really, but Bucky's trying to be optimistic these days since there's nothing to be optimistic about anymore. As soon as the virus started spreading, he got his gear together and headed straight to the woods. Anything like this, you need to be as far from people as possible and he wasn't going to depend on his enhanced immune system to defend him from something like this. It changes people, rewrites them from the inside-out, and he's not sure that super serum can protect a person from that.

He tries to only go into populated areas for supplies and since he can hunt pretty well and survive on his own, supplies usually constitute bullets. On his last run, he'd gotten a compound bow out of a shelled-out sporting goods store and he's been looking for arrows ever since because what he can make in the woods isn't going to be strong enough for the draw on the thing. It's a white elephant right now but he's loathe to part with it. He does his runs at night when he can exploit the weaknesses of the totalitarian government that came into place after society disintegrated; dealing with scared soldiers with shoot-to-kill orders is not his idea of a good time.

It's a good run until he sees someone else and he touches his hand to the hilt of his knife just in case. Smaller person, doesn't move like one of the infected, clearly not military. An idiot. Fantastic. He tries to get the drop on them from behind. )

Either you've already gotten infected and aren't showing symptoms or you're a complete idiot. What are you doing out here? It's not safe.

( It's an understatement, really, the lack of safety and he almost laughs about it; two years ago, he might have been talking about a teenager sneaking out of their house at night and now it's not safe for anyone at any time of day. For this person to have survived this long, they're not completely stupid. He's closer now and he can see that it's a woman. )

I could have killed you or one of the patrols could have shot you without asking questions. What's worth those two outcomes?

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Know so. And yeah, I'm waiting to get my walker in from the VA. Don't even know if that exists anymore. Probably not. If you're alive in this bullshit, you're probably already walking wounded.

( Bucky studies her face in the low light and tries to decide if Daisy is the type to bolt in the middle of the night and rat on him. He decides she's not after a second. He believes her about being Inhuman and he believes her story about being tested on. She needs him. He might not need her here but he wants her here. )

You got any news with you? I don't get a lot of that because it's not my focus. Rebellions, shit like that?

[ Daisy is very much the type to bolt in the middle of the night, but not to rat on anyone. If she disappears into the darkness, it'll be out of fear and guilt, possibly even a misguided sense of needing to protect someone. The number of times she's sacrificed her own happiness because of feeling someone is better off without her is definitely well into double digits now.

She takes another bite of the bar and chews carefully while she thinks over his question. ]

Working on a cure is kind of the biggest thing lately, though the public doesn't know about it. Until there's actual progress, they don't want to give false hope — but people are starting to get desperate. Crime is on the rise, and there have been a few attempts by assholes to take control of the QZ. [ After a moment of silence, she continues quietly. ] It's not a perfect place, but we've heard some of the others are worse.

[ The murder and dissection of Inhumans notwithstanding, of course. That singular event is threatening to change her entire opinion of the system and she's not sure how to cope with that. ]

Better than the places controlled by criminals. Although I guess I'm technically a criminal by the definitions set down by our wonderful Federal Government.

( Bucky watches her, taking in every movement. Daisy seems shaken but resilient, the kind of person who takes a hit and keeps on going. He doesn't feel like he's made a mistake bringing her here and he's going to trust his gut until he has a reason to turn on that intuition. As it is, he doesn't think she's done anything but tell him the truth and it will be helpful to have someone else. )

I thought about going up into the mountains in West Virginia? I figured it was emptier up there and I would be dealing more with stragglers and the lone human than hordes of infected. There's no QZ close, though, and the winters are harder than they are here closer to DC. We get snow here, sure, but it's nothing like what I'd get up there. I'm kind of glad I didn't move camp. If we move now, it'll be both of us. I'll get you outfitted in weapons tomorrow. Tonight, though...you want to listen to some music? I managed to steal a record player and some records. You can go pick.

[ Shaken but resilient is the perfect way to describe her current state. With everything she's been through in life, she's learned to be the type to take the hits and keep going, adjusting her armor to cover the new vulnerable spots. And she's feeling pretty damn vulnerable right now, with everything and everyone she cares about ripped away when she ran for her life. What kind of life is she supposed to have out here? What if this is all the life that's left for the world?

It feels strange to still be so relatively close to the QZ. He mentions the mountains and it sounds so much safer than being within a few hours of travel. The talk of snow is concerning, though, and she's distracted enough by calculating how soon winter will arrive that she doesn't realize what else he's said at first.

A record player. Coulson would love that. ]

Is it safe enough here for that?

Who's gonna come up here and try me, Daisy? They'd have to bring an army since I've been stealing all their riot weapons. I've got grenade launchers up here - the Feds are the only ones armed enough to take me and it'd have to be a whole tank of them, which they won't send out here.

