ostavil | open post

“I want you,” he admits plainly. “But my age means it has to be secret for a long time, possibly forever. I’m not the kind of man that should be with the heiress of Imperial Russia. I’m the sort of man meant to be in the shadows and blend in.”

Nikolai bites his lip a little and moves so he can stand up, feet flat on the ocean floor. He slips his hands under Natalia, balancing her on them, and looks into her eyes.

“Am I a thrill or do you want me for who I am?”

A small bit of seawater went up her nose at the sudden shift, but Natalia coughed and spluttered enough to clear her sinuses, and let Nikolai pull her closer when he shifted about to regain his feet. She was unfortunately too short to reach the bottom, but she settled easily in his arms, letting him hold her above the water and safe, so she wouldn't be lost out to sea.

Though uncertainty and hesitation were by now plainly written across the princess's delicate features, she didn't answer right away. She knew this relationship would be frowned upon, would be dangerous, especially if her father discovered it, but she knew her own heart, and knew that what she felt wasn't some silly, girlish infatuation. Nikolai was worth so much more than that, at least to her.

"...nyet," she finally said, lowering her eyes. "You shouldn't be with the heir of Imperial Russia. That poor girl's life is already planned out by a bunch of old men in smoke-filled rooms, plotting things out on paper. I feel sorry for her." Then she looked up, water-spiked lashes wide around soft green eyes.

"But you should be with your Natalia, Nikolai, da? She loves you so much, so much, doesn't know what she'll ever do without you. And is so scared that one day you'll leave, and she'll never see you again." Her lower lip trembled slightly, a sheen clouding those soft eyes. "She can't be without you ever, not ever, ever."

“It has to be slow,” Nikolai says, putting that in stone. There is no way that he will rush this, not with someone he cares about as much as Natalia, but he will pursue this madness if she truly wants him this way. He’s been alone too long to resist her.

“When everyone is asleep and we are in bed, I’ll let you play. Nothing during the day and nothing where we have any chance of being caught. No speaking of it to your little friends. It has to be absolutely secret or I’ll be taken from you. Do you understand, printsessa?”

"I know." She nodded, almost mute. He'd made that perfectly clear earlier, alone in her bedroom. And though she sometimes burned for him, burned so hot she could barely stand it, if they were to be together, then she'd simply have to wait.

"I won't tell anyone, I promise." Natalia had no intention of ever sharing any of those details to Anna and Steffie, because only two could keep a secret, and only if one of them was dead, after all. And she had no desire to put either of them in any sort of trouble, and she was just selfish enough to keep Nikolai all to herself.

He was all she truly wanted.

"I understand." And she did. Despite her youth, her father hadn't raised her in a political or practical vacuum, as some did with their own progeny. And Nikolai himself had taught her the basics of palace politics; secrets were coin of the realm.

"I know you do," Nikolai says, careful not to patronize her. The last thing she needs is someone she trusts and someone she wants as a lover to treat her like a child. He's not going to do it if he can possibly help it; all bets are off if he has to put his foot down to protect her.

"I'll show you everything you ever dreamed of," Nikolai says softly. "And then some more. I just want you to...I want you to be happy and safe with me, Natalia. I need to do this just right. Waiting a little isn't going to make the feelings go away, I promise. It doesn't all have to come at the same time."

"I am safe with you, Nikki," she insisted, "and no one else in the world makes me as happy as you do." He knew that, surely. Small arms gently wound around his neck, and Natalia couldn't help sliding even closer, pressing against her guardian as she held him tightly. "I trust you with my life," she whispered beneath his ear. "And my heart, too."

She knew he'd never break it. Or hurt her. Or allow her to be hurt. He was her bulwark against the storm, the one solid foundation she could always and completely rely upon. It was just one of the many reasons she loved him as she did.

"I'll wait," she promised, sinking down in the waves and pulling him with her until the water lapped at their shoulders, and she could coil her legs around his waist, unable to help kissing his wet cheeks. "I love you, and you're worth waiting for, moya zvezda. However long I have to."

