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"Mm, YA lyublyu tebya, moya printsessa," Nikolai offers back, holding her close up against his body. It's probably not something they should still be doing, sharing a bed with one another, but it helps keep his nightmares away and it seems that Natalia has become dependent on it as well.

"I wasn't leaving you earlier," he murmurs softly, hand smoothing down her back as he speaks. "I was just going for a run and a shower. Well, and a smoke. You know I have that filthy habit. There's just a handful of places you can't go, lisichka. Can't hop in the shower with me."

Hearing him reciprocate the sentiment started that deep, slow burn down in Natalia's stomach, and she inched up to brush a soft kiss against her guardian's rough cheek, relishing the feel of his skin beneath her lips. Her back arched just the slightest into his stroking hand, and she shifted closer beneath the thick counterpane.

"I know," she murmured back, her forehead resting against his jaw line. "I just...worry when you're somewhere else. It--it makes me nervous." Her arms tightened around him and she softly whispered into the dark, "...I'm always afraid you won't come back..."

Those who'd brought him to her might return to take him away at any time. And she'd be powerless to stop them. It was her greatest fear.

"Nowhere else to go. Nowhere else I want to go," Nikolai says. "Everything in my world is right here, da? So stop worrying so much little printsessa. I'm not going anywhere and if I do, it's just for a little while. Never too long."

He presses a kiss against the crown of her head. "I'm sorry I scared you, if I did. I didn't mean to. I just needed a little time to myself before we headed to Malta. Did you want to talk for a little while or did you want to just try and get some sleep now that I'm here?"

"...it's okay," she breathed, nuzzling into him again, letting her eyes drift closed. "I know you need a little time away from me, Nikki...and I promise to be better about it the next time. Just tell me when you need to go...and I won't worry or be afraid that you won't come back." Her small hand moved to rest just over his heart, pressing gently into his chest. "Cross my heart."

The princess yawned, and snuggled closer, quietly thrilled to have her beloved in her arms again. "Mmm, we can talk if you want. I love listening to you talk when we're like this." His voice became so low and soothing, carrying just a hint of the growl that made her insides twist into knots.

"Well, then we can talk," Nikolai says. He doesn't like that Natalia seems a little upset right now and he thinks he ought to take the time to try to soothe her and make her feel safe and secure again. He knows he shouldn't leave her - she's dependent upon him - but sometimes there are things he needs to do without her around.

"Did you have a bad dream?" Nikolai asks in slightly-accented French. He has the barest hint of a Russian accent, not much, and his French has a little of a Slavic bent to it.

"Do you need to tell me about it or is me holding you enough? You can answer in Russian or English if you want to. I'm just getting into character for our game." He knows she likes his French and perhaps it's a little unfair but what's this small thing when it makes her happy?

The flawless French flowing over her ear had Natalia smiling softly, feeling those butterflies down in her stomach take flight once more. It was so unfair, how easily her Nikolai could make her all hot and bothered, and he didn't even know. That was the real thrill of it; that the man was completely unware, as far as she knew, of his effect on her. She'd long since ceased to look at him as a childish playmate, and her tender, girlish affection for this broken soldier only increased with each passing day.

"I love it when you hold me," she whispered back in the same tongue, her own accent carrying a Siberian tinge. "Makes me feel like nothing in the world could ever hurt me, when I'm close to you." But her voice also carried her grateful smile, and she gave him a tender squeeze followed by a fond nuzzle against his jaw.

"But sometimes I dream about you, Nikki. Trapped in ice somewhere, somewhere I can't get to you, and I just scream and scream, but you can't even hear me." Her teenaged voice wavered, a little. "That's one reason that I worry," Natalia admitted. "Because it's cold all the time here, and I'm afraid you'll get trapped in the ice, and I won't be able to get to you."

The ice had been all he knew before he came to the Winter Palace and Natalia. All he had was the frozen ice and the missions where he had to kill people over and over again. He never remembered anything about himself but he remembered every single kill. He has a lot of blood on his hands. Nikolai thinks a thousand years couldn't atone for that.

"You rescued me from the ice, little princess. You gave me a purpose and a reason to live. There's no ice that wouldn't thaw for you. Remember that, all right? Don't worry for me."

The last thing he wants is for her worrying about him when he's her bodyguard.

But she couldn't help worrying for him, that was the trouble. Nikolai belonged to her, she was responsible for him. That had been impressed upon her at such an early age, and the little princess had taken the task directly to heart.

"But I have to keep you safe, Nikki," she told him, "just like you keep me safe. We take care of each other." And no matter how old she grew, that would never change. "You're mine," she told him, a little fierce. "And you're going to be with me always. Nothing will ever, ever change that."

