Although it made her writhe inside, Natalia nodded without hesitation. "I wasn't, James. I swear to you, I wasn't." It seemed to her that the entire universe stopped for a split second, so enormous was the gravity of that lie. But it was necessary, and the ends always justified the means, didn't they? Didn't they?
But thank God that the door not far away opened, spilling soldiers and light out into the darkened courtyard. Natalia suddenly shivered, realizing that it was quite cold outside, although it wasn't snowing. Yet. She tugged her coat tighter around herself, unconsciously burrowing into Bucky's side.
"...it's freezing out here," she noted. "Want to go inside? Before my fingers and toes fall off?"
Bucky brings her back inside and spends a little bit of time taking each one of her small hands between his bigger ones to help warm them. He's got a whole mountain kit, actually, but he's not wearing it right now so he can't give her the gloves; he's just in his regular fatigues today.
"Any way I can come and sleep in your room tonight? I'd invite you to my place but there's about six other loud guys snoring. Not a place to bring a lady."
That image actually made her giggle, though she couldn't keep the tinge of sadness out of her tone. "Of course, as long as you don't get in trouble. My place, as you call it, isn't much bigger than a broom closet, but at least it's across the compound, and more or less quiet."
Howard would be working in his laboratory most of the night, she knew, and Jarvis with him. So there was only a small chance of any disturbance, if all went well.
"I apparently saved the entire 107th. I think they'll let me go have a night with my girlfriend," Bucky says. His voice is a little rough around the edges and he still feels tender and raw but maybe a night with Natalia will help him. He knows it's Natalie in front of everyone else but it's gotten real hard for him to remember that just now.
"I'm sorry you had to worry about me. I told you I was just a pain in the ass from Brooklyn. Classy girl like you should be with someone who figured out a way to not fight in this war."
"Well," Natalia said as she took his hand and led him across the compound, "there's always Howard, if you change your mind." But she smiled as she said it, a gentle tease. Her assigned quarters were, alas, quite small; a chest-of-drawers in one corner, a closet in the other, and a single bed against the far wall, beneath the window.
"There's not a lot of room," she told him, peeling off her coat once the door closed behind them. "But at least it's warm." And she spent most of her time over in the lab or the armory, anyway. She even had a cot behind her desk, where she could catch a nap, at least.
"We're gonna be real close friends before the night's over," Bucky says, eyeing the bed. "One day, I'm going to have to get a base pass so I can come into some swanky place in Switzerland with you and Stark. I might get a bed that my feet don't hang off the end of. You're lucky, being so tiny. You can tuck in anywhere."
Bucky strips out of his coat and hangs it up in the closet along with hers. Once that's done, he draws her into his arms. He can't shake the feeling of his memories being off but he'll just try to forget with her for now.
Natalia let him pull her close, sliding into his arms with a warm sigh. She hadn't been lying when she'd told him how afraid she'd been; she, better than anyone else in a thousand mile radius, knew just how dangerous HYDRA actually was, and how ruthless they could be with their 'vision'. She didn't know what they'd been dosing their captured POW's with, but she knew it couldn't be anything good.
But apparently Medical had cleared him, otherwise he'd still be stuck in the clinic and not here, with her. Although things between them now felt...strained, however. And she wasn't at all surprised. But she could pretend, couldn't she?
Natalia tucked her head beneath Bucky's chin, nuzzling at him softly. "...I've missed you, James," she whispered into the warm quiet, gently toying with the buttons on his presses shirt. "So, so much."
"I missed you too, doll," Bucky says, sliding his hands down her back and cupping her hips in his hands. He had missed her when they were out on duty and he'd damned sure missed her when he was being tortured by those HYDRA goons. He didn't know what was real and what was a dream, really, but he hoped this part was real.
"I wanted to be with you the whole time," he says. "I wanted to love you and hold you and not have to worry about what they were doing to me. Can you help me forget for a little while? I really just want to forget about it."
"I can do that," she whispered, rising up on her toes to kiss him soundly, more than willing for him to just forget everything that happened back in Italy. Especially his memories of her there. But there'd been no way she'd have been able to just leave him and the others there; Natalia knew her handlers were going to be furious, if they ever discovered the truth. To say nothing of the man in her arms, a fear which gnawed at her even more than the former.
But all of that was for later; right now, she focused on unbuttoning her lover's shirt and gently drawing it down his arms before flattening her hands to his warm chest, needing his skin beneath her hands. She kissed him as she touched, moaning softly into his sweet, sweet mouth. "...this is real," she assured him in a heated whisper, nuzzling her way down the length of his throat. "...this is real, we're here together, and no one will take you away from me, James..."
Natalia slipped small arms around Bucky's waist, sliding her body against his, a sensual tease. "No one."
"Not letting anyone between us," Bucky agrees. Natalia is tiny in his arms and he just tries to think about this instead of what he'd gone through when he was held captive by HYDRA. His fellow captives didn't have a beautiful woman waiting for them like he did and he's not going to waste it; he slides his hands between them to work on the buttons on her blouse with some urgency.
He's always loved to kiss and even though he's not seen Natalia in a while, he tries to take his time kissing her. He tugs at her lower lip with his teeth lightly before pressing his tongue in against hers. He loves kissing so much, loves being intimate with his hands in Natalia's hair and his lips pressed up against hers, and he tries to let this consume his mind and not the phantom things that had been forced in by HYDRA.
Natalia was deft enough to get both of their shirts off without breaking their lips apart. She loved kissing him; James's mouth was sweet, soft, and delicious all at the same time, and she honestly thought she'd never get enough of it. The moment his uniform hit the floor, her hands were all over him, as if reassuring herself that he was indeed alive and real in her arms. She'd been terrified, reading that telegram just a few short days ago.
But he was a good bit taller than she was, so standing up on her tiptoes was getting a little cumbersome, so Natalia regretfully eased out of her soldier's possessive hold, only to coax him down on the small bed with her, immediately pulling him back into her arms and winding a smooth, stocking-clad leg around his hips, her skirt riding up around her waist but she gave absolutely no care. All of their clothing would be gone soon, and she shivered in anticipation of skin sliding against skin.
"...stay all night," she breathed into his mouth, the air heated and moist between them. "Don't leave me alone, James...please..."
The bed's tiny but Bucky doesn't care. He hasn't been with her in what feels like forever and he needs to prove to himself that he's alive and whole after being a POW. He's sure this is common but he pushes that away and focuses on Natalia instead. He pulls at her skirt, fumbling at the zip for a minute before pushing it down with her panties and tossing it off to the side.
He moves his lips to her neck before his hand gets between them, fingers dipping into her and finding her already wet. He eases them in as he bites down on her shoulder enough to leave a mark; nobody but him can see it anyway.
She was working on his trousers while Bucky pulled on her skirt. It and her underwear vanished, discarded somewhere unimportant, then Natalia stiffened and squeaked a soft moan when she felt those fingers between her thighs, possessively pushing into hot wet folds and making her hips buck insistently. The pressure of his teeth had her reciprocating; sneaking a hand between them to find and fondle his cock, warm and thickening in her small hand.
"I need you," she whispered heatedly, giving him a pointed little tug and parting her thighs just perfectly for him to slide between her legs. "Don't make me wait too long, moya zvezda..." It'd been weeks since they'd been alone this way, and coming so close to losing him had shaken something in her.
Bucky doesn't need the encouragement, honestly. He slides into her and lets out a low hiss, trying to get used to how goddamn good this feels after not having it for weeks. He's feeling the rush of being alive after being captured and everything seems to be colliding and coalescing into this one act.
"Fuck, baby, I don't know how long this is gonna last the first time around," he murmurs. "But we've got all the time in the world, don't we?"
He doesn't want to talk, though, and he snaps his hips sharply, trying to express with his body the things he can't really say with his words right now.
Honestly, she didn't know how much time they had. No doubt HYDRA was going to explode over the mess she'd left in the Italian mountains, and there was a very good chance she'd be collected - or worse - before long. But hopefully they'd have tonight, and Natalia was determined to make the most of it.
She really didn't want to talk either, so she settled for kissing her sweet lover again, and again, rolling her hips to meet his thrusting hips to coax them higher and higher together. This might well be her last time to have him, her last time to feel him deep inside of her, staking his unquestionable claim to her body and her heart, and she was determined to relish it.
Even though the room was somewhat on the cold side, her skin was slick and warm beneath his heavy body, and Natalia wrapped her arms and legs around Bucky as tightly as she could. Strong thighs gripped his hips, urging him for more, for faster, for everything, and her nails dug into his shoulders; she was already beginning to unravel beneath him.
As predicted, he doesn't last as long as he wants. It's been too long and he's still strung out on the adrenaline of being alive and safe to make it long and slow so when he comes, he buries his face against Natalia's neck to smother the sound of it. He's not worried about being caught, necessarily, but he doesn't want her to know just how desperate he is for her because it's goddamn pathetic.
"Need you with me," he murmurs. "Need you with me forever. Can we do forever?"
It'd be something casual when it started but it's far from casual now. Now, he thinks he can't breathe without her next to him and being separated is the last thing he ever wants.
She wasn't surprised that it was quick and fast, and that they both lay together panting, trying to regain their breath at the same time. Natalia smoothed a hand through James's dark hair, keeping him pressed close against her in all the ways that she could.
The words spoken against her skin caught at her heart, because as much as she wanted to promise him, she knew that she couldn't. Not without lying to him. Again. So she settled for a soft kiss against his temple, and whispered, "...hope so." That was the best she could give him right now.
Her hands drifted over him lovingly, relearning the map of his body. "Feel any better, moya zvedza?" He was still nestled inside of her, and Natalia kept her legs locked around his hips, not wanting to ever let him go.
Bucky smiles a little and kisses her forehead. He doesn't ever want to be away from her again if he can help it but there's a war on still and he's got places to be the same as Natalia. Not right now, though. Right now, the only appointment he's got is right here with her.
"Feeling a lot better. I'm still...I don't know. I should be exhausted and I am but it's like my mind won't slow down. I thought it was just because I was scared and I saw you again but I'm not so sure now. Guess I'll have to let those nurses give me a check over anyway. You know anything about nursing?"
He gives her a toothy smile and winks at her, hoping it looks halfway decent even though he hasn't shaved and he's still wild-eyed and too thin.
Natalia shook her head. "I don't, sorry." Actually, she was a more or less competent field medic, but no one could know that; especially not Sergeant James Barnes. She stroked him gently, threading her fingers through his tousled hair, and kept him close. She was far too greedy for him, sadly.
"James," she murmured against his cheek, "you've been through a lot. It's not surprising that you feel so...off. Just give it time, thing's will even out." She hoped. There was no way to know what HYDRA had done to him, and finding him in their experiment bay had chilled her heart.
"You're safe now." Please, God. "No one can hurt you here." Except her, of course. And that was inevitable. "Don't think about it, da? Just focus on you and me, here together." Natalia shifted her hips lightly, voicing a soft moan to feel him still buried deep inside. "This is all that matters, right now."
"That's right. I've got my girl," Bucky says, voice a little dreamy at the mere thought of it. He's still in her and he likes that, likes the feel of her moving on him while they're still pressed up against one another. Not quite fucking, no, but it's something in between.
"You gonna stay with me for the rest of the war? You're good luck, you know," he says, brushing his fingertips back along her cheek. "And no other guy's got his girl out here unless you count whatever it is Steve has. And I'm not talking about it right now."
No, she didn't want to talk about Steve. Natalia didn't really want to talk at all. Nuzzling at his fingers was far more appealing, and giving him little kisses in between soft touches was so much better than anything else. They were still wrapped tightly around each other, and she craved it, craved his touch and his attention. He was hers, goddamnit, regardless of what the Powers That Be insisted.
Besides, talking would only inevitably lead to more lies, and her heart ached with those she'd already been forced to tell.
"I'll stay as long as I can," she promised, sealing it with a fierce kiss. "Not sure I'm really that good of a luck charm," oh, the irony, "but I'll do my best." They shifted against each other and she moaned, nipping at James's lower lip before kissing him again and again. And again.
"My good luck charm anyway," Bucky whispers, covering her so he can kiss her even deeper. He's always loved to kiss and Natalia is the best at it compared to any other woman he's ever been with. He rolls his hips against her and cages her in with his arms, keeping her from leaving him.
His kisses are deep, teeth tugging at her lower lip and mouth drifting along her cheek and jaw, along her shoulder, and to the hollow of her throat.
She had no intention of going anywhere. Not tonight, at least. Natalia let herself slowly drown in Bucky's sweet, tender kisses, whimpering softly when his mouth left hers to trail a slow, warm path down her neck and over her shoulder. She held him close, running a hand through his tousled hair, and pressed her own kisses where she could.
