ostavil | open post

"Zvezda, he corrects himself, trying to remember the pronunciation. He thinks he might ought to get a Russian dictionary at this point if he's going to date Natalie. And oh, is he going to date her. In his mind, there's no reason not to date while he's training here with Stark.

"I was... I didn't think you were still interested," Bucky says. He realizes it's stupid almost as soon as he says it, though, and draws her into another long kiss to mask his embarrassment.

"Didn't know how to make it clear I was."

“It was clear enough,” she whispered, kissing him again. God, but she’d missed the taste of his mouth, those sweet lips that were so soft to kiss. “I just...had to be careful,” she tried to explain. And that was true in more than just the obvious. Her handlers had warned her over and over again about the danger of lingering relationships; take what you need from the mark and move on. It is the only way. But she was a woman still, and a young one, at that, no matter how polished or perfectly-trained to be a consummate chameleon.

“And this really isn’t a good idea, James,” she told him, feathering her fingertips over his face. “Howard and the entire staff will be leaving tomorrow night for Germany.” She wasn’t sure if the Commandos were in the know about their upcoming assignment, but if their superiors had any brains in their heads... well. “So our time is really short, unfortunately.”

Natalia forced herself to step back, out of his arms, though her hands lingered in his. “I just...didn’t want us to get too attached, then have nothing at all.” And that, at least, was the absolute truth.

Bucky smiles a little, soft and more than a bit sad. If they ship out to Germany tomorrow, there's a chance he won't ever see her again. He's going to Germany too but from what he understands he'll be at the front while Stark is going to be just inside Switzerland where neither Allied nor Axis troops can set foot in due to the neutrality pact. They'll be safe, which means Natalie will be safe. The trick now is keeping himself in one piece so he can come back to her and oh, he's coming back to her.

Bucky takes her and lifts them to his lips, kissing them softly and spending way too much time doing it. They're in New York tonight, which means he can ask her out the way she ought to be asked out.

"Come to dinner with me, Natalie. Let me bring you out on an actual, proper date before we have to say goodbye. Please? We might never see each other again."

Natalia knew she ought to refuse. Let him down gently, close all of this off before he inevitably got hurt. Even if Stark was going to be working in close quarters with the Army's new elite crack unit, there still wasn't room for this sort of relationship. It would get him killed, and her compromised. As if she wasn't compromised enough already. But thankfully she'd spotted no observers nearby - her handlers were unaware of just how well she knew their silent faces in the crowds - so she presumed her cover was still intact.

And besides, her traitorous mind supplied, wouldn't this sort of thing just sell her position even further? A pretty, young secretary and a handsome soldier; why, it was practically the rage around town just now.

Bucky kissed and nuzzled at her fingers, not realizing just how weak he was making her knees. She turned them over in his light grasp, the better to brush her fingertips against his face and mouth, covetously wanting more of his tender touches. They both might die tomorrow. Their future was anything but certain. And she still, against her better judgement, wanted him.

Natalia bit her lower lip.

"...all right." A door slammed down the hallway, making her startle slightly. "But I have to get this paperwork done first, Howard's waiting on the transcripts."

"That's fine. I'll swing by later to come get you and if you're not done, I'll wait until you are," Bucky says. He leers at her a moment, which isn't his style, and he captures her wrist in his hand so she can't take hers away. Her fingers are up against his lips and he parts them to draw her fingers in lightly and suck a bit.

"See you tonight, then? I won't wear my uniform," Bucky says. "I'll wear another suit and maybe we won't attract too much attention from being off base less than twenty four hours before getting deployed. Pretty sure they don't look kindly on that."

His ogling gaze had an eyebrow going up, but she didn't chastise for him for it; if anything, she took it as a challenge, and didn't hesitate to stroke his tongue with her index finger, a tantalizing tease. He should know better than to toss a gauntlet, the silly boy.

