She was boneless when he moved them, pliant and unresisting. Natasha all but flopped, landing in her side with Barnes knotted behind her, and she was still trying to catch her breath. When she could finally speak, she managed a rough chuckle and replied, "It's all right. You don't - you don't have to apologize, James."
His arm was around her waist and she placed hers atop his, reassuring. "And yeah, I'm okay. Just...just gotta catch my breath, is all." Christ, but she hadn't expected morning sex to be so goddamned intense.
A glance over her shoulder, and Natasha inquired, "Better now?" They'd have to fuck again, of course, but hopefully he was calm for the moment.
"A lot better. This one will last for a while," Bucky says and he feels like it's true and not just something to say to Natasha to soothe her. He nuzzles up against her neck and tries to get more of her scent. It's intimate, knotted to her like this, and he wishes he could be here all the time.
"I've never done that before," he admits. "Ever. I don't know what came over me but I smelled you and you smelled so good and sweet that I couldn't even think and I just had to do. Has that ever happened to you before, Natasha?"
It wasn't too surprising, his confession; she doubted he'd been all that serious an Alpha before the war, and God knew HYDRA certainly hadn't allowed him to dominate any Omegas during his ruts. They'd probably just put him back on ice to let his hormones cool off. Or suppressed him into a coma.
She finally shook her head in answer, though it was slow in coming. "...no. I'm not really sure why I let you, either, except...except it just felt like the right thing to do."
And that, on a primal level, was terrifying to her.
Even if she had to admit that, "--it felt really good, though. Almost passed out during that orgasm." God.
"If I stayed...could I be your Alpha?" Maybe it's a dumb thing to ask during the middle of Rut but Bucky is clear-headed enough right now to be logical and he wants to know if he's going to still be having sex if he stays here or if that's going to be confined to ruts.
"I don't mean a mating bond, I wouldn't expect that so soon, but...something in between? Like dating but not as casual as regular dating because I live here?"
He's so hopeful for it but he knows, deep down, that she should and probably will say no.
Natasha had anticipated this when she'd volunteered for the job of assisting Barnes through this rut. The problem was that she hadn't had an answer for the question before his rut had hit, cutting her rumination time a little short. She was normally straightforward with decision making, but this one...demanded examining all options.
"...it's possible," she finally replied, trying to at least give the man something. "I've never...well, lived with anyone before, so I don't know what sort of roommate I'd be, but remember what we talked about yesterday? I have to be able to work without you going apeshit if I come home smelling of someone else."
"You don't have sex with them," Bucky says. "So I wouldn't...be competing necessarily. I think competing would be the problem and not the scents as long as I wasn't in rut. You have to see Alphas every day even if you're not getting close to them as a mark. It's pretty ridiculous to expect you'd never smell like someone else."
Bucky nuzzles up against her neck a little. "I think I can handle it if I'm in a place where I'm free and I'm evened out after a rut. I'd still want sex, though."
If she didn't want sex, that would be more difficult to negotiate.
"Well," Natasha told him, logically, "you wouldn't be competing at all, now would you? If you're here with me, and we're each other's Alpha and Omega, then there's no competition at all." Granted, that sort of reasoning didn't really make much sense to an Alpha in full rut, she knew, but Natasha had to put it out there.
Because if Barnes was going to stay here, then he was going to have to behave. Their lives would depend on it.
"If we're in that sort of relationship, James," she told him, voice still quiet, though holding a little bit of amusement, "then it only makes sense that we'd have sex, right? I mean, not having sex would more or less defeat the purpose, right?"
"Well, yeah, it would defeat the purpose," Bucky says sheepishly. "I've never actually dated an Omega, not really. There were some casual things when I was younger but I wasn't living with them or having a lot of sex with them. We weren't like that in the forties, you know? You just sort of dated until you got married and a lot of Omegas saved themselves for that. Kinda stupid, looking back, but it was what it was."
Bucky's glad that's changed while he was on ice because how can you marry and mate someone if you barely even know them?
"I promise not to bite you, though. I know that's a commitment."
"And you'll have to keep it," she said seriously. "Because there's no way to reverse a mate-bond, at least that anyone knows about." And she couldn't carry a mate-bond and do her job. It just wouldn't work.
"I can't have a mate," Natasha said quietly. "Not until I'm ready to get all the way out of the game. And I can't do that, not just yet." No matter how weary she was of everything. "But it's fine. Putting my own life aside so everyone else can have one... I've always done that, so it's nothing new."
Penance, as it was. Her ledger still carried a lot of stains.
"Wouldn't want to be stuck with someone like me anyway," Bucky reminds her. "I'm not exactly a prize. I wanna be good to you, though. I get the sense you haven't had a lot of that and I haven't ever been able to do it and I want to. I want to have that even if I can't have a bond."
He can give up the bond if it means he has someone to share his life with. Besides, how long is he gonna live anyway? If he outlives Natasha, he'll mourn her, and he can't reverse a bond. It might leave him even more broken than he is already.
Natasha didn't argue with the self-depreciating commentary; Barnes would have to figure out his worth on his own. Years of therapy, she had the inkling. Nor did she bother informing him again just how pointless it was for him to settle on her, either.
"...I appreciate that, James," was what she said instead, stroking the arm over her waist gently. "And it's good to want that. We'll have to see how it can work, then figure it all out." After his rut was over. That still had first priority.
"Luckily for you, I have next to nothing to move. I think I have a duffel bag worth of clothes. I need to go shopping but I was kinda in prison and then I was in rut so it didn't really happen. I'd order them but you know I run sort of...big and tall."
Bucky doesn't think he could blind order his sizes off a website and have a chance of them remotely fitting.
"Thankfully you don't need a wardrobe this week," Natasha said, settling a little more comfortably against the pillows. "But if you do move in, then yeah, we'll get you fitted for some outfits." Tactical gear only went so far, after all.
A little wiggle to test, and she managed to get loose enough to sit up, stretching achy muscles and wincing as a few joints cracked. "Leftovers for breakfast?" Then a shower, and probably more bedroom shenanigans. Hopefully a nap here or there, too.
"Leftovers," Bucky agrees. "If you're too stiff after that, maybe I can be a little easier? I'm hoping that was a one time thing because I've never done that or needed that before. It's just...god, your scent. It drives me crazy, Natasha. I don't even think it's just rut either."
Bucky thinks they're probably just really compatible and it happens that way sometimes. Those people usually settle down pretty quickly.
Natasha gathered her curls into a messy ball and clipped them behind her head, preparatory for a nice hot shower, then gave Bucky a reassuring smile over one bare shoulder. "Don't worry about me," she told him, lips curving lightly. "I can handle it."
Then he mentioned her scent and she gave a light shrug. "Well, at least it's doing what it's supposed to do." This was one of the reasons she'd backed off on her suppressants. Curious, she asked, "...what does it smell like? To you, I mean?"
"Chocolate," Bucky says and he knows his voice is a little dreamy. It's stupid but it's hormones and nobody should expect logic out of an Alpha with a good Omega's scent in his nose during rut. He closes his eyes and inhales, trying to suss out the other notes.
"It's dark chocolate no, not too sweet. Something citrusy. And something spicy, too. Cinnamon? Chili? It's not really syrupy like some Omegas are. It's different."
Chili and chocolate? Natasha hoped not. The other scents weren't so bad, but Jesus, what Omega wanted to smell like chili? She laughed nevertheless, rising from bed with a stretch then reached for her robe, shrugging it on with a soft sigh.
"I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, being different," she remarked, opening the refrigerator once they'd embarked to the kitchen. "But hey, if you like it, then that's all that matters, da?" She began placing cartons of takeout on the counter.
"It's different," Bucky confirms. "It's...sharper? Like I wanna protect you but maybe you don't always need me to do it. And that's a lot different than most Omegas you meet. The ones I was around before the war wanted me to do all the protecting and they wanted to be housewives and I was fine with that and all but it's not very exciting."
Since when does he want exciting? He's had enough excitement. He starts getting plates out for the food and thinks for a moment before he says anything else.
"But you smell like you can take care of yourself and you just let me have the pleasure of it, not that you expect it out of me. It's nice."
Well, that actually made more sense. Pulling the last carton from the fridge, Natasha placed it on the counter and closed the door, giving Bucky a speculative look with her head tilted lightly. "Makes sense," she finally said, opening the bag of eggrolls and placing one on her plate and two on Bucky's plate.
She gave him another small smile, lips curving gently. "I'm glad you like it, then." As long as it helped. Then she reminded him, "You do know the only reason you can even smell my scent is because I staggered my medication, right? I'm only taking half a dose while you're here, and it seems to be helping."
"It helps a lot," Bucky says. He hates admitting it because it's just not safe in Natasha's line of work to be unsuppressed but he wants to smell her around him because it calms him down and helps him focus. It's the worst situation an Alpha could be in and he's deep in it.
"It's not fair of me to ask you to keep doing that, though, no matter how much it helps me. You don't need me rubbing up on you like a stray cat so I can make you smell like you've been claimed and you don't need me burying my face in you so I can calm down."
He starts dishing out some of the food before he speaks again. "But it feels good to have you do it anyway. So thank you."
She wasn't going to be working while he was here and in full rut. It was pointless if she did go off across the world while he was in such a state, and Natasha trusted her medication to work as it was supposed to. Although...if Barnes ended up living here, she supposed she'd have to dispense with the suppressants entirely.
But that was an issue to be handled later, in any case.
"Shut up with that and put your plate in the microwave," the small Omega said, not unkindly, and smiled before spooning fried rice on her own plate. "I've told you countless times that this is about taking care of you, and of course you're welcome."
"Yes ma'am," Bucky says, putting his plate in the microwave to heat up his food instead of talking more about how he doesn't deserve to be taken care of. He still thinks Natasha is doing a lot for him, more than she should have to do, but he guesses it's also her choice to do that for him and she's going into with it with her eyes open.
"Is it bad of me to say the sex is good? I haven't had this much touch and affection in decades. I feel like I'm drowning in it and it's so good. I could live like this forever."
And hopefully he'll get to and they'll have an arrangement where he can live with Natasha.
"Not really," Natasha said with a light laugh. "A girl likes to hear that she does a good job satisfying her man." She finished filling her plate, then stepped to the sink to rinse her hands. "You're not so bad at it, yourself."
Seventy years was a long time to go without positive human contact. As someone who'd done without for a quarter of that time, Natasha honestly didn't know how Barnes mind hadn't broken entirely. But the man was resilient, if nothing else, so she had to give him that credit.
"We can do it again after we eat," she promised, taking his plate out after the timer dinged and putting her own in. "If you want."
"I'll take not so bad," Bucky says, laughing softly. It's not exactly a compliment about his skills but he thinks they're teasing a little bit versus actually giving compliments so he isn't taking it as a slight. It seems like Natasha's enjoying it, anyway, and there's some things you can't fake. At least he thinks she couldn't fake it - but she might be able to. Better not to think about it.
"I should say no to give you a rest," Bucky says, giving her a once over. "But I'm not going to be able to help myself. I won't be as...Alpha as this morning. I promise. I don't know where that came from because I don't think I've ever done it before. Not that I can remember, anyway, so I guess you got one hell of a first from me."
Brunch was just as good as supper had been, because Chinese food was always better the next day, in Natasha's view. She everything on her plate, not realizing how hungry she'd been until she'd done so, and set it on the coffee table with a satisfied sigh.
Barnes was working her over, but she was tough, she'd handle it. They'd have to order more food later today, or at least make a grocery order. She didn't really keep staples around, after all.
"Get enough? There's a little more left if you're still hungry."
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His arm was around her waist and she placed hers atop his, reassuring. "And yeah, I'm okay. Just...just gotta catch my breath, is all." Christ, but she hadn't expected morning sex to be so goddamned intense.
A glance over her shoulder, and Natasha inquired, "Better now?" They'd have to fuck again, of course, but hopefully he was calm for the moment.
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"I've never done that before," he admits. "Ever. I don't know what came over me but I smelled you and you smelled so good and sweet that I couldn't even think and I just had to do. Has that ever happened to you before, Natasha?"
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She finally shook her head in answer, though it was slow in coming. "...no. I'm not really sure why I let you, either, except...except it just felt like the right thing to do."
And that, on a primal level, was terrifying to her.
Even if she had to admit that, "--it felt really good, though. Almost passed out during that orgasm." God.
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"I don't mean a mating bond, I wouldn't expect that so soon, but...something in between? Like dating but not as casual as regular dating because I live here?"
He's so hopeful for it but he knows, deep down, that she should and probably will say no.
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"...it's possible," she finally replied, trying to at least give the man something. "I've never...well, lived with anyone before, so I don't know what sort of roommate I'd be, but remember what we talked about yesterday? I have to be able to work without you going apeshit if I come home smelling of someone else."
That was a deal-breaker, no way around it.
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Bucky nuzzles up against her neck a little. "I think I can handle it if I'm in a place where I'm free and I'm evened out after a rut. I'd still want sex, though."
If she didn't want sex, that would be more difficult to negotiate.
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Because if Barnes was going to stay here, then he was going to have to behave. Their lives would depend on it.
"If we're in that sort of relationship, James," she told him, voice still quiet, though holding a little bit of amusement, "then it only makes sense that we'd have sex, right? I mean, not having sex would more or less defeat the purpose, right?"
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Bucky's glad that's changed while he was on ice because how can you marry and mate someone if you barely even know them?
"I promise not to bite you, though. I know that's a commitment."
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"I can't have a mate," Natasha said quietly. "Not until I'm ready to get all the way out of the game. And I can't do that, not just yet." No matter how weary she was of everything. "But it's fine. Putting my own life aside so everyone else can have one... I've always done that, so it's nothing new."
Penance, as it was. Her ledger still carried a lot of stains.
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He can give up the bond if it means he has someone to share his life with. Besides, how long is he gonna live anyway? If he outlives Natasha, he'll mourn her, and he can't reverse a bond. It might leave him even more broken than he is already.
"So I wanna stay."
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"...I appreciate that, James," was what she said instead, stroking the arm over her waist gently. "And it's good to want that. We'll have to see how it can work, then figure it all out." After his rut was over. That still had first priority.
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Bucky doesn't think he could blind order his sizes off a website and have a chance of them remotely fitting.
"And you run sort of short and slim."
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A little wiggle to test, and she managed to get loose enough to sit up, stretching achy muscles and wincing as a few joints cracked. "Leftovers for breakfast?" Then a shower, and probably more bedroom shenanigans. Hopefully a nap here or there, too.
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Bucky thinks they're probably just really compatible and it happens that way sometimes. Those people usually settle down pretty quickly.
"I think it's just you."
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Then he mentioned her scent and she gave a light shrug. "Well, at least it's doing what it's supposed to do." This was one of the reasons she'd backed off on her suppressants. Curious, she asked, "...what does it smell like? To you, I mean?"
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"It's dark chocolate no, not too sweet. Something citrusy. And something spicy, too. Cinnamon? Chili? It's not really syrupy like some Omegas are. It's different."
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"I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, being different," she remarked, opening the refrigerator once they'd embarked to the kitchen. "But hey, if you like it, then that's all that matters, da?" She began placing cartons of takeout on the counter.
"Help yourself. There's more than enough."
Well, at least for one meal with a super soldier.
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Since when does he want exciting? He's had enough excitement. He starts getting plates out for the food and thinks for a moment before he says anything else.
"But you smell like you can take care of yourself and you just let me have the pleasure of it, not that you expect it out of me. It's nice."
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She gave him another small smile, lips curving gently. "I'm glad you like it, then." As long as it helped. Then she reminded him, "You do know the only reason you can even smell my scent is because I staggered my medication, right? I'm only taking half a dose while you're here, and it seems to be helping."
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"It's not fair of me to ask you to keep doing that, though, no matter how much it helps me. You don't need me rubbing up on you like a stray cat so I can make you smell like you've been claimed and you don't need me burying my face in you so I can calm down."
He starts dishing out some of the food before he speaks again. "But it feels good to have you do it anyway. So thank you."
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But that was an issue to be handled later, in any case.
"Shut up with that and put your plate in the microwave," the small Omega said, not unkindly, and smiled before spooning fried rice on her own plate. "I've told you countless times that this is about taking care of you, and of course you're welcome."
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"Is it bad of me to say the sex is good? I haven't had this much touch and affection in decades. I feel like I'm drowning in it and it's so good. I could live like this forever."
And hopefully he'll get to and they'll have an arrangement where he can live with Natasha.
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Seventy years was a long time to go without positive human contact. As someone who'd done without for a quarter of that time, Natasha honestly didn't know how Barnes mind hadn't broken entirely. But the man was resilient, if nothing else, so she had to give him that credit.
"We can do it again after we eat," she promised, taking his plate out after the timer dinged and putting her own in. "If you want."
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"I should say no to give you a rest," Bucky says, giving her a once over. "But I'm not going to be able to help myself. I won't be as...Alpha as this morning. I promise. I don't know where that came from because I don't think I've ever done it before. Not that I can remember, anyway, so I guess you got one hell of a first from me."
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Barnes was working her over, but she was tough, she'd handle it. They'd have to order more food later today, or at least make a grocery order. She didn't really keep staples around, after all.
"Get enough? There's a little more left if you're still hungry."
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