ostavil | open post

Nikolai swims well too and he's always liked the warmth. While he likes their home in the Winter Palace, sometimes the snow reminds him of the ice he'd been confined to for so very long. He dives in after the Grand Duchess and pops up beside her, slicking his hair back.

"We should swim further out. I know you're too short to touch bottom but I could haul you over my shoulder," Nikolai teases, winking at her. "Take you out so far that I have to hold you up. It would be good for my ego, I think."

He puts his hands on her shoulders and looks down at her. "How much do you trust me?"

The sight of Nikolai, emerging from the water like a titan aborning, with slicked back dark hair and shining blue eyes, was damn near enough to have fifteen-year old Grand Duchess Natalia Romanova abandoning all semblance of propriety, manners, and even good sense to attack him right then and there, her station and relative youth be damned.

But. She bit her lip, hard, and forced herself to nod, because she really did love to swim, and the lagoon on their private beach was one of the best places in the world to do so. Although when Nikki made the little quip about his ego, the princess couldn't help rolling her eyes, and when he put those mismatched hands on her shoulders, she eyed him a little curiously.

"...why are you asking?" He was planning something, she just knew it.

"Just trust me," Nikolai says again, squeezing her shoulders. "Do you trust me not to let you drown? Because I would never let a hair on your head be harmed. You're worth ten of me." It's something you say to a pretty girl, yes, but Nikolai means it with every bone in his body. He is meant to take bullets for the Grand Duchess, should it come to that, and he's perfectly willing to do it. He loves her in a way that's different than how he loved her as a child but it's no less love. He will always love her and always do what he can to protect her, even from him.

This, though, is just a bit of play.

"When have I ever hurt you, mon ange?"

Natalia knew he'd never hurt her. Nor allow her to be hurt. He'd first shed blood in her name when she'd been six years old; a mouthy palace courier had offered the small princess an impertinence, and had spent the next several hours crawling around on the floor, picking up his teeth.

No, this was something different. And the arch of her eyebrow bespoke that, because she replied, "Never, and you never would. But you're planning something, Nikolai, I can see it in your eyes." Those beautiful, sweet blue eyes. "You're either going to dunk me, or toss me, one of the two."

She'd involuntarily tensed - he'd taught her to anticipate everything and anything; she was ready. "Which is it?"

"I would never do either," Nikolai says, eyes wide and innocent and palms open toward her. He's a deadly killer, so he doesn't think the innocent look works for him but he'll definitely aim for it in this. He wants to dunk her and make her laugh.

"Why do you think your sworn protector would do anything but treat you with the utmost care, Grand Duchess? Come on. I've always taken care of you." He flashes her a grin and bites the corner of his lip a little.

"Trust me?"

Her own eyes narrowed, and her smile thinned. The waves lapped at them, soft and playful, but the princess was locked in a "showdown" with her beloved, and she didn't intend on losing this one. "You shouldn't widen your eyes when you lie," she told him. "Makes you look disingenuous." He'd taught her that, too.

"I know you, Nikolai. And I know when you're planning to do something devious." It wasn't often, but as she'd gotten older and they'd become more comfortable with each other, she'd learned to spot the signs. He never did anything titanic or rash; just little things to make her feel special, or to make her smile, which had, of course, endeared him even more to her, thus assisting in sealing his own fate.

"I trust you with my life," Natalia told him, still braced for the inevitable. "But right now, I don't trust you to not get water all up my nose, spasibo. Which means..." And the small but sturdy Grand Duchess suddenly took a massive leap at her guardian, barreling into his chest with all of her force, attempting to knock him over first!

It's a surprise attack, to be sure, and his feet slip in the sand a bit before he catches hold of Natalia and hauls her over his shoulder. He smacks her ass with his right hand and laughs, glad to have her right where he wants her for his next move. She'd played right into his hands, fortunately, and this game was going to be fun.

"Should have thought about who you were going up against, my printsessa. I have better reflexes than you, though the surprise attack was a very good idea. It would have worked on a weaker man."

He walks her out deeper into the water before tossing her, careful to stay close by in case she flounders and needs his help getting out.

Yes, she should have known. Natalia screeched when Nikolai casually caught her then simply hauled her up and flopped her over his shoulder. But she knew that beating on his back was futile; there was no moving this particular mountain.

So the Grand Duchess of Russia was obliged to just hang there like a limp noodle, only to stiffen and begin to struggle when she felt Nikolai give a heave, then she was flying through the air to splash right in the middle of a large swell, submerging completely but thankfully getting her feet under her enough to push up to the surface, spluttering water and swearing in her native tongue.

Unfortunately, the waves were just enough over her head that she had to cling to her guardian like a limpet, cursing him and laughing all at the same time, while trying to keep salt water out of her nose and mouth before she choked.

When Natalia is coughing and sputtering, his natural protective instinct takes over and Nikolai cradles her in his arms, holding her close as he carries her back toward the shore. It had been a boy's tease, yes, and he'd wanted to do it to prove to himself he wasn't too old and too broken to be the object of this girl's affection but now his innate desire to protect her has come to the fore.

"Breathe easier, Natalia," he murmurs, carrying her back and laying her gently across his chest as he reclines in a lounge chair. He rubs her back soothingly and kisses her forehead.

"It was just meant as a tease, you know. The way boys do when it's a girl they like?"

Natalia was still laughing even as Nikolai hauled her up and out of the water, taking them both over to a chaise near the stairs heading up to the house terrace. She was breathless when he sprawled her over his chest, rubbing her back and kissing her forehead.

"...I'm fine, Nikki," she told him fondly, turning in his arms and smooching his wet cheek with a grin. "And I know it was just a tease, we were playing, that's all." A nuzzle accompanied the next kiss. "And I love when you play like that."

As she nuzzled and kissed, her free hand was conspicuously hanging below the seat of the chaise, and in the next moment, the princess was smearing a large handful of goopy wet sand over Nikolai's bare chest, then leaping up from his lap and shrieking as she took off across the beach, fully expecting some sort of retaliation.

Nikolai should have expected that but she'd gotten the jump on him and instead he's scrambling to catch up to a teenage girl who has just managed to get sand all over him. It's going to be hell on his arm but he thinks it's worth it, to flirt with a girl who hasn't had any semblance of a normal life.

He catches up to her quickly considering his stamina and much longer legs, and he wraps his arms around her so she can't move.

"Do you really think that was fair after I was doting on you, printsessa? Now I have sand in all the plates of my arm and I'll spend the rest of the day getting it out and no time kissing you."

She was fleet enough of foot - a lesser adversary would have been hard pressed to catch her - but unfortunately the Grand Duchess was no match for the Winter Soldier. Natalia shrieked when Nikolai snagged her around the waist, swinging her in a circle as he ground to a stop. She tried shoving on his arm, but the titanium had absolutely no give, and she was laughing too hard to make a real effort.

"...no, you won't," she told him, giggling over her shoulder while spitting out damp red curls. "You can just get back in the water, you silly thing, and the waves will rinse it clean again!" She kept squirming and laughing, a little breathless, but it was all in good fun, and she loved it when he played like this, besides.

"What if it rusted up, though? I'd make you clean it every day," Nikolai teases, kissing her forehead. "I'd put you to work, little printsessa and you'd owe me a debt until you were old. Imagine the Tsarina of Russia having to clean the plates of her rusty old bodyguard's arm, hmm?"

He laughs about it but someday he'll be grizzled and older and still in her service - and in the service of her children and her grandchildren. It's a sad thing to think of, really, so he keeps it to himself.

"You'd mess up your nails scrubbing me."

She scoffed. "You'd never let it rust," she informed him tartly, but grinned all the same. "And you know I'd scrub it for you, Nikolai, so that little threat is pretty much useless, moya zvezda."

Natalia squirmed around in his grip, both of them damp and by now covered in sand, and she draped small arms around his neck, rubbing at his nose with hers. "Wanna get back in the water? I could go for a good, long swim."

Nikolai presses a soft, closed-mouth kiss to her lips before nodding. He wants to go swim as well, not the least because they're sandy, and he gently lets her down so Natalia can walk on her own two feet.

"Let's go swim properly now and I promise not to throw you into the deeps. I promise to keep you safe, mon ange."

He'll always keep her safe, even from him.

She could have stood there on the beach for the rest of time, just kissing this man, and been content. But it was only a brief one, drat it, and the princess did pout briefly once he returned her to her own two feet.

"I know you will," she told him fondly, giving his hand a squeeze before pulling him back to the water's edge.

Nikolai had taught her to swim when she'd been only seven years old, and repeated summers and vacations here in the islands had helped the Grand Duchess become an accomplished swimmer, diver, and snorkeler, as much at home in the water as she was on the shore. She was strong for her age, and cut through the mild breakers like a knife, pulling ahead of her companion briefly and surfacing for a deep breath and to laugh her delight when she spied his dark head nearby.

"I'd race you to the island," she teased lightly, the small stretch of sandbar some hundred yards away, "but then I'd feel terrible about beating such an old man, Nikki."

Nikolai huffs a little and shakes his head. "You'd only beat me if I let you win, little printsessa, and that's hardly fair. That's not good fun for either of us."

Nikolai swims a bit and then rolls onto his back to float. It takes a little effort, considering the weight of his arm, but he can manage it all the same.

"Do you think I'm old? Really?"

She arched a sardonic eyebrow at Nikolai's boastful quip, but opted not to retort. A good soldier knew when to pick her battles, after all. The princess gave a mental shrug, and twisted around to do the same, letting the gentle swells support her body, and paddled lightly over to her guardian, automatically reaching out to take his hand in hers so they wouldn't drift too far apart.

Hearing his question, however, made her scoff. "Of course I don't. I only tease you about it because you groan and mutter on the cold mornings." She tugged on him a little, floating over so that their heads nearly touched, and bumped at him playfully. "Why do you ask?"

"Because of the other night."

It's been weighing on his mind, that kiss, and he wonders if he ought to have done it. It's going to distract her from boys her own age and as much as he loves her, he ought to let her go. It's selfish to try to keep her as his when there's no way she can be with him. She's the heir of Imperial Russia. She isn't going to be with a soldier that has half a memory.

If she thinks of him as old, it's the first step of getting that connection severed, no matter how much it hurts him. He can endure it, the heartbreak, and she needs to move on, doesn't she?

Natalia paused, hearing that. Did he regret their kisses? Was it wrong? Had she made a mistake? He'd said that she hadn't, but...had he only been sparing her feelings? Was she wrong, to love him like she did? These and a thousand more frightening thoughts flashed through her mind, but the little princess tried her best to keep them from showing on her face and in her voice.

The water all of a sudden seemed cold, but surely it was only her imagination. Natalia didn't really know what to say, after hearing that; she simply let herself be buoyed on the surface by the lagoon's calm waters. But she had to say something, right? So she finally mustered up her courage and offered, "...you can be old if you want to be, Nikolai."

“I want you,” he admits plainly. “But my age means it has to be secret for a long time, possibly forever. I’m not the kind of man that should be with the heiress of Imperial Russia. I’m the sort of man meant to be in the shadows and blend in.”

Nikolai bites his lip a little and moves so he can stand up, feet flat on the ocean floor. He slips his hands under Natalia, balancing her on them, and looks into her eyes.

“Am I a thrill or do you want me for who I am?”

A small bit of seawater went up her nose at the sudden shift, but Natalia coughed and spluttered enough to clear her sinuses, and let Nikolai pull her closer when he shifted about to regain his feet. She was unfortunately too short to reach the bottom, but she settled easily in his arms, letting him hold her above the water and safe, so she wouldn't be lost out to sea.

Though uncertainty and hesitation were by now plainly written across the princess's delicate features, she didn't answer right away. She knew this relationship would be frowned upon, would be dangerous, especially if her father discovered it, but she knew her own heart, and knew that what she felt wasn't some silly, girlish infatuation. Nikolai was worth so much more than that, at least to her.

"...nyet," she finally said, lowering her eyes. "You shouldn't be with the heir of Imperial Russia. That poor girl's life is already planned out by a bunch of old men in smoke-filled rooms, plotting things out on paper. I feel sorry for her." Then she looked up, water-spiked lashes wide around soft green eyes.

"But you should be with your Natalia, Nikolai, da? She loves you so much, so much, doesn't know what she'll ever do without you. And is so scared that one day you'll leave, and she'll never see you again." Her lower lip trembled slightly, a sheen clouding those soft eyes. "She can't be without you ever, not ever, ever."

“It has to be slow,” Nikolai says, putting that in stone. There is no way that he will rush this, not with someone he cares about as much as Natalia, but he will pursue this madness if she truly wants him this way. He’s been alone too long to resist her.

“When everyone is asleep and we are in bed, I’ll let you play. Nothing during the day and nothing where we have any chance of being caught. No speaking of it to your little friends. It has to be absolutely secret or I’ll be taken from you. Do you understand, printsessa?”

"I know." She nodded, almost mute. He'd made that perfectly clear earlier, alone in her bedroom. And though she sometimes burned for him, burned so hot she could barely stand it, if they were to be together, then she'd simply have to wait.

"I won't tell anyone, I promise." Natalia had no intention of ever sharing any of those details to Anna and Steffie, because only two could keep a secret, and only if one of them was dead, after all. And she had no desire to put either of them in any sort of trouble, and she was just selfish enough to keep Nikolai all to herself.

He was all she truly wanted.

"I understand." And she did. Despite her youth, her father hadn't raised her in a political or practical vacuum, as some did with their own progeny. And Nikolai himself had taught her the basics of palace politics; secrets were coin of the realm.

"I know you do," Nikolai says, careful not to patronize her. The last thing she needs is someone she trusts and someone she wants as a lover to treat her like a child. He's not going to do it if he can possibly help it; all bets are off if he has to put his foot down to protect her.

"I'll show you everything you ever dreamed of," Nikolai says softly. "And then some more. I just want you to...I want you to be happy and safe with me, Natalia. I need to do this just right. Waiting a little isn't going to make the feelings go away, I promise. It doesn't all have to come at the same time."

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