"Won't that get you in trouble?" She'd thought enlisted personnel were required to wear their uniforms when out and about if they were on active duty. "But if you think you can sneak past your upper brass, then by all means." Natalia took a step closer, pulling her fingers from his mouth and sliding a wet digit across his lovely lips, her own gaze going a little dark and sultry in turn.

"I know what you look like without it, after all."

"Baby girl, if you don't want me getting into trouble with you, that's long since past. I'll wear my uniform, though. I don't want to get slapped the night before I have to go to Germany. I know a nice Italian place I want to take you to anyway. Need to dress up a little and I haven't worn my suit since basic. Might be a little snug now."

He gives her another longing look and when he returns, much later, he's dressed in his dress uniform and not the fatigues he'd been in during the day. He's freshly shaved and worn a little of his carefully-hoarded Old Spice because he feels like he ought to really make it special for the last time he's likely to see Natalia.

"Stark still piling paperwork on you, doll? Or can we get out of here?"

She'd just come out of Stark's office after handing off the transcripts, adjusting Howard's schedule, making a list of things he'd need to pack and going over it with Jarvis, and running the armory chief through the inventory of what to take and what to leave when they departed tomorrow night. White-tired around the eyes, her skirt wrinkled and her blouse a little haphazard, Natalia rounded the corner back to her own closet-cum-office, and nearly collided with her "date", grinning and looking like a million bucks.

Her weary eye nevertheless took in the small details; his slanted grin, brilliant smile, uniform pressed and creased to inspection-perfection, the shine on his gleaming shoes, the absolutely clean edge of his jaw where he'd no doubt shaved probably ten minutes ago. No doubt about it, James Barnes cleaned up pretty damn good.

And he smelled absolutely edible, she realized, stepping a little closer to let one of the construction teams pass in the narrow hallway. One of the workers leered at her as they trooped by, clicking his tongue and giving her a salacious wink, both of which she ignored, albeit she did roll her eyes, exasperated, but nodded at James as she opened the door and stepped into her workspace.

"Just delivered the last. He'll be packing tonight and all day tomorrow, and gave me the night off to do my own, so I'm officially done for the day." Shouldering her purse, she started for the door, then hesitated, glancing aside, suddenly nervous. "Um...is it okay if...I mean, would you mind if we went by my place first?" She gestured at her overall rumpled appearance. "I'm a mess, and you look...wonderful. I need to change clothes, at least, maybe redo my hair, fix my face...something."

She ran out of words and stood there covertly wringing her hands, a little nonplussed.

"I'm not seeing anything to complain about," Bucky says, giving her a leisurely once-over. "But I don't mind swinging by your place if you want to powder your nose. Don't worry about a wallet, either - I'm taking care of everything."

He gets paid damn well, as an officer, and he should be paying for anything she wants on this date. He opens the door for her and guides her out onto the street before hailing a cab.

"Tell 'im the address, baby girl, and we can get going."

She locked her office door and fled with Bucky in tow, before anything else could intrude. Sliding into the cab without hesitation, Natalia gave the driver an address in uptown Manhattan, not too far from their current location. Jarvis usually drove her to and from the laboratory, but she'd assured him that she didn't need a chauffeur tonight and tomorrow morning; she'd be perfectly capable of finding her own way. He'd disapproved, but hadn't argued.

Once they'd arrived at her building, she climbed out of the cab, thankful for James's strong arm. The doorman greeted Miss Rushman respectfully, doffing his cap and politely inquiring as to her guest. She gave him a dollar from her purse, thanking him, and informing the old man that she and her companion would be going out to dinner then returning quite late, so if he'd please keep an eye out, she'd be grateful.

Stark had appropriated a modest dwelling for her on the tenth floor, a corner apartment that was sparsely furnished despite its renovated elegance; there were few keepsakes, and just enough furniture to be functional. The place did sport a beautiful view of the city skyline, however, and Natalia invited her soldier inside, immediately kicking off her work shoes as she turned on the lights.

"So...I don't really live with a roommate," she confessed, placing her purse on the small table and slowly turning to face Bucky. "I don't...I've never...really brought anyone else here, James." Just to have something to do, she rested her fingers on the back of the upholstered chair. "Working for Howard Stark is its own brand of paranoia, and security measures are...well...strict." One way of putting it.

"Does it--," and God how she hated having to portray this image; the shy, earnest schoolgirl, "--are you mad?"

Bucky frowns for a moment, trying to work out why he would potentially be angry that Natalia hadn't ever brought a guy back to her place before. He usually brings girls back to his unless he's invited up and it's not such a strange thing.

"Why would I be mad about it? You're just telling me that Stark wants to keep track of his people, which - it doesn't shock me. He's an inventor. He'd never want anyone to see what he's working on and anyone who potentially had access, he'd keep them close so they couldn't sneak off with his plans."

It doesn't make sense to him, at all, and he feels his brow furrowing a little. He steps forward, more into Natalia's space, and lays his hand over hers on the chair.

Natalia turned her hand over when his came to rest over hers, interlacing their fingers together. "Most guys would be put out that their girl wasn't entirely truthful, James." Or so she'd thought. It seemed she learned something new about these "Americans" every single day.

She had to bite the inside of her lip tightly, however, because she was currently deeply involved in doing exactly what he'd just said. Unbeknownst to Stark, of course, as well as the entire American military. It had never occurred to them that a pretty face could be more dangerous than a thousand dropped bombs. Well, they would learn.

But for now, she simply lifted her face, parting her lips as she rose on her toes for a soft, lingering kiss, giving a slight moan at his sweet, sweet taste. "I'm glad you understand," she whispered, then slipped away, stepping around him to head further into her apartment.

"Give me fifteen minutes," she called from the hallway. "Make yourself...comfortable, I guess. Be right back."

Bucky settles on her couch, waiting for her to come back. He would have taken her to dinner just as she was but if she wants to dress up and look classy for the place, even better. She's the most beautiful woman he's ever seen and knowing he's been with her is surreal.

As he waits, he looks around a little bit. Other than the gorgeous city view, there's not a lot of things in her place that speak to what she likes, what makes her comfortable. It could be anyone's place, really, standing empty and looking to be made into a home.

When she comes back out, he lets out a low whistle. "Darlin', you're trying to kill me before the Germans do."

She'd opted for something semi-formal, a pretty navy cocktail dress with a short jacket to match, both fitting her like a second skin and the lacework across her bodice a pleasant friction. Opting to leave her hair down, simply held away from her face by two diamond combs, she'd added a small necklace and earrings to match, and hastily applied fresh lipstick before tugging on her shoes. (She'd forewent the stockings, this time.)

Hearing James's whistle and seeing those blue eyes light right up when they saw her was thrilling, however, and she flushed softly, giving him a soft smile. "There you go again," she teased, shifting a few essentials from her everyday bag to a smaller black purse, understated against her outfit, "over-exaggerating outrageously, Sergeant Barnes."

Natalia came back around the couch, holding out her hand. "I bet you say that to all the girls, don't you?"

"No," Bucky says sincerely. "I don't say that to all the girls. I say that to you, Natalie, and just you."

She's absolutely beautiful and he curses his bad luck that he's only managed to meet her when he's run out of time. They can't be together. Even writing letters - there's a chance he'll die. There's a chance the spark will die after time apart. Not for him, though. His feelings for Natalie Rushman aren't going to change.

"C'mon. Let's go before we miss our reservation. I picked the nicest place I could afford."

The restaurant was very nice, a place Howard hadn't bothered to investigate in his dining spree. Which suited Natalia perfectly fine. No chance of being recognized by any of the staff or other patrons. Although she'd never been here before, the scents wafting out of the place were wonderful, and she sniffed eagerly as they got out of the taxi.

Bucky escorted her inside with all the panache of a true gentleman, his hand at her back to guide her along, and he waved the server away to hold her chair himself. She didn't miss the minute nervousness he tried to hide; Natalia once more reminded herself that she was setting them both up for heartbreak down the road. But she couldn't...she just couldn't get up and walk out now.

Not when he was gazing at her with those beautiful eyes, his heart beating painfully on his sleeve, and taking and kissing her hand after sliding his chair around to sit closer to hers, clearly wanting to shower her with affection and commitment, a house and a white picket fence, the whole deal. She wanted to cry, behind her perfect porcelain mask.

"Everything's good but I have to recommend the ziti and the tiramisu if you want to save room for dessert," Bucky says. "I came here one time after my sister got married. Cost my entire's week pay but it was worth it. I was still tossing papers in high school back then, though."

He gets paid better now, a lot better, and he's glad he can spoil her just a little. He's never been this turned around by a girl and he wants to show Natalie oe last good night.

"Don't want to leave tomorrow. Maybe I'll get to see you in Switzerland on leave, though?"

She gave him a mildly reproachful look. "James, you shouldn't be spending your money on me, you know. Save it, for when you need it." Their waiter passed by with glasses and wine, the rich red sweet on her tongue. "Your sisters are older, yes?" He'd mentioned more than one, and she was intrigued by that.

The mention of Switzerland sobered her a little, though, and her fingers tightened around his. "...maybe." Hopefully. "I know Howard's going to be doing a lot of work for the soldiers at the front, so it's possible we'll be nearby a time or two, but..." Natalia shook her head. "I-I really can't talk much about it, James." She did know that the Commandos weren't going to be going directly to the main front, however. The Army had other missions for those elite soldiers.

She let him order for them both, and the garlic bread arrived first, along with their salads. Rather than dwell on the near future, blood, pain, and death, Natalia picked up a breadstick, broke it in half, and offered a piece to her sweet soldier, smiling softly. "Hungry, Sergeant?"

He's not, really, but he takes the breadstick anyway and chews mechanically. He orders a bottle of wine for them which, again, isn't really in his budget but he's going to do it anyway. Natalie deserves a nice night out before they're separated - and possibly for forever.

"I'm scared," Bucky admits softly. "To go. It makes me a coward, I know that, but I'm scared. I'm scared I won't be able to keep the men in my unit safe. I'm scared Steve'll die even though they popped him full of that serum. I'm scared I'm the weakest part of this strike team going in against HYDRA and the Germans - I'm just a marksman. Anyone can shoot a gun, Natalie. I don't do anything special."

He swallows a gulp of wine and traces his fingers against the tablecloth, watching it even though there's nothing there to see. "I'm scared to die."

Hearing this, she sobered. "It's not cowardice to be afraid, James." She could testify first-hand to that, after all. "It's what...well, it's what makes us human. What makes us strive even harder to survive. Fear can be a weapon, if you let it." She dropped the small bite of bread and reached for his other hand, shifting in her seat so she could grip both of his in hers.

"You're willing to go," she reminded him, catching those blue eyes. "That's special right there, isn't it?" Her thumbs stroked over the back of his hands. "And you admit that you're scared. Most men wouldn't. At least you're going into this with your eyes open, not hoping for glory and honor and all the other fantasies most men dream about.

"Besides," she added, forcing a small smile, solely for his benefit, "I'm not going to let you die." Natalia lifted both of his hands, pressing a soft, deliberate kiss on the back of each. "There," she said. "Now you're protected. You'll be safe, and come home again."

"Not that easy, Natalie," Bucky says lowly, closing his eyes a bit. He's terrified of it and he's afraid he won't come back, he won't see her again or, worse, somehow she and Steve don't make it and he does. How does he live with that? How does anyone live with that?"

Bucky lets out a slow, soft breath and tries to get his head back into this date and not on a battlefield he hasn't even seen yet. What he knows of Germany is what he's seen on newsreels and they try to keep those positive, try to talk about how the way the Allieds are winning.

