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Bucky Barnes | The Winter Soldier ([personal profile] ostavil) wrote2019-03-30 11:52 pm
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[personal profile] maskirovka 2020-01-18 04:26 am (UTC)(link)
She'd promised herself never to regret saying 'yes'. But it was a hard one to keep, especially right now. Natalia propped her head on a hand, staring unseeing at the top of the table. "...James..." she began, sighed, and gave up. Closing her eyes, she refused to cry, but felt the sting of tears anyway. Though she didn't let them fall, it was a near thing, and a traitorous sniffle managed to escape.

"You shouldn't. Love me, I mean." She wasn't worth it. Not hardly. "You don't even know me, and--" But she bit it off. It likely wouldn't ever make sense, there was no use in trying to make him understand.

"But...but you don't have to be sorry about it, either." It was whispered, and she lifted her head slightly and once again curved her hands around her tea mug. "And I'm glad that you do. Love someone, I mean." A rueful grimace, mostly at herself. "Even if it is me."

She stalwartly refused to lay her own emotions - confusing and entangled as they were, God - out for examination; the less she gave in to this, the better. But it was so tempting just to...just to get up, slide into his lap and hold him close, trading soft kisses and sweet touches for as long as they could. Even if it would only lead to more heartache.

No. They couldn't.
maskirovka: <user name=latrodect> (Default)

[personal profile] maskirovka 2020-01-18 05:30 am (UTC)(link)
Well, he did have a point. Even though it wasn't a very fruitful point, it nevertheless counted, she supposed. She let go of her tea mug, pulled her hands into her lap, and sat back, shaking drying curls over her shoulders.

"All right, all right." A ghost of a smile teased a corner of her lips. "If you say so." Finally lifting her eyes enough to look into his beautiful blues, Natalia offered a soft shrug. "No more feeling bad."

But...now what.

She fiddled with the sash on her robe, suddenly and irrationally feeling self conscious to be sitting here half-naked with a man she'd spent an entire night with just a short week ago. But try as she might to deny it, there was still, even now, the unconscious pull between the both of them, one she'd been trying to ignore since he and the other Howling Commandos had trooped into Stark's lab.

With work between them, it'd been...manageable. Not easy, but doable. Now, with no distractions, with nothing but a couple of tea mugs and a table between them, it was damn near impossible not to feel it. Resolutely, so she wouldn't do the first thing that crossed her mind, looking at him sitting there, Natalia abandoned her chair and crossed the small living room to stand at the window, gazing unseeing out over the rainy city night.

As long as they kept the room between them, they might stand a chance.
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[personal profile] maskirovka 2020-01-18 05:57 am (UTC)(link)
"...it was the first language I learned," she finally confessed, gently rubbing her chilly arms. "I didn't know my parents, and, well, my...grandmother more or less raised me." If Madame could even count as a "grandmother". "I didn't learn English until I started school." Truth, sprinkled with a few lies here and there.

She could feel the warmth from his body, close at her shoulder, and it was so tempting to just...lean back into it, let him put strong arms around her and hold her tight, but she resisted, though she hated her common sense just then.

"There are a lot of endearments in Russian," Natalia told him, not looking away from the window. "There is kiska, which means 'kitten', or printessa, which means 'princess', obviously, and there's also lisichka, which means 'little vixen', and is mostly used for saucy redheaded children." She gave a soft chuckle.

"The language sounds harsh, but it's actually quite beautiful, when spoken correctly.
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[personal profile] maskirovka 2020-01-18 02:04 pm (UTC)(link)
"Close enough," she told him with a little smile. "Your accent is pretty good, for a Brooklyn boy." She let her fingers slowly tangle with his, a soft gesture that tugged hard at her still-falling heart. "Just...be careful how and where you say it." Howard understood more Slav than he let on, and she wanted, for various reasons, all of this to be kept close under wraps. Neither of them needed any more complications in their lives than they were already dealing with.

"Well, you said it yourself, James," Natalia told him after a minute or so of quiet. "I'm not like most dames." She chanced to give him a small smile, a fond gentle glance, before turning back to the watery lights of downtown and the sheeting rain on the window. "...but, you're welcome."
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[personal profile] maskirovka 2020-01-18 02:45 pm (UTC)(link)
That request surprised her a bit. But it shouldn't have; didn't men take photos of their dames off with them, to have something to keep them going, a reason to keep fighting? It was understandable, given what she knew of the human condition. Motivation, after all.

"I...I don't think I even have any, James." Which was a shame, really. "But I'm sure Howard could take a couple, before we fly out." And would probably be delighted to; any opportunity to use something technological and Stark was all over it, automatically coming up with ways to improve it.

A recollection tickled her mind, and she had to smirk, glancing at him over her shoulder. "My stockings aren't enough, Sergeant?"
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[personal profile] maskirovka 2020-01-18 02:57 pm (UTC)(link)
Her brief mirth completely faded, seeing the blush begin to stain his cheeks, and Natalia wanted to kick herself. Again. Why was she so awkward around this man? Nothing she seemed to say ever came out right; she thought she might be better off saying absolutely nothing at all.

Because this is folly, she heard Madame say coldly. You know this.

"James, I--" She stopped, abashed at herself. "That's not what I meant. Of course I would give you a photograph, I just...I don't have any. I didn't--I didn't mean to tease you about it." She slowly let go of his hand and pulled away, hugging her arms again.

"...I'm sorry."
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[personal profile] maskirovka 2020-01-18 03:21 pm (UTC)(link)
She let him pull her close, covertly relishing the comfort of his solid warmth. It took her a minute or so, but Natalia slowly snuck her arms around Bucky's waist, resting her head beneath his chin and closing her eyes on a soft sigh. Oh, this man...

But the photo booth was a good idea; she hadn't even realized there was one so close. "So..." she opened her eyes, staring out at the rain, "...you're staying the night, then?" And how she wanted him to. She didn't what could possibly be their last time together to be stilted, awkward, or sad or angry. He didn't deserve that.
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[personal profile] maskirovka 2020-01-18 03:53 pm (UTC)(link)
She hadn't been trained for this. She could slice through a man's jugular without batting an eyelash, she knew how to infiltrate the tightest security without leaving a ripple, and she was able to navigate a man's mind with wit, charm, and guile, but when it came to her own heart, Natalia Romanova was, sadly, a complete and utter stranger.

She didn't resist when James tilted her chin, lifting her face to his, not realizing just how vulnerable her eyes actually were before they closed, and she gave herself over to his sweet, sweet kisses, feeling her heart lurch at the inherent tenderness and care in his touch. A single stray tear escaped her lashes before she could stop it, but she let it fall, caring about nothing at all save for his mouth on hers.

Bucky whispered his agreement against her lips, and she nodded with a trembling smile, moving her arms from around his waist to around his neck, rising on her tiptoes to mold her body against his and kiss him again, and again. And again. The need for air broke them apart eventually, but Natalia rested her head against James's, shivering lightly in his embrace.

A few moments of quiet passed, then she hazarded to whisper, gazing up at him, "...will you--will you take me to bed, James?" She impulsively licked her lower lip, a little hesitant. "I want to hold you for as long as I can moya zvezda.."
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[personal profile] maskirovka 2020-01-18 04:39 pm (UTC)(link)
God help her, but she did. Regardless of the foolishness of doing so. So Natalia simply gazed up at him, lashes dark over gentle eyes, and nodded. Her fingers smoothed over the dark hair at the nape of his neck, but she wasn't about to let him go. Perhaps not ever again.

"I do, James," she whispered back, reaching up to rub her nose against his. "I trust you." And she wanted him to stay. Now, and forever. The thought of him walking out of that door was almost physically painful. This pull down in her gut was unfamiliar, but the longing for him that she felt was too easily recognized.

"...I don't ever want you to go," Natalia suddenly heard herself whisper, a second stray tear sliding down her cheek.
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[personal profile] maskirovka 2020-01-19 03:33 am (UTC)(link)
She had an inkling that they would see each other again, and more than likely quite often. The Howling Commandos were, after all, flying to Germany on Howard's plane. But tomorrow was a thought for later, much later, because now she was in her bedroom, the single lamp on the dresser glowing with a soft, golden light, and James was kissing her as if she were the most precious thing he'd ever seen.

A pilgrim at worship, perhaps.

All Natalia could do was just let him kiss her, those soft brushes of lips sending a slow, tantalizing ember smoldering down in her belly. She didn't deter his hands when they untied the sash of her robe and gently smoothed it over her bare shoulders, it whispering down her body to pool at her feet, and she reached up for him, all her barriers removed. He gripped her and she mewled, wanton, and pushed her own hands beneath his robe to seek warm, supple skin.

Their kisses remained soft, tender, slowly but surely spiraling her right out of her mind. Flushed with want, Natalia gently nipped at his upper lip, easy, but parted her mouth beneath his and voiced a long, low moan to finally taste him again fully.
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[personal profile] maskirovka 2020-01-19 04:18 am (UTC)(link)
She whimpered with the weight of his hand on her breast, needing more of it. Her back arched, offering him everything she possessed; all he needed to do was take it. Her own hands were greedier, sliding beneath the soft fabric covering him to refamiliarize herself with his skin, every ridge, line, and hollow.

But she was becoming drunk herself on his kisses, although she thought she might never get enough of them. He was like a drug; addictive, a dangerous attraction. But what he offered was simple sincerity, tenderness, and sweet honest affection, and Natalia was unfortunately a stranger to this softer side. And she found it mesmerizing.

Her bed, however, was open and inviting, and she dimly realized that their height difference was irrelevant when they were both lying down. And besides, he was slowly making her knees dangerously weak. So she slowly broke her lips from his, inhaling his breath with a shuddering sigh, and smoothed her hands over his face, memorizing him now and forever.

"...lie down with me, James?" It was a soft, quiet plea. "Please?"
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[personal profile] maskirovka 2020-01-19 04:44 am (UTC)(link)
Ah, much better. Natalia stretched when James lay down with her, then immediately insinuated herself into his warm embrace. Then he was kissing her again, oh sweet bliss, and she softened against him, catching his mouth with hers and indulging herself in those lovely, sweet lips.

"...James..." she breathed against his mouth, closing the small distance between them again. Those deep, exploring kisses seemed to go on forever, and she was more than a little breathless when they finally parted again. "We won't forget," she promised on a soft sigh. A tender hand stroked his cheek, thumb smoothing over the cheekbone. "I could never forget you. Not ever."

Not even if she lived a thousand years.

The hand on his face slipped into his hair, gently combing the still-damp strands back away from his temple. "...I'm glad you came back tonight," Natalia murmured, lashes half-lowering over vulnerable eyes. "I really...I really thought I'd ruined everything, when we left." She bit her lip. "I'd thought...we were over."

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