Nikolai knows that eventually Natalia will marry and have her own children and while he'll still be in her life as her guard, his role will change and he won't be in her bed or so close to her as he is now. He knows that they depend upon one another as ports in a storm and when one or the other has bad dreams, they find comfort and solace in the closeness of their relationship. While Nikolai has no desire to be with anyone, he knows Natalia eventually will.

"I know. I know I belong to you. You belong to more than just me but I like to think a little part of you belongs to me too? Yes?"

She'd never let him go. Not even if she reigned for a hundred years, Nikolai would still be by her side, in her life, and, if she had her way, in her bed even still. She heard his whispered wish, a small plea to have even the slightest bit of her affection, and Natalia wanted to weep.

Rising up on her elbow, she shoved disheveled curls over her shoulder and gazed down at the man with whom she knew she'd fallen completely, foolishly, and totally in love, not needing the bright light to see his memorized features even in this almost-complete darkness.

"Nikolao," Natalia stated, reverting to English, their more common language these days, her voice warm, soft, and full of her hidden feelings, "all of me is yours, moya zvezda. Each...and every...part of me..." She couldn't help leaning down as she spoke, and the girl gave a soft little moan when she felt her lips touch his; a girl's kiss, but one stained with her heart's sweet desire.

Nikolai is shocked to feel Natalia's lips up against his own and it's been so long since he's had this sort of affection that he's not quite sure what to do. He parts his lips under hers after a moment's hesitation, though, and threads a tentative hand through her hair.

It's a stupid idea, really, considering she's the Grand Duchess and his charge and far too young but what was the harm in returning a girl's kiss given in affection when he's had so little of it in his life? He doesn't think there's much.

Nikolai wasn't the only one shocked, especially when he returned the kiss, and Natalia gave a soft start to feel his large hand tease through her loose hair. His lips were so soft, and she couldn't help a small mewl when she in turn opened her mouth just the slightest, nearly toppling over on his chest when she realized she could taste him like this.

"...Nikki..." She didn't even realize she'd moaned his name, her girlish voice so breathless, and oh-so eager. Natalia leaned into his hand, tilting her head in sheer instinct, and kissed him again, bumping his nose with hers in her growing enthusiasm.

It's clear (and he knows as a fact) that Natalia has never kissed before so Nikolai keeps things gentle and slow. He draws his tongue along hers for a moment, just showing her the ways they can taste one another, and other than the hand pressed at the small of her back and the one threaded in her hair, he doesn't touch her. He shouldn't be doing this at all but if he's going to, he isn't going to push into too much too fast.

Right now, all this is going to be is a kiss. He stretches out beneath her and shifts his thighs apart a bit to make a cradle for her so she can lay atop him more comfortably. This is going to be better than him covering her, he thinks, and he can gently pull her away when it's too much and he starts getting hard. That isn't something he wants to go into tonight.

A startled gasp escaped the princess when she felt her Nikki's tongue slide along her lips then slip between them, making her head spin and all of her nerves catch fire. She was more than willing to let him guide her, to show her how, and when he shifted downwards, Natalia let him maneuver her atop his broad frame, and she was already shivering with just the intimacy they were so hesitantly sharing.

It was pure instinct to slip astride one of those thick thighs, shifting lightly out of sheer want, that need for friction she still didn't truly understand. Natalia wasn't aware that her thin nightshirt was bunched up around her waist, or that her simple cotton panties were growing damp, or that her breasts ached because the nipples had beaded tight and hard, unconsciously pressed against a certain soldier's broad chest.

"...Nikki," she exhaled again, but this time her voice carried a needy little whimper, and she gently closed her lips over Nikolai's lower, sucking softly before seeking his tongue with hers, just as he'd done a heartbeat ago.

While Natalia might not be aware of her nightshirt or her panties, he is and Nikolai knows he's going to have to put a stop to this very soon or he's going to do something he'll regret for the rest of his life. He groans a little when she sucks his lower lip and for someone he knows hasn't kissed before, she has good instincts.

He grazes his teeth against her lower lip a little before pulling back so he can look into her face. This is enough for right now (and he doesn't know why he's talking himself into this madness except that he's lonely and he does love her) and he needs to let her know that without hurting her feelings.

"Enough for tonight, little printsessa."

His guttural groan nearly sent her reeling. Natalia didn't even realize she was mewing softly, nearly drunk on her first sweet kisses with the man she loved. When Nikolai eased her back, she frowned, protesting, but finally opened her eyes when she heard him speak.

"...but Nikki..." she heard herself whine, then licked her lips with a girlish moan, still able to taste him on her skin. Natalia tried to kiss him again, but only managed to reach his chin and beneath it, slight stubble rasping deliciously against her sensitive, tender lips. "...don't want to stop," she murmured into his neck, nuzzling and sighing in sheer bliss.

She squirmed lightly in his grip, sinuous and so very eager. "Kiss me again, Nikki, please? Just once more for tonight?"

"Printsessa," he says again, more firmly this time. "There's things about this that you don't understand yet and that's all right but when I tell you we need to stop, we need to stop. It isn't because you've done something wrong or that I'm angry...it's that I know more about this than you and you need to go slower."

Hopefully this is a good enough explanation for her but she is a lovesick teenage girl. It might not work.

"There will be other kisses but this one has to end just now, all right?"

The thread of steel in Nikolai's voice brought Natalia, reluctantly, upwards from the fog of lust in which she'd been willingly drowning. Green eyes slowly blinked back into focus, and all of a sudden, the princess found herself quite shy, and she nodded, mute, before gently sliding back to her side of the bed, tucking down small beneath her covers, although a shiver coursed over her when she licked her lips one last time.

"...all right," she whispered, curling up near Nikolai's arm, her red curls strewn across the pillows behind her head. She thought about apologizing, but swallowed the words, since he'd said she'd done nothing wrong, but the return of coherence had made her realize just how wanton she'd really been.

"You have to trust that I know what I'm doing," he says more gently. He settles back into the bed and pulls her to half lay across his chest. They sleep like this often but it feels different this time, feels more electrifying, and Nikolai isn't certain he'll be able to calm down at all.

"It'll be all right, lisichka," he murmurs. "And you'll be all right. I just know you probably feel overwhelmed right now. It's normal enough even if I don't remember the first time I ever kissed someone."

He doesn't remember the last time he did before now, either, but that's less relevant.

"I do trust you," she whispered, settling comfortably with her head pillowed on his chest and her arms draped around him once more. Natalia squeezed lightly before admitting, "...I just...got a little carried away, just now." She tucked her head beneath his chin and closed her eyes. "...didn't mean to."

But kissing him had felt so good! And even now, she yearned to taste him again. Her body definitely agreed, as she felt so warm and alive, pressed tight and close to him as she was. Natalia doubted she'd sleep even a wink tonight.

"How early did you set the alarm?" A safe question, she hoped.

"Four. You can sleep on the plane. You know I don't need to sleep," Nikolai says. He feels bad that she might be embarrassed about having "gone too far" or something like that so he rubs her scalp with his fingers, trying to soothe the tension from her.

"It was your first kiss. Most people get carried away. I just...I don't want you to hurt yourself, that's all. I have to keep you safe even if that means keeping you safe from me."

He says it softly but there's steel behind it: he'll keep her safe from anyone, including himself.

It was gradual this time, but Natalia slowly let herself relax beneath Nikolai's stroking hand, h'mmming softly as he petted her. "...it was a wonderful first kiss," she murmured, soft and happy.

"...and I'm so glad it was with you, my sweet, sweet Nikki..." Lethargy was returning; it, his heartbeat beneath her cheek, and his gentle petting coaxing her back down into slumber once more.

Natalia yawned, then slurred, "...you'll never hurt me, Nikki...not ever...I trust you with my life and even more than that...because I love you so, so, so much, my soldier, my beloved. ...love you so..."

It's a heady feeling, being loved, but Nikolai tries not to let it go to his head too much. He doesn't want to get hurt and while he knows that Natalia loves him she's also so very young and what she knows of love and relationships is very little compared to adults.

He holds her tight against him and while he doesn't sleep exactly, he does doze, and when the alarm goes off in the morning he turns it off so he can shift around where Natalia is on her back and he can lay alongside her. He smooths one hand just beneath her nightshirt and kisses her softly.

"Wake up, sleepy printsessa," he murmurs. "We have a flight."

She'd never been a "morning person", and today was no different. Four am was early, and even with her beloved Nikolai's gentle rumble at her ear and cool metal fingers tracing light trails across her skin, the princess was in no great hurry to open her eyes and "greet the day".

But the early hour didn't stop her from half-consciously reaching for him, turning her small body into his in an effort to hold him close, burrowing her nose beneath his chin as she demurred the very idea of getting out of bed.

"Mmmnnnmmm," she muttered, hitching a bare leg over his muscled thigh. "...too early, Nikki..."

"Flight today," he counters. Nikolai tries not to react to the feel of her bare leg slung over his thigh and wonders how, exactly, he's going to manage to keep his hands off her. He thinks a few kisses are all right. He's a safe enough object of affection, considering he'd never do anything to hurt her, but pushing beyond the boundary of kissing is something he doesn't know that either of them are ready for or should be ready for. As much as he wants it, he's at war with himself.

"We're flying to Malta so we can lay on the warm sand and feel the sun on our skins," he murmurs. Nikolai slides one big hand down to cup her ass and hold her up against him.

"The sooner you wake up, the sooner we can be on our way," he rumbles in rough French, trying to see if that will wake her up.

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