ostavil | open post

“Ceci est le chemin, Nikolai says, rattling off the character’s catchphrase in perfect French. If he’s going to be playing the game of a Frenchman, he’s going to have to start getting into the headspace for it now so he’s firmly entrenched by the time they get to Malta. A silly girl’s game, possibly, but if it amuses his Tsarina, he’s willing to go along with it and do it.

She’s in the crook of his right arm so he uses the left to stroke along her hair and down her back as they watch television. “You’ll be too big for this eventually, you know. That will be a very sad day for me, printsessa, because then I’ll have to go back to being serious all the time or, worse, back into the army.”

Nikolai doesn’t want that day to happen but the older he gets, the more he tries to brace himself for it.

Natalia giggled, although hearing her Nikolai speak French did things way down in her belly, lighting a fire that she'd felt only a few times before. "Aftós eínai o trópos," she intoned after him, showing off her own language skill with the Greek. But she murred happily as her Soldier stroked her, burrowing even closer to his inherent warmth and loving how solid his chest felt beneath her cheek.

"Nyet, no, not ever," she told him abruptly, lifting her head to gaze up at him with serious eyes. "You're mine forever, Nikki, didn't Papa tell you?" As if she'd ever let him go. How preposterous! Natalia cuddled close again, settling her head back on his chest.

"I'll never be too big to cuddle with you, moya zvezda. Not ever ever." Her arm tightened across his torso. "And I'm never letting you go, so you're stuck with me for the rest of time, so you may as well just..." a soft huff, "...live with it."

“You’ll get married and have your own husband to cuddle,” he reminds her gently. “But for now, not too big. Not if you still want me here.”

He still wants to be there. Natalia is the only thing that gives him purpose and meaning and without her, he doesn’t really have an identity. He’s her Nikolai and nobody else’s. She’d chosen the name herself.

Nikolai strokes her hair until he settles his hand at the curve of her waist, content to hold her this way until she tired of it.

His command about cuddling a husband of her own the princess ignored; Nikki always said silly things like that and she'd learned to just let them slide right on by. She had no intention whatsoever to marry, especially one of those gawky, idiot boys her father kept trying to steer her towards. No, the only one she'd even consider was lying beside her right now, and he didn't even know it. But that was okay; they still had a few more years before they had to talk about that.

It was still a good two hours or so until supper, and the Grand Duchess was warm and comfortable, nestled next to her gentle soldier, and with Nikolai stroking her hair and holding her close, Natalia soon fell into a light doze, soothed by her guardian's steady heartbeat and the rhythm of his breathing. She woke when he called her quietly, murring negations and inching upwards until she could bury her nose in his neck, refusing to wake up.

”Natalia, time to get up for supper,” Nikolai says gently in flawless French. ”Time to get up and see your Papa for one of the last times before the trip. Come with me?”

Nikolai rubs his hand along the curve of her waist, trying to tempt her to start moving so they can head downstairs. Anything she wants to do has to be her idea, in a way, but he thinks he can coax her. “S’il vous plait.”

She whined a little, wrinkling her nose. But caught a soft breath at the fall of that silken language at her ear, spoken in the most beautiful voice in all the world. "...mmmnnn, Nikki," Natalia murred, squirming in his embrace, feeling her skin grow uncomfortably warm. Her knees rubbed together as she shifted, because somehow that gorgeous rough voice was roiling around in the pit of her stomach, making her feel...some sort of queasy. But not in a bad way, oh no.

"...that's not fair," she finally retorted, lifting her head to blink sleepily up at him. "You know I can't resist you when you speak French, you horrible man." But she inched up further and pressed soft, warm lips to his grizzled cheek, sharing a nuzzle afterwards. "...and you must eat with us," she told him, her full lips resting against the chiseled line of his jaw. "I command it."

“I was going to go have a smoke and let you have alone time,” Nikolai admitted. He doesn’t often leave her side but in the palace, there’s enough security in place. He squeezes her shoulder a bit and tries to comfort her and stave off the pout.

“You need time with him. You’re with me every day and he’s about to go on Tour. You’ll have me every day in Malta.”

He kisses her forehead. “And I’ll be with you every moment.”

A futile effort on his part, because Natalia pouted anyway. "Dessert, then," she insisted after Nikolai pecked her forehead and leaned away enough for to see him clearly. "You know how much Papa enjoys talking with you, Nikolai." And that was true, not simply a teenage manipulation to get what she wanted. She had grown so inured to his presence that to be without him, even here in the palace, was enough to make her anxious, uneasy.

But she'd never, not truly, begrudge him any time alone, so she simply sighed acquiescence and, after another kiss and a fond, loving nuzzle, slipped out of his arms and out of bed, moseying over to her closet to find something to wear to supper. "I hope we're not having borscht again. I swear that's all this new chef knows how to prepare."

“Go on a hunger strike,” Nikolai teases. He smoothes the wrinkles in his jacket and runs a hand through his hair, ensuring he doesn’t look too mussed up after laying in bed and letting the Grand Duchess use him for a pillow yet again.

“There’s other things to eat in Russia. You could even suggest eating food that isn’t Russian, to start.” Nikolai leans against the wall and pulls out his lighter, flipping it open to light one of many cigarettes that day. The only luxury he allows himself are cigarettes and mostly because it gives him something to do when he doesn’t feel like talking to other people. He takes a drag and exhales, careful to turn his head away from Natalia as he does.

“What does your Father think about the new chef?”

The princess took a handful of clothes behind her dressing screen, carelessly tossing her casual t-shirt and shorts aside. But she couldn't help but peer around the edge of the screen at her bodyguard, youthful gaze drinking in the absolutely delicious sight of the Winter Soldier oh-so-casually leaning against her bedroom wall, cigarette in hand.

She quickly hid behind the screen again when he glanced back her way. "I can't live on cheese crackers forever, Nikki," she told him tartly, pulling the blouse over her head. "But Papa likes native food. He says it makes him feel more like a monarch if all we ever eat are recipes from the 'Home Country'."

Natalia risked a peek around the edge of the screen again. Then quickly went back to pull on her slacks, hopping on one foot when she lost her balance trying to sneak another look. "--ow!" A mild curse in her native tongue followed, and the Grand Duchess finally emerged, a little rumpled, but altogether "dignified", if the imperious lift to her chin was any indication, and tottered to her dressing table, plunking down and picking up her brush.

"Papa likes him," she shrugged, pulling the bristles through scarlet curls. "But then I doubt he ever tastes what he eats, since he's always doing a hundred other things at the same time."

“I don’t taste what I eat either,” Nikolai says. “I’m too busy to worry about what I’m eating. Food is food. It’s for energy and enjoying it isn’t something I have a lot of time to do.”

He smirks over at Natalia, settled down and brushing her hair. “You are a lot to keep up with. I might as well be bolting down bread and water since my whole day is filled with keeping up with you and where you’re going. You don’t make it easy.”

He takes another long draw off the cigarette and exhales, watching her from under his lashes.

”Just think about all the delicious food you’re going to eat in Malta,” he murmurs in silken French. ”No borscht, no Russian food, nothing but the finest for my Grand Duchess.”

She eyed him in the mirror, arching a sharp eyebrow at his pitiful plight. Natalia had a smart retort on the tip of her tongue, but it died a swift death when in his next breath, Nikolai rolled smooth, flawless French out of his too-sensual mouth. Her grip on the brush tightened.

"...you're doing that on purpose," she accused him, glowering a little beneath her own lashes. Unable to properly work her hair dressing instruments, the princess simply gathered her long curls in a disheveled knot and piled all of them at the back of her head, wrapping a tie around the mess to hold it in place.

He damned well knew she couldn't think straight whenever he spoke to her in French. Unable to retaliate - particularly while she thought her brains might be melting out of her ears - Natalia simply jerked her clothes a little straighter, popped up from her vanity, and stomped feet into her sandals, piqued and not hiding it.

She couldn't think of anything else to say, so she flounced to the door, yanked it open, and huffed a few times before saying in a tone of juvenile affront, "....dessert, Nikolai!" Huffing at him again, she flung herself into the corridor, flouncing off towards the royal study.

Nikolai snorts a little and stubs out his cigarette in one of the porcelain ash trays littered around the palace for his filthy habit. The girl has the best of him and sometimes he just needs the time to get his head clear.

While he does, he takes a shower and slicks back his hair, touches cologne to his wrists and neck, shaves, and exchanges his shirt and tie for fresh ones. By the time he comes down for dessert, he’s a different man entirely.

“I was promised dessert?” He gives a quick nod to the Tsar, who returns it, and settles next to Natalia.

Tsar Alexander looked up with unfeigned delight as his daughter's guardian entered the small family dining room. "Nikolai! Please, come in, come in." He indicated one of the empty chairs and a servant hurried to seat the tall soldier. The princess, seated at her father's right hand and across from her bodyguard, just gave the latter a mild wrinkle of her nose and continued eating her dessert.

"We're having Ptichye Moloko tonight," Alexander beamed, picking up his spoon again. "Cook makes it so excellently, I just may have another helping after I finish this one." He grinned and winked at his daughter, who smiled and returned it. "Bring the man a plate," the Tsar called to the footman, who clicked his heels and did so immediately.

"Dig in, dig in," Alexander encouraged Nikolai, taking another bite of the delicious cake and cream. "I trust you two are all packed for Malta tomorrow, da?"

“The printsessa might not have brought everything in her closet yet but my bags are, as always, already packed,” Nikolai says. When his dessert comes he does dig in and in spite of his words about food being energy earlier, it is good.

He smiles at her, almost a smirk, and then goes back to address her father, the Tsar.

“I’ve gotten all the flight plans filed and copies left here,” he says. “So everything is ready to go for you and for us in the morning. Nothing left to do but show up.”

In true teenage fashion, the Grand Duchess aimed a smart kick to her guardian's shin. "Excuse you, Nikolai," she told him loftily, "but my bags are all packed, too, remember?" She almost went on to remind him of her nap in bed just a scant hour before, but opted to keep her mouth shut, particularly in view of her father being at the same table.

Changing course in the middle of the conversation, Natalia then said to the Tsar, "And I've told Anya and Steffie that I'm leaving for an early summer." An idea then struck her. "Might you bring them with you when you join us, Papa? They would enjoy it ever so much, and we'd have no end of fun together, da?"

“It should be all right, once I’m back from Tour,” Alexander says, mulling it over. “Until then, you need to finish school and keep from giving Nikolai grey hair.”

The Tsar thinks the poor man ought to have a few weeks without a trio of teenage girls running him ragged as bodyguard, playmate, cabana boy and everything in between.

Nikolai laughs a little and shakes his head. “My hair isn’t going to go grey, I don’t think. Hasn’t yet.”

She scoffed lightly and rolled her eyes. "Of course I'm going to finish school. I'm even going to try and finish my exams early so I can have a longer summer with you this year." She began to poke little holes in her cake with the tip of her spoon, then snerked over at her "playmate" and his comment.

"He hasn't complained yet," she pointed out to them both. "And he knows perfectly well that all he has to do is say that he needs a break and he'll have one. So." But her dimples flashed a moment later, her playful teasing melting in light of the affection she bore for the two most important men in her life.

"Oh, Papa," Natalia said, reaching out to take her father's hand, "I will miss you, something awful this spring. Why do you have to go?"

“Diplomacy is important,” Alexander reminds her. “And you’re getting up to the age where you and Nikolai are going to start having to go on these engagements too. Once you’re sixteen, you’ll be given more responsibility and getting deputized to act in my absence.”

Nikolai thinks that she’s ready for it, even if he knows he’s going to have to give Natalia a lot of help at first. She’s poised, charming, intelligent - everything necessary in a world leader.

“I’m sure that they’ll be glad you’ll be speaking, printsessa than me,” Nikolai teases. “But I’ll be right beside you when you start.”

Hearing that, Natalia blinked, taken momentarily aback. But she was her father's daughter, therefore she swallowed her instinctual trepidation, tucked her chin and lowered her lashes, nodding at her Tsar's imperative. "Da, Papa," was all she murmured.

She was, of course, exceedingly grateful for Nikolai's endorsement, and she gave him a warm smile across the table, reaching out with her foot to run her toes along the inside of his leg. "Spasibo," she told the former assassin in her quiet voice. "I'll be thankful for it, I promise."

“It’s my honor to serve,” Nikolai says simply. It is his honor, this job, since his whole identity is wrapped up in keeping Natalia safe and happy. He finishes his cake and stands, bowing to the Tsar, and murmurs his apologies.

“I have to finish getting things ready for tomorrow before the Grand Duchess is ready to go to sleep. I thought I might steal a few hours of liberty, too? Would that be all right, printsessa?”

Hearing that he wanted a few hours to himself immediately had Natalia looking up in a bit of alarm. But she squealched it right off, especially since her father waved agreeable permission, and wished Nikolai a pleasant evening, and since he did deserve any time away from her that he wanted. So she smiled and nodded, keeping her expression carefully happy and soft, but the moment the doors closed behind the tall soldier, Natalia immediately felt his loss. As if a part of her suddenly went missing.

She went back to her dessert, not really tasting it anymore, and managed to murmur all the right answers to her father's conversation attempts, but her steps were heavy as she retired to her quarters across the palace, slipped into her nightshirt and crawled into bed to stare unseeing at the TV for several hours, until her eyes grew too heavy to stay open. Her arms tight around Nikolai's pillow, the princess slipped into an uneasy slumber, frowning unhappily in her sleep.

For his part, he'd only gone for a long run and taken some time to clear his head. Being around Natalia all the time had never been a problem but lately she's felt more like a woman than a little girl and his feelings have started to shift in ways that they absolutely should not. He has to get his head back sometimes.

When he showers and changes into sweatpants and a tank, it doesn't take long to pad through the adjoining doorway and see Natalia curled up in a ball on her bed, the pillow he normally uses crunched up in her arms. They spent all their time together - she must have been upset he wanted time away. Nikolai sighs and brushes her hair back a little.

"Wake up, printsessa. I need room in here if I'm going to go to sleep or make an attempt at it."

She wasn't really upset, as the definition went, more just...anxious that he wouldn't return. Even though he had every single time before, that fear still lingered every time he was out of her immediate sight. A Russian princess tended not to take very much on faith.

Despite how quiet he was - Nikolai made less noise than moonlight on water - Natalia nevertheless stirred when she felt him approach the bedside. She opened her eyes when he brushed back a wayward curl, green eyes wide in the darkness. "...moya zvezda," she murmured sleepily, instantly scooting over to cede him his half of her bed.

As always, Natalia waited perhaps ten heartbeats to let Nikolai settle himself, then she was sliding into his arms, coiling her own small limbs around his thick torso and resting her head in the crook of his shoulder, her long curls spilling over his bare arm. "Mmmmm, YA lyublyu tebya, moya Nikki..." the princess purred in her half-sleep, absolutely meaning every single word.

"Mm, YA lyublyu tebya, moya printsessa," Nikolai offers back, holding her close up against his body. It's probably not something they should still be doing, sharing a bed with one another, but it helps keep his nightmares away and it seems that Natalia has become dependent on it as well.

"I wasn't leaving you earlier," he murmurs softly, hand smoothing down her back as he speaks. "I was just going for a run and a shower. Well, and a smoke. You know I have that filthy habit. There's just a handful of places you can't go, lisichka. Can't hop in the shower with me."

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