"I'm on a strike team. We're in shit more dangerous than everyone else, Howard's got us all outfitted with his special weapons. I've got less of a chance of coming back alive than the enlisted."

No, she knew it wasn't that easy. She wished she could tell him, tell him that she understood, that she knew all about the throat-closing fear that came from being threatened with death, or worse. But to share that would be signing her own death warrant. So Natalia kept her silence, held his hands tighter, and offered what quiet sympathy she could.

"Howard's been working really hard for your unit," she finally said softly. "Some of his creations...I've never even imagined things like that." And that was also the truth. "He's working very diligently to keep you and your team safe, James." She had to smile slightly, thinking of Stark. "He might be an eccentric idiot sometimes, but he knows what a man's life is worth."

She dropped one of his hands to stroke the other with hers. "Come back to me," she entreated softly, running her fingertips over his skin. "You're not there yet. Don't go before it's time, James. Come back and be here, with me."

"I don't want to cut this date short," Bucky says, letting out a low, soft noise at the touch of her hands. It's relaxing him more than he thought it could and he could go the rest of his life knowing just this touch and be satisfied with it. She means so much to him already.

"I can't ask you to commit to me. I'm going into a goddamn war and I'm going to be in the most dangerous part of it - but if I write you letters, will you accept them from me? I just need to know there's someone out there who wants to hear from me."

Steve's gonna be with him, so he's not worried about leaving things unsaid, but he's afraid he won't get to say everything he needs to before he goes. He takes a deep breath and lets it out. He can do this. Even if she rejects him, he has to say it.

"I'm falling...I've fallen in love with you, Natalie," he says, still holding her hands in his. "And I'm afraid to leave you."

Her heart dropped right into the pit of her stomach, hearing that. It was exactly what she'd been fearing, and now she was going to be responsible for breaking this good man's heart into a thousand shattered pieces. Guilt hit her like a brick. Every instruction she'd learned against this very thing came screaming back to her, clawing at the inside of her mind until she wanted to scream with it.

The only outward sign of her inner turmoil was a soft blush, high on her cheeks and spreading down her throat and collar. Which would also be attributed to the fact that a handsome soldier had just declared his love for her, a pretty young woman anyone would believe was nothing more than a legal secretary to some high-powered corporate executive.

Natalia bit her lower lip, hard, but knew she had to say something. So she forced herself to nod, giving a small, hesitant smile. "...of course I will." She chewed on her lip a little more. "But," and there was always a 'but', wasn't there, "...but you shouldn't, James. Love me, I mean." Hating herself, she shook her head, but didn't let go of his hands. "We barely even know each other, and with the war, and everything, all the secrets--the security..."

Their dishes arrived right about then, the smiling wait staff presenting the meal with a flourish. Natalia slowly let go of Bucky's hands and pulled away lightly, forcing her face back into its pleasant mask. She answered the staff's queries with soft replies, placing her napkin properly in her lap and feeling as if she'd just taken a long dive off of a short cliff.

"I know," Bucky says softly. He hadn't expected a positive response, really. They barely know one another and he's leaving for a war tomorrow. There's no time for anything and no reason to ask her to wait for him. There's nothing substantial to build an engagement on, much less a marriage, and he's letting words spill out that shouldn't be said.

"Food's good though, isn't it? If you don't like it, send it back." Talking about the food is easier. The food isn't Natalie, looking beautiful and perfect and completely unaffected across the table from him. She'd turned him down (gently, admittedly) and gone right back to being cordial and polite with the wait staff as if nothing had happened.

"I shouldn't have told you that," Bucky says after a third glass of wine has loosened his tongue. "Before, what I told you before. It doesn't...it doesn't change that I mean it but I shouldn't have said it. Look, I'm going to head out. Let me pay for this and make sure you've got enough for a cab, all right?"

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