ostavil | seeking a friend for the end of the world

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daisy johnson

seeking a friend for the end of the world

( The world is a shithole. Actually, that's putting it mildly, really, but Bucky's trying to be optimistic these days since there's nothing to be optimistic about anymore. As soon as the virus started spreading, he got his gear together and headed straight to the woods. Anything like this, you need to be as far from people as possible and he wasn't going to depend on his enhanced immune system to defend him from something like this. It changes people, rewrites them from the inside-out, and he's not sure that super serum can protect a person from that.

He tries to only go into populated areas for supplies and since he can hunt pretty well and survive on his own, supplies usually constitute bullets. On his last run, he'd gotten a compound bow out of a shelled-out sporting goods store and he's been looking for arrows ever since because what he can make in the woods isn't going to be strong enough for the draw on the thing. It's a white elephant right now but he's loathe to part with it. He does his runs at night when he can exploit the weaknesses of the totalitarian government that came into place after society disintegrated; dealing with scared soldiers with shoot-to-kill orders is not his idea of a good time.

It's a good run until he sees someone else and he touches his hand to the hilt of his knife just in case. Smaller person, doesn't move like one of the infected, clearly not military. An idiot. Fantastic. He tries to get the drop on them from behind. )

Either you've already gotten infected and aren't showing symptoms or you're a complete idiot. What are you doing out here? It's not safe.

( It's an understatement, really, the lack of safety and he almost laughs about it; two years ago, he might have been talking about a teenager sneaking out of their house at night and now it's not safe for anyone at any time of day. For this person to have survived this long, they're not completely stupid. He's closer now and he can see that it's a woman. )

I could have killed you or one of the patrols could have shot you without asking questions. What's worth those two outcomes?

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Two years? Three? It's hard to keep count. I basically took my go bag and came out here the second it started spreading. I knew they'd be after me to poke needles and do tests. They always do.

( Daisy has done nothing but confirm that, too, because she'd run away because they were killing Inhumans to try and see if they could engineer a cure from their bodies. He doesn't want anyone trying to do that to him. There's a twinge of pain, too, because he wants to rescue them. Those people are innocent and they did nothing except be immune to this bullshit but this isn't the time to play a hero. He's not Steve and that's why he's alive. )

I try to keep away from people. Easier to stay away from infected if you're not in a populated area to begin with and I'm not tangling with the military. I can fight them, sure, but I'd rather not. It's messy and I don't like messy. You landed in my lap, though, and I'm a gentleman. I wasn't gonna leave you out there. ( He pauses for a moment and when he speaks again his voice is soft. )

I get soft when it comes to women and children. It's a weakness.

[ So he's been out here since the beginning. That's... She can't even fathom what it must have been like for him. After being kept from society for so long, he'd finally gotten close to real freedom, and now he's had to find it out here in the wild. Alone.

He doesn't deserve it. None of them do, but him least of all. ]

It's only a weakness if people use it against you. [ Her words are quiet, though she doesn't worry he won't hear them. ] I won't do that. If I become a risk to you, I won't take advantage. I'll leave.

[ Honestly, she might do leave anyway. Take just enough time to get her bearings and then go on her way. If she stays, she'll just end up a burden to him, and she's not willing to do that. ]

You won't risk me. You clearly have enough training to get out of a government facility undetected and I found you without you tripping any perimeter guards so you're not helpless. You've got powers, I'm assuming, so that puts you on more than an even playing field. I'm not worried about you holding me back.

( He shifts his pack and shows her a tree with a deep slash in it. The underbrush is clear here and this is the turnoff to his camp. It's just a little ways ahead and when he gets into view of it, he shines his flashlight. )

Home sweet home. Sleep off the ground and the infected can't get you because they're stupid and I can snipe the military. We'll get you settled in and get you better weapons. I've got plenty you can pick from. Having you here means I can get twice the supplies when I do runs. It's not a bad thing.

[ He says that now, but will he still say it if she loses control of her powers? Just the idea of sleeping off the ground has her anxious. One good nightmare and she could send the entire thing crashing to the ground if they're not careful. It's not as if she doesn't have a dozen on constant rotation. ]

I'll help however I can for as long as I can.

[ He's not wrong about her abilities, powered or otherwise. She's more than capable of defending herself against humans or infected. But the second she becomes more hindrance than help... Taking a deep breath, she lets it out in a heavy, tired sigh. ]

I don't think I've said it enough: Thank you.

