ostavil | don't touch that dial

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wanda

don't touch that dial

They're the two most terrifying people on the planet and wanted by several governments but they're playing house in the middle of nowhere and not a single person can tell. Bucky's used to being invisible and silent and he'd managed to hide out in Romania for longer than he should have been able to by living on cash only, working under the table, keeping to the shadows. This is different. This is a real life that he can have, out in the open, and nobody even thinks he's suspicious at all.

It's a very, very good thing that HYDRA no longer has control of Wanda Maximoff.

When they're out in public, he keeps his face away from cameras and his arm hidden; a hat and Wanda's tricks do the rest. He can take his time picking out food, plan meals, pretend to have the friendly banter that a husband and wife would have. It's nothing he's never had before and this kind of stability almost feels like he's stealing the life he was supposed to have after the war. There's some other version of him who died falling from that train and maybe it's that version that's getting a new lease on life now.

It's autumn and the leaves have started to turn, yellow like the sun and scarlet like Wanda's hair and there's a brisk wind that says there's gonna be a storm in a day or two. Rain or snow, he isn't sure, but it's Canada so it can go either way. He has his left arm slid into Wanda's to cover up that it doesn't hang naturally the same as his right does and nobody suspects a thing. Their neighbors aren't ever curious, there's no surveillance, there's nothing to worry about. It's a strange feeling but a good one.

"You know, if you can figure out how to explain it to my tiny soldier brain I would love to know how you managed to keep our house invisible from everyone else. Small words, though. I'm all brawn and no brains."

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"Wanda? Can I move the pillow?"

Bucky asks it softly because he's sort of figured out that she wants to be covered up and if that's the case, he's more than happy to respect it. Still, he wants to feel her skin against his and he can't do that if she has a pillow between them and he doesn't think his body is so rock hard that she won't be able to relax against it. Maybe it is. Maybe he just has to live with pillows.

"I just want to feel your skin close to mine, all right? No tricks, no teasing. Just intimacy. That's all. I won't tease you about it."

With his promise of ceasing being a pest (at least for now; Wanda can hear the unspoken caveat), she lifts up and pulls the pillow out from between them.

Peering down at him sternly, she warns playfully, "If you tease me, I'll be putting it over your head." And she's not opposed to doing it, either. All Wanda wants is stillness and to be held. She doesn't need anything else, even if Bucky believes otherwise. Everything has been moving so quickly for the last several years that all she wants is for a moment where it's all stopped—and given that it has, she wants to take advantage of it.

She threads her hands back under him and rests her cheek against his chest. "And I won't be afraid to smother you," she murmurs.

"Well, don't smother me," Bucky says softly. It feels good to fold her into his arms and he's quiet for a moment, just enjoying how good it feels to have another person close to him. It's wonderful, honestly, and he just wants to keep this moment forever and never leave it.

"Are you sure you don't want me to get you off? I won't, if that's what you want, I just want you to know that you don't have to go without it. It's something I love to do, okay? I feel bad not making you feel as good as you made me feel."

Maybe he shouldn't feel guilty but he does.

"It's fine, Bucky," she says quietly. If she didn't have her hands tucked under him, she'd rub her hand against his side in an attempt to comfort him. She keeps her cheek pressed against his chest and looks at the wall of her room.

She doesn't want anything to feel transactional, especially this. Sometimes he's simply allowed to take or have without having to give something back. He's been robbed of a good portion of his life, and Wanda doesn't want to thieve anything else from him.

"It doesn't really happen for me, anyway," she shrugs. What she doesn't want is for Bucky to feel obligated, but she believes arguing as much will only send them in circles. He likes to do it and has said as much, and Wanda has to accept that.

She shifts against him and clears her throat softly before she murmurs, "I don't want you to feel guilty because it doesn't happen. I like this, what we're doing now."

"Wait. You have trouble coming?"

This is a whole different problem and not one he expected. Sure, some women have trouble with a partner but he's never had trouble getting a woman off (unless they're spectacular fakes) and the idea that Wanda has trouble with it makes him both sad and determined. She should enjoy it as much as he does. More than he does, even.

"I would do my best," he says, thinking that's a safer choice of words. He doesn't want to say of course he can make it happen because if it doesn't, she'll possibly feel awkward or upset and he doesn't want that at all. He strokes her hair lightly.

"Why do you think you have trouble? You don't have to answer."

She shrugs. Despite being able to answer the question of Stark's greatest fear or Steve's greatest desire, she doesn't quite know the reasoning behind that. She just doesn't get off as easily or at all. If she hadn't had her friends in Sokovia long before HYDRA got its claws in her, she wouldn't have known that it was a little normal.

"It's just always been like that for me." Even with Vision and herself, she's struggled to achieve anything close to orgasm like she knows other girls have. Vision would try. Her intimacy with Vision was never about anything physical, and Wanda never needed it to extend beyond simply having someone choose her company.

"And then you add in everyone else..." She blows out a breath and shifts against him, but she doesn't lift her head from his chest. "I can't block everyone out. I can't tell what's me and what isn't. Everyone just... gets louder."

Bucky is quiet for a moment. He thinks it's sad that she can give him some of the greatest pleasure of his life but she doesn't experience that for herself. He feels bad for teasing about it, for embarrassing her, and decides he's not going to do that anymore. Not about that, anyway. He doesn't know what it's like to hear the whole neighborhood in his head and he thinks he wouldn't be able to relax either.

Instead, he just strokes her hair and her skin, trying to be intimate with her this way if the other way isn't something he can have right now.

"Would you ever let me try? Because...shit, Wanda, I want you to enjoy it. If it's just about me it's not fair."

It clearly means something to him. Wanda wishes he could simply shrug it off and enjoy himself without worrying about her, but she knows that's not Bucky. It's already an arm wrestle to get him to let her do anything for herself when he feels he can do it for her instead. This would become an outright battle that she knows despite her powers she'll lose.

She closes her eyes, liking his hand in her hair. This is what she's wanted for a lot longer than she'd care to admit.

Gently pulling one of her hands out from where she's tucked them beneath him, she draws nothing on his shoulder. "I don't want you to feel like you've done something wrong if it doesn't happen for me."

"I just want to try. It doesn't have to be today. It can be whenever you feel comfortable enough to try."

Bucky holds her close and he's quiet for a while, just enjoying how it feels to touch her and to be touched and when he speaks again it's just as soft as it was before. He doesn't know if she understands how much she means to him and how much it means for him to at least try to make her feel good.

"I shouldn't have...I was wrong, earlier. I wouldn't have said what I said if I knew you had trouble, you know? I wouldn't have been so...crass about it, I guess. I'm sorry."

She furrows her brows and pulls her other hand from beneath him, pushing against his chest so she can peer down at him incredulously. "I know you didn't mean anything cruel by it." How could she? She still doesn't.

Resting her palms flat against his collarbones, Wanda smiles down at him and wrinkled her nose in an attempt to tease him. "You were having fun. You should have fun, even if it exasperates me." And makes her blush. That's what she doesn't say—and on purpose. She's keeping her denial of any blushing as close to her flushed chest for as long as she can.

Bucky smiles a little. It was fun and maybe he shouldn't feel guilty about it when it's clear that Wanda isn't holding it against him. She's looking at him with that perfect smile of hers and a scrunch of her nose and it's nothing he has any willpower against. It just makes him love her more.

"Hey, are the people around you less loud when they're asleep? If it's harder to relax when everyone's making noise in your head, maybe we can just try for like...a quieter time of day? Would that be more relaxing for you?"

Wanda can't help but laugh lightly in amusement. It's such an innocent question, and one that implies the world around them ever actually sleeps. It'd be easier if it did, if she knew that around eight in the evening, everyone stopped thinking and feeling.

The only way they'll stop is if she makes them, and that's a kind of villainy she's purposefully stepped away from.

Smiling, she presses her lips together and regretfully shakes her head. "It's loud all the time," she says. "When people are asleep, they dream. And they dream just as loudly as they think."

"I just thought maybe it was easier at some time of the day. If it's not, well, I'm sorry."

Bucky worries his lower lip with his teeth for a moment before frowning because he's just realized that if she can hear all the noise of people around them, maybe she's hearing the noise from him. Jesus. He never thought about that. Is there a way to think quieter?

"I'm not loud, am I? If I am, is there something I can do to be quieter?"

She shakes her head. "I make them quieter," she says. Wanda thinks to leave it at that, but considering they're talking about this because he wants to give her an orgasm and she's convinced she can't have one, she supposes it's not out of line to say more.

Although she thinks about it for a few short moments, brushing her fingers beneath his lips.

"That's... why, I think. Being with someone involves letting go, and I can't do that. If I do..." Wanda exhales softly. "It's like being unable to turn off the television, and every time you do, it just gets louder and more turn on. And more and more and more."

She doesn't know if that makes sense. The only other person she's ever had to explain this to was Pietro, and he'd experienced the very rough beginning of it. She's had her training wheels on for so long that even with them off, she's still having a rough time navigating it.

"I just have to keep them quiet. It's what's working right now so I can enjoy being with you."

"What if we went somewhere that there was no one else? Maybe camping isn't terribly romantic but if you're far away from people, away from everything but me, would you be able to let go a little easier? Everyone deserves to be able to let go sometimes. Especially you."

This is a problem with more facets than he anticipated and he's determined to solve it even if the solution is stranger than the problem. If he can make Wanda feel comfortable and relaxed in the middle of the woods then he'll make it the most luxurious camping trip anyone's ever had.

"Would you trust me?"

"I trust you," she says immediately, looking down at him. There's no doubt about it. If she didn't, she wouldn't be here with him.

Wanda smiles and cocks her brow in amusement. "If it was to work, you'd take me out to somewhere far, far away with no people to have sex with me? That's a lot for you, Bucky. That's not fair." And she wouldn't ask that of him, either. That's too much work and effort, and it's not fair to him when things could be so much simpler.

"Does it really matter?" she asks with a light incredulous laugh. She wants to lighten the mood, to make him smile and feel less burdened by this. It's not his fault, and Wanda doesn't want it to be his problem. "We'll be together. That's all that matters to me. It doesn't matter to me if I don't... you know. I'll still enjoy myself because I'm with you."

"It matters to me. My hands have brought nothing but pain to people for a long time, Wanda. I want to use them to bring you pleasure. That's all. Maybe it shouldn't be about me but I've never been a selfish guy. I've never taken for myself what I didn't give back."

He strokes her hair a little and gives her the softest smile. "And it wouldn't be any trouble at all for me to take you somewhere far away so you can just be with your own thoughts. Even if we don't have sex, you deserve to have a break and not have to constantly be turning people down in your head. And I want to give you that, all right?"

"Do you think pleasure is only orgasms?"

She exhales softly and shakes her head. "You've given me a lot already, Bucky. You gave me a friend when I had no one, and you spend time with me and look after me even when it exasperates me," she smiles fondly. "I don't need you to do... that just because you had one with me. I don't think it should work that way."

Especially when it's already going to prove so difficult. She's not like the women he's been with or the type of woman he should be with. Wanda doesn't want Bucky to exert his energy chasing after something unattainable that will only make him feel bad about himself. She wishes he would take the out she gives him.

"No, I don't think it's only that," Bucky says. "But I don't think it's such an abnormal thing to want to please your partner, either, and that's all I want to do. It's not about me having one and you not having one. It's about me wanting to just..."

He falls quiet for a moment because this is the last thing he wants to argue about but it's gnawing at him that Wanda doesn't even seem to want him to try for it even though he knows he would give it his best.

"I want you to have it," he says finally. "Because I love you. And that's what love is, wanting your partner to have the best of everything. And that includes the best of me."

Wanda smiles softly. "But I already have the best of you."

How much more does he want to give her? She feels she's already been spoiled. Wanda might not be the type to say it, but she knows it. The life she has with Bucky here isn't fake despite the facade they put on for the rest of the town. It's as normal as it's ever going to get for her, and Bucky's a big part of that.

She brushes the back of her hand against the side of his face. "I just don't want you to feel bad about anything that doesn't happen, Bucky. It's not because of anything you've done." She shrugs a little hopelessly, pressing her lips together. "It's just me."

"Well, I like you, so hopefully we figure it out one day," Bucky says, hopeful even if he doesn't want to keep pressing at it and potentially upsetting her. He thinks Wanda deserves to have a little peace and he hadn't realized other people were so loud and that it was constant. If he'd known, he'd have had them live somewhere remote.

"I guess the important question is...are you into kissing? Because I am really into kissing and I'll be sad if we don't get to do a lot of that."

And kissing is something they can mutually enjoy.

She wrinkles her nose in feigned distaste. "I like kissing anyone but you." But the way she laughs makes it clear that that's not the truth at all.

At least that is easy, and it's something Wanda's done before, even if she hasn't had a steady stream of dates lined up at a dance hall. She leans in as if she's about to kiss him, but she pulls back and lifts her brows slightly in amusement.

"But I think I'm too tired to kiss." She fakes a very big yawn before she rests her head against his shoulder. "Maybe tomorrow. Or the next day." With the mood a lot lighter, all Wanda wants to do is tease him.

"Tease," Bucky says but it's a lazy accusation. "You really shouldn't get a guy's hopes up just to crash them on the rocks. Could really make a man give up on everything."

He's grinning, though, and he slides his hand down the dip of her waist, the curve of her hip, and slips over to cup her ass. It's just touching, sure, but he thinks Wanda probably hasn't had nearly as much touch in her life as she deserves.

"I can tease too."

She inhales sharply and makes a noise low in her throat as she shifts and arches ever so slightly against him. He's right in assuming she hasn't been touched like this a lot in her life. Aside from being poked and prodded at HYDRA, normal touches were few and far between except for Pietro. Sensual touching was rare.

She doesn't hate it, even though it's not the norm for her.

Shooting him a warning look, she shakes her head as she curls her hands into his shoulders. "Bucky," she warns, even though she highly suspects his hearing will become selective in this very moment.

Bucky slips his fingers along the inside of her thigh. He wouldn't if she stopped him, though, but he thinks that her arching up against him is an invitation to keep touching and not an indication for him to stop. Her skin is soft, just like the rest of her, and he just strokes there along the inside of her thigh for a few moments.

"You have to say no, Wanda. Don't send mixed signals," he murmurs. "Because your body just said yes, please."

If she says no, he'll stop immediately. But if not, well. He can play a little more.

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