ostavil | open post

Nikolai snorts a little and stubs out his cigarette in one of the porcelain ash trays littered around the palace for his filthy habit. The girl has the best of him and sometimes he just needs the time to get his head clear.

While he does, he takes a shower and slicks back his hair, touches cologne to his wrists and neck, shaves, and exchanges his shirt and tie for fresh ones. By the time he comes down for dessert, he’s a different man entirely.

“I was promised dessert?” He gives a quick nod to the Tsar, who returns it, and settles next to Natalia.

Tsar Alexander looked up with unfeigned delight as his daughter's guardian entered the small family dining room. "Nikolai! Please, come in, come in." He indicated one of the empty chairs and a servant hurried to seat the tall soldier. The princess, seated at her father's right hand and across from her bodyguard, just gave the latter a mild wrinkle of her nose and continued eating her dessert.

"We're having Ptichye Moloko tonight," Alexander beamed, picking up his spoon again. "Cook makes it so excellently, I just may have another helping after I finish this one." He grinned and winked at his daughter, who smiled and returned it. "Bring the man a plate," the Tsar called to the footman, who clicked his heels and did so immediately.

"Dig in, dig in," Alexander encouraged Nikolai, taking another bite of the delicious cake and cream. "I trust you two are all packed for Malta tomorrow, da?"

“The printsessa might not have brought everything in her closet yet but my bags are, as always, already packed,” Nikolai says. When his dessert comes he does dig in and in spite of his words about food being energy earlier, it is good.

He smiles at her, almost a smirk, and then goes back to address her father, the Tsar.

“I’ve gotten all the flight plans filed and copies left here,” he says. “So everything is ready to go for you and for us in the morning. Nothing left to do but show up.”

In true teenage fashion, the Grand Duchess aimed a smart kick to her guardian's shin. "Excuse you, Nikolai," she told him loftily, "but my bags are all packed, too, remember?" She almost went on to remind him of her nap in bed just a scant hour before, but opted to keep her mouth shut, particularly in view of her father being at the same table.

Changing course in the middle of the conversation, Natalia then said to the Tsar, "And I've told Anya and Steffie that I'm leaving for an early summer." An idea then struck her. "Might you bring them with you when you join us, Papa? They would enjoy it ever so much, and we'd have no end of fun together, da?"

“It should be all right, once I’m back from Tour,” Alexander says, mulling it over. “Until then, you need to finish school and keep from giving Nikolai grey hair.”

The Tsar thinks the poor man ought to have a few weeks without a trio of teenage girls running him ragged as bodyguard, playmate, cabana boy and everything in between.

Nikolai laughs a little and shakes his head. “My hair isn’t going to go grey, I don’t think. Hasn’t yet.”

She scoffed lightly and rolled her eyes. "Of course I'm going to finish school. I'm even going to try and finish my exams early so I can have a longer summer with you this year." She began to poke little holes in her cake with the tip of her spoon, then snerked over at her "playmate" and his comment.

"He hasn't complained yet," she pointed out to them both. "And he knows perfectly well that all he has to do is say that he needs a break and he'll have one. So." But her dimples flashed a moment later, her playful teasing melting in light of the affection she bore for the two most important men in her life.

"Oh, Papa," Natalia said, reaching out to take her father's hand, "I will miss you, something awful this spring. Why do you have to go?"

“Diplomacy is important,” Alexander reminds her. “And you’re getting up to the age where you and Nikolai are going to start having to go on these engagements too. Once you’re sixteen, you’ll be given more responsibility and getting deputized to act in my absence.”

Nikolai thinks that she’s ready for it, even if he knows he’s going to have to give Natalia a lot of help at first. She’s poised, charming, intelligent - everything necessary in a world leader.

“I’m sure that they’ll be glad you’ll be speaking, printsessa than me,” Nikolai teases. “But I’ll be right beside you when you start.”

Hearing that, Natalia blinked, taken momentarily aback. But she was her father's daughter, therefore she swallowed her instinctual trepidation, tucked her chin and lowered her lashes, nodding at her Tsar's imperative. "Da, Papa," was all she murmured.

She was, of course, exceedingly grateful for Nikolai's endorsement, and she gave him a warm smile across the table, reaching out with her foot to run her toes along the inside of his leg. "Spasibo," she told the former assassin in her quiet voice. "I'll be thankful for it, I promise."

“It’s my honor to serve,” Nikolai says simply. It is his honor, this job, since his whole identity is wrapped up in keeping Natalia safe and happy. He finishes his cake and stands, bowing to the Tsar, and murmurs his apologies.

“I have to finish getting things ready for tomorrow before the Grand Duchess is ready to go to sleep. I thought I might steal a few hours of liberty, too? Would that be all right, printsessa?”

Hearing that he wanted a few hours to himself immediately had Natalia looking up in a bit of alarm. But she squealched it right off, especially since her father waved agreeable permission, and wished Nikolai a pleasant evening, and since he did deserve any time away from her that he wanted. So she smiled and nodded, keeping her expression carefully happy and soft, but the moment the doors closed behind the tall soldier, Natalia immediately felt his loss. As if a part of her suddenly went missing.

She went back to her dessert, not really tasting it anymore, and managed to murmur all the right answers to her father's conversation attempts, but her steps were heavy as she retired to her quarters across the palace, slipped into her nightshirt and crawled into bed to stare unseeing at the TV for several hours, until her eyes grew too heavy to stay open. Her arms tight around Nikolai's pillow, the princess slipped into an uneasy slumber, frowning unhappily in her sleep.

For his part, he'd only gone for a long run and taken some time to clear his head. Being around Natalia all the time had never been a problem but lately she's felt more like a woman than a little girl and his feelings have started to shift in ways that they absolutely should not. He has to get his head back sometimes.

When he showers and changes into sweatpants and a tank, it doesn't take long to pad through the adjoining doorway and see Natalia curled up in a ball on her bed, the pillow he normally uses crunched up in her arms. They spent all their time together - she must have been upset he wanted time away. Nikolai sighs and brushes her hair back a little.

"Wake up, printsessa. I need room in here if I'm going to go to sleep or make an attempt at it."

She wasn't really upset, as the definition went, more just...anxious that he wouldn't return. Even though he had every single time before, that fear still lingered every time he was out of her immediate sight. A Russian princess tended not to take very much on faith.

Despite how quiet he was - Nikolai made less noise than moonlight on water - Natalia nevertheless stirred when she felt him approach the bedside. She opened her eyes when he brushed back a wayward curl, green eyes wide in the darkness. "...moya zvezda," she murmured sleepily, instantly scooting over to cede him his half of her bed.

As always, Natalia waited perhaps ten heartbeats to let Nikolai settle himself, then she was sliding into his arms, coiling her own small limbs around his thick torso and resting her head in the crook of his shoulder, her long curls spilling over his bare arm. "Mmmmm, YA lyublyu tebya, moya Nikki..." the princess purred in her half-sleep, absolutely meaning every single word.

"Mm, YA lyublyu tebya, moya printsessa," Nikolai offers back, holding her close up against his body. It's probably not something they should still be doing, sharing a bed with one another, but it helps keep his nightmares away and it seems that Natalia has become dependent on it as well.

"I wasn't leaving you earlier," he murmurs softly, hand smoothing down her back as he speaks. "I was just going for a run and a shower. Well, and a smoke. You know I have that filthy habit. There's just a handful of places you can't go, lisichka. Can't hop in the shower with me."

Hearing him reciprocate the sentiment started that deep, slow burn down in Natalia's stomach, and she inched up to brush a soft kiss against her guardian's rough cheek, relishing the feel of his skin beneath her lips. Her back arched just the slightest into his stroking hand, and she shifted closer beneath the thick counterpane.

"I know," she murmured back, her forehead resting against his jaw line. "I just...worry when you're somewhere else. It--it makes me nervous." Her arms tightened around him and she softly whispered into the dark, "...I'm always afraid you won't come back..."

Those who'd brought him to her might return to take him away at any time. And she'd be powerless to stop them. It was her greatest fear.

"Nowhere else to go. Nowhere else I want to go," Nikolai says. "Everything in my world is right here, da? So stop worrying so much little printsessa. I'm not going anywhere and if I do, it's just for a little while. Never too long."

He presses a kiss against the crown of her head. "I'm sorry I scared you, if I did. I didn't mean to. I just needed a little time to myself before we headed to Malta. Did you want to talk for a little while or did you want to just try and get some sleep now that I'm here?"

"...it's okay," she breathed, nuzzling into him again, letting her eyes drift closed. "I know you need a little time away from me, Nikki...and I promise to be better about it the next time. Just tell me when you need to go...and I won't worry or be afraid that you won't come back." Her small hand moved to rest just over his heart, pressing gently into his chest. "Cross my heart."

The princess yawned, and snuggled closer, quietly thrilled to have her beloved in her arms again. "Mmm, we can talk if you want. I love listening to you talk when we're like this." His voice became so low and soothing, carrying just a hint of the growl that made her insides twist into knots.

"Well, then we can talk," Nikolai says. He doesn't like that Natalia seems a little upset right now and he thinks he ought to take the time to try to soothe her and make her feel safe and secure again. He knows he shouldn't leave her - she's dependent upon him - but sometimes there are things he needs to do without her around.

"Did you have a bad dream?" Nikolai asks in slightly-accented French. He has the barest hint of a Russian accent, not much, and his French has a little of a Slavic bent to it.

"Do you need to tell me about it or is me holding you enough? You can answer in Russian or English if you want to. I'm just getting into character for our game." He knows she likes his French and perhaps it's a little unfair but what's this small thing when it makes her happy?

The flawless French flowing over her ear had Natalia smiling softly, feeling those butterflies down in her stomach take flight once more. It was so unfair, how easily her Nikolai could make her all hot and bothered, and he didn't even know. That was the real thrill of it; that the man was completely unware, as far as she knew, of his effect on her. She'd long since ceased to look at him as a childish playmate, and her tender, girlish affection for this broken soldier only increased with each passing day.

"I love it when you hold me," she whispered back in the same tongue, her own accent carrying a Siberian tinge. "Makes me feel like nothing in the world could ever hurt me, when I'm close to you." But her voice also carried her grateful smile, and she gave him a tender squeeze followed by a fond nuzzle against his jaw.

"But sometimes I dream about you, Nikki. Trapped in ice somewhere, somewhere I can't get to you, and I just scream and scream, but you can't even hear me." Her teenaged voice wavered, a little. "That's one reason that I worry," Natalia admitted. "Because it's cold all the time here, and I'm afraid you'll get trapped in the ice, and I won't be able to get to you."

The ice had been all he knew before he came to the Winter Palace and Natalia. All he had was the frozen ice and the missions where he had to kill people over and over again. He never remembered anything about himself but he remembered every single kill. He has a lot of blood on his hands. Nikolai thinks a thousand years couldn't atone for that.

"You rescued me from the ice, little princess. You gave me a purpose and a reason to live. There's no ice that wouldn't thaw for you. Remember that, all right? Don't worry for me."

The last thing he wants is for her worrying about him when he's her bodyguard.

But she couldn't help worrying for him, that was the trouble. Nikolai belonged to her, she was responsible for him. That had been impressed upon her at such an early age, and the little princess had taken the task directly to heart.

"But I have to keep you safe, Nikki," she told him, "just like you keep me safe. We take care of each other." And no matter how old she grew, that would never change. "You're mine," she told him, a little fierce. "And you're going to be with me always. Nothing will ever, ever change that."

Nikolai knows that eventually Natalia will marry and have her own children and while he'll still be in her life as her guard, his role will change and he won't be in her bed or so close to her as he is now. He knows that they depend upon one another as ports in a storm and when one or the other has bad dreams, they find comfort and solace in the closeness of their relationship. While Nikolai has no desire to be with anyone, he knows Natalia eventually will.

"I know. I know I belong to you. You belong to more than just me but I like to think a little part of you belongs to me too? Yes?"

She'd never let him go. Not even if she reigned for a hundred years, Nikolai would still be by her side, in her life, and, if she had her way, in her bed even still. She heard his whispered wish, a small plea to have even the slightest bit of her affection, and Natalia wanted to weep.

Rising up on her elbow, she shoved disheveled curls over her shoulder and gazed down at the man with whom she knew she'd fallen completely, foolishly, and totally in love, not needing the bright light to see his memorized features even in this almost-complete darkness.

"Nikolao," Natalia stated, reverting to English, their more common language these days, her voice warm, soft, and full of her hidden feelings, "all of me is yours, moya zvezda. Each...and every...part of me..." She couldn't help leaning down as she spoke, and the girl gave a soft little moan when she felt her lips touch his; a girl's kiss, but one stained with her heart's sweet desire.

Nikolai is shocked to feel Natalia's lips up against his own and it's been so long since he's had this sort of affection that he's not quite sure what to do. He parts his lips under hers after a moment's hesitation, though, and threads a tentative hand through her hair.

It's a stupid idea, really, considering she's the Grand Duchess and his charge and far too young but what was the harm in returning a girl's kiss given in affection when he's had so little of it in his life? He doesn't think there's much.

Nikolai wasn't the only one shocked, especially when he returned the kiss, and Natalia gave a soft start to feel his large hand tease through her loose hair. His lips were so soft, and she couldn't help a small mewl when she in turn opened her mouth just the slightest, nearly toppling over on his chest when she realized she could taste him like this.

"...Nikki..." She didn't even realize she'd moaned his name, her girlish voice so breathless, and oh-so eager. Natalia leaned into his hand, tilting her head in sheer instinct, and kissed him again, bumping his nose with hers in her growing enthusiasm.

It's clear (and he knows as a fact) that Natalia has never kissed before so Nikolai keeps things gentle and slow. He draws his tongue along hers for a moment, just showing her the ways they can taste one another, and other than the hand pressed at the small of her back and the one threaded in her hair, he doesn't touch her. He shouldn't be doing this at all but if he's going to, he isn't going to push into too much too fast.

Right now, all this is going to be is a kiss. He stretches out beneath her and shifts his thighs apart a bit to make a cradle for her so she can lay atop him more comfortably. This is going to be better than him covering her, he thinks, and he can gently pull her away when it's too much and he starts getting hard. That isn't something he wants to go into tonight.

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