ostavil | 001 wakanda

001 wakanda

There's peace in Wakanda. Bucky had spent a little while under the ice while Shuri figured out a way to work on his deprogramming and while it's been a painful process, it's a necessary one and he's glad for all her work on the tangled knot that's HYDRA and the mess inside his brain. It's all wired incorrectly, a bomb that never went off but still needs to be defused, and he's scared every time she goes in there that something will go wrong and he'll attack her; it hasn't happened yet.

When he isn't working with her or Ayo, he has a little hut to himself where there are goats and sometimes children come visit him to see the curious white man who has taken up on the fringes of Wakandan society. Steve has visited a few times but when they announce a visitor this time, it's apparently not Steve. They're still at the palace being received, though, so Bucky takes the time to tidy up where he's been staying as much as he can one-handed; he's neat by nature but he also isn't used to having company come by either.

Who could it be? Sam? Sharon? Bucky isn't sure who would come to visit him aside from those two and Steve. Tony Stark certainly wouldn't and he isn't sure the Wakandan government would even let him in. Would Wanda come to see him? He's not certain. He imagines she's in hiding the same as he is, trying to avoid the Sokovia Accords and their inevitable consequences on her. It seems she's suffering more from them than anyone else, even himself, so he doesn't think she'd risk coming to see him.

He catalogs the other people he knows and he comes up with Natasha. He's got a strange history with her. He's shot her twice while the Winter Soldier but curiously, both times, he'd shot her non-fatally. It's almost as if he'd known that she needed to live even if he didn't know her and that's not what the Winter Soldier does. He doesn't leave loose ends. He kills whoever is necessary, even an innocent bystander, and Natasha has been actively opposing him both times he's encountered her. Even when he'd been activated by Zemo he'd attacked her but didn't take her down. There's something in him that protects her and he wonders why that is and always has. He doesn't know why she'd visit him but he wouldn't turn it down, either, so when he hears someone at the door he calls for them to come inside.

"Come in, I'm not busy." He's just finishing up wiping down a counter in what counts for his kitchen and when he comes into view of the visitor, he sees that it is Natasha. Curious.

"Hi."

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"Yeah, I'd like to not cause international incidents that I'm actually responsible for and those two are a good way to start one," Bucky says dryly. He doesn't think Steve or Sam are the guys to go on this mission with him. They'll want to burst in with proverbial guns blazing and use brute force and Bucky thinks this calls for more subterfuge, subterfuge that he and Natasha are far more capable of accomplishing.

When she brushes his hair out of his face, he can't help the slow smile that blooms but he snorts when she says she's no one's backup but they can be partners. He rolls his eyes playfully.

"Oh, well, partners of course. I just always think of myself alone. If you wanna be side by side, though, I don't think I'm gonna complain one bit. You're good at what you do and I don't need to comb through your records to know that. You just have that...sway to you. That confidence. You don't have to fake it. You can't fake it."

"You're going to find out that the twenty-first century term for that is big dick energy," She says with a grin and fluffs his hair playfully before removing her hand from his hair.

"And yes, I absolutely do, because I am the best at what I do," She reassures him. What exactly does she do? Honestly it's gotten more and more complicated over the years since the Avengers official formed and it wasn't just a SHIELD thing anymore, but hopefully he wouldn't ask that question.

"Just because you think of yourself as always alone though, doesn't mean that you are. I'm sure if you work on that a little more you'll find memories of loved ones."

"I don't know if I'm comfortable with anyone saying I have big dick energy if they haven't seen my dick," Bucky says. "Of course, that would require me acting like it, so I guess it might never be an issue for me. But you, though. You couldn't be incompetent if you tried."

She fluffs his hair and he leans into it before she pulls her hand away. He suddenly wants her hand back as soon as she takes it away but he doesn't know if he's allowed to ask for things like that. Maybe she likes giving touch on her terms but asking for touch is something else.

"I like you being here. I know you can't stay because you have stuff to do but if you came back sometimes, I would really like that. This has been really nice."

"To be fair, you have no idea who all has seen your dick until you get your memories back," She challenges him. She doesn't even mean it in a romantic way, but just a general, army guys end up in weird naked situations in showers and crap together anyways so she waves a hand at him.

"Of course I'm coming back, with a telescope remember? I promised, and Natasha Romanoff does not break her promises to anyone."

"Probably a hundred people considering the war and HYDRA," Bucky says, sighing a little. "But I don't think any of those people were taking evaluations. Sure hope not, anyway. That would be...weird at best."

He's fine with the concept of big dick energy, though, because it seems to be more about confidence than what's actually in his pants and if someone thinks he's as confident and capable as Natasha, that's a good thing. He comes down on the side of it being a compliment if anyone says it to him.

"You still don't have to bring me a telescope, Natasha. I would love it but I don't need gifts from you. I just need you." Bucky frowns a little. "I mean, that came off really intense, I'm sorry. I just mean like, your company. I like you being around."

She's about to raddle of a 'Stop telling me what I can and can't do, James' when the words of need hit her like a freight train. He corrects his intensity of the statement but she still smiles over at him a little reassuringly.

"Don't worry, I didn't take that intensely at all..." she waves her hand. It's a boldfaced lie, but sometimes you've got do that. "However, stop telling me what I can and can bring you, you're getting all weird about it. I told you I was brining a telescope and so stop arguing with me Barnes, just say 'thank you Natasha' " she tells him with a smile.

Edited 2023-08-30 20:40 (UTC)

"Thank you, Natalia," he says in Russian and he doesn't know if he should have used that version of their name but they've been switching between Russian and English so easily that it feels natural to do it. When she says to stop being weird about her bringing him a gift he nods and just decides he'll have one for her, too, and then they'll be even. He just has to figure out what it'll be.

There's time between Natasha's next visit, though, time enough that he gets his new arm and there's enough leftover vibranium to make Natasha a pendant. Shuri laughs at it and accuses him of having a crush and he frowns at her and says it's just a present. Still, he puts it in a nice box and leaves it waiting for her for whenever she does come back and spends the time training with his new arm to get back into fighting form and to regain the weight and muscle that he'd lost.

The palace tells him he's going to have a visitor and that it's Natasha so he is happy about that, lighter on his feet than he's been for a while.

It's almost a month before Natasha's next trip to Wakanda. Steve and Sam had had a lot of free time and she didn't want to push into the rotation too hard and strike up any sort of suspicion or weird thoughts about anything. She wasn't worried about Steve so much, Steve thinks Bucky is the best friend in the world and thinks anyone would want to be friends with him. Sam though, that was her concern.

She is carrying a large fancy case that's very clearly holding a telescope when she heads out to meet him and sees how good he looks with the arm and the smile as she approaches him.

"Hey there handsome, got a whole new arm and lookin' good I see."

"Yeah, trying to get used to it." Bucky is trying to get used to a lot of things - chief among them being called "handsome" by Natasha. She seems to flirt so much as breathe, though, so he tries not to read anything into it and just enjoy her company.

He sees the case he assumes is the telescope and shakes his head.

"I told you that I didn't need presents but because I knew you'd bring me one, I got you one too. Bring that inside and let me get you something to drink, yeah?"

She holds the telescope out to him, letting him deal with it. It was surprisingly heavy and those super soldier genes should be good for something. She watches him as he takes it, her hand brushing his just the slightest it making her smile softly as she does. God, he is handsome.

"I told you I was gonna do it, now tell me you've got a beer. I know it's only noon but I'm on vacation and I could really use one..." she says with a smile as she follows him into his house.

"I did get beer," Bucky says, laughing. "Local brewed and everything. Of course, everything in Wakanda is locally sourced. It's the joy of being in an isolated country."

But a hell of a lot better than the former USSR was. Goods weren't so good there but here, here they're of the highest quality.

"Take a seat and I'll bring you one," Bucky says. He goes and gets two of the beers and palms the little box with the pendant in it to tuck in his pocket. Will he give it to her? He's not sure. For now, he hands Natasha a beer.

"You made good on your promise."

She takes the beer and reaches out to give him a cheers with it when he brings them back out.

"What are we toasting too James?" She asks taking a drink not waiting for him to actually announce it. Her mind is all over the place, but she hopes that the alcohol will help reel it in a little bit.

"I never fail a mission, besides I had a few favors to call in. It's supposed to be one of the best you can get at that size, so hopefully it will help you explore the Stars. Personally, I'm sick of them after that alien invasion of New York, but no reason that should stop you."

"My new arm and a telescope, I guess," Bucky says. He has the necklace burning a hole in his pocket but he doesn't know whether or not to give it to her right now. He takes a long pull on his beer instead to hide the nervousness.

"I had something made to give to you but it's kinda...I don't know. It's kinda personal. If you don't want to accept it, I understand. It might be too intense a gift."

Maybe that's not a good setup.

"You had something made? And you say I went out of my way..." she smiles at him though, because it sounds nice. He'd always been a gift giver, even when he didn't have anything he used to lift small things to bring back to her from missions when he could.

God he's just as sweet as she remembers.

"Why wouldn't I accept a gift, gifts are nice. People like gifts, James."

"Well, it's kind of an intimate gift," Bucky says, pulling out the box and handing it to her. It's just a pendant but that pendant is made of the same gold-threaded vibranium as his new arm and that's very, very intimate. It's a tie between them that she might not want or be comfortable with.

"I thought maybe you'd like it or think it was pretty," he says softly. "And it's basically indestructible."

God, he hopes she accepts it.

He says that and she goes quite and take the box and opens it with a smile. She glances up at him with a playful grin.

"Intimate? This isn't a sex toy..." she tease and leans over to push on his shoulder of his new arm playfully, clearly noticing how much they match. She takes it out of the box and puts it over her head so she's wearing it.

"How does it look?"

"It looks nice," Bucky says. He's at a loss for words, honestly, and she had brought up sex toys and thrown him for a loop even if it was just a joke. He touches the little pendant piece.

"Maybe it's like you have a little extra protection, yeah? I didn't really think it through when I asked them to make it. I just wanted you to have it."

"Yes, if a stray bullet happens to go right there I'll be set..." she teases him and reaches up to take his hand and give it a squeeze before she tugs him in for a hug arms wrapping around his shoulders to give him a squeeze.

"Seriously though, James, I love it. I never get myself jewelry and I always think I could use another necklace to wear." She really does appreciate it, she'd been wearing the same on since she got out of the red room most days when a mission didn't require something similar. She was sure she'd be wearing this one a lot too.

She lets him go an gives him a reassuring smile. "It's like I got a little piece of you with me."

"Yeah, I guess. I wasn't making claims or anything. I just thought you'd think it was pretty."

Bucky feels like he's tripping all over his feet with her as usual but at least she seems interested and pleased by the gift and not offended. Not that Natasha is ever offended by him.

"I don't...want you to think I'm coming onto you or something."

She looks at him cocking her head to the side in consideration taking in both things he said and trying to process exactly what he was feeling without being able to actually get inside his head. This was something that was new and different that she was trying to adjust to.

Her Soldat had always been more confident, comfortable around her. James isn't, and it's not bad, she just doesn't know what's pushing him too much.

She gives his metal arm a squeeze. "I do think it's really pretty, and I also think you're really pretty too. So, I wouldn't mind if you were, even though I completely understand that you're not, because you just said so."

Bucky swallows thickly and tries to decide how he feels about her calling him pretty and not minding if he thought she was. He just doesn't know what to do with his feelings about her and surrounding her and he doesn't want to mess up because he has half a brain and half a body and half of well...everything.

"It's not that I'm uncomfortable if you think I'm attractive," Bucky says after a moment. That, he knows is true. No one could think that, he thinks, and he definitely doesn't.

"It's more that I know I wouldn't be a good partner to anyone and when you tell me that I'm attractive, sometimes I think about what it might be like if I could be with you and that's not something I should be thinking about. I really couldn't be as good to you as someone else could. There's better than me, you know?"

She is trying her best to read him. She's pretty sure he's got a crush on her by the way she says it, but it seems wrong to just function on that and ignore his words alone, especially when navigating something new like this. She's holding all the cards, has all the information, and he's flying blind.

She squeezes his new arm watching his blue eyes as carefully as she can. Trying to get more of a read when she asks the question.

"Regardless of if you think you're good enough for me, James. Do you like it that I like you like that?" It's a simple question, trying to get to the root of the situation.

"Well, yeah," Bucky says. It comes out automatically because who wouldn't want Natasha Romanoff interested in them? He thinks you'd have to be flatlined to not want attention from her and he's far from that. Instead, his heart is flying faster than it should even be able to with the serum and he's really glad she's squeezing his left arm because if she squeezed his right, he might be trembling.

"I'm a man, Natasha, and I'm not a blind one. I just don't think...I don't have my shit together, you know? I can't even take attention from a woman without getting panicky about it and that's not how a man is supposed to react. If I was the old me, I would already have made my move and we'd be together. Now I'm scared to do it because I desperately want to be enough."

She's said she likes him as he is but being patient now and being patient later are two different things. He doesn't know how long it's going to take for him to get anywhere close to secure in himself to be able to be supportive of someone else the way you should be in a relationship.

"I don't think I could take it if you hurt me."

Her hand slides down his arm to take his fingers of his new metal arm, it feels different then the one she's used to, but still familiar. The only man she'd ever held hands with who had a metal hand, so that is a whole thing.

"Well how about you stop worrying about that then. We don't have to be together, or anything. We can just be here together and that's enough." She squeezes that hand trying to be reassuring.

"Nothing to fuck up, no expectations, just us, enjoying our time in Wakanda. And if you ever decide you're ready and you want to leave, I will let you take me on a proper date and we can give things a try."

"I still question your taste in men," Bucky says, laughing nervously. He knows he isn't who he used to be and he doesn't think he can ever be that cocky, suave man again but maybe one day he won't be the eggshell that he is right now. He feels like kintsugi, a fractured vase pieced back together with vibranium in the cracks, and he doesn't know if it's all going to hold together because the delicate pieces are so weak between the strong ones.

"It's good that you keep coming back, though. It's nice to have someone who wants to spend time with me and not who I used to be or who they want me to be or someone they can poke at to get a laugh when I'm not quite ready to laugh yet. It's nice. It's better than nice, honestly."

Bucky wants to be able to say things more elegantly than he does but while his thoughts are eloquent, he can never seem to pluck the right words out when he's talking to her.

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