Hey, you're doing me a favor. I'm used to talking to trees for company. A person is definitely an improvement over a tree and you're a pretty good person to keep company with. Besides, you're full of knowledge I don't have so you can give me intel.

( Bucky grins at her then and tries to see if she's bought it. It's hardly the whole reason he wants her to stick around. He is lonely and he thinks she's useful and resourceful. If you're going to have someone around for the end of the world, Daisy Johnson seems to be a pretty good person. He doesn't think his judgment's off on this. )

And I can teach you how to hunt and fish. Isn't that exciting? Did you ever go camping as a kid? Because now you get the full Bucky Barnes experience.

I guess I've been pretty spoiled living in the quarantine zone. We've lost people and the government's ruled with a pretty iron fist, but I still had my team. I wasn't alone.

[ Could she have survived alone for as long as he had? She wants to brush off the idea because of course she would, but deep down she knows it would be the worst thing for her. Being truly alone and fighting for her life would bring back every horrible thing she's ever experienced. She would lose herself in all that pain out here.

It's a wonder he's managed it after all he's been through. Forcing a small smile, she loops back to the question he'd asked. ]

But no, I never went camping as a kid. The grand total of what I know about the great outdoors is from SHIELD's basic survival training, which I mostly skimmed just to pass the test. I never thought I'd be in a position to need it.

[ The one time she hadn't learned the material forwards and backward, and it's come back supremely bite her in the ass. It figures. ]

( The Quarantine Zone does have more people in it, true, but there's rationing there and he can eat as much as he wants here. Even if they wouldn't lock him up to run test after test, Bucky's fairly certain he'd be starving to death on rations. His metabolism just sucks up too much for him to function on so little food. When she says she hasn't ever been camping and just has basic survival training, he shakes his head. )

It's fine. I can teach you what you need to know. I didn't even know they had SHIELD agents do survival training but I guess field operatives would need to know it even if the paper pushers never did. I'm still wrapping my head around the idea that SHIELD isn't HYDRA anymore and I can trust them. Well. Trust you. And that Coulson guy you mentioned.

( Anyone who would risk his ass to bust someone out of the QZ is good people and, besides, he'd heard about Coulson from Steve even if that feels like a thousand years ago. He's glad Steve's not here to see all this. He doesn't know if his optimism would have remained if the world got this bad and a broken Steve is something no one needs to see. )

[ The rationing had been hard, though she would never openly admit it. Her metabolism is nothing like Bucky's, though being active means she's a bit thinner than she used to be, but the real trouble was the memories. She hadn't starved at the orphanage, but there was never extra, and she'd survived in the years after she'd left it, though some times were harder than others. It all made her more frugal when she'd finally earned a steady income with SHIELD. She'd accumulated good savings before the world ended; it's too bad money doesn't mean all that much anymore. ]

You know, he would be so excited to meet you. Coulson's always been a big history buff, especially when it comes to SHIELD and the SSR. He used to talk about the Howling Commandos all the time.

[ Back before they'd had other things to occupy their every waking moment. HYDRA, aliens, the end of the world... They hadn't been able to catch a break. ]

( Bucky smirks a little, tossing his head. The idea of someone being excited to meet him is novel, considering most of the time when he meets people they end up dead. There was a little while when it wasn't the case, a time when he wasn't the machine, but now he's back to killing people. Never civilians though. He's not like the hunters who rove around and steal from those who don't have it to give to begin with. No, he'll never be like that. He's just a loner. )

My war stories from then were pretty good though I didn't have as many about the rest of the guys than you'd think. I was a sniper. I spent most of my time up in a nest shooting people from far away and not on the ground in the action. I knew those guys, though, and they were good people. All of them. I miss them.

( He gestures to the ladder he has set up. He'd do stairs but Infected can get up stairs so it's a ladder. He can't really get hurt so much that he can't walk so it's convenient enough for him and Daisy seems to be in good shape. )

Go on up. I've got some food up there if you're hungry.

[ I miss them. Over the years, she's lost more than a few people, teammates and family. But Bucky... He lost everything and everyone in one fell swoop. And when he'd come back to the world, it ended not long after. It isn't fair. He deserves so much more than this.

So maybe she can stay awhile. Just until it isn't safe anymore. For him. ]

Okay...

[ She nods as she says it, reaching out to set a hand on the ladder. It is a better idea than stairs, much more secure, but just looking up at the structure above has her fighting back another burst of anxiety. There's nothing to be done about it, though, so up she goes, moving quietly and quickly. ]

( Bucky follows her up the ladder and once they're up in the nest, he points out a few things. It's not a lot but he has an extra bedroll, food and first aid supplies, some pain pills and various medications, and a few indulgent things. He has books, as many as he can manage to scavenge and he has a record player. )

It's not much but it's home. You're welcome to stay as long as you want. You're safer here than in any of the QZs and hunters aren't going to get out here to us. If they do, well. I know what I'm doing with a gun.

( He softens a bit. )

Is there anything you need right now?

[ It's actually kind of cozy, all things considered, and certainly a hell of a lot better than the van she'd lived in for years. Not that she'd ever say that aloud — she'd loved that van, it was the closest she'd ever come to a home until she found SHIELD. But this place... It could be a home.

Thinking of it that way isn't an option for her, though. She has to remember all of this is just temporary.

Shrugging off her bag, she carefully sets it on the floor, looking around the room with tired wariness. After a moment, she shakes her head, feeling every bit like she's just lost her entire world. Will she ever see her family again? She couldn't have stayed in the QZ, but now that she's gone, who will protect them? ]

No, I don't need anything. I think I'm... I'm still just processing, you know?

( Daisy looks lost, shell-shocked in the way a soldier looks when he returns home with half his weight and twice the baggage. He hasn't been affected by these things or run down by life because he spent so long as the soldier but normal people - normal people get hurt by this. He's been out here for a long time without anyone or needing anyone but now he thinks he needed a friend and maybe Daisy can be that.

It's been a long time since he had a friend. )

Yeah, sure. It's a lot to process. I'm not gonna ask you to talk about it. Before everything went to hell, I was in therapy, right? And she always wanted me to talk about shit and I don't process that way. I don't open up to someone because they tell me to do it. I write instead.

( He motions to a stack of journals. He's been keeping them since before all of this, since he was a man trying to piece together the broken fragments of his past. There's years of him in those journals, every emotion, and he'll keep stealing notebooks until he can't hold a pencil anymore. )

[ That stack of notebooks is a healthier way of coping with trauma than she's ever managed. She'd kept a notebook after Lincoln died, but it wasn't to process her grief, it was to plan her penance. A few years ago, she'd burned that book, watching the pages curl within the flames as she mourned yet another loss.

Death follows her wherever she goes. Maybe that's why it's not safe for her to be with Bucky. ]

I've been to therapy before. A lot, actually. [ Crouching down, she sits cross-legged next to her bag. ] Growing up in the foster system, I saw a different one every other year. It never helped. It didn't help when I joined SHIELD, either — there's just so much that's happened that no one could understand.

[ Over the years, she's picked up a few skills in self-analysis, though. So while she might avoid dealing with a lot of her own trauma and issues, she at least is aware enough to usually identify them, and she can pretend that counts for something. ]

We didn't have fostering back then. It was all orphanages. I was lucky, though. We were poor but I had a good family. We all loved one another and there was Steve, too. Even when I didn't have two nickels to my name, I had Steve and he had me.

( It's hard to think about, Steve, but he powers through it anyway because as much as he misses him, he's glad that Steve didn't have to live in the world like this. He's glad that Steve got to live a different life. )

When you're like us, nobody can understand what you go through. We're different. We're not even like the rest of SHIELD because we're not...you're an Inhuman and I'm something that isn't supposed to exist. We'll never be able to stand side by side with the rest of humanity and feel like we fit.

[ She envies him the family who loved him and the best friend who would and had done anything for him. For twenty-five years, Daisy had lived without either of those, and now that she finally has them, it's a searing pain to think they may have been ripped away from her. They've faced the end of the world before, more than once, and it seems so very unfair that now is when they finally lose. ]

There used to be a home for Inhumans called Afterlife. It was just us there, and no one from the outside world knew where it was. We were safe there...

[ Frowning sadly, she moves her bag into her lap, opening it up and half-heartedly examining the contents. ]

But I was an outsider there, too. I didn't follow the same steps everyone else did to get my powers, and no one knew who I really was. SHIELD was the only place I ever felt accepted.

And now your home is gone. I'm sorry. I know being out here in the woods with me is hardly the same but you've got a place for as long as you want it. I'm not going anywhere and I'm notoriously hard to kill. I've got your back, Daisy.

