"Wouldn't want to be stuck with someone like me anyway," Bucky reminds her. "I'm not exactly a prize. I wanna be good to you, though. I get the sense you haven't had a lot of that and I haven't ever been able to do it and I want to. I want to have that even if I can't have a bond."
He can give up the bond if it means he has someone to share his life with. Besides, how long is he gonna live anyway? If he outlives Natasha, he'll mourn her, and he can't reverse a bond. It might leave him even more broken than he is already.
Natasha didn't argue with the self-depreciating commentary; Barnes would have to figure out his worth on his own. Years of therapy, she had the inkling. Nor did she bother informing him again just how pointless it was for him to settle on her, either.
"...I appreciate that, James," was what she said instead, stroking the arm over her waist gently. "And it's good to want that. We'll have to see how it can work, then figure it all out." After his rut was over. That still had first priority.
"Luckily for you, I have next to nothing to move. I think I have a duffel bag worth of clothes. I need to go shopping but I was kinda in prison and then I was in rut so it didn't really happen. I'd order them but you know I run sort of...big and tall."
Bucky doesn't think he could blind order his sizes off a website and have a chance of them remotely fitting.
"Thankfully you don't need a wardrobe this week," Natasha said, settling a little more comfortably against the pillows. "But if you do move in, then yeah, we'll get you fitted for some outfits." Tactical gear only went so far, after all.
A little wiggle to test, and she managed to get loose enough to sit up, stretching achy muscles and wincing as a few joints cracked. "Leftovers for breakfast?" Then a shower, and probably more bedroom shenanigans. Hopefully a nap here or there, too.
"Leftovers," Bucky agrees. "If you're too stiff after that, maybe I can be a little easier? I'm hoping that was a one time thing because I've never done that or needed that before. It's just...god, your scent. It drives me crazy, Natasha. I don't even think it's just rut either."
Bucky thinks they're probably just really compatible and it happens that way sometimes. Those people usually settle down pretty quickly.
Natasha gathered her curls into a messy ball and clipped them behind her head, preparatory for a nice hot shower, then gave Bucky a reassuring smile over one bare shoulder. "Don't worry about me," she told him, lips curving lightly. "I can handle it."
Then he mentioned her scent and she gave a light shrug. "Well, at least it's doing what it's supposed to do." This was one of the reasons she'd backed off on her suppressants. Curious, she asked, "...what does it smell like? To you, I mean?"
"Chocolate," Bucky says and he knows his voice is a little dreamy. It's stupid but it's hormones and nobody should expect logic out of an Alpha with a good Omega's scent in his nose during rut. He closes his eyes and inhales, trying to suss out the other notes.
"It's dark chocolate no, not too sweet. Something citrusy. And something spicy, too. Cinnamon? Chili? It's not really syrupy like some Omegas are. It's different."
Chili and chocolate? Natasha hoped not. The other scents weren't so bad, but Jesus, what Omega wanted to smell like chili? She laughed nevertheless, rising from bed with a stretch then reached for her robe, shrugging it on with a soft sigh.
"I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, being different," she remarked, opening the refrigerator once they'd embarked to the kitchen. "But hey, if you like it, then that's all that matters, da?" She began placing cartons of takeout on the counter.
"It's different," Bucky confirms. "It's...sharper? Like I wanna protect you but maybe you don't always need me to do it. And that's a lot different than most Omegas you meet. The ones I was around before the war wanted me to do all the protecting and they wanted to be housewives and I was fine with that and all but it's not very exciting."
Since when does he want exciting? He's had enough excitement. He starts getting plates out for the food and thinks for a moment before he says anything else.
"But you smell like you can take care of yourself and you just let me have the pleasure of it, not that you expect it out of me. It's nice."
Well, that actually made more sense. Pulling the last carton from the fridge, Natasha placed it on the counter and closed the door, giving Bucky a speculative look with her head tilted lightly. "Makes sense," she finally said, opening the bag of eggrolls and placing one on her plate and two on Bucky's plate.
She gave him another small smile, lips curving gently. "I'm glad you like it, then." As long as it helped. Then she reminded him, "You do know the only reason you can even smell my scent is because I staggered my medication, right? I'm only taking half a dose while you're here, and it seems to be helping."
"It helps a lot," Bucky says. He hates admitting it because it's just not safe in Natasha's line of work to be unsuppressed but he wants to smell her around him because it calms him down and helps him focus. It's the worst situation an Alpha could be in and he's deep in it.
"It's not fair of me to ask you to keep doing that, though, no matter how much it helps me. You don't need me rubbing up on you like a stray cat so I can make you smell like you've been claimed and you don't need me burying my face in you so I can calm down."
He starts dishing out some of the food before he speaks again. "But it feels good to have you do it anyway. So thank you."
She wasn't going to be working while he was here and in full rut. It was pointless if she did go off across the world while he was in such a state, and Natasha trusted her medication to work as it was supposed to. Although...if Barnes ended up living here, she supposed she'd have to dispense with the suppressants entirely.
But that was an issue to be handled later, in any case.
"Shut up with that and put your plate in the microwave," the small Omega said, not unkindly, and smiled before spooning fried rice on her own plate. "I've told you countless times that this is about taking care of you, and of course you're welcome."
"Yes ma'am," Bucky says, putting his plate in the microwave to heat up his food instead of talking more about how he doesn't deserve to be taken care of. He still thinks Natasha is doing a lot for him, more than she should have to do, but he guesses it's also her choice to do that for him and she's going into with it with her eyes open.
"Is it bad of me to say the sex is good? I haven't had this much touch and affection in decades. I feel like I'm drowning in it and it's so good. I could live like this forever."
And hopefully he'll get to and they'll have an arrangement where he can live with Natasha.
"Not really," Natasha said with a light laugh. "A girl likes to hear that she does a good job satisfying her man." She finished filling her plate, then stepped to the sink to rinse her hands. "You're not so bad at it, yourself."
Seventy years was a long time to go without positive human contact. As someone who'd done without for a quarter of that time, Natasha honestly didn't know how Barnes mind hadn't broken entirely. But the man was resilient, if nothing else, so she had to give him that credit.
"We can do it again after we eat," she promised, taking his plate out after the timer dinged and putting her own in. "If you want."
"I'll take not so bad," Bucky says, laughing softly. It's not exactly a compliment about his skills but he thinks they're teasing a little bit versus actually giving compliments so he isn't taking it as a slight. It seems like Natasha's enjoying it, anyway, and there's some things you can't fake. At least he thinks she couldn't fake it - but she might be able to. Better not to think about it.
"I should say no to give you a rest," Bucky says, giving her a once over. "But I'm not going to be able to help myself. I won't be as...Alpha as this morning. I promise. I don't know where that came from because I don't think I've ever done it before. Not that I can remember, anyway, so I guess you got one hell of a first from me."
Brunch was just as good as supper had been, because Chinese food was always better the next day, in Natasha's view. She everything on her plate, not realizing how hungry she'd been until she'd done so, and set it on the coffee table with a satisfied sigh.
Barnes was working her over, but she was tough, she'd handle it. They'd have to order more food later today, or at least make a grocery order. She didn't really keep staples around, after all.
"Get enough? There's a little more left if you're still hungry."
"Yeah, I need more food." Being polite about food is definitely not going to work because his metabolism is so high between the serum and his rut that he'll start losing weight fast if he doesn't pack on the calories. He goes and heats up what's left of the leftovers and sits down with another full plate, eating just as quickly as he had before.
He does have the manners to finish chewing before he speaks again, though, and he gives Natasha a look that he thinks might be a little too soft for this arrangement.
"That smell of yours drives me insane," he says. "I just want my nose buried in you all the time. Gonna do that later."
Natasha didn't have any judgments about sloppy table manners; they were on the couch in her living room, after all, not at her small table in the kitchen. And given how many calories he'd probably burnt up since supper last night, she was mildly surprised he wasn't ravening right now, just inhaling food without even tasting it.
She was, nevertheless, woman enough that hearing what Bucky wanted to do to her made her shiver with anticipation, and suggestively loosen the sash on her robe, pull it halfway open, then recline on the couch in a languid pose, expression almost lazy.
Bucky smiles a little and puts his plate on the coffee table before kneeling down between Natasha's legs, taking his time to run his hands up and down her thighs before leaning in to press his tongue against her and give her a slow lick. He can taste her now, that concentrated scent, and it's all he can do to start this off slow and steady.
He rubs his thumbs along the sensitive skin of her inner thighs and when he's in rut, the Alpha part of him doesn't care about his left arm or how it feels when he touches her, only that he's touching her and she's melting for him.
She obligingly widened her knees, slinging one bare leg atop the back of the couch, and letting the other dangle off the edge, her toes just trailing on the plush carpet. Seeing Barnes' dark head delve between her legs was erotic all in itself, and Natasha couldn't help a swift breath and the arch of her back at the first touch of his hands and mouth. Even the cool metal didn't deter from it.
Arms lying above her head, Natasha watched him with increasingly deeper breaths, and huskily inquired after a few long minutes, "...do I smell good, malyshka?"
"Like the best chocolate there is," Bucky says, lifting his head to look at her softly before going back between her legs, tongue working her slow before he adds his fingers to it, sliding two in so she has something to clamp down on when he comes.
It isn't as good as knotting her, no, but it's good and he wants to do it to take care of Natasha.
Natasha chuckled, the sound husky in the living room. But she hissed a breath at the addition of fingers, muscles involuntarily spasming around the thick digits as they slid inside. Teeth worried her lower lip, breath hissed between them, and her hips rose and fell in time with the sinful rhythm as her body quickly began to heat.
An Alpha's attention was heady, quite the aphrodisiac, she was discovering, and Natasha tried not to squirm right off of the couch, but her thighs trembled with the effort of remaining open, when she really wanted to wrap her legs around Bucky's neck, and not with antagonistic intent this time.
All of his Alpha senses are tuned in to the little noises that Natasha is making and Bucky knows this is going to end in him knotting her even if he wants to get her off first. He can get her off this way and then have her come again on his knot and maybe he'll feel better for a little while, a little more calm.
He grips her thigh tighter with his left hand and lifts his head long enough to say, "I'm gonna have you on my knot once you come," before working her hard with his fingers and sucking at her clit.
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He can give up the bond if it means he has someone to share his life with. Besides, how long is he gonna live anyway? If he outlives Natasha, he'll mourn her, and he can't reverse a bond. It might leave him even more broken than he is already.
"So I wanna stay."
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"...I appreciate that, James," was what she said instead, stroking the arm over her waist gently. "And it's good to want that. We'll have to see how it can work, then figure it all out." After his rut was over. That still had first priority.
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Bucky doesn't think he could blind order his sizes off a website and have a chance of them remotely fitting.
"And you run sort of short and slim."
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A little wiggle to test, and she managed to get loose enough to sit up, stretching achy muscles and wincing as a few joints cracked. "Leftovers for breakfast?" Then a shower, and probably more bedroom shenanigans. Hopefully a nap here or there, too.
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Bucky thinks they're probably just really compatible and it happens that way sometimes. Those people usually settle down pretty quickly.
"I think it's just you."
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Then he mentioned her scent and she gave a light shrug. "Well, at least it's doing what it's supposed to do." This was one of the reasons she'd backed off on her suppressants. Curious, she asked, "...what does it smell like? To you, I mean?"
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"It's dark chocolate no, not too sweet. Something citrusy. And something spicy, too. Cinnamon? Chili? It's not really syrupy like some Omegas are. It's different."
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"I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, being different," she remarked, opening the refrigerator once they'd embarked to the kitchen. "But hey, if you like it, then that's all that matters, da?" She began placing cartons of takeout on the counter.
"Help yourself. There's more than enough."
Well, at least for one meal with a super soldier.
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Since when does he want exciting? He's had enough excitement. He starts getting plates out for the food and thinks for a moment before he says anything else.
"But you smell like you can take care of yourself and you just let me have the pleasure of it, not that you expect it out of me. It's nice."
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She gave him another small smile, lips curving gently. "I'm glad you like it, then." As long as it helped. Then she reminded him, "You do know the only reason you can even smell my scent is because I staggered my medication, right? I'm only taking half a dose while you're here, and it seems to be helping."
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"It's not fair of me to ask you to keep doing that, though, no matter how much it helps me. You don't need me rubbing up on you like a stray cat so I can make you smell like you've been claimed and you don't need me burying my face in you so I can calm down."
He starts dishing out some of the food before he speaks again. "But it feels good to have you do it anyway. So thank you."
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But that was an issue to be handled later, in any case.
"Shut up with that and put your plate in the microwave," the small Omega said, not unkindly, and smiled before spooning fried rice on her own plate. "I've told you countless times that this is about taking care of you, and of course you're welcome."
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"Is it bad of me to say the sex is good? I haven't had this much touch and affection in decades. I feel like I'm drowning in it and it's so good. I could live like this forever."
And hopefully he'll get to and they'll have an arrangement where he can live with Natasha.
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Seventy years was a long time to go without positive human contact. As someone who'd done without for a quarter of that time, Natasha honestly didn't know how Barnes mind hadn't broken entirely. But the man was resilient, if nothing else, so she had to give him that credit.
"We can do it again after we eat," she promised, taking his plate out after the timer dinged and putting her own in. "If you want."
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"I should say no to give you a rest," Bucky says, giving her a once over. "But I'm not going to be able to help myself. I won't be as...Alpha as this morning. I promise. I don't know where that came from because I don't think I've ever done it before. Not that I can remember, anyway, so I guess you got one hell of a first from me."
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Barnes was working her over, but she was tough, she'd handle it. They'd have to order more food later today, or at least make a grocery order. She didn't really keep staples around, after all.
"Get enough? There's a little more left if you're still hungry."
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He does have the manners to finish chewing before he speaks again, though, and he gives Natasha a look that he thinks might be a little too soft for this arrangement.
"That smell of yours drives me insane," he says. "I just want my nose buried in you all the time. Gonna do that later."
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She was, nevertheless, woman enough that hearing what Bucky wanted to do to her made her shiver with anticipation, and suggestively loosen the sash on her robe, pull it halfway open, then recline on the couch in a languid pose, expression almost lazy.
"...why not now?"
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He rubs his thumbs along the sensitive skin of her inner thighs and when he's in rut, the Alpha part of him doesn't care about his left arm or how it feels when he touches her, only that he's touching her and she's melting for him.
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Arms lying above her head, Natasha watched him with increasingly deeper breaths, and huskily inquired after a few long minutes, "...do I smell good, malyshka?"
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It isn't as good as knotting her, no, but it's good and he wants to do it to take care of Natasha.
"Wanna feel you come for me."
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An Alpha's attention was heady, quite the aphrodisiac, she was discovering, and Natasha tried not to squirm right off of the couch, but her thighs trembled with the effort of remaining open, when she really wanted to wrap her legs around Bucky's neck, and not with antagonistic intent this time.
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He grips her thigh tighter with his left hand and lifts his head long enough to say, "I'm gonna have you on my knot once you come," before working her hard with his fingers and sucking at her clit.