ostavil | don't touch that dial

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wanda

don't touch that dial

They're the two most terrifying people on the planet and wanted by several governments but they're playing house in the middle of nowhere and not a single person can tell. Bucky's used to being invisible and silent and he'd managed to hide out in Romania for longer than he should have been able to by living on cash only, working under the table, keeping to the shadows. This is different. This is a real life that he can have, out in the open, and nobody even thinks he's suspicious at all.

It's a very, very good thing that HYDRA no longer has control of Wanda Maximoff.

When they're out in public, he keeps his face away from cameras and his arm hidden; a hat and Wanda's tricks do the rest. He can take his time picking out food, plan meals, pretend to have the friendly banter that a husband and wife would have. It's nothing he's never had before and this kind of stability almost feels like he's stealing the life he was supposed to have after the war. There's some other version of him who died falling from that train and maybe it's that version that's getting a new lease on life now.

It's autumn and the leaves have started to turn, yellow like the sun and scarlet like Wanda's hair and there's a brisk wind that says there's gonna be a storm in a day or two. Rain or snow, he isn't sure, but it's Canada so it can go either way. He has his left arm slid into Wanda's to cover up that it doesn't hang naturally the same as his right does and nobody suspects a thing. Their neighbors aren't ever curious, there's no surveillance, there's nothing to worry about. It's a strange feeling but a good one.

"You know, if you can figure out how to explain it to my tiny soldier brain I would love to know how you managed to keep our house invisible from everyone else. Small words, though. I'm all brawn and no brains."

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"Most women complain that their husbands don't do enough around the house and my wife wants me to stop doing things. Somehow we got this all mixed up, Wanda."

Bucky can understand her point. It feels good to him to make her happy, to take care of her, to bring her pleasure. If it feels good for him, it must feel good for her, too, and maybe he shouldn't be so stubborn about accepting things from her whether it's a nice dinner or an orgasm. He strokes his fingers against her skin, grounding himself with the touch.

"It...I've got control issues," he admits finally. "And I know it's because of HYDRA and what they did to me. If I'm the one doing things, I know that no one can hurt me because I know exactly what's going to happen. And then there's the fact that I was used to hurt and maim and kill for so long that I want to know that my hands can make someone feel good, that my actions can make someone happy. Does it make any sense?"

She tilts her head up and watches him, even if what she mostly sees is his jawline. She understands it. While she hadn't been forced to be a killing machine with no sense of agency until after the fact (and even then), she understands it. Everything that's happened to her in her life has been outside of her control. It's why she wants to keep puppet strings tied to her fingers at all times.

"It does," she says quietly, resting her hand against his chest. "But I know you're not going to hurt me and you make me happy. You don't have to do anything more than be yourself."

And it doesn't matter to Wanda if he has to spend time figuring out who he is now that he's a man out of time. But she doesn't want him to overcompensate or forget that she's here for him, not for the ways he tends to serve her.

"I'm just afraid that myself might not be enough, eventually."

It's a heavy thing to admit but he feels safe admitting it when they're curled up together like this. He hasn't felt close to a person like this since before the war and he never thought he would get to have this and especially not with someone like Wanda, who is amazing and talented and a force of nature all on her own.

He doesn't want her to think it's a mistake. If he keeps doing things for her, keeps the house nice and waits on her hand and foot, maybe she won't want to leave. That's it, in the end of it. He's been abandoned by too many people for too long and he doesn't want Wanda to be another one. Not when he's let himself care.

"If I make myself valuable, you'll need me. Does it make sense?"

Wanda's quiet for a long moment, grateful that she can hide her face. She frowns as she absently rubs her hand against his collarbones. The last thing she wants is for him to think he needs to do things for her to guarantee she likes him. She thinks about their time together so far. Has she unintentionally given him the impression that she only likes it when he does things for her?

Lifting her head, she looks down at him. "I've had nothing for most of my life. All I wanted as a kid was to watch my stupid shows with my family," she says with a sad smile. She still can't bring herself to watch that episode of Dick Van Dyke. Perhaps if they hadn't been watching it, they would've been able to avoid Stark's bombs. "It didn't matter to me if we had a couch or anything. It still doesn't."

She looks down and exhales quietly. She licks her lips and remains quiet for a moment, ignoring how her throat tightens. This is what she likes to avoid and keep to herself, but she doesn't want Bucky to think she doesn't need him. She does, just not in the ways he thinks he's required.