( Bucky doesn't know if it's the right thing to say but sometimes the genuine thing is more right than the thing that will make a person feel better. He's not about white lies or cushioning feelings, not anymore, and he feels like being honest with Daisy is a good policy. )

That is, if you can put up with a 106 year old man and his old man habits. I'm a history book, after all.

[ It is nice to hear all of that, though she wishes she were in a better place to properly respond to it. He's being so incredibly kind and she's just barely holding it together. She's not sure she deserves it, but she is grateful, which she shows through a slightly playful glance his way. ]

I think I can handle that. You know, you look pretty good for a senior citizen.

Yeah? I used to do swimming at the Y but you know, all that stuff's gone now so I have to get my exercise by running around and rescuing fair maidens. It's good for the soul.

( Bucky grins at her and honestly, he's so glad for the company. He might act like he needs no one but he does and this is nice. )

We could embark on an intense training regimen where we go steal shit at night and shoot infected during the day.

[ Daisy's torn between wishing she was alone to face her grief and the sudden shock of change and being glad she isn't. It isn't safe for her to be on her own out here — but it isn't safe for her to be with him either. The whole thing is confusing and frustrating and so... ]

Well, I guess we'll have to do something to pass the time. We can't exactly go to the movies.

[ Or anything else normal people used to do to pass the time. Whatever those things were. ]

Next time we go steal stuff, lets find some cards. I never got them before because I figured solitaire was a waste of my time but with you here, we could actually do something.

( When people made prep lists for the end of the world before the end of the world was a thing, they never mentioned things like music or books or playing cards. It was always stuff like food, ammo, fuel - things you need to survive. But is it living if you're just surviving? Is there life without something to break the tedium? Bucky doesn't think so. )

If nothing else, I can tell you all the things you didn't learn in history class. That'll get you through a month or two.

[ Daisy sorts through some of the things in the pack Coulson gave her. No clothes, there wasn't time for him to grab anything from her room, so it's just standard supplies with some extras thrown in. She holds one of the white pill bottles in her hand, feeling the shifting tablets within. ]

I didn't just learn about you in history class. At least, not just the ones in school. Coulson told us stories all the time during my first year with SHIELD, and then after HYDRA... We talked about you sometimes. What we knew about what happened to you. [ She doesn't look at him as she admits the next. ] I couldn't read all the files we found.

( SHIELD would have files on him. He'd been a ghost story for a long time, sure, but when SHIELD reformed after HYDRA had been rooted out, a lot of files that had been hidden suddenly opened up again. There's information on him that isn't public knowledge but it would be accessible to a SHIELD agent and, depending on the clearance, it might not be information he'd want out. )

They were in Russian, I bet. Or you mean you didn't have clearance? I know there's intel on me that was HYDRA eyes only. Things about...how they tested on me, what poisons and what drugs. What kills I made. What other things I had to do.

( He scrubs at the plates in his left hand in absence of anything else to do. He's never been much of a fidgeter but this is a hard thing to talk about. )

Pimped out to any government or terrorist who wanted me, for the right price. Not such a hero to you anymore, am I?

[ Glancing up at him briefly, she notices the way he rubs at his hand and wonders if it's the usual way he expresses his discomfort. Everyone has their tells, even the best spies, and she'd rather learn his from the start so she knows when to back off and offer whatever he needs, be it space or comfort. She'll need to learn that too. ]

Of course, you are. Growing up, you and the others were the stuff of comic books, but now that I know the monsters you faced and the horrors you survived, I understand how much you really deserve the title. Because look at you — still standing, still helping people.

[ She stuffs the pill bottle back into the backpack and pulls it up onto her lap, her hands gripping hold of it like it's a security blanket. He's not the only one who has things that are hard to talk about. ]

And I do understand. A little. More than most. What it's like to be used by someone who only sees you as a tool... to have your mind rewritten so you don't fight it.

Wouldn't wish it on anyone. Sorry that it happened to you, Daisy. HYDRA, I'm assuming?

( They aren't the only ones who could do such a thing, no, but he knows that HYDRA was in SHIELD so deeply that when it all came down, there was a good three out of four agents that weren't trying to protect the interests of the people over the interests of HYDRA. )

They're pieces of shit. Of course, the government in general is a piece of shit right now and they don't even need the help of HYDRA.

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