"I love you, James," she breathed against his skin. "Never doubt that. Whatever happens, never, ever doubt that." Natalia coaxed him up to look at her, and met his eyes seriously. "I love you. You are mine, and I am yours." A tender hand stroked his cheek. "...no matter what."
"I'm yours and you're mine," Bucky says back, curled around her as best as he can manage. She's so beautiful, Natalia, and he feels so lucky to be able to be hers in this mess of a war. Nobody else is this lucky.
"That's for always. No matter what. You're my best girl, after all. Can't leave you this early."
Several hours later, right before reveille, Natalia answered the quiet but firm knock on her door to see Captain Rogers, apparently looking for his best friend. "Yes, Captain," she replied quietly, clutching the throat of her robe tighter against the snowy chill, "he's here. He's still asleep. Give me...a minute, please?"
Rogers nodded and settled to wait, while the redhead gently closed the door again then returned to her well-stirred sheets and her slumbering lover. "James?" She perched on the edge of the bed, reaching out to smooth dark hair back from his forehead. "James, it's time to wake up, moya zvezda." She leaned over to press a soft kiss to his cheek. "Captain Rogers is here, looking for you."
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But thank God that the door not far away opened, spilling soldiers and light out into the darkened courtyard. Natalia suddenly shivered, realizing that it was quite cold outside, although it wasn't snowing. Yet. She tugged her coat tighter around herself, unconsciously burrowing into Bucky's side.
"...it's freezing out here," she noted. "Want to go inside? Before my fingers and toes fall off?"
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"Any way I can come and sleep in your room tonight? I'd invite you to my place but there's about six other loud guys snoring. Not a place to bring a lady."
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Howard would be working in his laboratory most of the night, she knew, and Jarvis with him. So there was only a small chance of any disturbance, if all went well.
"Come on, let's go."
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"I'm sorry you had to worry about me. I told you I was just a pain in the ass from Brooklyn. Classy girl like you should be with someone who figured out a way to not fight in this war."
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"There's not a lot of room," she told him, peeling off her coat once the door closed behind them. "But at least it's warm." And she spent most of her time over in the lab or the armory, anyway. She even had a cot behind her desk, where she could catch a nap, at least.
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Bucky strips out of his coat and hangs it up in the closet along with hers. Once that's done, he draws her into his arms. He can't shake the feeling of his memories being off but he'll just try to forget with her for now.
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But apparently Medical had cleared him, otherwise he'd still be stuck in the clinic and not here, with her. Although things between them now felt...strained, however. And she wasn't at all surprised. But she could pretend, couldn't she?
Natalia tucked her head beneath Bucky's chin, nuzzling at him softly. "...I've missed you, James," she whispered into the warm quiet, gently toying with the buttons on his presses shirt. "So, so much."
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"I wanted to be with you the whole time," he says. "I wanted to love you and hold you and not have to worry about what they were doing to me. Can you help me forget for a little while? I really just want to forget about it."
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But all of that was for later; right now, she focused on unbuttoning her lover's shirt and gently drawing it down his arms before flattening her hands to his warm chest, needing his skin beneath her hands. She kissed him as she touched, moaning softly into his sweet, sweet mouth. "...this is real," she assured him in a heated whisper, nuzzling her way down the length of his throat. "...this is real, we're here together, and no one will take you away from me, James..."
Natalia slipped small arms around Bucky's waist, sliding her body against his, a sensual tease. "No one."
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He's always loved to kiss and even though he's not seen Natalia in a while, he tries to take his time kissing her. He tugs at her lower lip with his teeth lightly before pressing his tongue in against hers. He loves kissing so much, loves being intimate with his hands in Natalia's hair and his lips pressed up against hers, and he tries to let this consume his mind and not the phantom things that had been forced in by HYDRA.
This is real. That wasn't real.
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But he was a good bit taller than she was, so standing up on her tiptoes was getting a little cumbersome, so Natalia regretfully eased out of her soldier's possessive hold, only to coax him down on the small bed with her, immediately pulling him back into her arms and winding a smooth, stocking-clad leg around his hips, her skirt riding up around her waist but she gave absolutely no care. All of their clothing would be gone soon, and she shivered in anticipation of skin sliding against skin.
"...stay all night," she breathed into his mouth, the air heated and moist between them. "Don't leave me alone, James...please..."
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He moves his lips to her neck before his hand gets between them, fingers dipping into her and finding her already wet. He eases them in as he bites down on her shoulder enough to leave a mark; nobody but him can see it anyway.
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"I need you," she whispered heatedly, giving him a pointed little tug and parting her thighs just perfectly for him to slide between her legs. "Don't make me wait too long, moya zvezda..." It'd been weeks since they'd been alone this way, and coming so close to losing him had shaken something in her.
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"Fuck, baby, I don't know how long this is gonna last the first time around," he murmurs. "But we've got all the time in the world, don't we?"
He doesn't want to talk, though, and he snaps his hips sharply, trying to express with his body the things he can't really say with his words right now.
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She really didn't want to talk either, so she settled for kissing her sweet lover again, and again, rolling her hips to meet his thrusting hips to coax them higher and higher together. This might well be her last time to have him, her last time to feel him deep inside of her, staking his unquestionable claim to her body and her heart, and she was determined to relish it.
Even though the room was somewhat on the cold side, her skin was slick and warm beneath his heavy body, and Natalia wrapped her arms and legs around Bucky as tightly as she could. Strong thighs gripped his hips, urging him for more, for faster, for everything, and her nails dug into his shoulders; she was already beginning to unravel beneath him.
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"Need you with me," he murmurs. "Need you with me forever. Can we do forever?"
It'd be something casual when it started but it's far from casual now. Now, he thinks he can't breathe without her next to him and being separated is the last thing he ever wants.
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The words spoken against her skin caught at her heart, because as much as she wanted to promise him, she knew that she couldn't. Not without lying to him. Again. So she settled for a soft kiss against his temple, and whispered, "...hope so." That was the best she could give him right now.
Her hands drifted over him lovingly, relearning the map of his body. "Feel any better, moya zvedza?" He was still nestled inside of her, and Natalia kept her legs locked around his hips, not wanting to ever let him go.
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"Feeling a lot better. I'm still...I don't know. I should be exhausted and I am but it's like my mind won't slow down. I thought it was just because I was scared and I saw you again but I'm not so sure now. Guess I'll have to let those nurses give me a check over anyway. You know anything about nursing?"
He gives her a toothy smile and winks at her, hoping it looks halfway decent even though he hasn't shaved and he's still wild-eyed and too thin.
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"James," she murmured against his cheek, "you've been through a lot. It's not surprising that you feel so...off. Just give it time, thing's will even out." She hoped. There was no way to know what HYDRA had done to him, and finding him in their experiment bay had chilled her heart.
"You're safe now." Please, God. "No one can hurt you here." Except her, of course. And that was inevitable. "Don't think about it, da? Just focus on you and me, here together." Natalia shifted her hips lightly, voicing a soft moan to feel him still buried deep inside. "This is all that matters, right now."
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"You gonna stay with me for the rest of the war? You're good luck, you know," he says, brushing his fingertips back along her cheek. "And no other guy's got his girl out here unless you count whatever it is Steve has. And I'm not talking about it right now."
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Besides, talking would only inevitably lead to more lies, and her heart ached with those she'd already been forced to tell.
"I'll stay as long as I can," she promised, sealing it with a fierce kiss. "Not sure I'm really that good of a luck charm," oh, the irony, "but I'll do my best." They shifted against each other and she moaned, nipping at James's lower lip before kissing him again and again. And again.
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His kisses are deep, teeth tugging at her lower lip and mouth drifting along her cheek and jaw, along her shoulder, and to the hollow of her throat.
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"I love you, James," she breathed against his skin. "Never doubt that. Whatever happens, never, ever doubt that." Natalia coaxed him up to look at her, and met his eyes seriously. "I love you. You are mine, and I am yours." A tender hand stroked his cheek. "...no matter what."
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"That's for always. No matter what. You're my best girl, after all. Can't leave you this early."
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Rogers nodded and settled to wait, while the redhead gently closed the door again then returned to her well-stirred sheets and her slumbering lover. "James?" She perched on the edge of the bed, reaching out to smooth dark hair back from his forehead. "James, it's time to wake up, moya zvezda." She leaned over to press a soft kiss to his cheek. "Captain Rogers is here, looking for you."
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