( Bucky pauses for a moment. She still seems shell-shocked and he can't blame her. SHIELD agent or no, not many people have seen as much war and death as he has and while he's able to brush off just about everything because he's numb to it, it doesn't mean normal people can. He hasn't felt anything for anyone in so long that surviving day to day is his only objective and feelings don't come into it. )

It's up to you but I've had it for a while and I haven't had infected or people come up here because of it.

[ The fear and doubt rise up again as her mind latches on to one possible scenario that might convince someone to face the former Winter Soldier. If the government believes Inhumans are the path to a cure and they run out of test subjects... These are the times when people get desperate enough to do cruel and stupid things. If they get wind that she's hiding here with him, they might just send that tank. And then she'll have to go with them because she would never risk his life and freedom like that. ]

Okay. [ She nods absently at first, then more firmly. ] Okay. But you pick tonight. I'll do it tomorrow.

[ She isn't ready to get up and think and choose. Even the idea of it is exhausting. He can carry the burden of this simple thing tonight, and tomorrow she'll start carrying her weight in all things. ]

I'll pick tonight. I think I've got smooth jazz for elevators if that makes you happy.

( Bucky shuffles through his records until he finds a Billie Holiday record and put it on. He loves jazz and always has and if Daisy is overwhelmed and tired, she won't think this is too much. If not, he can try pop, but the jazz is probably more relaxing. He drops the needle and the music plays out in his treehouse. )

You can relax, okay? I know that sounds...I'm the most tightly wound guy alive, I know that, but I'm not going to let anything happen to you. You can relax.

[ The opening notes of the song hit just right, smoothing out the ragged edges of her nerves and settling something within her. Daisy's not naive enough to think she'll be able to keep hold of this sense of comfort, but she'll try to enjoy it while she can. ]

I've never been very good at relaxing. [ Her admission is said with a bit of a smile though. ] I like the music. Coulson used to listen to this in his office. I'd tease him about it sometimes.

Yeah? Coulson is climbing higher and higher on my list of people I like. Wish I could meet him. It's just you and me for now, though. I've got a lot I need to do before it gets too cold for us to do foraging in the woods but it'll wait until the morning. I want to get you in the routine fast, though, because you need to know how to do this in case something happens to me.

( It's borrowing trouble to say it, he guesses, but he needs to be open and honest with Daisy about what life is like here and how it's different than inside the QZ. )

I don't want you having to go back there. Ever.

Thank you.

[ There isn't anything else she can say to that. The weight behind that statement is almost overwhelming with all it means for them. He knows what she would be facing if she went back there, and she knows what he's capable of if he puts his mind to it. But he'll learn what she's capable of, too, sooner or later. ]

But nothing's going to happen to you. I won't let it. This thing goes both ways.

( Bucky's certain he could fight his way through the QZ to get her if he had to but hopefully neither of them are ever going to have to worry about it. It's sheer luck that he found her and he doesn't believe much in God or good fortunes anymore but he thinks there must be a little of that stuff still out there because he found Daisy and scooped her up before something could come at her that she couldn't handle. )

Got it. I'll try not to make you have to pay up on that. You've got my six and I've got yours. Next time I see a dilapidated church I'll toss a prayer up. I was gonna die of being lonely. I'm sure you didn't expect the big, bad Winter Soldier to admit he was lonely, did you?

[ He's probably trying to make a joke, but it isn't a funny topic for her. For over half her life, she'd lived and breathed loneliness. Not once in her life had she known what it was like to not carry that aching emptiness inside her — not until she'd joined SHIELD. Everything changed after that. ]

Everyone gets lonely, Bucky. I would have expected the Winter Soldier to be the loneliest of all.

( Daisy says it soberly and he guesses she must know something about the kind of lonely he feels deep in his bones because she's right - the Winter Soldier is the loneliest of all. Cut off from engaging with the world in any real way except for programmed commands, Bucky had been screaming to get out for all those decades. The loneliness he experiences now is nothing like that. )

I don't trust people anymore. Even before the world went to shit, I didn't, because people are worse than any other kind of threat out there. They're worse than monsters or weapons - people choose to kill, to maim, to hurt. Even moreso now.

You're not wrong.

[ People are the worst threat out there. They're worse than the infected and worse than any alien invaders. Humans are one of the worst species she's ever encountered in the universe — but there are good people out there, too, and she hopes she can help remind Bucky of that. There are still people worth fighting for.

Glancing around, Daisy's quiet for a moment, letting the music fill the space. Finally, she makes a quiet observation. ]

It's pretty late.

[ She actually has no idea what time it is, and it doesn't really matter all that much, she's just tired and trying to find a way to approach that subject. ]

Yeah, it's late. If you want to get sleep, I'll keep watch. I have my trip wires set up so no one is going to sneak up on me but I'll keep a watch just to make sure. I want you to be able to get some good sleep.

( He wants Daisy to be able to trust him, too, and if he keeps watch for her while she rests, maybe that will go a long way in establishing that trust. )

[ Part of her wishes he would take the time to sleep too, even though she knows she'll sleep easier knowing someone is on watch. For now, anyway. Hopefully, with more time... But there's still a logistical issue to take care of. ]

I appreciate that. [ She pauses, then: ] I have nightmares sometimes. If you have to wake me up during one, it's safer if you don't touch me.

Noted. Better if you let me wake up from mine, too. If you touch me, I might punch you, and nobody wants that. We'll just let each other come up out of our own nightmares.

( Bucky gives her a soft look. )

I'm sorry you have them. Wouldn't wish it on anyone.

[ She doesn't know what to do with that look. Of course, he understands, and of course, he has his own nightmares, but offering words like that? It makes her uncomfortable simply because she wasn't expecting it.

She also doesn't know how to tell him he might have to wake her sometimes. If she stays with him long enough, there's bound to be a night when the dreams are so dark and terrible that she'll use her powers on pure instinct. But it likely won't be tonight, so they can cross that bridge tomorrow. ]

There are people who have it a lot worse. [ Like him. ] But thanks.

Doesn't mean that yours aren't terrible. You only know the extent of how bad your own shit is and what you can handle. If it's hard for you to handle, it's hard, and there's no comparison you can do. I'll keep you safe. Said I would, didn't I?

( It includes nightmares, even if his abilities don't extend to psychic ones. He can be there in the aftermath and talk - or don't - until the fear has passed. Sometimes just having another person there can help him and maybe it'll help Daisy. )

[ She wants so badly to believe him, but no one can save her from the nightmares. They're terrible memories twisted into even more horrific incidents, her traumatized mind unable to escape the events that caused the worst damage. And relying on someone to help her through them... It's too much. Her pain is too much to expect anyone to carry.

Nodding is her only response; she hopes he assumes it's because she's tired. Instead of going in verbal circles around this subject, she grabs the extra bedroll he'd pointed out earlier and unrolls it in a clear patch of floor. ]

( Bucky ends up taking first and second watch so that Daisy can just sleep and when the sun is peeking up over the horizon, he gently wakes her with a touch of his hand to her shoulder. )

Hey, you get enough sleep? I want to show you what I do during the day so you know how to work on those things before our next run into the QZ. I just let you sleep through second watch. Looked like you needed it.

[ Daisy doesn't wake once throughout the night, physical exertion and anxiety draining her of every last ounce of energy. That touch to her shoulder drags her up from deep sleep, and it's the presence of significant metal on the person that keeps her from groggily lashing out. It reminds her senses of people she loves — Coulson and Sousa and Yo-Yo, people she's trusted for years, and so her subconscious associates that feeling of trust and safety with Bucky now too.

Blinking blearily up at him, she glances around for a moment before rubbing at her eyes. ]

Thanks, but you deserved to rest too. [ It's a half-hearted protest, though, because there's no point in making a real fuss unless it continues to be a problem. Sitting up, she scoots off the bedroll so she can roll it up again and set it off to the side and out of the way. Then she stands, runs a hand through her sleep-mussed hair in an attempt to tame it, and nods. ] Okay, yeah, let's go.

I can actually go without sleep for longer than you. Plenty of time for me to sleep tonight while you do a watch for me. I don't need that much if I have to go without. Winter Soldier special.

( Bucky rifles through their supplies again and gives her a protein bar. It's not the best but it's portable and he wants to get them moving as quickly as he can. )

Setting traps and gathering today. When the weather turns, we'll lose the berries and mushrooms, so we better get them now while they're still out there. I like to keep a store up of the useful shit to dry out too. Not that Willow Bark does much for me but if I was dying of a fever and we had nothing else, we'd be glad for it. You can tell me as much as you can about what's going on inside that QZ. I only sneak in at night but I haven't heard any of the gossip.

[ No, the protein bar isn't the best with its chalky cocoa flavor and dry yet chewy texture, but it's better than nothing. She might have her preferences, but Daisy learned not to be picky a long time ago.

Carefully chewing a bit of the bar, she listens to Bucky explain the basics of what it's like here, the details she'll need to remember if she's going to survive. When he comes to the mention of talking about things inside the QZ, though, she nearly flinches. She'd really rather not talk about things back there, but it would probably seem ungrateful and more than a little suspicious to tell him that. ]

I've never done anything like this, I grew up in cities, but I'm a quick learner and I can pull my own weight.

Didn't think you'd be an anchor on me. Don't worry about it. If it's anything to you, I'm so damn lonely that as long as you didn't lead anyone back here, I'd let you stay for free. But I think you're not that kind of person so I'm really not worried about it.

( Bucky wipes at his left hand with his t-shirt, one of his very few tics, and gives her a look from under hooded lashes. )

You'll pick it up fast. It's just rote and repetition.

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