ostavil | open post

When her lizard brain finally rolled over and let her think again, Natasha had to laugh lightly, breathlessly. "Nope. It's definitely not a chore, malyshka." Her heart was still racing against her ribs, thudding dully with her heaving breath.

He was nuzzling her and she petted him gently, carding her fingers through dark hair. "Might as well get comfy," she heard herself say, though there was mild amusement in her voice. "I didn't take my meds this morning," the redhead then confessed, adding, "just to see what might happen. If it would help, at all."

Apparently so, because he could smell her. And her scent was probably comforting, so that was a good thing.

Bucky frowns a little and lifts his head to look at her. "Don't do that for me," he says. "You take those for a reason. I'm not worth skipping those, all right? I'm doing just fine."

To stop taking suppressants means opening yourself up to be scented by everyone you run into and while it isn't a big deal for him and usually helps keep people away from him, it's different for an omega. He doesn't want Natasha endangering herself.

"Take them. If we were together or something, it'd be different, but you're doing me a favor. That's not worth...I'm not worth those consequences."

This time, there was a slight tinge of exasperation in her tone as Natasha sighed, rolled her eyes, and tugged a little sharply at his hair. "Shut up, Barnes," she told him lazily. "I'm a big girl, and I don't plan on going anywhere while you're in rut. I know what I'm doing, so don't go all 'protector' about it, da?"

She poked his ribs. "And you're worth what I say you're worth, so drop it. Your rut is important to you, and you're important to me, so there we go." She gave a small buck of her hips. "Now shut up and move a little bit. The more you move, the longer your knot lasts, y'know."

Bucky moves both because she's right and because it feels impossibly good when he does but he's still bothered that she's not taking her medication. It could end badly if something happened while he was still in rut and not thinking clearly.

"It's just harder for me to keep control," he admits. "And you don't want to be stuck with me forever, Natasha. That's not fair to you. I'm probably the most messed up person you'll ever meet and then some. I know some people can break up after doing a bite but I don't think I'm that kind of person."

"All right, all right," she finally capitulated, though she had her own ideas of how she'd handle things, thank you kindly. But Barnes was right, about a few things, although Natasha had the inkling that his alpha hormones were barking up, too.

"Just...relax, yeah? We exerted all of that energy so you could chill, not get all hot and bothered again and make mountains out of molehills, or whatever the saying is."

Bucky quiets for a moment and shifts again and God it feels good. He drops his head down to scent Natasha's neck and almost whines from how good she smells to him. It's hormones, yes, but he thinks they're probably compatible anyway.

"I'd take such good care of you," he murmurs. "You wouldn't have to worry about anything at all. Nobody would ever mess with you."

It's stupid, considering nobody would anyway but hormones are hormones.

Natasha didn't answer for a moment, simply letting the little bolts of pleasure zing all the way up her spine. When she did, her voice was quiet again.

"You would take care of any girl, James. You're a good man, a good Alpha." She smiled, still stroking his hair, free arm and legs still wrapped snugly around him.

"You don't have to settle for someone like me."

"Not settling," Bucky says, kissing down her neck. "You'd be settling for me, probably. I'm all messed up, remember? But I'd try my best. I never got to have this with anyone."

He's had sex, sure, and he's been with someone during a rut but he hasn't had anything as intimate as what he's having with Natasha and he doesn't know if he's going to be able to have a rut with anyone else after this one. He licks at her scent gland a little.

"I'd do the best I can."

She angled her head aside to let him nuzzle and kiss, and shushed him gently. "Shhh, let's just get through this first, da? This is nice, huh?" She petted and stroked. "We can do this all week, malyshka; neither of us have to go anywhere."

Not until the manic edge of his rut passed, anyway. She really didn't need to explain any property damage or unprovoked broken bones.

"You can stay here as long as you want."

"They probably won't let me," Bucky says sadly. "I'm too dangerous. Unbonded Alpha with half a brain."

It's been better with Natasha, though, even in rut because he feels more like himself since he's felt in longer than he can remember. He's starting to remember things, not that he's sharing them, and the confusion he used to feel all the time is starting to be there less and less. Maybe it's rut - you can't think about anything but sex - but maybe it isn't.

"Probably gonna suppress me after this is over. It's what they did before. They just put me on ice every time it happened."

"You're an American citizen," Natasha reminded him. "Tony Stark can't just...freeze you like you're a robot that doesn't have any rights." God, that was beyond illegal, even for Stark. "Medical suppressants, though...that's not really a bad idea."

Her hand still sifted through his hair, thoughtful as they rested together. He was still knotted inside her, so moving wasn't really an option. "Suppressant medication has come a long way," Natasha told him. "And if we can't find any pharmaceuticals here in the States, I'm sure we could in Wakanda. T'Challa and his people are the best scientists in the world. I don't doubt they could come up with something to help you, James."

Either way, they didn't have to puzzle it out now. "Just relax," she advised. "You don't have to worry about it now."

"The thing is, I don't want to be suppressed," Bucky says. It's a stupid thing because it's dangerous to be an unsuppressed Alpha without an omega around to balance them out but he just doesn't want to have to be held back anymore. He's been trapped behind a wall for all these years and suppressants just feel like another wall.

"I was stuck inside my body and not able to do anything for so long, you know? And the idea of suppressants kind of feels like doing it all over again. Like I'm not safe to be with people because I'm a monster. Maybe that's stupid but I just don't want to do it. I just know I'm going to have to or they'll lock me up every time I have a rut."

Natasha could understand how Barnes might construe it that way, especially given the mental torture he'd undergone at the hands of those using him for less than his own good. A psychological hurdle he might never overcome.

"I use suppressants," she reminded him quietly. "But I get how you might be wary about them, especially right now. Still, try not to think about it, da? Just...move a little." She shifted her hips, hissing softly at the jolt that coursed through her, her loins clenching instinctively.

"Let's make that knot last, malyshka..."

"Oh god," Bucky moans. Maybe Natasha has her own ways of suppressing him because she has a damn good way of shutting him up. He moves a little more, a little harder, and it feels so good that he almost whines. God, he doesn't even remember the last time he did this.

"I just wish...no, that's a stupid thing to want. And I can't have it, so we're not going to talk about it."

It's hormones anyway.

Her own whine was audible, and Natasha shifted again when Bucky moved over her, milking his cock and his thick knot without actually thinking about it. She was an Omega; her body knew just what to do to stimulate an Alpha, and God, wasn't it magnificent?

"...okay," she breathed, her fingernails flexing in his shoulders as their lower bodies moved together. Natasha panted softly, already stimulated enough for another climax thanks to his caught knot. "...you feel so good," she breathed, rolling her body beneath his. "...so good, baby...mmmm..."

Again, it's probably just hormones and the fact that they're literally still in the middle of sex but after the shiver of pleasure from moving again settles down into the lower level of arousal he had before, Bucky nuzzles at Natasha's neck and close to her ear.

"Am I good enough that you would let me stay? Instead of you sending me back to them to get locked up again?"

Because US citizen or not, Bucky is pretty sure he's going to be going to jail one way or another, considering what he's done. But if he has a jailor who can control him - that's different.

Natasha was still tingling, glittering all over from the stimulation of Bucky's still-caught knot. He nuzzled at her and she purred, replete but still teasing that line near climax, enjoying the anticipation. Her eyes opened at his question, however, and she paused before immediately answering.

"I wouldn't mind if you stayed, James." And that was the honest answer. "But a lot of it is going to depend on you...if you can handle being free, now."

She put fingers beneath his chin to make him look at her directly. "Can you?"

"I would try my best," Bucky says. He doesn't want to lie to her and he thinks this is the best he can give her right now. "Because...I want to be free. But I also want to be with you."

Maybe that's hormones but he feels settled with Natasha and if he feels settled during rut he thinks he would definitely feel settled when it passes.

"It depends on you, though. I don't know if I could handle smelling other Alphas on you other than like, casual contact. I know you just pick up the scent existing in society and I wouldn't be bothered by that but I couldn't handle smelling someone on you like I smell me on you right now."

Soft fingertips stroked his cheek; Natasha sighed. "Well, that's just it," she told him quietly. "I can't do my job if I have to worry about you erupting into a feral rage every time I get close to a mark that's an Alpha or a Beta. It's part of the work, and I can't help that." It was, and because she was very good at her job, that sort of thing went with it.

"...not that I ever have sex with any of my marks," Natasha amended, her nose wrinkling, "but you get what I'm saying. I have to be able to function without anyone else going off their head in a hormonal blood-rage."

"Well I can't smell a beta," Bucky points out. "But yeah. I can control my anger. Not during a rut, though. I don't think I could smell another Alpha on you during a rut and not get...upset."

And if he has to do that, he has to suppress, and then he's back in prison again even if it's a different kind of prison.

"So you'd want me to suppress my ruts as a condition of staying here, yeah?"

"Ruts...are a different story," Natasha told him. "It'd probably be a better idea to relocate before it starts, that way no one gets hurt or goes to prison." And for her heats, too. Because if he was going to live here, she'd have to wean off of her own suppressants, or it was a moot point.

Then her brow crimped. "Do we have to talk about this now, though? I mean, come on, you're still knotted in me, Barnes." She gave a small huff. "We're supposed to be fucking like rabbits, aren't we?" They were still tied together, in bed, half-naked and filthy.

Bucky sighs. "I can only think when I'm knotted right now. If I'm not, all I can think about is being knotted. Sorry. I talk too fucking much."

It's an extension of the fact that he worries too fucking much but he doesn't want to get used to being free only to get packed up to go back to Stark tower or, worse, an actual prison. He doesn't want to leave. It's nice to have this with an omega and to think about maybe having a life.

"I'll be quiet."

Natasha sighed, lifting her eyes and letting her hands flop to the mattress, nonplussed. Fuck. The man hadn't had decent conversation in over seven decades, and now... Damnit.

"This isn't something you should worry about right now," she tried to tell him again. "We'll just have to see what happens once your rut is over. I can't make any promises right now, James, I really can't." Even if she didn't mind him living here with her, it wasn't entirely her decision.

"It's not just my call. But we'll figure something out, okay? Promise you that."

"Yeah, of course. I'll just...focus on right now and do what my body wants me to do."

To that end, he shifts a little but this time he keeps moving his hips and tries to give Natasha enough stimulation that maybe she can come again. It's good for him to be knotted in her and it means he's so much calmer and relaxed now than he was earlier.

Any thought of attaining another climax had evaporated with their conversation, and Natasha bit the inside of her cheek, not wanting to tell him that, too. And further ruin the rest of the day, God. But maybe she could give him another orgasm and then hopefully, a nap, because now that the adrenaline had subsided and the euphoria worn off, she was truly tired. And filthy.

So she put her hands back on his shoulders, and obligingly rocked her hips in perfect counterpoint with his knotted rhythm, and it did feel good, but all of the anticipation had been knocked right out of her. Now, she was nothing more than a plank for him to rut. And that was all right, too.

Yet another example of why she never had relationships. She wasn't any good at them.

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