ostavil | open post

Bucky likes the feel of Natasha soft and warm in his arms and when she relaxes against him fully, sneaks an arm around him to get closer - that's when he feels like it's safe to smile. It's just hard to keep all his feelings about her hidden away and at least they've come to an agreement that he doesn't have to keep hiding how he feels. If he had to, it would never work.

"Never gonna let anything hurt you," he murmurs back. "Keepin' you right here with me. No matter what. Do you trust me?"

The trust is more important than love, he thinks, because you can't have love where there's no trust.

As always, his voice was wonderful against her ears. Natasha murred in response, nodding shallowly. She was tired again, exhaustion weighing on her thanks to wacky hormones and tumultuous emotions. "Mmhmmm..." was her quiet murmur, fingernails catching lightly in Bucky's skin as her fingers gently twitched.

He'd left the patio doors slightly cracked, and the cool Pacific breeze was sublime across her bare back, but Bucky was warm beneath her, a soothing balm to frazzled nerves. Natasha felt she might sleep in peace tonight, and every night afterwards, if she'd simply let herself have this.

It was offered freely, and she'd be a fool to reject it.

Bucky sleeps better with the warm weight of Natasha settled over him and when he wakes the next morning, he's pleased to find that she's still there and he's still holding her against him. The cool air off the Pacific is drifting in from the patio doors and he pulls the blankets in around them some more so that Natasha won't get chilled.

"You still comfortable or do you wanna move?" he asks, voice a low rumble against her ear. "Jus' wanna make sure you're still warm and comfy while we get a few more hours to ourselves."

Some time during the night, Natasha had shifted to one side, with Bucky warm against her back. She was tucked in snug and warm, nestled beneath the blankets with her companion's arms tight around her. Oddly, it didn't make her feel trapped, or claustrophobic; instead, she felt...safe. Secure.

Hearing the low rumble at her ear, she stirred halfway into waking, "hmmming" softly as she stretched. "Hmm...?" She felt him warm at her back, muscled arms wrapped securely around her waist and hips. "Mmmnmmm, 'm good." Natasha rested one arm over his, delicate fingertips smoothing upwards and over his bicep. "...what time izzit?"

Bucky reaches over toward the nightstand to get his phone and pulls it over to see what time it is. Oh, it's only 4:15. They have plenty of time to sleep in - especially since neither of them need to be anywhere today.

"Just after four," he murmurs. "Go back to sleep, we can get up later and decide what we want to do."

Four in the morning was early, even for her. Natasha murred light protest, more than glad to drift right back to sleep, but a roil of her tummy made her wince. "Ummfff," she grated, brows furrowed with the wave of discomfort. "Your kid thinks I should get up right now," Natasha told the man behind her, groggily pushing back the blankets and sitting up somewhat haphazardly.

Disentangled from Bucky's arms, she swung her legs over the edge of the bed, hand on her belly, and Natasha hunched over, willing her stomach to settle and the nausea to fade. The books she'd read about pregnancy had warned her about morning sickness, and she'd had a few bouts with it before, but then it'd eased for a few weeks. And was apparently back with a vengeance.

"...ugh, God." But she didn't get any more words out, because in the next breath she was up, on her feet, and bolting for the bathroom. Wouldn't do to vomit all over that pristine carpet.

Bucky knows what it is but knowing what it is doesn't make it any more pleasant for Natasha. It comes with being pregnant, the morning sickness, and sometimes it's worse than others. He doesn't know how bad hers is normally considering it's the first time he's seen it in her but he does know what to do.

"Babe? I'm gonna go make you some tea, all right? You stay where you are and I'll bring you something to settle your stomach down."

Elizabeth had been all about this lemon ginger tea stuff and there's still tons of it stashed around his house between her and Susan's pregnancies. It doesn't take long to brew some of it and he puts in a spoonful of honey and stirs it before carefully taking it back upstairs to Natasha.

"Lemon and ginger and honey. Worked for my sisters every time. You sip on that and I'm going to bring you a blanket, okay?" There's a throw blanket on one of the chairs in the bedroom and he brings it back so he can drape it around Natasha before settling down beside her. "Hormones are not gonna win. I'll sit right here with you until we beat 'em."

Natasha heard Bucky calling out, but she was too hunched over the toilet trying to keep her insides inside to really make sense of it. Keeping her hair out of her face was a full-time job, too, necessary as she choked on nothing, shaking all over.

It seemed like an eternity went by before she became aware of a large presence nearby, and Natasha lifted her trembling face to see Bucky right beside her, a cup of something fragrant and warm in his large hands. She managed to take the mug and a small sip, realizing it was hot tea with lemon and honey. Oddly enough, it soothed her throat and her stomach, after a moment.

A soft blanket materialized around her shoulders, and Natasha blinked, starting slightly, but huddled gratefully under its fuzzy warmth. Mug still clutched in her hands, she wearily closed her eyes and leaned over to rest her forehead against the musician's tattooed shoulder. "...ugggggg," was all she could really articulate at the moment, but she was grateful for the assistance.

"It's us against the hormones," Bucky says, laughing softly. "And I'm right here. I'm half the problem, anyway, so I ought to be doing at least half the work in taking care of you. Probably 75%, really. I can't carry the kid but I can make you a hell of a lot more comfortable."

It seems like Natasha isn't throwing up anymore (for now, anyway) but Bucky doesn't move. Instead, he threads his fingers through her hair and plays with the curls.

"You need anything else right now?"

Natasha absently wondered what the rest of the world would think about Bucky Barnes, brilliant rock star and engineer, sitting on the bathroom floor with the mother of his unborn child, making her tea to combat her morning sickness. It was...more than a little endearing, honestly. She lifted her head, and her hand to his cheek, stroking his cheekbone lightly.

"...I'm okay, for now," she managed to rasp, giving him a wan little smile. Her mouth felt sour, her stomach a little better, and now she ached all over from trying to heave up her toenails. "...thank you, for helping out."

She longed to crawl back in bed, but thought it wise to remain where she was for the moment, just in case of Round Two.

Bucky rubs her back to just try and comfort her a little and he likes this little moment they're having even if he's upset that Natasha is sick. The reason is wonderful, of course, but he still doesn't like to see her in pain or discomfort.

"I can carry you back to bed when you feel like you have your stomach back. I don't want you to be sick again so I don't want to move you too soon, you know?"

Oh, she knew. Natasha nodded, appreciating the nuance. "Yeah." She sat up again, taking another little sip of tea. It was really good, and helped to soothe her stomach a little. "In a minute, maybe." Glancing down at the mug in her hands, Natasha asked, "Where did you find this tea? It's...really good."

She hadn't thought of Bucky Barnes as a tea-drinker. He tended to prefer strong black coffee, or, in these latter days, vodka or bourbon right out of the bottle. Hopefully those days were done for, however. The father of her unborn child didn't need to begin its life by being trapped in rehab.

"My sisters liked it when they were pregnant so I keep it around," Bucky says. "Because you never know when someone is gonna be pregnant in my family. If you like it, I'll make sure to keep having it delivered with the grocery order so we don't run out."

That reminds him of something, actually, and he feels like a fool for forgetting. "Oh yeah, if there's stuff you want, write it down for me and I can put it in the delivery order for us. I know you like Thai food but if there's grocery stuff you like, meals you want me to cook - stuff like that. I don't know what all you like yet because we haven't been living together so I need a cheat sheet."

"Oh." She hadn't thought about that particular nuance yet. "That's...a good point. I'll write a few things down, later when my stomach settles." It wasn't surprising that he had groceries and the like delivered; paparazzi was awful, even up here in Malibu. "I could learn how to cook a few things. I mainly lived on salad and grilled chicken, before."

Even if the thought of food made her even queasier, just now.

"But I've always loved breakfast food. Eggs, bacon, pancakes, that sort of thing. With strawberry syrup and real berries, the absolute best."

Finishing off the tea, and licking her lips when it was gone, Natasha placed the empty mug on the sink and endeavored to get back to her feet. "...o---kay...I think I'm good...for now."

"Uh uh, I'm helping you up," Bucky says, sliding an arm around Natasha so he could get her to her feet. "C'mon, let me carry you back. It'll make me feel like the Disney prince I've always wanted to be." He pairs it with big eyes and he hopes she'll buy it because he'd rather carry her than have her fall because she's not steady yet.

"It'll make me really happy?" he adds, dangling that in front of her. He remembers what she said about groceries and if she likes breakfast food that works out because so does he. "When your stomach comes back, I'll make you a big breakfast."

The offered arm was appreciated, and Natasha leaned on it as she tried to rise, but was finally swayed by the large blue eyes, exaggerated pout, and the mention of a Disney Prince. "All right, all right," she chuckled, swinging an arm around his neck, to be joined by the other as Bucky swept her up in a flare of ivory silk and red curls.

She managed not to squeak at the quick translocation, and wearily leaned her head on his chest as Bucky made his way back to the big bed. "...that sounds nice," she told him, smiling softly. Alex had never cooked for her. Nor carried her anywhere. Or nursed her through any sort of sickness. God, the more she was around Bucky Barnes, the more she realized what an idiot she'd been for putting up with Alex Shostakov for seven freaking years.

Bucky knelt on the edge of the mattress to set her on it, but Natasha didn't immediately let go. She found his gaze, instead, and her eyes were a little earnest.

"Was I wrong, before?" she heard herself blurt out. "To stay with him that long, I mean?" She honestly didn't know.

"I think that's not my place to say," Bucky says quietly. "Because...I'm a biased source. I'm in love with you and the only thing I wanna do is take care of you and make you happy. That kind of puts me at odds with giving you an honest opinion."

Bucky brushes his hand back against her cheek. "What I do think is that it's good that you're away from him because he hurt you and that it's good you're having this kid with me and not with him. I don't think he's the dad type. I might not look it but I want to be a dad so I think that's a big part of it."

Her lashes fluttered at the stroke to her cheek, Bucky's hand warm against her skin. And she sighed. "...you're probably right. Wait-no, you are right. He said over and over that he didn't ever want kids, and that I'd better be sure to stay on the birth control religiously." Natasha snorted, scooting up and into her previous warm nest.

"He even wanted me to get a hysterotomy, at one point, but my doctor wouldn't authorize it, since there was no medical reason why."

And she'd been so silently thankful not to have gone through that nightmare.

Natasha burrowed beneath the covers again, red curls strewn across the pillows. "...come lie down with me?" A soft whisper. "We can go back to sleep, I think. It's still really early..."

"Sure, baby, I'll lay back down with you," Bucky says, sliding back into bed with her and opening his arms. "And like I said, it wouldn't be good for me to tell you whether or not you should have left before you did because I'm in love with you and anything that got you to me faster would be what I wanted. I think you did leave when you needed to."

He wants to seethe over the rest of it but it's not relevant anymore, is it? Alex is gone, Natasha's with him, and there's a baby coming in a few months.

"I'll put in an order for some stuff later," he promises. "We'll have you all set up."

This time, Natasha didn't hesitate, immediately scooting over and sliding right into Bucky's open arms, relishing his thick, solid warmth. She knew her emotions were going to be on a roller coaster from hell for the next few months; her obstetrician had warned her that she might have wild mood swings every now and then. Her arms went around his waist, and her cheek met his chest, resting right over the comforting beat of his heart, and she sighed, once again feeling safe.

Away from that awful, looming shadow.

But she had to point out, though it was in a low, quiet tone, "...you do know, once it's out that we're, well...together, he's going to go absolutely crazy." Biting at her lip, Natasha added, "I honestly don't know what he might do, James. I've never seen him so...manic before. Not like this."

"We'll deal with that as it comes. I have security, remember? He's not getting anywhere close to us."

Bucky wasn't in the habit of walking around with a full security detail all day every day but he thinks in this situation, it kind of warrants it. He doesn't mind footing the bill for his family's safety, besides. Money well spent.

"Besides, I can beat the shit out of him, babe. You've seen me and you've seen him."

His last remark made her chuckle, if only lightly. "Yeah, I have. And I know you can handle yourself, but I don't want to be a bone of contention. Between anyone." She knew that Bucky had round-the-clock security for his house, his parents, and, very discreetly, Steve's place, but being followed by beefy guys in suits every time she went somewhere was enough to make her even more paranoid.

"I know you'll keep me safe," she said beneath his chin. "It just feels, sometimes, like I'm living in exile, afraid to set foot outside of the property gates." Natasha grumbled, a little sour, burrowing deeper. "And I hate that."

"Well, that's not true. You can go anywhere you wanna go - with or without me. I'm not keeping you in a tower."

If that's what she thinks, Bucky wants to correct that very quickly. Just because he's a celebrity doesn't mean he doesn't have a life and that extends to Natasha as well. She should have a life and friends and do things away from the house as much as she desires to.

"Though right now, I think you need to stay in bed. Dr. Bucky says."

"No, I know," she told him, glancing up briefly. "I know you aren't. I just...it feels like the only place he can't get to me is here." The asshole had permeated her office, souring the quiet zen of the building that she'd worked so hard to establish. "I mean, I did file that restraining order, but I know better than most just how easy it is to get around one. And he's a serving soldier - that grants him a lot of leeway when it comes to local authority."

Natasha sighed again, disconsolate. "I could notify his commanding officer, tell him what a jerk Alex is being, but given that what I know of the man, he's just like the officers under his command, that would probably just amuse him more than anything else. A little civilian can't take a few jokes." She huffed a snort, sounding like an irritated dragon.

"I just want him to go away," she groused, wincing as her stomach protested her upset. Natasha forced herself to settle, nuzzling beneath Bucky's chin and inhaling the clean scent of his skin. "But you're right," she murmured, "...staying in bed is the best idea right now..."

"And since he's a soldier, I can call up the MPs any time I damn well please and if he's doing shit he shouldn't be doing, they can write him up from Cali to New York. Trust me. I was in the Army, I know how that shit works. Guys were one day late on their child support because they were in Afghanistan and the MPs rolled up to throw them in jail. It's not something I'd do for the hell of it but it's something he's got to worry about."

He'd get out of it, sure, but it'd be annoying as fuck in the meantime.

"But bed isn't the place to talk about all that. You go right on back to sleep, all right?"

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject