ostavil | open post

She shook her head, rubbing one eye with a small fist. "Nyet, you were right." Natalia pulled away a little to sit up in bed, head downcast and misty eyes lowered. "You were right, Nikolai," she whispered, voice soft in the calm quiet. "I was being selfish and stupid." A sniffle. "And I never should have commanded you, especially for...for that." The princess inelegantly swiped the back of her wrist across her nose.

"It was foolish, and arrogant, and...and utterly inconsiderate, taking the choice away from you." That realization had scared the very life out of her, knowing what she did about his past. "I never meant...I mean, I didn't think..." Natalia bit her lower lip, tentatively reaching out to rest her fingertips on the bicep of Nikolai's left arm. "I'd never...use you like that, moya zvezda...not ever."

A few tear-tracks still stained her cheeks, but her eyes weren't misty anymore when she looked over at her beautiful soldier, cheeks flushed and lips bitten red. "...you should be able to tell me no, whenever you want..."

"I know I haven't told you much about that time. I was used before. I was used to kill people - to assassinate people who were a threat to Imperial Russia. I took those people from their families and their friends and I didn't have a choice. They had a way of controlling my body."

It's hard, to speak of this, but it happened when Natalia wasn't even alive or so young she wouldn't be able to understand if he explained it.

"There was a book of words. They could say them and control my mind. Your father found out and was livid, destroyed the department that had me and took me for his own. He told me I would never be with them again, that I would protect his little daughter. He tore the book up in front of me so even he didn't know the words. I still remember them, though. I could never forget them."

Yes, that sounded exactly like something her father would have done. Then, the Tsar had taken this broken man, this wounded warrior, and given him to his only daughter, with good wishes and blessings, and she had broken that hard-won trust. It was enough to have her tearing up again.

"...Nikolai..." There was a sob in her tone, a waver that even her Imperial sternness couldn't hide. "I'm so sorry, moya zvezda." Natalia gingerly tucked her legs in, wrapping her arms around her knees. "Can...can you ever...forgive me?"

"I already had," Nikolai promises her. "I know you didn't mean anything by it. To you it was just...you didn't know what you were doing or what it meant. It hurt me but after I thought about it, I knew it didn't mean the same thing as it would have meant if you had the book."

He rubs his hand under her hair and against the back of her neck, down across her shoulderblades and upper back. He doesn't want her feeling miserable over him - he's hardly worth that. Besides, he's been miserable without her.

"I know you want so much. I want to give it to you but you're young, printsessa, and you're worth more than rushing into it. You deserve to explore and learn slowly with me, to not move so fast that you lose your virginity to me and feel as if I took advantage of you."

Natalia leaned into his touch as he stroked her, slowly uncoiling from her little shell but holding back from diving right back into his arms once more. She'd learned hesitation, if nothing else. Which was also evident in what she didn't say; what she wanted to say was that she loved him so much, she knew he'd never ever hurt her, and that she also knew he'd never ever take advantage of what she was so willing to simply give to him, freely.

Instead, the princess only nodded, because she did, in fact, understand, and she wanted him to know that she did.

"...I'm sorry, Nikki," she whispered after a moment. "I really was too eager, and I should have listened when I didn't." She started for him again, but checked herself, all too conscious of appearing needy and pathetic, miserable and wanton. "Will...will you hold me? If-if you want to? Please?"

"Of course, Natalia," he says, folding her up into his arms the way he's wanted since the night they fought. He isn't his best without her, not in the slightest, and he's missed the free and genuine affection he gets from her. She loves him unconditionally, in spite of how broken and terrible his past is, and he cannot help but love her back.

He slides back into the bed so she can lay atop him and he can keep his arms around her. "I missed this. I missed you. We shouldn't fight again, if we can help it. Not about something important, anyway. I hate to see you miserable over me."

This time, she slid into his arms with absolutely no hesitation, burying her nose in the curve of his neck and shoulder. Natalia dimly felt Nikolai pull the sheet up over the both, but the little princess's arms were tightly wound around her beloved, and she stifled her sobs and calmed her breaths, placing soft, nearly imperceptible kisses to his warm skin.

"I love you," she whispered in their shared tongue, lifting her head to nuzzle beneath his ear, inhaling his rich, clean scent. "I missed you so much, my Nikki...I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat...I didn't want to even leave this room."

And she totally agreed. "We shouldn't fight ever. Not you and me. We're perfect together, moya zvezda. I am yours and you are mine. For always."

"For always," he echoes back. Perhaps someday it will escalate into the physical relationship they both want but now, he cuddles her and holds her close after missing her for just a few scant days. He slides his hands down to cup her ass and hold her close to him, tight enough to remind her that he does want her as a romantic partner but not so much that he's necessarily starting anything.

"One day, someday soon, I'll spread you out under me and I'll give you all the things you've been dreaming of. You just have to trust me, Natalia, and trust my judgment. It's new for me too. I don't even remember the last time I've had a relationship. I've never had one since I've been in the palace and I didn't have one as the Winter Soldier, either. I had one in the haziness that's...before. Before they took me from my life."

She softly squeaked when she felt Nikolai grip her bottom, but she didn't flinch away, not ever. If anything, Natalia snuggled closer, sliding a leg across his thighs to invite more, whatever he wanted to share with her. And although she burned for him, wanted him more than anything ever, it still made her sad to know that before her, he'd been lost and alone, governed by men who saw him only as a weapon, taken from all that he'd formerly known.

"...I just want to love you, my Nikki," she whispered against his cheek, holding him close. "To keep you safe and happy, however I can." Small fingers gently traced the lines over his chest. His left shoulder she touched so tenderly, just the softest touch against the scarred, angry marks.

"...I love it when you kiss me," Natalia purred, resting her head against his, carefully mapping out the lines of his body with soft inquisitive fingers. "But I know, slow. And I do trust you, malyshka, I trust you with all of me." She brushed her lips over his cheek, but didn't press for more. "I'm yours. Now and always."

"Your love is the most important thing to me," he murmurs. "It makes me feel alive. It makes me feel...like I'm warm and I could never be in the ice again."

Nikolai turns his head and kisses her lips, closed mouth and soft, and smiles at her.

"I love you. You taught me that people could be good. I didn't know that when I was theirs. I know it now."

Natalia kissed him back, just as soft, just as sweet. Nothing deeper than what he offered, but she still cherished it all the same. More than enough to slip off of his chest and curl close against his side, both of her arms wrapped around his torso as if she belonged nowhere else.

"You are mine," she told him softly. "You will never be cold again. I promise, Nikki." And she meant it. But her eyes were growing heavy; the lulling of the waves outside and the warmth of her beloved so near was coaxing her deep into sleep, where she hadn't been in days.

"...stay..." was her quiet entreaty, nestled snug against him, safe in his arms.

"Wasn't planning on going anywhere," Nikolai promises. He drifts into sleep himself, the printsessa warm in his arms, and when he wakes it seems she's still asleep on his chest. He rubs her back lightly and whispers against her hair.

"You're sleeping through the day, sweet girl," he murmurs. "You might want to wake up before you miss everything."

It's dawn and only just but he's always been an early riser. He's often slipped out of bed while Natalia is still asleep but he feels like it isn't a good idea today, not when they'd just reconciled the night before.

Natalia, on the other hand, had never been one to "greet the sun" with any certain fondness. She was indeed still asleep when Nikolai stirred, warm and comfortable nestled atop his broad chest with her own arms wrapped around him tightly, as if he might at any moment be snatched away.

Her beloved's voice called to her, however, and her brow furrowed as she automatically negated opening her eyes, but the slow, sure touch gliding down her back had her purring like an affectionate kitten, squirming up just enough to bury her face in the curve of Nikolai's neck, muttering unfriendly nonsense at the idea of waking up.

"...'s too early, Nikki..." And it was Sunday, besides. "...dun wanna wake up..."

"Printsessa," he pleads, hand still working up and down her back as he lets her bury her face against his neck. He's just so glad to have her back and cuddling against him that he can't take another moment without having her awake and being able to kiss her.

"What if I offered kissing," he murmurs, hand sliding beneath her hair to rub her neck. He's playing dirty, he knows, but he knows she'll probably take the bait.

"We could kiss while the sun comes up."

Hearing the mild note of pleading and censure in Nikolai's voice made her giggle against her will; he sounded so plaintive. But kissing was a very good incentive, one for which she was more than willing to swim up from slumber. So she lifted her head, crossed her arms on his broad chest, resting her chin atop them, gazing sleepily at her gorgeous companion.

"Da?" Her own voice was still husky, slurred with the remnants of sleep. "That's a vicious bribe, moya zvezda." But her dimples appeared with her small little smile. "You must like living on the edge, offering a prize like that."

"It's a dangerous prize," he agrees. "But you woke up, da?" It's true, he'd played dirty, but he did want to kiss her. As much as he wants to go slow with Natalia it's far from wanting to actually stop and a nice long round of kissing sounds near about perfect.

"Kiss me and call in my chip," he says, grinning at her. "Kiss me like I dreamed about, printsessa." He had dreamed about it all night, being with her, and while he won't go all the way yet he does want to slake some of that lust.

"Kiss me and prove to me it's worth waking up for."

One of her eyebrows flicked up; he'd contrived her to wake up, hadn't he? But she'd never turn down a chance to taste his sweet, luscious kisses, so the little princess inched up and very lightly pressed her lips top his, a girl's kiss, innocent and sweet. A moment later, she grew bolder, slowly parting her mouth to press for just a little more, cushioning Nikolai's lower lip between both of hers, tugging oh-so-lightly.

"You taste so nice," Natalia murmured, cupping his cheek in one small hand. She squirmed a little more, fitting herself beside him so she could tip her head just a bit and flick the tip of her tongue against his mouth, nearly mewling pure, sheer want. But he'd cautioned her to go slow and she was determined. Determined to listen, to please him, to do every single thing he wanted.

"Mm, so do you," Nikolai says in return. His voice is low and gravelly this early in the morning and he takes her sweet kisses, parts his lips for her and just lets her explore. Natalia isn't trying to take it too far right this moment and he can just enjoy it for what it is: affection, sweet and simple.

He rolls her below him, carefully propping himself up on his elbows so he doesn't crush her. This is a little more intense, yes, but it's still just kissing and something he genuinely enjoys. He loves the closeness of it, the intimacy of a kiss.

"Kiss me more," he murmurs. "Please?"

Natalia almost didn't realize he'd shifted them so that he was above her, so lost in their tender affection was she. But his weight was such a pleasant turn-on, and she lifted languid arms to wind around his thick neck as they settled together, the princess feeling every soft curve fitting against Nikolai's harder planes.

She whimpered when he asked for more, and she was only too willing to give it. Natalia sank her fingers into Nikolai's dark hair, holding him so that she might kiss him even deeper, just daring to slip her tongue between his lips as he'd taught her, shivering at the slippery silkiness of it. She licked and teased, awash in their sweet, sweet tenderness, and something to which she was quickly becoming addicted.

"...mmm, how I love you, my Nikki..." was whispered in the warmth between them when she had to pull away enough for a breath of air. "...so much..."

"I love you too, sweet printsessa," Nikolai murmurs. He keeps his voice low in case there are any errant ears around; even in Malta he keeps on his toes in spite of the more relaxed atmosphere. Satisfied they're well and truly alone, he kisses her one last time on the mouth before moving down a little.

His fingers find the hem of her sleep shirt and he pushes it up and away, revealing full breasts to his eyes. He's touched them before, yes, but he's never seen them and he spends a few moments just looking before reaching out with his right hand to cup one and tease her nipple up high and tight while he supports his weight on his left elbow.

"I want to show you something. Will you let me?"

The bra had been built into last night's gown, so thankfully she didn't have to be uncomfortable while she'd slept. And it was a little unnerving, still, when Nikolai gently pushed up her sleep shirt, coaxing it over her head and tossing it aside, baring her for his heady gaze. But she wasn't embarrassed or modest; she wanted him to see her. And admire what he saw.

The weight of his gaze was a bit unfamiliar yet, but the feel of his hand settling over one full breast made her moan, her back arching to offer him more, and the princess bit her lower lip sharply, feeling her body instantly respond. And still, he wanted to show her something else. Natalia's eyes opened and met his, and she nodded, unconsciously licking her lips in blissful anticipation.

"Da." It was a soft whisper. "Always."

With that permission, Nikolai bends his head to put his lips to her breast, kissing along the curve of of it before flicking his tongue against the nipple to bring it up high and tight for him. She reacts so quickly, the printsessa, and he wonders if it's all for him or if some of it is just inexperience. He pushes the latter from his mind.

"It feels better," he rumbles against her skin, "if I suck them. Get my lips and tongue and the edge of my teeth around that tender skin to tease you. Will you let me?"

Ohh... Watching Nikolai's dark head bend over her chest was its own brand of erotic, but the feel of his mouth on her tender skin had her squirming, unconsciously rubbing her knees together just to keep from writhing out from under him. Her nipples ached, having never before been stimulated so - her own explorations of her body were nothing compared to this.

But his words smoked in her innocent ears, and Natalia couldn't help but moan in response, whirling mind already racing ahead to imagine every tactile moment of what he'd just told her. She whined, needy, and licked dry lips, sinking her hands into Nikolai's dark hair to urge him for more, and hurriedly nodded her willing assent.

"--da," she gasped, so very eager. "Da, Nikki, pozhaluysta..." She'd dreamed of this, but nothing could have ever prepared her for the stark reality, and the princess was quickly learning that in this case, her daydreams and imaginings could never measure up.

Nikolai knows his stubble must be scraping against her skin and leaving marks but he doesn't care, not when he gets his mouth around one perfect nipple and sucks at it, teasing her thoroughly. She can't have more than this, not today, but god it has to be enough. It has to be enough.

He reaches for her left hand with his own, pinning it up above her head and to the mattress, holding her captive for his mouth and his attention now. He doesn't want her squirming away when the pleasure gets to be too much. He wants her to learn how to love this, how to enjoy just this.

"Let me take care of you, printsessa."

She had no idea how else he planned to "take care of her", but Natalia couldn't wait to find out. In the meantime, the soft suction at her breast, the heat of Nikolai's mouth and slick smoothness of his tongue nearly sent her careening over the edge. Her back arched, lifting her almost entirely off of the mattress, and she couldn't keep quiet a long, soft moan, a nest of something coiling low in her loins, just begging for more.

Dimly, she felt her beloved take her hand and lift it above her head, holding her still when she really wanted to squirm and wiggle, inviting more aching flesh for his hot, talented mouth. "--Nikolai..." She managed to gasp his name on a short breath, whining for him, and one lean bare leg instinctively managed to curl around his hip, all the better to roll her lower body against his, unconsciously begging.

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