"I don't need you to do things for me other than be here. Because when you're not here, I feel like I'm drowning."

"I feel like I'll drown if you don't need me," Bucky says. It's a little dramatic, he thinks, but it's how he feels and he thinks it's time to be honest right now even if he'd brush it off normally. He strokes his fingers against her skin still, trying to ground himself, and wonders how he can put his feelings into words. It's hard to talk about these things but he thinks it's important to do it, especially with Wanda. She's the best thing he's had in a long time.

"I want to love you, Wanda. I'm not really good with words so I try to show it in the ways I can do it best. That's why I do things all the time. That's why I take care of you. It's how I show you that I care about you, you know? It's hard to break down all these walls that have protected me for so long but with you, it seems like the walls just disappear."

He doesn't know if that's because she's a telepath or if it's just because she's Wanda but it's the truth of the matter. He's shit with words and he wants to express his emotions and his love in a way that makes sense to him and that's by taking care of her.

Maybe always batting away his thoughts hadn't been the best thing to do. Wanda wants to be prepared for any bomb that could potentially hit her so she can quickly roll out of the way. But the bomb he drops is one that has her frozen in place. She doesn't deserve that.

She bites her bottom lip and shifts her hand against his shoulder. Despite the urge to hide her face in the crook of his neck, she doesn't allow herself to. She's afraid to love anyone, but she doesn't want to be afraid of someone else's vulnerability. And telling Bucky that… she doesn't want this to become something he carries amongst all the other baggage he's burdened with.

"I don't need you to do everything for me," she says with a small smile. "My brother," she begins and stops herself for a moment. Talking about Pietro is always hard, no matter the context, but she's tried and tried to make it easier for herself by storming straight through the pinch in her chest. "He was very protective of me. I need you to let me do things. Some things," she says with a small scrunch of her nose.

"I'm not going to hate you because you sat on your ass for a day or you didn't walk with me to the park or insist I watch my television show downstairs rather than in my room."

"I want to make you happy," he murmurs. "I want to give you the kind of life you truly deserve. I don't have magic but I have my hands and my heart, if that's any good. I finally have something to give to someone and I want to give it to you."

It feels good to say it, to tell Wanda all these things he's been feeling but afraid to say. The intimacy of sex has loosened his tongue and all the things he holds so close to the chest seem to pour out easily in the afterglow. He glides his hand along the length of her body.

"Thank you for trusting me with your body. It means a lot to me. It means you trust me not to hurt you."

Now, Wanda tucks herself beneath his chin, this time bowing her head so her lips press against his skin. It's not in a kiss, even though it'd make it easier to do as much. Pressing her nose into him, she inhales deeply to only exhale loudly. She hides because she's blushing again.

She murmurs, "You trust me with your mind." It'd be so easy to slip a thought into his head that makes him stop. She knows she can do it. He has to know that it'd be all too easy for her to do so. He's been paired with the one person who should be a walking trigger for him.

She kisses his collarbones then before rubbing her hand over the spot. Resting her chin against him, she looks up at him, uncaring that he might not be able to see her face. She's comfortable tucked against him now. "I hope you had a good time. I know it wasn't exactly what you wanted, but it was good for me. I've never done that before."

"Wouldn't have figured that for a first time," Bucky says, laughing softly. He knows she means that particular sex act and not sex in general but it's still pretty impressive that she'd just gone for it and not been self-conscious if it was brand new for her. He hasn't gotten off with another person in longer than he can remember and it was good - not just for that reason but because it was Wanda.

"It was a damn good time, though," he assures her. "And I could tell you enjoyed it."

This is more in his wheelhouse, being able to tease, and he looks at her face while he speaks. He knows there's a good chance she might blush when he says what he's going to say but he wants to see the blush. He wants to know he affects her as much as she affects him.

"You were so wet I could have slid right in."

She smacks his chest. "Stop," she says sternly and does her best to try and pull the corners of her lips down. But they curve upward in her embarrassment. It's only really been tonight, but every time Bucky talks like this, saying she looks nice or he wants to sleep with her, she wants to bury her head in her hands and hide. She sees herself as everyone else sees her; she doesn't see herself as Bucky does, and each time he challenges that, she grows self-conscious.

"I know what you're doing," she continues, pushing roughly against his chest to she can look down at him sternly, "and I know why you're doing it and I'm not going to blush!"

So, it's a stray thought she caught. Wanda refuses to delve into his mind, even if she wanted to, because, right now, she's afraid to see just what he's thinking. Knowing him, it'll make her want to combust.

She pushes away from him so that she can give him her back and grab her pillow to place over her head. With her truly hidden away, he won't be able to see her face and thus will have to stop.

Bucky laughs, a rumbling one deep in his chest, and he just strokes Wanda's hip while she's tried to hide everything else from him. It's cute, honestly, that she doesn't want to blush in front of him and it only makes him more determined to make it happen.

"You don't like a little dirty talk? You're gonna have to get used to it with me, sweetheart, because I happen to be amazing at talking dirty. That was mild, considering."

He keeps moving his fingers against her skin while he decides what he's going to say next, what's going to work her up as much as she worked him up all night before he finally gave into her and got to come. This game she started is fun once he realized he was playing and now he really wants to play.

"I bet you don't want to hear about how hard your nipples were either, do you? Or how I want to get my mouth on your cunt until you scream for me? You don't want to hear that either?"

"No."

Wanda presses the pillow down harder over her head, grateful that she has her back to him. If she had rolled off of him and onto her side and faced him, she knows she'd have had a harder time hiding the fact that she was smiling and scrunching up her nose. Her nose scrunch is her telltale sign that she's at least enjoying herself, even if this is very, very new.

She shifts, but not to try and push his hand away. She doesn't mind him stroking her hip.

"Shh."

"You know, the more you try to shush me, the more I'm just gonna do it. I think it's a valuable part of a relationship, being able to talk about what you want. And I damn sure want you, Wanda. I know you're polite about not getting in my head but if you had, you'd know I wanted to get you on your hands and knees and fuck you hard."

Bucky thinks he'll stop in a minute or two because while this is fun for the moment, he doesn't want it to stop being fun and he doesn't want to truly upset Wanda. He thinks it's all right for now, though, and he keeps touching her hip, drawing little patterns on her skin.

"I wanna see you fall apart."

Removing the pillow from her head, she clutches it to her chest and roughly rolls onto her side to face him. While it's sadly lost his hand on her hip, she suspects that it'll be back soon. Bucky doesn't seem like he's incapable of not touching her, even if Wanda thinks that assumption feels arrogant. And if he doesn't, she's more than comfortable now in putting his hand back on her hip.

She furrows her brows tightly as she regards him, still hugging her pillow. It acts as a nice little defence against everything he's exposed to her this evening. "How long have you been feeling this way?"

"Pretty soon after we started hiding out. I don't know if you've noticed but you're a hell of a woman, Wanda. You look like a fragile little doll but you can break the world if you want to. That kind of power is very attractive. Besides, you're funny and caring and warm and all the things I've been missing in my life."

Maybe it's a little soft of him but he doesn't care. He feels all of these things about Wanda and he thinks that she deserves to know about it. Bucky keeps touching her, fingers tripping along her skin, and she's got the softest skin he's ever touched.

"You take care of me, Wanda. Nobody has for a long time."

She scrunches up her nose and murmurs, "I'm not that funny."

Even though she's pried into minds and has the rare ability to know exactly what people are thinking and feeling—and often accidentally; Wanda hasn't spent the entire time she's had her powers slipping into the minds of everyone around her to read them like a book for leisure—it's still overwhelming to her to know that she can have any impact on anyone. Lagos feels as though it's an outlier now if she's somehow prompted Bucky to feel this way.

Still with the pillow clutched to her chest, she wriggles over toward him until she rolls on top of him. With her knees on either side of his belly, Wanda gently cups his face and softly slopes her mouth against his.

Bucky doesn't expect the kiss considering she'd been so embarrassed a few minutes ago but he certainly welcomes it. He keeps his mouth soft under hers and unlike the frantic pull between them earlier, this is slower and more exploratory.

He's always liked kissing and never thought of it as a throwaway before the full act and he thinks he could kiss Wanda for hours and not be tired of it. He reaches his left hand between them and tugs at the pillow before reluctantly pulling his mouth away.

"You don't have to hide from me, Wanda. I promise."

"Oh, but I'm not hiding," she says quietly as she smiles down at him. She is and she knows it, but Wanda's trying not to tuck herself in the shadows as she's been prone to do. The darkness has kept her safe since she was ten years old, but she knows that she's safe with Bucky out in the light.

She wrinkles her nose as she teases, "You are just very, very uncomfortable to lie on. What do you need all of this for?" She pushes up against him and taps his broad shoulders. Who really needs that much muscle?

"Or this?" Wanda trails her hands down his sides before she digs her fingers in an attempt to see if he's ticklish.

Bucky laughs when she tickles his sides and tries to bat her hands away but it's a half-hearted attempt at best. Any touch is good as long as it isn't painful and none of Wanda's are painful. He craves her touch almost more than he craves his next breath.

"If you want me to get fat, I guess I'll stop running and eat more but I already eat half the house in food. Besides, I thought gals liked a little muscle. You sure weren't complaining earlier."

He grins at her, teasing the whole time. Wanda is fun to tease, honestly, and he hopes she puts up with it a little longer.

"Ah, so you are ticklish..."

She's been a little curious, is all. Bucky's not like anyone else—he's older, his DNA has been altered, and she's seen him scowl more than she's seen him smile. While she may flatten her hands against his sides and brush her thumbs hard against his skin, she has every intention on making him laugh again.

"It's good to know you have a little weakness."

But Wanda shifts against him and rests her cheek against his chest, sliding her hands beneath the bulk of him so that she can hold him to her.

"Wanda? Can I move the pillow?"

Bucky asks it softly because he's sort of figured out that she wants to be covered up and if that's the case, he's more than happy to respect it. Still, he wants to feel her skin against his and he can't do that if she has a pillow between them and he doesn't think his body is so rock hard that she won't be able to relax against it. Maybe it is. Maybe he just has to live with pillows.

"I just want to feel your skin close to mine, all right? No tricks, no teasing. Just intimacy. That's all. I won't tease you about it."

With his promise of ceasing being a pest (at least for now; Wanda can hear the unspoken caveat), she lifts up and pulls the pillow out from between them.

Peering down at him sternly, she warns playfully, "If you tease me, I'll be putting it over your head." And she's not opposed to doing it, either. All Wanda wants is stillness and to be held. She doesn't need anything else, even if Bucky believes otherwise. Everything has been moving so quickly for the last several years that all she wants is for a moment where it's all stopped—and given that it has, she wants to take advantage of it.

She threads her hands back under him and rests her cheek against his chest. "And I won't be afraid to smother you," she murmurs.

"Well, don't smother me," Bucky says softly. It feels good to fold her into his arms and he's quiet for a moment, just enjoying how good it feels to have another person close to him. It's wonderful, honestly, and he just wants to keep this moment forever and never leave it.

"Are you sure you don't want me to get you off? I won't, if that's what you want, I just want you to know that you don't have to go without it. It's something I love to do, okay? I feel bad not making you feel as good as you made me feel."

Maybe he shouldn't feel guilty but he does.

"It's fine, Bucky," she says quietly. If she didn't have her hands tucked under him, she'd rub her hand against his side in an attempt to comfort him. She keeps her cheek pressed against his chest and looks at the wall of her room.

She doesn't want anything to feel transactional, especially this. Sometimes he's simply allowed to take or have without having to give something back. He's been robbed of a good portion of his life, and Wanda doesn't want to thieve anything else from him.

"It doesn't really happen for me, anyway," she shrugs. What she doesn't want is for Bucky to feel obligated, but she believes arguing as much will only send them in circles. He likes to do it and has said as much, and Wanda has to accept that.

She shifts against him and clears her throat softly before she murmurs, "I don't want you to feel guilty because it doesn't happen. I like this, what we're doing now."

"Wait. You have trouble coming?"

This is a whole different problem and not one he expected. Sure, some women have trouble with a partner but he's never had trouble getting a woman off (unless they're spectacular fakes) and the idea that Wanda has trouble with it makes him both sad and determined. She should enjoy it as much as he does. More than he does, even.

"I would do my best," he says, thinking that's a safer choice of words. He doesn't want to say of course he can make it happen because if it doesn't, she'll possibly feel awkward or upset and he doesn't want that at all. He strokes her hair lightly.

"Why do you think you have trouble? You don't have to answer."

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