ostavil | open post

Bucky has been denied the chance to go look for Stark and Natalia and he doesn't know what to do. This is the kind of reason why he didn't want to go to war and he'd tricked himself with thinking she'd be safe nestled inside Switzerland running paperwork. Nobody is safe during war.

Bucky mechanically goes about picking up what's been dropped because they have to get this tech out of enemy sight and away from any plane crashes within (or without, really) Nazi Germany. Focusing on that helps him not thinking about how terrified Natalia must be if she's even still alive and he tells himself that it's the sting of snow pricking at his eyes instead of tears.

When Agent Carter addresses Steve and the Colonel, Bucky wants to go. He manages to wrench the words out in a way that sound like asking permission - and looks at Phillips expectantly for an answer.

"Should I go with you or do I have other orders, sir?"

"Captain Rogers," Phillips began, shouldering a duffel, "you, Barnes, Morita, and Dernier escort Agent Carter to this little town somewhere over that there rainbow, and the rest of us sorry excuses for soldiers will keep ourselves warm by hauling this junk through the snow until such time as you commandeer a few vehicles to assist us with that exercise. Am I clear?"

Steve nodded, not missing the anguish written all over his best friend's face, clear as day to him, perhaps not so to the others. Although he had his doubts when he saw Peggy pass by Bucky, place a hand on his arm, and whisper, "She'll be all right," before moving to pick up her own satchel.

"C'mon, guys," Steve said, calling out to Morita and the Frenchman, "let's get moving. Gotta lotta ground to cover, and the weather isn't making it easier."

Agent Carter's assurances didn't do much even if he knew she probably wouldn't give them if she didn't have a reasonable idea that Natalia and Stark would be all right. Bucky doesn't know Jarvis but he's gotten to know Stark a little and he knows that he's important to this war - having the three of them alive is going to be for the best.

He still feels like his boots are heavier with every step and by the time they get to the little town, he's pretty damn desperate for some news of this plane crashing and whether or not Natalia will be all right. Dernier is there to translate for them, sure, but Bucky strains his ears as well in hopes that he hears something positive; his French isn't any better than it ever was, though, and he's been studying Russian more lately.

"Steve, what do we do if we can't find them?" he asks, voice pitched low. "I'm not just worried about my girl. I'm worried about Stark and his brain, too."

"...we go on, Buck. We gotta go on." Steve hadn't meant it to sound so grim, but it was the brutal truth. He wasn't exactly sure just what sort of relationship his best friend had with Stark's secretary, but that "my girl" perked his ears a little curiously. Now wasn't the time for that discussion, however.

Agent Carter managed to procure a few cold-running trucks, and brought the news back to Steve and Bucky. "Well, they're not Cadillacs, unfortunately, but they've a decent steering system and a large cargo area, so we should be able to transport all of Stark's equipment." She handed a set of keys each to the men.

"Here. You three get back to Phillips and the others, and I'll have accommodations available by the time you return. As well as any news of our pilot and the others, I promise. And," she added, serious, "be careful. There've been sightings of German patrols in this area."

"Who's staying with you, Agent Carter? Steve?" Bucky wants it to be him but he knows Agent Carter is too valuable an asset to the government and, well, to Steve personally for her to be left out of his eyes for too long. Still, Bucky wants to ask on the off chance that he'll be able to go and find Natalia (and hopefully Stark with her).

Steve gives him a sharp look and he heads out, keys in hand. He has to keep moving. He knows Steve wouldn't pack it in if Agent Carter was missing but he has to wonder if it's even the same. Agent Carter is trained in marksmanship and combat. She could fight her way out of a tight spot, if she needed to, and Natalia seems fragile in contrast. Besides, she'd been so terrified when he left her...what must she be feeling now?

It doesn't matter. He drives back to Phillips with the truck the way he's supposed to and doesn't stop off on the way, though he does have to exchange fire with a German patrol and kill their scouts. They have gear and he dutifully pulls it off them, trying to see if it's anything worth salvaging or if it's standard issue. When he's back to Phillips, the others are already there.

"Sorry. Got stopped by a patrol, had to take them out before they said anything. Think we're in the clear."

The first two trucks were loaded by the time Bucky arrived, Phillips just giving him an acknowledging grunt in response. Steve approached his friend with a worried frown, however, putting a hand on Bucky's shoulder and drawing him a little ways away from the others.

"Buck, you okay?"

Steve knew the answer, of course, but he needed to hear Bucky say it. There was more to this than just "making a pass". He'd never seen Bucky act this way regarding a dame; his best friend was a good guy, to be sure, but never one to settle down with one girl for too long, for whatever reason.

"If Phillips told you to leave Agent Carter behind on that plane," Bucky says roughly, not really wanting to talk about it right here in the open or where it might be filling in a blank he doesn't want filled in. "You wouldn't have followed the order, would you?"

Steve is more than a rank and file soldier, though, and Bucky imagines there's little he could do that would get him kicked to the curb. He's a super soldier, America's weapon against Nazi Germany. Bucky is just a regular guy who got drafted with all the rest.

"No use talking about it. She was terrified and I promised her I wouldn't leave. Then I left her."

"We're gonna find her, Buck," Steve promised, clapping his friend on the shoulder. "Her and Stark both. They're gonna be okay and we're gonna bring them back." He had no idea how, but Steve trusted Peggy enough to know that she'd be moving heaven and earth to find their lost comrades back in that little town. It might take her a bit, but Steve knew she'd come through, no matter the outcome.

"You didn't have a choice," Steve also reminded him. "Some orders are harder to follow than others, I know, but that's our job. It's rough, but we gotta do it."

Then Dugan whistled, calling out for them to get their asses in a truck before they got left out here in the shitty weather and had to walk back, again.

Bucky knows he didn't have a choice but it doesn't make it feel any better. He'd thought unburdening himself to Steve would make it better, too, but it isn't. Now Steve is just one more person who knows just how much Natalia means to him - and Steve doesn't even know the half of it.

He doesn't know that she only uses Natalie out in public and uses her real name with him. He doesn't know that Natalia wraps herself up in his arms at night and whispers moya zvezda as if he's something to set up in the sky and guide her home. Steve doesn't know about the night they'd spent at their place, frantic and fleeting, and he definitely doesn't know about the ruined dinner or the walk in the rain or him saying he loved her before any man in his right mind would say something like that.

Bucky isn't sure if Natalia loves him or not. She's fond of him, absolutely, but they haven't been together long enough to love. He loves because his brain's been all twisted up by her but he doesn't know if it's quite that strong on her side. He wishes he could have heard it once before losing her forever.

"You look like you're burying her and we haven't looked," Steve points out. Bucky cuts him a sharp look and keeps quiet, turning up the collar of his coat to ostensibly block the wind and his expression from everyone else. When they get back into the village and find Agent Carter, Steve takes the lead asking questions.

"Any idea where our plane might be, Agent Carter?"

Peggy was waiting for them when the convoy rolled up the slushy hill to the small town. She gave them a nod as they pulled up, and also gave directions where they could hide the vehicles and the cargo stacked in them. To Steve, Bucky, and Phillips, she said after pulling them aside, "...in Germany, I'm afraid. Stark managed to keep the plane in the air until they crossed the border, but if the locals are correct, it went down somewhere near Fischingen."

She lowered her voice further, adding, "We're in Rosenau, next to the river. Fischingen is about twenty-three kilometers inside occupied Germany, and there's an enemy garrison encamped just outside the town. If Stark's alive, we can hope his money and influence will get him back across the border, but we don't dare set foot across it to retrieve him."

"I'll go."

It's stark in the room, little room for argument. He might not be the highest ranked officer here or even worth more than just the good eye he has with a gun but there's no way he's letting the possibility of Natalia being alive in occupied Germany go by without him at least trying to save her.

Stark was just a bonus. He's far from the main objective for Bucky but dimly he knows that the man is important to America and the only reason they'll even consider letting him go in after Natalia. Stark has to be rescued no matter what and he'll make sure it happens.

"I'll go by myself. One guy with a rifle is a hell of a lot easier to hide than a whole unit. If I don't see anything, I'll come back."

Phillips grudgingly gave Barnes leave to make the trek, figuring that if he only lost one soldier, that was a damn sight better than the entire damned unit. The fact that it was Rogers' best friend who was so bloody adamant to go wasn't ideal, but there didn't seem to be any way to talk the idiot out of it. Steve had just shaken his head, but hadn't tried to talk Bucky out of it.

Dernier sniffed about and surprisingly found a vehicle making the trip across the border that very night, taking food and other supplies into the border towns just inside Germany, and managed to "buy" Barnes a seat amid cold cabbages and other illegals. "Just keep your American mouth shut," the Frenchman advised him. "Pretend you are a mute, or disabled, something. The truck only goes a short ways inside, so you will have to make your own way after. But good luck, mon frère."

Bucky doesn't know any German but he thinks he can keep quiet enough to not make any waves. He has a rifle with him but he's tucked it under his uniform in such a way that if he holds himself just right, he doesn't look like he has it. His sidearm he's tucked down into one of his cargo pockets. If he can get past the enemy garrison and get close enough to Stark, he can see them out.

It's a short ride, though, and he has to trek the rest of it alone. It's easier this way, alone and in the snow, and he manages to find a vehicle he can steal that will make the way easier. He goes without headlights and hopes for the best; the plane crash site is still smoking in the distance but it doesn't look like it's been picked over yet. The Germans surely must know about it but maybe they don't realize who they have.

He gets close enough to see the back of Howard Stark and he whistles low to get his attention. He doesn't want to suddenly cause an issue where there isn't one so he carefully picks his way up through the wreckage.

"Where's the other two?"

"Barnes!" Howard jerked upright with a startled yelp, but nearly collapsed in relief as he recognized this silent newcomer. He'd been digging through the metal, looking for whatever pieces he could find, and he certainly looked as if he'd been in a plane crash; his fine clothes were ash-stained and torn, stinking of smoke and fuel.

The genius was shivering - it had begun snowing again - and he rubbed his arms for warmth. "Wish I knew. I landed all right, but couldn't stop since the brakes gave out right when we touched down. Jarvis and Natalie were here when I hit my head, but gone when I finally came to. Thank God the Germans haven't found us yet, and how the hell did you make it here?"

He looked around a little wildly. "And where is here? I know we crossed the German border, I saw the river when we flew over. Where's everybody else? Rogers? Peggy?"

"Here is outside Fischingen," Bucky says. "There's German garrison I had to sneak past earlier. Do you think they might have picked up Jarvis and Natalie and thought you were dead?"

Howard Stark is recognizable, sure, but would the average German soldier know who he was? Maybe not, looking the way he is right now. He looks like a man who's risen from the dead, is what he looks like, and so Bucky decides that he has to stay dead for the next little while. He cocks his head at the wreck of the plane.

"Anything you want to salvage out of this? If I have to go break into a German army base, I want it to be the last stop before I get my ass back to Switzerland."

Howard looked more than a little frazzled, but he was at least processing. He rubbed hands through his hair, making it stand on end and giving him the look of a crazed madman, but he turned around to what remained of his plane at Bucky's question, then shook his head.

"Don't think so. Most of the important stuff you guys tossed out of the cargo hold. Speaking of," he added with an increasing note of panic, "did you manage to recover most of it? Please say you did because I'm going to go off my rock--"

"Sir!"

The new voice echoed out of the brush and falling snow, and was tinged with a crisp British accent. Jarvis finally staggered out of the bushes, nearly falling in his haste. But he was burdened by a second figure under his protective arm, staggering along as best as it could.

"Jarvis!" Howard exclaimed, rushing past Barnes. "Natalie! Oh my God, Natalie! What the hell happened, Jarvis!" Howard started babbling in concern as his chauffeur and his secretary collapsed in the slush, the latter with her clothing torn, her curls in complete disarray, and her pale skin covered in dark sticky streaks that weren't dirt or ash.

But she was alive, thankfully, and her left hand tightly gripped a Heckler USP, and Jarvis's eyes were still a little wild. "We're all right, sir. Miss Rushman is...a little disoriented, but...I believe she'll pull through." The Brit's gaze flicked over Howard's head and alighted on Barnes. "Ah, Sergeant, thank God. Have you come to take us home, please?"

What the hell happened is a goddamn understatement. Bucky doesn't care about Stark or Jarvis any longer. What he cares about is Natalia and he rushes to her, kneeling in the snow, and brushes gentle fingertips across bruised and bloodied skin. She's injured but she's alive and that's all that matters to him right now. He could have Adolf Hitler himself ride up to kill them all and Bucky wouldn't care. He's got eyes and ears and hands on his girl and he can make sure she's all right.

"Where does it hurt?" he asks gently, almost too low for the other two to hear. "What's injured, moya lisichka, what can I do to help?"

He hadn't brought any medical supplies with him because he'd wanted to pack light and now he's cursing it because finding the vehicle had been luck he hadn't thought he'd get. It's a civilian truck, though, a farmer's truck, and he doesn't think he's got anything in there to heal these hurts. It's all right. He can get Natasha back over the river and Carter will have something to patch her up with.

"Tell me what I need to do for you."

Jarvis was in the process of reporting details to Howard, who was pacing around in the typical fashion of the useless when in an emergency, but broke off when Sergeant Barnes rushed over to take hold of Natalie. She all but fell into his arms, finally relinquishing her grip on the gun, and Jarvis carefully picked it up. "It's not her blood," the Brit told Barnes. He looked between Howard and the Sergeant.

"We jumped out, sir, right before the impact, as you remember." Howard nodded. "It took me a bit to climb out of that ditch in which I'd landed, but I eventually came across Miss Rushman, unconscious in a thicket, with the gun." His voice hitched, and his eyes went a little wild. "...along with five German soldiers scattered about...all of them...dead."

Howard blinked. Natalia shivered, whimpered, and seemed to rouse from her stupor, blinking several times. Then her eyes widened and she began to shake, but not before throwing her arms around Bucky's neck and clutching him tight. "...James..!" Stark just stared at the three of them, still not processing.

"Sir, Sergeant," Jarvis broke in, apparently used to being the voice of reason, "might I suggest we repair to the vehicle and get out of this cold? The Germans will no doubt be looking for their deceased comrades, and it would be wise to be absent of this place when they finally find them."

Jarvis is right, of course, and Bucky flips him the keys because there's no way he's driving when Natalia seems to need him so much. He's goddamned impressed that she'd managed to kill the German pat without them taking any harm and he wonders if it had been sheer adrenaline or something else. Doesn't matter. What matters is that he's here now and he isn't going to let her go for a while unless Phillips threatens to court-martial him.

"I'm going to carry you," Bucky says, lifting her up in his arms. Maybe it's more for him than it is for her but he wants to make sure she feels safe and warm and all the things she deserves. He's shaken up from the day, more than a little, and he didn't even go through half of what she had. He settles in the back of the truck, thankful it's got a camper top, and tugs Natalia back against his chest.

"I'm sorry I didn't stay. They made me go."

She was shivering almost uncontrollably, her arms wrapped tight around herself even as she huddled into James's chest once the truck began to move. All she could remember was fire, the plane rumbling like a monster as it slammed into the ground, being thrown out of it by Jarvis, and Howard yelling as he followed. Then came flashes of gunfire, angry shouts in German, and next she was waking up to see Jarvis standing over her, trying to get her up out of the snow and broken foliage.

There were dead men all around her.

The next thing she recognized had been her James, his handsome face creased with worry and fear, and she'd wanted to sob with relief because he had come for her. She couldn't have strung two coherent thoughts together if she'd tried, but that was fine because that thought was the only one that mattered at all.

He had come for her.

The truck bounced, making her teeth click together, and Natalia swallowed a brief scream, but she huddled as close as she could to Bucky's solid warmth, feeling as if she'd just gone through the war herself. And in a way, that was dangerously close to the truth.

Bucky unbuttons his coat and slides his arms out of it, tugging it around where he's encircled her with his arms so she can be warmed by both the cloth and his body heat. He knows she must be in shock from both the cold and whatever the hell happened and he wants to ease it, if he can. He wants to take all of her hurts and make them his own.

He kisses the top of her head and rubs her bare arms with his hands. "I got close to being court-martialed a few times but there was no way I wouldn't come for you. I cloaked it in coming for Stark but it was you I needed. I couldn't...I didn't want your last memory of me being that I left you. I didn't want you hurt and afraid and alone. I wish it had been me instead."

He's at least trained for this, been through both basic and the extensive training he'd gotten to be a Howling Commando. She's just a girl who has seen more than she ought to have and Bucky just wants to protect her from it all. "When we get back, I'll get you in a hot shower and a warm bed. I won't leave you."

She couldn't answer him right yet, her teeth were still chattering too loudly. But she gratefully accepted the offered warmth from both his body and the coat, sliding down beneath the heavy fabric to soak up all the comfort that she could. Buried under James's coat and safely away from the rest of the world, Natalia finally let the tears course down her cheeks; she'd had no choice, Stark was her only priority, and if he died, her own life would be forfeit.

And hearing this man, this good man, saying he'd tried to come for her, he'd been so desperate to get back to her, he wished he'd been in her place instead; all of that plus the absolute sincerity in his voice only made her tears come faster, and small snuffled sobs finally emerged from the middle of Bucky's chest, wafting up from beneath his heavy coat. She was hurt, she was so afraid, and she could still feel the weight of the gun in her hand, a coldly comforting weight against the onslaught of those foolish men who'd tried to apprehend her.

They'd never known what had hit them.

And now, James was holding her as if she were made of glass and so precious, cradling her to his chest as if he'd never let her go. Misery sank down on her shoulders like a heavy weight; she was nothing, a weapon, she could never deserve something so pure and good as this tender heart.

"I've got you, lisichka, moy lyubov'," Bucky says tenderly. His Russian still has a layer of Brooklyn over it but his tongue is getting used to the rhythm of it, the shape of the vowels that don't quite exist in English. He's better at it than the French he'd taken in high school and the little bit of German he knows. He's better at it because he cares about it.

"I'm never going to let anyone hurt you again," he promises. "I'm never going to let this happen again. I won't leave you. I didn't want to leave this time and I'm not leaving you again. I don't care if it means I'm insubordinate. You're more important to me than anyone."

The ride is slow so they don't attract attention and the whole time Bucky simply strokes her skin and murmurs sweet nonsense against her hair - sometimes his limited Russian, mostly everything he can think to say in English. By the time they pull up to where the base is set up, he thinks he'll have to carry Natalia to a bed somewhere. He doesn't mind it.

"We're here. Do you need my help to walk?"

Agent Carter had appropriated a small hostel, reimbursing the owners at the Army's expense, and the Commandos and their Captain had been busy setting up a communications center and getting the rest of Stark's cargo stored while Sergeant Barnes had been gone. Howard nearly collapsed in a relieved faint when he was informed that, yes, they did manage to save nearly all of his equipment, and shook off any medical examinations as he hurried out of the truck, but did, at least, make sure that there was a physician on hand to check over his staff before he vanished into the inn's depths.

Steve was there to help Bucky get Natalie out of the truck, handing her back once his best friend clambered out of the bed. Her teeth were still chattering and she was shaking, but not as violently as before. "She okay, Buck?" Peggy didn't wait for an answer, she instead directed Bucky to take her directly inside; a town nurse was waiting to look her over, and she would see to Jarvis while the others went about their duties.

In the office-turned-examination room, Natalia didn't want to let go of James, and the nurse had to veritably pry her fingers loose so she could look the bedraggled woman over. A sprained wrist, several broken ribs, a few rough contusions, and a mild concussion later, the nurse gave her a shot of antibiotics, a small bottle of painkillers, with instructions to the Sergeant about getting her cleaned up, rested, and kept quiet.

"Make sure she doesn't fall asleep for at least six hours, Sergeant," the nurse warned. "Concussion patients who drift off sometimes don't ever wake up. So, the longer you can keep her awake, the better. But get her warm, and into some clean clothes, and don't let her become too chilled."

Bucky nods. He's not going to let anything happen to Natalia under his care and he gently guides her back to the room he's decided they're going to share. It outs them to everyone but he imagines that had already been evident, considering his concern for her, and he doesn't really care. He cares about her. He settles her on the bed before going to the bathroom on this floor.

He goes and gets a washcloth and a basin with warm water to help and clean her and once he's back in the room, he shuts the door and locks it. "I'm going to clean you up a little, lisichka. Tell me if anything hurts."

Bucky puts the basin on the little night table and starts unbuttoning her shirt, careful as he pulls it away. "When you're washed off, I have some of my clothes you can wear. I thought that might make you feel better."

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject