ostavil | don't touch that dial

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wanda

don't touch that dial

They're the two most terrifying people on the planet and wanted by several governments but they're playing house in the middle of nowhere and not a single person can tell. Bucky's used to being invisible and silent and he'd managed to hide out in Romania for longer than he should have been able to by living on cash only, working under the table, keeping to the shadows. This is different. This is a real life that he can have, out in the open, and nobody even thinks he's suspicious at all.

It's a very, very good thing that HYDRA no longer has control of Wanda Maximoff.

When they're out in public, he keeps his face away from cameras and his arm hidden; a hat and Wanda's tricks do the rest. He can take his time picking out food, plan meals, pretend to have the friendly banter that a husband and wife would have. It's nothing he's never had before and this kind of stability almost feels like he's stealing the life he was supposed to have after the war. There's some other version of him who died falling from that train and maybe it's that version that's getting a new lease on life now.

It's autumn and the leaves have started to turn, yellow like the sun and scarlet like Wanda's hair and there's a brisk wind that says there's gonna be a storm in a day or two. Rain or snow, he isn't sure, but it's Canada so it can go either way. He has his left arm slid into Wanda's to cover up that it doesn't hang naturally the same as his right does and nobody suspects a thing. Their neighbors aren't ever curious, there's no surveillance, there's nothing to worry about. It's a strange feeling but a good one.

"You know, if you can figure out how to explain it to my tiny soldier brain I would love to know how you managed to keep our house invisible from everyone else. Small words, though. I'm all brawn and no brains."

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"No."

Wanda presses the pillow down harder over her head, grateful that she has her back to him. If she had rolled off of him and onto her side and faced him, she knows she'd have had a harder time hiding the fact that she was smiling and scrunching up her nose. Her nose scrunch is her telltale sign that she's at least enjoying herself, even if this is very, very new.

She shifts, but not to try and push his hand away. She doesn't mind him stroking her hip.

"Shh."

"You know, the more you try to shush me, the more I'm just gonna do it. I think it's a valuable part of a relationship, being able to talk about what you want. And I damn sure want you, Wanda. I know you're polite about not getting in my head but if you had, you'd know I wanted to get you on your hands and knees and fuck you hard."

Bucky thinks he'll stop in a minute or two because while this is fun for the moment, he doesn't want it to stop being fun and he doesn't want to truly upset Wanda. He thinks it's all right for now, though, and he keeps touching her hip, drawing little patterns on her skin.

"I wanna see you fall apart."

Removing the pillow from her head, she clutches it to her chest and roughly rolls onto her side to face him. While it's sadly lost his hand on her hip, she suspects that it'll be back soon. Bucky doesn't seem like he's incapable of not touching her, even if Wanda thinks that assumption feels arrogant. And if he doesn't, she's more than comfortable now in putting his hand back on her hip.

She furrows her brows tightly as she regards him, still hugging her pillow. It acts as a nice little defence against everything he's exposed to her this evening. "How long have you been feeling this way?"

"Pretty soon after we started hiding out. I don't know if you've noticed but you're a hell of a woman, Wanda. You look like a fragile little doll but you can break the world if you want to. That kind of power is very attractive. Besides, you're funny and caring and warm and all the things I've been missing in my life."

Maybe it's a little soft of him but he doesn't care. He feels all of these things about Wanda and he thinks that she deserves to know about it. Bucky keeps touching her, fingers tripping along her skin, and she's got the softest skin he's ever touched.

"You take care of me, Wanda. Nobody has for a long time."

She scrunches up her nose and murmurs, "I'm not that funny."

Even though she's pried into minds and has the rare ability to know exactly what people are thinking and feeling—and often accidentally; Wanda hasn't spent the entire time she's had her powers slipping into the minds of everyone around her to read them like a book for leisure—it's still overwhelming to her to know that she can have any impact on anyone. Lagos feels as though it's an outlier now if she's somehow prompted Bucky to feel this way.

Still with the pillow clutched to her chest, she wriggles over toward him until she rolls on top of him. With her knees on either side of his belly, Wanda gently cups his face and softly slopes her mouth against his.

Bucky doesn't expect the kiss considering she'd been so embarrassed a few minutes ago but he certainly welcomes it. He keeps his mouth soft under hers and unlike the frantic pull between them earlier, this is slower and more exploratory.

He's always liked kissing and never thought of it as a throwaway before the full act and he thinks he could kiss Wanda for hours and not be tired of it. He reaches his left hand between them and tugs at the pillow before reluctantly pulling his mouth away.

"You don't have to hide from me, Wanda. I promise."

"Oh, but I'm not hiding," she says quietly as she smiles down at him. She is and she knows it, but Wanda's trying not to tuck herself in the shadows as she's been prone to do. The darkness has kept her safe since she was ten years old, but she knows that she's safe with Bucky out in the light.

She wrinkles her nose as she teases, "You are just very, very uncomfortable to lie on. What do you need all of this for?" She pushes up against him and taps his broad shoulders. Who really needs that much muscle?

"Or this?" Wanda trails her hands down his sides before she digs her fingers in an attempt to see if he's ticklish.

Bucky laughs when she tickles his sides and tries to bat her hands away but it's a half-hearted attempt at best. Any touch is good as long as it isn't painful and none of Wanda's are painful. He craves her touch almost more than he craves his next breath.

"If you want me to get fat, I guess I'll stop running and eat more but I already eat half the house in food. Besides, I thought gals liked a little muscle. You sure weren't complaining earlier."

He grins at her, teasing the whole time. Wanda is fun to tease, honestly, and he hopes she puts up with it a little longer.

"Ah, so you are ticklish..."

She's been a little curious, is all. Bucky's not like anyone else—he's older, his DNA has been altered, and she's seen him scowl more than she's seen him smile. While she may flatten her hands against his sides and brush her thumbs hard against his skin, she has every intention on making him laugh again.

"It's good to know you have a little weakness."

But Wanda shifts against him and rests her cheek against his chest, sliding her hands beneath the bulk of him so that she can hold him to her.

"Wanda? Can I move the pillow?"

Bucky asks it softly because he's sort of figured out that she wants to be covered up and if that's the case, he's more than happy to respect it. Still, he wants to feel her skin against his and he can't do that if she has a pillow between them and he doesn't think his body is so rock hard that she won't be able to relax against it. Maybe it is. Maybe he just has to live with pillows.

"I just want to feel your skin close to mine, all right? No tricks, no teasing. Just intimacy. That's all. I won't tease you about it."

With his promise of ceasing being a pest (at least for now; Wanda can hear the unspoken caveat), she lifts up and pulls the pillow out from between them.

Peering down at him sternly, she warns playfully, "If you tease me, I'll be putting it over your head." And she's not opposed to doing it, either. All Wanda wants is stillness and to be held. She doesn't need anything else, even if Bucky believes otherwise. Everything has been moving so quickly for the last several years that all she wants is for a moment where it's all stopped—and given that it has, she wants to take advantage of it.

She threads her hands back under him and rests her cheek against his chest. "And I won't be afraid to smother you," she murmurs.

"Well, don't smother me," Bucky says softly. It feels good to fold her into his arms and he's quiet for a moment, just enjoying how good it feels to have another person close to him. It's wonderful, honestly, and he just wants to keep this moment forever and never leave it.

"Are you sure you don't want me to get you off? I won't, if that's what you want, I just want you to know that you don't have to go without it. It's something I love to do, okay? I feel bad not making you feel as good as you made me feel."

Maybe he shouldn't feel guilty but he does.

"It's fine, Bucky," she says quietly. If she didn't have her hands tucked under him, she'd rub her hand against his side in an attempt to comfort him. She keeps her cheek pressed against his chest and looks at the wall of her room.

She doesn't want anything to feel transactional, especially this. Sometimes he's simply allowed to take or have without having to give something back. He's been robbed of a good portion of his life, and Wanda doesn't want to thieve anything else from him.

"It doesn't really happen for me, anyway," she shrugs. What she doesn't want is for Bucky to feel obligated, but she believes arguing as much will only send them in circles. He likes to do it and has said as much, and Wanda has to accept that.

She shifts against him and clears her throat softly before she murmurs, "I don't want you to feel guilty because it doesn't happen. I like this, what we're doing now."

"Wait. You have trouble coming?"

This is a whole different problem and not one he expected. Sure, some women have trouble with a partner but he's never had trouble getting a woman off (unless they're spectacular fakes) and the idea that Wanda has trouble with it makes him both sad and determined. She should enjoy it as much as he does. More than he does, even.

"I would do my best," he says, thinking that's a safer choice of words. He doesn't want to say of course he can make it happen because if it doesn't, she'll possibly feel awkward or upset and he doesn't want that at all. He strokes her hair lightly.

"Why do you think you have trouble? You don't have to answer."

She shrugs. Despite being able to answer the question of Stark's greatest fear or Steve's greatest desire, she doesn't quite know the reasoning behind that. She just doesn't get off as easily or at all. If she hadn't had her friends in Sokovia long before HYDRA got its claws in her, she wouldn't have known that it was a little normal.

"It's just always been like that for me." Even with Vision and herself, she's struggled to achieve anything close to orgasm like she knows other girls have. Vision would try. Her intimacy with Vision was never about anything physical, and Wanda never needed it to extend beyond simply having someone choose her company.

"And then you add in everyone else..." She blows out a breath and shifts against him, but she doesn't lift her head from his chest. "I can't block everyone out. I can't tell what's me and what isn't. Everyone just... gets louder."

Bucky is quiet for a moment. He thinks it's sad that she can give him some of the greatest pleasure of his life but she doesn't experience that for herself. He feels bad for teasing about it, for embarrassing her, and decides he's not going to do that anymore. Not about that, anyway. He doesn't know what it's like to hear the whole neighborhood in his head and he thinks he wouldn't be able to relax either.

Instead, he just strokes her hair and her skin, trying to be intimate with her this way if the other way isn't something he can have right now.

"Would you ever let me try? Because...shit, Wanda, I want you to enjoy it. If it's just about me it's not fair."

It clearly means something to him. Wanda wishes he could simply shrug it off and enjoy himself without worrying about her, but she knows that's not Bucky. It's already an arm wrestle to get him to let her do anything for herself when he feels he can do it for her instead. This would become an outright battle that she knows despite her powers she'll lose.

She closes her eyes, liking his hand in her hair. This is what she's wanted for a lot longer than she'd care to admit.

Gently pulling one of her hands out from where she's tucked them beneath him, she draws nothing on his shoulder. "I don't want you to feel like you've done something wrong if it doesn't happen for me."

"I just want to try. It doesn't have to be today. It can be whenever you feel comfortable enough to try."

Bucky holds her close and he's quiet for a while, just enjoying how it feels to touch her and to be touched and when he speaks again it's just as soft as it was before. He doesn't know if she understands how much she means to him and how much it means for him to at least try to make her feel good.

"I shouldn't have...I was wrong, earlier. I wouldn't have said what I said if I knew you had trouble, you know? I wouldn't have been so...crass about it, I guess. I'm sorry."

She furrows her brows and pulls her other hand from beneath him, pushing against his chest so she can peer down at him incredulously. "I know you didn't mean anything cruel by it." How could she? She still doesn't.

Resting her palms flat against his collarbones, Wanda smiles down at him and wrinkled her nose in an attempt to tease him. "You were having fun. You should have fun, even if it exasperates me." And makes her blush. That's what she doesn't say—and on purpose. She's keeping her denial of any blushing as close to her flushed chest for as long as she can.

Bucky smiles a little. It was fun and maybe he shouldn't feel guilty about it when it's clear that Wanda isn't holding it against him. She's looking at him with that perfect smile of hers and a scrunch of her nose and it's nothing he has any willpower against. It just makes him love her more.

"Hey, are the people around you less loud when they're asleep? If it's harder to relax when everyone's making noise in your head, maybe we can just try for like...a quieter time of day? Would that be more relaxing for you?"

Wanda can't help but laugh lightly in amusement. It's such an innocent question, and one that implies the world around them ever actually sleeps. It'd be easier if it did, if she knew that around eight in the evening, everyone stopped thinking and feeling.

The only way they'll stop is if she makes them, and that's a kind of villainy she's purposefully stepped away from.

Smiling, she presses her lips together and regretfully shakes her head. "It's loud all the time," she says. "When people are asleep, they dream. And they dream just as loudly as they think."

"I just thought maybe it was easier at some time of the day. If it's not, well, I'm sorry."

Bucky worries his lower lip with his teeth for a moment before frowning because he's just realized that if she can hear all the noise of people around them, maybe she's hearing the noise from him. Jesus. He never thought about that. Is there a way to think quieter?

"I'm not loud, am I? If I am, is there something I can do to be quieter?"

She shakes her head. "I make them quieter," she says. Wanda thinks to leave it at that, but considering they're talking about this because he wants to give her an orgasm and she's convinced she can't have one, she supposes it's not out of line to say more.

Although she thinks about it for a few short moments, brushing her fingers beneath his lips.

"That's... why, I think. Being with someone involves letting go, and I can't do that. If I do..." Wanda exhales softly. "It's like being unable to turn off the television, and every time you do, it just gets louder and more turn on. And more and more and more."

She doesn't know if that makes sense. The only other person she's ever had to explain this to was Pietro, and he'd experienced the very rough beginning of it. She's had her training wheels on for so long that even with them off, she's still having a rough time navigating it.

"I just have to keep them quiet. It's what's working right now so I can enjoy being with you."

"What if we went somewhere that there was no one else? Maybe camping isn't terribly romantic but if you're far away from people, away from everything but me, would you be able to let go a little easier? Everyone deserves to be able to let go sometimes. Especially you."

This is a problem with more facets than he anticipated and he's determined to solve it even if the solution is stranger than the problem. If he can make Wanda feel comfortable and relaxed in the middle of the woods then he'll make it the most luxurious camping trip anyone's ever had.

"Would you trust me?"

"I trust you," she says immediately, looking down at him. There's no doubt about it. If she didn't, she wouldn't be here with him.

Wanda smiles and cocks her brow in amusement. "If it was to work, you'd take me out to somewhere far, far away with no people to have sex with me? That's a lot for you, Bucky. That's not fair." And she wouldn't ask that of him, either. That's too much work and effort, and it's not fair to him when things could be so much simpler.

"Does it really matter?" she asks with a light incredulous laugh. She wants to lighten the mood, to make him smile and feel less burdened by this. It's not his fault, and Wanda doesn't want it to be his problem. "We'll be together. That's all that matters to me. It doesn't matter to me if I don't... you know. I'll still enjoy myself because I'm with you."

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