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"I know you're tired but you did a good job eating. The food will make you feel better," Nikolai encourages her. "Do you need to warm up for a little while longer? Take another nap? I can lay down with you for a while. We're doing this at your pace."

He doesn't want to overtax her trying to get her on a plane and out of the country and end up setting back her progress. He has no idea what all she might have been pumped full of while in the "tender" care of HYDRA so he wants to take every precaution.

"We can take a little time, I promise."

Oh, but she was more than ready to go home. The longer she tarried, the closer she could feel "them" creeping back up again, and the little princess really wanted to get across the borders of her homeland, where she thought the ghosts might not be able to find her again.

"I'm ready," Natalia assured her protector, sliding out from beneath the covers and taking a moment before easing out of bed, still a little unsure of her footing. "'m ready to go home, Nikolai." It was also a soft, plaintive plea, and she gingerly hunted around for the rest of her hastily procured clothing, pulling on the sweater with a mild grimace of effort.

"...can we? Please?"

"Of course. Let me make some calls."

Nikolai puts in calls to Petrov and the others and they arrange for a jet to be at a private airstrip not far from where they're currently staying. All Nikolai has to drive is a rented motorcycle and he doubts the printsessa is going to ride on that.

"We have to get you a car unless you think you can hold onto me on the back of a motorcycle. It's just a short drive to the airstrip, I promise."

She was still a little dubious about riding in cars. A motorcycle wasn't that much better, but at least they could see any potential threats. As for holding on behind him, hmm...

"...could I sit in front of you?" Natalia clutched his too-big sweater at her neck. It was a lovely, sunny day, but she still felt shadows everywhere. "I won't fall off if you're holding me on in the front, Nikki."

She'd ridden with him before, when she'd been small, so the princess knew how to ride one of the big beasts, and necessity ruled in this particular situation.

"Yes, I'll hold you in front so you'll be secure," Nikolai agrees. "Come on. The sooner we get to the jet, the sooner we get you home and into your own warm bed."

The unspoken half of that sentence is that he'll be in that bed too, warming it up, because he's not leaving her side until he's reasonably sure she's feeling better.

"We'd better get a move on, though, if you're ready."

Oh, but she could hardly wait. To that endeavor, Natalia gingerly climbed astride in front of her beloved, unhesitatingly relaxing back into his chest and clinging tight to the arm he curved around her waist. There was little need to bother with a helmet; she knew Nikolai would never let her fall.

It was indeed a very short trip to the airport, where a jet was already fueled and waiting. The little princess felt yet another level of worry leave her when she spied the familiar faces of her father's very own private security, the Chief Officer touching his forehead when Nikolai carried her past, unerringly heading for the boarding ramp.

"Officer Petrov," she murmured to his gesture, then returned her head to Nikolai's broad shoulder and closed her eyes, letting him take her on board and the rest could just follow along, as far as she was concerned.

"Did you have to bring her on that beast instead of in a car where she'd be protected?"

Nikolai grunts a little under his breath. "Petrov, she was snatched from a car to begin with and I was in the car at the time. Now's not the time to decide what's safe and what isn't. The printsessa is back with us and needs a doctor to check her over. The doctor is on board, yes?"

Petrov confirms the doctor is and she comes to meet Natalia on the ramp in order to usher her inside. Nikolai lights up as he walks up and Petrov rolls his eyes. "You shouldn't inside the cabin." Nikolai shrugs. "Stressful day. I need my habits."

The chatter behind her slid right off as the doctor approached. "Princess," she greeted the girl cordially, holding out an arm to help Natalia further into the plane. "Let's get you settled and all of this unpleasantness out of the way, da?" Steeling herself, the princess nodded politely, smile not quite reaching her eyes, and disappeared into the cabin with the physician.

They'd reached cruising speed before the doctor emerged from the private cabin, giving a heavy sigh and straightening her white coat. She put her hands in her pockets as she approached the two security officers, unabashedly taking a cigarette from Nikolai's pack and lighting up with her own lighter before speaking.

"Well. Gentlemen. You will be pleased to know that other than exhaustion, dehydration, and malnutrition, there seems to be nothing else amiss with Her Imperial Highness." Forthright and business-like, she continued right on. "A few contusions, one or two strained muscles, and, thank God, no sign of rape or sexual abuse. She complains of being overly tired, which is expected, and to still have a very bad headache, but there's no sign of a concussion."

She stubbed out the smoke and added, "I'll know more once we land, and I can do a full, more thorough examination, but for the moment, all she really needs is to rest."

It's a relief to hear that she is not more injured than a few bumps and bruises and when the doctor says that Natalia merely needs to rest, Nikolai feels a great deal more confident. There's no way she'll rest without him nearby so he gets a blanket and goes to her, lifting the armrest in the seat so that she can sprawl across it and into his lap.

"Come, sleep here while we fly home. It will be a little while but I will keep you company. Nothing will bother you while I am here, just as always."

He had failed that promise recently but he will not fail it again.

She still felt a little...violated, considering some of the things the doctor had asked her, but Natalia didn't hesitate to lift her arms to her beloved when he appeared, more than willing to be pulled into his embrace and snuggle close.

"...Nikolai..." she purred happily, burrowing her nose into the curve of his neck as they settled together. Petrov could just wait; she needed the former Winter Soldier right now.

Cuddled beneath the blanket, Natalia felt Nikolai's warmth slowly seeping into her bones, and she stirred only slightly when she asked, "...she said...she said I was okay, da?"

"She said you were just fine," Nikolai says, pulling her into his arms and holding her tight enough that he feels secure with her. Losing her had made him feel adrift until she was back and this embrace is as much for him as it is for her; she's his touchstone.

"We are going to rest on the flight and then when you get back to the Winter Palace, it is bed and tea for you and I will debrief Petrov. You will not have to speak with him. I think it would be too much on you to talk about it just now and you should not have to do it."

Natalia was quiet for a moment, then she shifted enough to gaze up at him, eyes weary but determined. "I can do it, Nikki," she told her possessive guardian. "And I need to. I still remember...everything that happened there, and Officer Petrov needs to know." A small warm hand gently stroked his cheek, and a corner of her mouth lifted in a smile. "I'm not such a fragile flower anymore, moya zvezda, I'll be all right."

Rather than hear him protest, the princess instead coaxed him to her for a soft, sweet kiss, lips lingering as they snuggled together. This section of the jet was partisaned away from the rest, and no one would dare enter without express permission. And, God, but she'd missed the taste of his kisses, and the gentle strokes of his hands.

No, no one was going to come back here but Nikolai still keeps the kiss brief. She needs her rest, he thinks, and the last thing he wants is to be caught off-guard again when she's in his care. She'd been taken this last time and recovered but what if they weren't so lucky the next time?

No, there couldn't be a next time.

"Keep close for a little while, then. I don't want you out of my sight for right now and you need to sleep."

Natalia definitely wasn't going to argue, not this time. She was asleep in less than ten minutes, secure and warm in Nikolai's arms. The flight to St. Petersburg wasn't overly long, and the princess slept until she had to buckle her own seat belt to land, and Petrov then reported to Nikolai that the Tsar had sent a private helicopter to transport them to the Winter Palace; no automobiles required.

That news made the Grand Duchess breathe a little easier, and she forced a small smile when everyone began to gather their things after landing. No doubt there would be cameras on the landing strip, but she wasn't too worried; she'd be well ensconced behind several large burly men, and her own personal bulwark would be right beside her, at that.

There were cameras on the landing strip but Nikolai does his level best to keep Natalia tucked in against him and well out of sight. She doesn't need all of that while she's still recovering from being kidnapped and she deserves her bed and a nice, long convalescence. He intends on giving her that.

Once they're inside, Petrov is chomping at the bit for Natalia to be debriefed and Nikolai fights it, wanting her to be feeling better and have had more rest before she has to spill everything that happened to her. Ultimately, though, the decision is up to her.

"Are you ready to talk with Petrov now? Do you want me with you when you do?"

"After I see my father," the princess replied firmly. Though she was still a bit ashen, pale, and wan, there was steel in her still. And she was ever-so-grateful for Nikolai's solid presence right at her side; she hadn't wanted to face all of those cameras once they'd deplaned. It was a necessary evil of her surname, but she'd just been through hell, and thought she deserved a little respite.

"And yes," she added, nodding decisively as their helicopter landed at the Winter Palace. "I'd like you with me, Nikki." Natalia could already see her father, charging through the double glass doors despite the hangers-on trailing after him. It made her way to cry all over again, the quickness of his stride, and the urgency with which he approached.

"--help me out of this harness," she begged, trying to get the straps undone so she could fall into her father's arms and hug him tightly.

Nikolai leans over and undoes the harness easily, pulling it away so that Natalia can go and greet her father. The Tsar had been anxious the whole time she was gone and had peppered them all constant questions about her condition and their intelligence. He had been an intelligence officer himself so he knew exactly what to ask.

"I brought her back, your Excellency, just as I promised." The Tsar ignores Nikolai for his daughter, wrapping her into a fierce hug.

"Were you hurt? Tell me how you're feeling. Tell me everything."

After a long and tearful with her father, during which the Tsar alternated from sobbing over his beloved daughter to lavishing heartfelt, tearful thanks to her looming guardian, Natalia insisted on giving her report to all parties concerned, ending up in one of the palace's small parlors with Nikolai perched on the divan beside her.

She was brutally honest in her recounting, speaking in a level but youthful voice as to what HYDRA had done to her; the needles they had stuck into her skin, the blood samples they had taken over and over, and how she'd constantly felt so nauseous and sick, but coherent enough to realize what was happening, and then how she'd drifted off into a sickly dream of barely conscious, waking only after Nikolai had delivered her from that cold, hellish place.

The little princess snuck an arm beneath Nikolai's as she said this last, the first warble marring her tone at those recollections. "...and I'm still very tired," she finished, rubbing her eyes with the back of her free hand. "My head aches, and I just feel...exhausted. Like I could sleep for a month and never stir."

"Come on, then. I'll put you in bed."

Nikolai wants to sleep beside her, too, but he doesn't know if he should allow himself to get distracted again. It isn't lost on him that she was taken when he was fooling around with her in what he thought was a secure vehicle and it cements for him that he cannot let himself get distracted, even when it seems safe. Still, if he stays awake while she sleeps on him, there's no one who could get through to her. He'll fight too hard to keep her safe and not make the same mistakes as last time. He won't. He can't.

He leads her back to the bedroom they've shared many times over and sits on the edge of the bed. "You might not have been taken if I was more aware of us and our surroundings. I should be more vigilant and not let my guard down, Natalia. I can't lose my head around you anymore or I could make things unsafe."

She'd opted for a quick but hot shower in lieu of a long, warm soak, because she really was so tired she didn't believe she could keep her eyes open for much longer. Yet as the princess sank so gratefully into her own bed, with her Nikki sitting beside her, she slowly frowned as his words unfortunately sank in.

"...it wasn't your fault," she told him in a soft little voice, sitting up to put her arms around him. "It wasn't." She'd never let him take the blame for it, not ever. "They were ready, Nikki. There were so many more of them than they could have possibly needed, it was like overkill or something. Stupid, and rash."

The princess rested her head on his right shoulder, holding him close. "Don't you dare feel guilty, moya zvezda. Don't you dare."

"But how can I not?"

Perhaps he cannot shoulder all the blame, they had come prepared and prepared for him specifically, but he has a death on his hands and Natalia's kidnapping which might have been avoided if he'd been at his sharpest. He shouldn't be fooling around on duty and he takes precious little time to himself as it is; should he work every day, all day?

"I'm afraid to even take my own leisure time here in the palace for fear that they will find you."

Natalia bit her lip, melancholy. More than that, she too felt the weight of guilt because logically, Nikolai was right. They could never be, not safely, not what they wanted to be to each other. And it was heartbreaking, because she loved him so much, but duty aways trumped desire. Always.

"So...so should we not, anymore?" A lump sat in the back of her throat, and an uneasy knot in her belly, but she needed to know. Needed to know if she had to try to get over him, and put what she felt for him aside, buried under the freezing wastelands of Could Never Be.

"I don't know."

That is a genuine statement, vague though it may be. Nikolai doesn't know what to do because this is the woman he loves but to protect her, he may have to stop loving her. Is this what most men have to choose for themselves or is this a special type of torture reserved only for him?

"I would rather not be with you and you be safe than make another mistake," he says, voice low and pained. "But I want you. It is difficult to decide what to do."

She didn't know, either. "...I love you," Natalia whispered into Nikolai's neck, clasping him tight as if the world would at this moment rip him out of her arms. "But...but we have to do our duty, don't we?" More of a reminder than a question. "No matter how much it might hurt."

The princess pulled away slowly, morose and sad as she slipped beneath the bolster, shoving all of her aches and pains way down beneath her breaking heart. But she wouldn't cry. Nikolai didn't need that burden, as well.

Biting her lip, and she knew that it was so unfair, she did reach for him, plaintive. "...one more night? Stay with me just one more, Nikki? Please, moya zvezda?"

"One more is going to turn into one more," Nikolai says, sighing a little. "It's...I don't say it to mean anything bad. I just know myself. I won't be able to give you up. I know I won't be able to give you up. You're what made me the person I am."

He wouldn't even be a person without Natalia and the thought of losing her and losing that had been too much to bear. Even still, is he all right with sacrificing duty for pleasure? Nikolai doesn't remember ever doing that before.

"I don't trust us. And I don't mean that in a bad way."

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