Nikolai kisses the top of her head, heedless of the salt water, and smiles at her. She’s the only one who gets his rare smiles and he feels safe enough with her to share the vulnerable side of himself. He holds her in the water for a little while before scouting how low the sun is in the horizon.

“Nap time,” he says, laughing softly. It’s the habit of everyone in the Malta house to take a nap in the heat of the afternoon before waking up to work on dinner preparations. Nikolai nods his head back toward the house. “If you’re a good girl, you might get to explore a little before supper.”

In his arms, no matter where, was her favorite place to be. She was safe, sheltered, and protected in the curve of his long body; nothing bad or dangerous could ever reach her here. Natalia basked in Nikolai's attention until he suggested they head inside to clean up and lounge the afternoon away, and it didn't take either of them long to meet back in her bedroom from their respective showers, the princess toweling her wet curls after slipping into a thin, long-sleeved blouse and soft cotton shorts.

Mati, bless her, had earlier brought snacks and sodas for them, and reporting that supper would consist of more favorites, and that her children had been so excited that the printessa was back for the summer, and would Her Highness mind if they joined in for the meal. Natalia had voiced her acquiescence and delight, assuring Mati that all of her family was more than welcome, and they'd eat on the terrace anyway, overlooking the lagoon and the setting sun.

Then it was time to recline in her soft comfortable bed, stifle a few yawns, and curl around Nikolai's pillow, waiting for him to join her in their afternoon siesta.

Nikolai makes it back to the bedroom after a quick shower and watches as Natalia sleeps. He'd intended to let her fool around a little before supper while everyone else was asleep but it seems the morning's excursion had worn her out same as everyone else. He slides into bed alongside her, replacing the pillow with his body.

"I had hoped we'd continue lessons," he murmurs, stroking his hand along her waist. "But if you need the nap, I won't deny you one. You look sweet just now, sweet printsessa. Too sweet to bother."

Edited 2020-12-12 21:33 (UTC)

She'd been only dozing, and heard the door open under Nikolai's soft hand. A quiet smile slowly curved her lips when she heard his preternaturally quiet approach, and Natalia let him take the pillow with a soft sigh of contentment, not even opening her eyes when he slipped into bed beside her, warm and solid in her arms.

She felt her soldier's hand curve slow and deliberate around her waist, and the little princess curved into the line of Nikolai's long body, instinctively tucking her head beneath his chin, only to press soft, sweet kisses along his neck and jaw.

"I'm not that tired," she whispered, lifting her head to rest her head against his on their shared pillow. "I slept so long this morning, not even the swim was enough to make me sleepy again." Small, rounded arms coiled languidly around her soldier's thick neck. "I was just dozing, waiting for you."

Nikolai laughs softly and folds her into his arms for a moment. "As long as I'm not bothering you, I'd like..."

He lets the words trail away and rolls atop her instead, kissing her softly against her forehead, her cheeks, her lips. He knows he's heavy but he also knows how different it feels to be atop her versus curling up and cuddling. This is far more indicative of a sexual relationship.

He eases his hands down to her bare legs and wraps them around his hips so he can rock against her.

"Let's try like this. Is this all right?"

"Never." Natalia started to giggle along with him, but the laugh turned into a swift gasp when Nikolai suddenly shifted, rolling her to her back and coming atop her in one smooth motion. She immediately felt his weight, but God, it was a delicious sensation, and she couldn't swallow a high, girlish moan when he coaxed her legs apart, only to settle snugly between her thighs, and pulled her knees upwards to coil her calves around his body.

She knew her eyes were wide and surprised, but she hesitated only a brief moment before reaching up for him, winding her arms around his neck and instinctively arching up to meet him. "...Nikolai..." she breathed in the heating air between them, soft lips parted and shining where she'd licked them, already anticipating the much-missed taste of his mouth.

"Da," she nodded, willing and so much more. "Da, pozhaluysta..."

"Like this," he whispers, slipping his tongue in past her lips to draw against hers. She doesn't know anything about kissing or being with a man so he has to go excruciatingly slow, yes, but it'll be worth it in the end. She can learn from him and never get hurt.

As he kisses her, he slips a hand under her blouse, spreading his palm flat against the soft skin of her waist. Nothing he hasn't touched before - he just had earlier while she was in her bikini - but different when she's under him and kissing him than when he's putting lotion on her and swimming with her.

Natalia gave a little lurch when Nikolai lowered his head and slipped his tongue between her lips; she whimpered at the feel of his lips on hers. Her senses began to reel, and from somewhere way down her body, she realized that the warmth emanating from beneath her shirt was Nikolai's hand, gliding so slowly along her smooth, heated skin.

Yes, he'd touched her body before, and often, but in this context, even the simplest caress seemed so much more profound. Natalia licked gently at his lips, panting softly when their mouths parted, but was only too eager to dive back into their sweet, slow kisses, coiling her tongue with Nikolai's in fulfillment of her most wanton dreams come true.

Nikolai rocks against her, letting her feel how hard he's getting for her, and slips that hand up higher, cupping her breast. It's not as scandalous as it could be with a bra in the way but it's enough for right now. He can't give her too much at once or she'll be overwhelmed. It's important to make this go slow but let her know that he most certainly wants her - because there is nothing he wants more than her.

He slides his mouth from hers and whispers against her neck, just soft words, and kisses a line down to her collar. This is much more adult than a simple kiss and he'd wanted to show her how good kissing could be. How good he could be for her, because of her, in service to her.

The princess's head was already spinning as she floated along on the ocean of sensations currently flowing beneath her skin. But she squeaked softly when that large hand settled rather possessively over her breast; she hadn't bothered with any undergarments after her shower, opting to sleep (or whichever) in comfort.

The nipple hardened immediately in response to his touch, and thank goodness Nikolai had moved his mouth from hers to kiss down the slope of her throat, because Natalia had to gasp a few soft but deep breaths just to keep from flying right apart. She felt him between her legs too, an insistent pressure, and the drag of his body against her tender skin was electrifying.

The girl buried her hands in her soldier's thick hair, clutching at him tightly as she squirmed and panted, her back arching into his touch and her hips beginning to roll in rhythm with his own sinful movements.

"Had no idea you didn't have anything on under here," Nikolai gasps out, shocked himself. It makes this entirely too fast for his tastes, too much for right now, but his hand is there and his mouth is there and what is he going to do? Pull away and run away to the shower?

"This is too much for right now," he murmurs, even as his hand cups a full breast. He doesn't touch her nipple as much as he wants to and captures her mouth in another long kiss so he doesn't have to say anything. He snaps his hips against her sharply, letting her feel him.

"Warn me next time," he says, pulling back to look into her eyes. "That's important, Natalia. I have to know what I'm getting into. You didn't know this time and that's fine but...underwear next time."

She managed to unscramble enough of her coherence to attempt an answer, but before she could, Nikolai was kidding her again, making her moan into his mouth even as his tongue invaded her mouth with all the possessiveness she'd ever before felt. It was enough to push her head back against the pillows, and she gave another little lurch and a high squeal when he shoved his hips between her legs, sending fireworks bursting down in her loins.

"...Nikki," Natalia finally managed to pant, gazing up at him with glazed, dazed eyes. "...'m...I'm...sorry..." But he was still hot, hard, and heavy above her, and the girl could only hike her knees a little higher and squeeze his hips with her thighs, trying to sate this burning ache that had blossomed down below the pit of her stomach.

Nikolai kisses her one last time, softer and more gentle, and slips his hand from under her shirt before rolling back onto his back. He's out of breath more out of a psychological feeling than a physiological one; what's a romp in bed to a super soldier?

"I'm going to go take a shower. You haven't done anything wrong," he says softly, firmly. "But you affect me the same as I affect you. I have to...well, I'm sure you know what I'm about to go do. It's not something you can be around for right now. I'll be back after a little while, all right? I'm not leaving you."

Still dazed, Natalia slowly swam up from the river of lust she'd been drowning in, realizing that Nikolai was pulling away, seemingly as out of breath and disorientated as she was. Her body immediately mourned his loss, and the little princess could only lie there, sprawled, trying to regain her bearings.

She pouted in sheer reflex when she heard him say he was going for yet another shower, and the implication hit her right when he'd actually left the room, and Natalia felt her entire body flush a deep scarlet, realizing just why he was leaving her, this time.

God.

But she herself felt...sticky, and her skin was still damp with a slight sheen of sweat. Perhaps a brief rubdown with a wet cloth wasn't entirely out of purview, for herself. With a sigh, for what she wasn't entirely sure, the Grand Duchess forced herself up and out of bed, heading in the opposite direction for her own bathroom.

Nikolai takes a long shower, leaning back against the wall to wrap his hand around his cock and relieve the pressure that had built up while he'd been kissing and touching Natalia. He thinks about what it would have been like to get his mouth on that firm, full breast of hers and how it would feel to be in her.

When he comes, he makes more noise than he wants and he hopes the rush of the water covers it up. He slides back into his boxers and towels his hair so it's damp instead of dripping wet and comes back into the room where Natalia is staying.

"Natalia? You're not changing, are you?"

She was still in the bathroom, hunting for something to wear other than her former shirt and shorts. She needed her flannels, despite the heat of the islands, because covering all of her skin right now seemed the wiser course. He'd only touched her for a few minutes before needing relief, so she had to be careful about rousing those sorts of feeling in her soldier. She didn't want him to feel...bad, like he needed to constantly leave, whenever he touched her.

Natalia finally found an old set of pajamas beneath the bathroom counter; they were a little snug, but still fitted relatively well. She hauled on a thick bathrobe too, before opening the door and emerging back into her bedroom. The sight that greeted her nearly made her want to flee back into the bathroom, to avoid the damning temptation that gazed at her with concern in those beautiful blue eyes.

"...I did, da. It's...it's fine. Better." But she was still the Grand Duchess of Imperial Russia, so she set her jaw and padded softly and quickly back to her bed, carefully curling up on the corner and closing her eyes tightly, but the sight of Nikolai just then was of course burned into her retinas, giving her no respite from the sheer want still plaguing her gut.

Nikolai sees her on the corner and curled up in her bathrobe and he shakes his head. This isn't what he'd meant to cause. He'd meant to tell her that she affected him as much as he affects her, that it's so very mutual. He had hoped it would make her feel good about herself.

"Printsessa, please be comfortable," he murmurs. "Curling up with you doesn't put me in pain or anything. I would be upset if you didn't want me to hold you and love you."

He gives her a soft smile. "I told you so that you'd know how much I want you. Not to hurt you."

"But...I have to take care of you," she insisted, keeping her eyes closed. "And...I don't want to make you uncomfortable, especially if we're doing...that." He was her responsibility, after all.

"...I don't want you to have to leave, whenever we're...you know." She wanted him to hold her and love her more than anything else in the world. But not at any expense. That was truly the last thing she'd ever want.

"--you say that you want me," she heard herself just blurt right out, "...but then you...don't." Natalia gave a heavy sigh, sitting up and crossing her legs Indian-fashion, tucking her hands in the sleeves of her robes.

"Maybe we shouldn't, Nikolai," she suggested, staring at the floor. "Since it seems to just...cause problems."

Nikolai sighs a little and sits beside her, rubbing his palm over her neck and back. He doesn't want her to feel tortured over this like she's done something wrong. He just wants things to go slow for her benefit, that's all, and they'll get there eventually.

"I do want you. I could fuck you right now," Nikolai points out. "But it would make me an asshole and I'm not going to be that man to you, Natalia. I want to go slow in case there's something you...if we did everything at once and you regretted it, I would never forgive myself."

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject