ostavil | 001 wakanda

001 wakanda

There's peace in Wakanda. Bucky had spent a little while under the ice while Shuri figured out a way to work on his deprogramming and while it's been a painful process, it's a necessary one and he's glad for all her work on the tangled knot that's HYDRA and the mess inside his brain. It's all wired incorrectly, a bomb that never went off but still needs to be defused, and he's scared every time she goes in there that something will go wrong and he'll attack her; it hasn't happened yet.

When he isn't working with her or Ayo, he has a little hut to himself where there are goats and sometimes children come visit him to see the curious white man who has taken up on the fringes of Wakandan society. Steve has visited a few times but when they announce a visitor this time, it's apparently not Steve. They're still at the palace being received, though, so Bucky takes the time to tidy up where he's been staying as much as he can one-handed; he's neat by nature but he also isn't used to having company come by either.

Who could it be? Sam? Sharon? Bucky isn't sure who would come to visit him aside from those two and Steve. Tony Stark certainly wouldn't and he isn't sure the Wakandan government would even let him in. Would Wanda come to see him? He's not certain. He imagines she's in hiding the same as he is, trying to avoid the Sokovia Accords and their inevitable consequences on her. It seems she's suffering more from them than anyone else, even himself, so he doesn't think she'd risk coming to see him.

He catalogs the other people he knows and he comes up with Natasha. He's got a strange history with her. He's shot her twice while the Winter Soldier but curiously, both times, he'd shot her non-fatally. It's almost as if he'd known that she needed to live even if he didn't know her and that's not what the Winter Soldier does. He doesn't leave loose ends. He kills whoever is necessary, even an innocent bystander, and Natasha has been actively opposing him both times he's encountered her. Even when he'd been activated by Zemo he'd attacked her but didn't take her down. There's something in him that protects her and he wonders why that is and always has. He doesn't know why she'd visit him but he wouldn't turn it down, either, so when he hears someone at the door he calls for them to come inside.

"Come in, I'm not busy." He's just finishing up wiping down a counter in what counts for his kitchen and when he comes into view of the visitor, he sees that it is Natasha. Curious.

"Hi."

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"No, no, I don't want you to stop," Bucky says. He thinks he even sounds nervous which is probably not good. He's enjoying himself, more than enjoying, but it's also kind of overwhelming at the same time. He puts his hands at her hips and cups them so he can rock up against her.

"It just feels like a first time for me, that's all. I haven't had sex in a long time."

He knows, he knows he and Natasha were together but he doesn't remember and this feels like the first time he's wanted it and chosen it since 1945.

She slows her hip movements, but doesn't pause as she strokes over his cheek. He's over thinking it and it's a mess. She's rushing through her head trying to think on how to fix this situation and she just sighs against his lips.

"My darling, how do we get you to turn off your brain and just feel?" She asks but she's not looking for an answer to the question.

Instead she just reaches between them and wraps a hand around his cock and gives it a few strokes long and slow.

"Should I do this? Tell you how good your cock feels when I grind against it? Make a bigger mess of it all?" She's listing off possibilities between kisses, but the only thing she's doing is stroking him with her hand.

"I just need to relax, I know," Bucky says. Then his breath comes sharp because Natasha's wrapped her hand around his cock and it feels so good that he doesn't even know what to do. It's been so long since he's been touched that he feels like he's going to catch fire.

"Please don't stop touching me? Please?"

If she stops touching him, he'll die.

"I got you.." she reassures him and keeps stroking him. It's at that time she leans in to start kissing him, hoping that if she can occupy his mouth it will help occupy his brain a little bit.

Her strokes are long, slow, but firm. It only takes a few times before she stops for a moment and reaches between her own legs to coat her fingers before wrapping them back around them letting him clearly know how wet he has made her. Once she's stroking him again she breaks the kiss.

"I know you love this... you can let go at any time baby."

Bucky's brain is going a million miles a minute but then Natasha is kissing him and it seems to just stop for a while. She has her hand wrapped around his cock and then she does something that just makes him short-circuit -

She reaches between her own legs and wets her fingers before wrapping them around him again. God, she wants him. She wants him.

Bucky kisses her hard and when he comes, it feels like the weight of the world is finally off his shoulders. Jesus Christ. Finally.

She grins against the kiss as he comes, jerking his hips up into her hand and keeps stroking him all the way through it. She only breaks it once she's sure he's done and pulls back to grin at him.

"Mmm. Do you feel better now baby?" She asks all soft, voice fond like she doesn't want to overwhelm him with the options. She shifts off him and moves to lay down next to him, unbothered by the mess that is her hand she just lays it on Bucky's chest where half of his come ended up anyways.

"Yeah," Bucky says. "I do feel better. A lot better." Nothing happened to him when he was with her and he feels closer to Natasha, not violated. It's...good. It's good to share that with someone again.

"I didn't do anything for you, though," he murmurs. "I have to do something about that. I can't just...not. You deserve it."

She presses closer to him and nuzzles at his jawline. It doesn't bother her if she doesn't get off, really at all. She's in no rush, and she still felt really good grinding on him.

"If you wanna get me off, I can show you one of my favorite old tricks we used to do?" She asks curiously but doesn't make an effort to move away from him right now she's just happy to be close and laying half on top of him.

"I think I would be interested in seeing that, actually," Bucky says, laughing warmly. "If it's something really weird, though, I'm going to question the other half of myself and his preferences."

Or maybe not because clearly it was something they did together and Natasha had enjoyed it.

"What did we used to do?"

She giggles at that, the idea that it’s somehow very weird is amusing to her. The craziest they got was hushed quickies in places they could get caught.

“Sit up against the headboard because you are very much going to enjoy the show, I promise…” she says moving to push to sit up and kneel on the bed next to him.

Bucky moves up back against the headboard and settles himself, enjoying how beautiful Natasha looks. He'd have to be blind not to enjoy it and she says he'll enjoy the show and he wonders, exactly, what kind of show he's going to get.

"All right, I guess I'm gonna see a show."

“Gimme your left hand…”

She crawls over his lap to straddle him, taking his hand and holding it out. She adjusts to fingers and a thumb into the right position and slides slowly onto the fingers, adjusting his thumb a little bit to get it just right as she starts to grind slowly against his thumb hips rolling in an easy pattern as she grins down at him.

“God I forgot how good this could be …”

Bucky is a little shocked. He's never looked at his left hand as anything but monstrous and now, with Wakandan help, it's a tool to be used but seeing it as an object to be used during sex is something else entirely. He's not actually sure what he feels about it.

Natasha certainly feels a way about it, though, because her face shows she's enjoying it and he thinks he needs to just relax and go with it. If she's enjoying it, after all, shouldn't he be enjoying it too?

“Can you feel anything with this one?” She asks curiously as she just slowly rides his hand, putting on a little bit of a show for him. This had all started with him years ago when he figured out the lack of fatigue with it meant he could absolutely drive her nuts with orgasm after orgasm. That was when they had the rare chance to take their time on each other.

She reaches for his other hand and brings it to one of he breasts that bounce with each thrust of her hips. She’s just trying to make him relax and properly enjoy it cause she still can’t figure out if he is.

It's better when he's touching her and Bucky lets himself get more into it, rolling his thumb against her nipple and arching his own hips up a bit while she balances on his arm. When she asks if he can feel anything, he shakes his head.

"No, I can't feel anything," he says. It's wistful, though, because he wishes that he could.

“You’d feel how damn wet you make me…” she reassures him and starts to rock a little quicker against him, like she’s urgent and horny after all of this. Because honestly she is.

“You used to like to watch me do this for hours, orgasm after orgasm ….”

Bucky is trying to imagine that. He watched her for hours and hours while she got off on his left hand? This is...a lot. Still, if it's her thing, it's her thing.

And it definitely looks like her thing.

"What kinda stuff did I used to say to you? Did I teach you English dirty words?"

The reaction in his face is enough to slow her motions and slip off his hand moving to lay on the bed as next to him. She doesn't pull away from him, it's not an effort to run away, but it's too much to want to feel good anymore and she just goes quite, not answering the question. She tugs at a blanket to pull it over her, in a sign that she had no intention of running off, but she just closes her eyes and tries to brace herself again.

It had gone from so much fun, to trying to continue it after he came and she feels gross now.

"Natasha...shit. This is why I was afraid," Bucky says softly. "Because I'm not him. I'm not him and I hurt you."

God, he doesn't even know what to do. He doesn't even know what to do. He doesn't want Natasha to feel unwanted by him, especially when she'd made him feel so wanted before.

"I'm sorry."

"Just shut up for a second please..." she sighs and as takes a deep breath and let's her emotions settle. Trying to calm all the stupid bullshit that things like hormones do to your head, it's why emotions are dangerous when they interact with sexual things. That's why she never did things with anyone that she actually liked. Meaningless sex, that was what was safe.

It's a long moment before she turns on her side so she can look over at him.

"This has absolutely nothing to do with you not being him, please stop using that as an excuse."

"I'm not comfortable with the same things he apparently loved," Bucky says softly. "And I ruined it for you and I'm sorry. There's stuff I do like, though. Things I know I like. I can...I can make it better."

Bucky just wants to make Natasha happy and he feels like he's let her down just now.

"And that's okay that you don't like the same things..." she says with a sigh bringing her hand up to cover her eyes in frustration. She's not going to get mad at say things that will hurt him even though in some minds she wants to because it feels like she's dealing with a toddler.

"You don't have to be, but you can't look at me like I'm fucking horrible James. You just have to say things. Change the action on whatever it is... You're allowed to be different but you can't judge me for it. You have to use your goddamn words."

"I didn't realize I was looking at you like that. I didn't mean to," Bucky says. God, he's really fucked it up, and now he doesn't know what to do. Flipping her over to go down on her is probably not going to solve the problem at all and he thinks it might make it worse.

"And I'm not ever going to judge you for anything. You like what you like, Natasha. There's nothing wrong with that. I don't judge you for what you like, I promise I don't."

It's a long pause and a sigh before she sits up, holding her blanket across her body to hide it and she is just glaring daggers into his eyes.

"You are not listening to me. Stop it. Stop it!" She adds the second one with emphasis. His lack of ability to communicate is driving her nuts at this point and she just shakes her head.

"I don't give a shit that you're not him. I don't give a shit that I didn't get off. I do give a shit that you just keep apologizing and won't fucking talk to me. Be you! Talk to me! Just fucking give me a chance and stop trying to be so sure you know what I want, you fucking idiot."

Bucky blinks a little, taken aback that Natasha has yelled at him and called him a fucking idiot. He hadn't expected that, honestly, and he doesn't really know what to do with it. He's been apologizing because he had done something wrong but now he's not supposed to apologize?

"What am I supposed to say? The woman I'm falling in love with tells me this is how she wants to get off and I do it but it's strange to me because I've never done it before," Bucky says. He knows he's raising his voice and he shouldn't.

"I just want to be with you, Natasha. That's all. I keep fucking it up because I'm scared. You mean everything to me."

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