"I always wondered if you'd like just me. Just Bucky," he admits, voice gone soft both at the kisses she's laving on him but also because he's wistful now at what had been and hopeful for what's to come. Maybe his marriage had been doomed from the start but ever since he'd been with Natalia the first time, it'd never recovered. It'd never been the same.
"Ruined my marriage for you. I'd ruin myself over and over for you even if you didn't know it," he murmurs. He cards thick fingers through her curls. "I'd let you destroy me in and out, you know that? Too weak for you by half."
"I love you, Natalia. Just you. Just as you come."
She fell still, and quiet, hearing all of that. And it took a minute or so for Natalia to lift her head and meet those lovely eyes, her own gaze a little...pained. "...I'm sorry," she whispered quietly, resting her cheek against his. "...I didn't mean to. I just--just couldn't...stay away from you."
Not even once she'd learned who he really was - James Barnes, CIA; she'd still been drawn like a moth to a flame, unerringly.
"...I knew who you were, before Athens," Natalia admitted. "That last time we were together. And..." she lowered her eyes, bit at her lower lip, "...and I-I knew you were married. Had a life here. But..." She took a breath. "But I wanted to know...if you still--if you still wanted me...your Sasha, your Alexia." Her lips twisted ruefully. "Your Sophie."
Trembling fingers gently touched his rough cheek. "...I didn't want to...didn't mean to hurt you, James, if I did." Natalia bit her lower lip, again. "I just--just wanted you."
"You never hurt me," he says quietly. "That marriage was doomed from the start. But you...you haunted me. I didn't care who you were, I just wanted you. I fell in love with what makes you you. You couldn't hide it under all those disguises. You couldn't hide it when you dissembled just like I couldn't hide me. I just didn't know if any of them were your real name."
When he says she knew before Athens and that she knew he was married, he pauses for a moment. "That was early. How did you keep from outing me, Natalia? And I take back the hurting thing. You shot me in the damn shoulder and that still hurts. Know why you did it, though, and it saved my life. Good on you."
Gentle fingertips ghosted over the scarred skin of his left shoulder. "I had to," she murmured. "Ronin would have killed you, otherwise." Shostakov had wanted James' blood, that had been certain. She didn't share the aftermath of that disastrous mission; the weeks she'd spent on HDYRA's "reconditioning" table, and how she'd finally convinced her jailers that she was "fixed".
"Widows aren't conditioned the same way as HYDRA's other operatives," Natalia told him softly. "They're trained from childhood, brought up to believe that there is no other way, than to obey. Compliance is all that they know. The mental programming used on the other operatives would hinder a Widow's ability to destabilize, because she wouldn't have enough of a sense of herself, to pretend to be someone else."
Her fingers still ran gently over his skin, covetous just to touch him. "I didn't out you because they couldn't make me," she stated simply. "You were my secret. They couldn't inflict enough pain to break you out of me."
"Could have gotten you killed. Can't say I wouldn't have done the same thing for you, though. Doing it now, actually. If it comes to HYDRA, me, and you - they have to go through me first. I won't let them have you. I absolutely will not let them have you."
He tightens his hold on her and brushes a kiss against her hair. "Don't care how much they'd torture me. Can't have you."
He means that more than he's ever meant anything, he thinks, and he sighs heavily because as much as he would like to keep talking, those soft touches are too alluring to ignore. He drifts his fingers along her bare skin. "I'll fight for you until I die."
Though she knew he meant those heavy promises, Natalia shook her head. "No, James," she told him firmly. "I don't want you getting killed because of me." She gripped him right back, clutching tight.
"We both know they're going to come for me; tomorrow, a month from now, two, but they will. And you have to promise me you won't do anything foolish...like take them head on."
Because she knew that he would, the stubborn fool.
"I love you too much to lose you to them. I can't." Her grip tightened. "I won't." She kissed him fiercely, as if she could brand her possession of him into his very skin. "Promise me." ...even though she knew he'd break it.
"You know I can't promise you I won't go after them," Bucky says, breathless from the kiss. "I gotta protect my girl, you know that. I gotta keep you safe from anyone who comes out here. You know that. You know that."
Bucky knows it's reckless but so is laying in this bed with this woman he's supposed to be protecting as a witness, too. He'd lose his badge over this but he doesn't fucking care, not when it's Natalia, and he'll take another round in the shoulder if it means it doesn't hit her.
"I'll try to be careful. But I'm putting me between you and them."
Yes, she knew. Just as she knew she'd sacrifice anything and everything to keep him out of the line of fire. There wasn't really anything else to say about it, because they were both stubborn and determined and loved each other so fiercely that all she could do was stare at him for a long moment, then kiss him again. Hard, desperate, as if it were the last time she ever would.
"...you're an idiot," she told him, a little breathless, and sad, pressing her forehead against his when they finally parted for air. "And I love you for it, James. So damned much it scares me."
Natalia coiled back around him, bare leg hitching high over Bucky's hip as she held him close. "I never want to leave here," she whispered. "I finally have you, and you're mine." Gentle but deadly hands softly carded through his hair. "All I've ever wanted, to be here, like this, with you."
"It's the only thing I've ever wanted too. Do you know how many times I've dreamed about you in this bed with me?" Bucky had dreamed about it so many times that having it happen right now just feels like a really lucid dream. He doesn't know what he'll do if he wakes up and she's gone.
"M'afraid to go to sleep with you here," he says, low and rumbling in his chest. "Don't wanna wake up and not have you here with me. I missed you so much and I never thought I'd catch you. I always thought you'd slip away from me."
She's wrapped around him, though, and he cups a large hand against her ass to hold her close so she can't get away. "Don't get away from me."
"I'll be here," she soothed him, fingertips drifting over his cheekbone, his lips. "Both of us can probably use a nap, too." God knew Natalia felt like she could sleep for a solid week. Her nerves had left her on edge for far too long, and now that she could breathe, especially with him in her arms, she felt drained, so exhausted.
Bucky pulled her close, tight, melding their bodies together without an inch of space between, and she couldn't help but give a soft little moan into his mouth at the feel of him plastered against her; not even her astronomically vivid dreams could ever compare with the real thing. "'m not going anywhere," Natalia breathed against his mouth. "You've got me now, James. I'm yours, and only yours."
She squirmed against him, trying to finagle him exactly where she wanted him. "...take me again," she whispered. "Slow, and hard." A clever hand managed to slip between them and grip his cock, giving it a firm squeeze followed by bold strokes, and she hiked her leg higher, eager and inviting.
"I thought we were napping," he says, the laughter a rumble in his chest. It isn't a problem to do this instead, though, and it's easy to guide himself into her and slide in slow and deep. He doesn't think he's had this much sex ever in his life and he's not sure what they're going to do if they never manage to get out of bed. He has to go back to work eventually, right? Right.
It's the furthest thing from Bucky's mind right now, though, because he dips his head to suck another dark mark against Natalia's neck while he moves in her slowly. Slow, this time, so they can both savor it and just be together in all the ways they haven't had time for before now. He just wants to be right here wrapped up with Natalia and nowhere else.
"You want me to fuck you slow, then? Because that's what I want." His lips travel over pale skin and his teeth find places to mark; he wants to possess what was once unpossessable.
"...later," she panted, her fingernails digging into his shoulders as he penetrated her again, slow and deliberate. Then his mouth was on her throat, sucking yet another claiming mark on her skin, and Natalia bit at her lips with a muted whine, again overcome to have him slowly rocking into her, deep and thick.
"Da," she breathed, nipping at his ear, his neck, any skin she could reach. "Pozhaluysta, Dzheyms..." Natalia didn't think they'd ever make it out of bed, not in the near future. It was acutely painful, imagining him not in her arms and in her body; she wound both arms and legs tight around him, never wanting to let go, despite his heavy, stilted rhythm as he fucked her exactly how she wanted.
Bucky isn't sure if he's going to get out of bed either, not when Natalia is everything he wants and needs. He needs her more than his next breath and he pushes into her hard, almost punishing, though it's against the things that have kept them apart and not her.
"You're never sleeping anywhere else but my bed," he breathes hot against her ear. "I don't want to be anywhere but right here for the rest of our lives. I want...I want everything. All of you and I want to give you all of me."
He was thrusting hard enough to jolt her at the apex of each one, but it was a relished pain; another proof that he was real and here, tight in her arms. Natalia tried to chuckle through her breathless moans, hearing his fervent declaration, and pulled his head to hers to kiss him soundly, deep and messy.
"Da," she breathed again, clenching down hard each time he impaled her, full breasts jerking against his chiseled chest. "YA lyublyu tebya, moya zvezda..." She kissed him again, licking her way into his mouth and breathing her own promises against heated skin. "I am yours, and you are mine. Now and for always, Dzheyms..."
When he finishes this time, Bucky doesn't think he has anything else in him. He doesn't pull away, though, and rolls them so Natalia is atop him and he can help her come while he's still hard in her. He rubs her clit with his thumb and grins up at her, still cocky even if he's exhausted from hours of great sex.
"Ride it out," he says lowly, working his hips up in time with his fingers. "Use me, darlin'. Use me and get yourself there."
He wants her to come again on his cock more than he wants to breathe and he grins up at her from the pillows.
She was almost too exhausted to make it upright, but for this, she'd make the goddamned effort. Because her beautiful James was still hard and thick inside of her, and she wanted to sail over that edge and fall into his arms one more time before they were both too spent to even move.
And it didn't take long; just a few more bold, sure strokes, four deep bucks of her hips, and Natalia was stiffening, quivering all over as her climax washed over her, and she shuddered apart before collapsing across Bucky's broad chest. Damp curls scattered over her shoulders and his chest, but the redhead was trying to catch her evasive breath even as she shivered still, lost in the afterglow of very good sex with her magnificent beloved.
"...malyshka..." she managed to purr, tilting her head to press her lips to the line of his jaw, nuzzling at him lovingly. She had no energy left; it was a herculean effort just to drape her arms around his neck and sprawl across his chest.
“That’s me,” Bucky says with a soft laugh. He drifts his hands through her hair and down, rubbing the soft skin of her back. He hasn’t had this much sex in, well, years and he doesn’t think he’s ever managed to steal this much time with Natalia ever. He doesn’t ever want to get out of bed, even though they’re going to have to eventually.
“I’ll keep you safe,” he promises. “Even from them. I know how they work. I know who they are. I won’t let any of them near you and they have to go through me first. You’re going to be completely safe with me. No more running. No more being hurt. No more of them.”
The scents of cooking bacon and sausage woke her, several hours later. Natalia instantly jerked awake, not recognizing this particular bedroom. But memory came flooding back quickly, thank God, and she let herself relax into the rumpled pillows, cuddling beneath the covers with a satisfied sigh.
She was in upstate New York. With James. Her James.
The bed was empty, but that wasn't a surprise. After a little self-preparation, Natalia made it to her feet, feeling as wobbly as a newborn kitten, but managed to make it over to the dresser and procure a clean shirt and a pair of soft cotton shorts with a drawstring. Although she longed for a good, soaking bath, she instead went for a scalding hot shower, scrubbing everything twice and soaping her long hair, as well. She resolved to access her funds and procure her own necessities as soon as she could, but at least for the moment she was clean, and in one piece.
And safe.
Colt met her in the hallway, and Natalia ruffled his silky ears before she continued her slow amble towards the kitchen, the heavenly scent of coffee leading her own. Bucky's shirt fell to her hips, and his running shorts were way too big, but at least she didn't have to shuffle about naked. Her 'chaperone' was indeed in the kitchen, absently preparing what amounted to breakfast, even though it was nearly nine pm. Natalia paused in the doorway, one foot resting on its toes, and nibbled on her lower lip as she just watched him, possessively.
Bucky hears her once Colt pads off and he can feel her looking at him when she lingers in the kitchen doorway. He turns, slowly, and takes in the sight of her wearing his clothes. He will never get tired of seeing her like this. Ever.
“Found something to wear?” he asks, amused as hell about her in his clothes. He’s possessive and he likes seeing her wrapped up in his things like he owns her.
"Mmmm." She glanced down and plucked at the oversized shirt, then moseyed further into the bright and pristine kitchen, sidling over to lean against his right arm and lift up on her toes for a lingering kiss. "I just might," Natalia teased him with a soft grin, stealing a piece of bacon from the plate nearby.
She moved away slightly so he could continue his cooking, tucking her hands beneath her arms as she watched with idle interest. "Woke up a little sore, just now," she told him with a little chuckle. "You must have really missed me, James. Something horrible." Judging from the aches and pains the shower had helped to soothe.
“I’d say I’m sorry but I’m not,” Bucky says, grinning wide at her. It does something for his ego to hear that she’s sore from him because goddamn had they gone at it for hours and hours. He’s happy to be up and cooking, sure, but that did make him want to hop right back into bed.
“C’mere. Stay close so I can keep an eye on you and make sure you don’t get yourself into trouble. That’s my job, isn’t it? Keeping you safe?”
She'd never complain. Not about those particular twinges. Because she'd been no less eager, no less hungry. The redhead giggled and sidled back over, snugging up to Bucky's back and draping her arms around his waist, leaning her cheek against his back, soaking up his gentle warmth.
"Mmhmm, it's totally your job," she slurred against his skin, closing her eyes in satisfied bliss. But her hands weren't idle, creeping just beneath the waistband of his cotton pants to tease soft skin, and clever fingers dipped even lower, fondling him gently.
"...we should go back to bed after we eat," she suggested, placing soft kisses across his shoulder blades. "Want to get my mouth on you this time, moya zvezda..."
Bucky laughs a little, slightly surprised she'd gone right for it but then again, haven't they been having sex all afternoon and into the night? It shouldn't be shocking anymore. Nothing should.
He finishes up with the bacon before turning around in her arms and kissing her soundly to pay back for the wandering hands. He grins down at her after a few long moments, fondness in his eyes.
"Well, if you wanna get your mouth on me, I'm not exactly gonna put up a fight or anything."
Natalia wasted no time at all in insinuating herself in James's arms, winding her arms around his back and tipping her head aside for his kiss. She loved kissing him, lips melded together and tongues slipping and sliding against the other, as if they were both so starved for the sweetness they shared.
Then James was grinning down at her, those beautiful blue eyes soft and dark, and she had to smirk at his cheeky quip. "I know you won't," was all she said, her alto gone a little rough. Then the redhead slid to her knees on the pristine tile floor, dragging those sweats down with her enough to free her prize, and she plumped his cock with her hands a time or two before taking him deep between her lips, whimpering at the deliciousness on her tongue.
Of things he expected from this day, having this gorgeous redhead on her knees sucking his cock was not one of them. Bucky winds his hand in her hair and guides her just a little because he can't goddamned help it; Natalia is the best of this out of any woman he's ever been with and it's been so long.
"Don't fucking stop," he says harshly, words echoing in the still room. He moves his hips just a little against her face, trying to chase the pleasure of having her lips and tongue wrapped around the length of him. He knows he's big but she's taken him before.
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"Ruined my marriage for you. I'd ruin myself over and over for you even if you didn't know it," he murmurs. He cards thick fingers through her curls. "I'd let you destroy me in and out, you know that? Too weak for you by half."
"I love you, Natalia. Just you. Just as you come."
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Not even once she'd learned who he really was - James Barnes, CIA; she'd still been drawn like a moth to a flame, unerringly.
"...I knew who you were, before Athens," Natalia admitted. "That last time we were together. And..." she lowered her eyes, bit at her lower lip, "...and I-I knew you were married. Had a life here. But..." She took a breath. "But I wanted to know...if you still--if you still wanted me...your Sasha, your Alexia." Her lips twisted ruefully. "Your Sophie."
Trembling fingers gently touched his rough cheek. "...I didn't want to...didn't mean to hurt you, James, if I did." Natalia bit her lower lip, again. "I just--just wanted you."
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When he says she knew before Athens and that she knew he was married, he pauses for a moment. "That was early. How did you keep from outing me, Natalia? And I take back the hurting thing. You shot me in the damn shoulder and that still hurts. Know why you did it, though, and it saved my life. Good on you."
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"Widows aren't conditioned the same way as HYDRA's other operatives," Natalia told him softly. "They're trained from childhood, brought up to believe that there is no other way, than to obey. Compliance is all that they know. The mental programming used on the other operatives would hinder a Widow's ability to destabilize, because she wouldn't have enough of a sense of herself, to pretend to be someone else."
Her fingers still ran gently over his skin, covetous just to touch him. "I didn't out you because they couldn't make me," she stated simply. "You were my secret. They couldn't inflict enough pain to break you out of me."
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He tightens his hold on her and brushes a kiss against her hair. "Don't care how much they'd torture me. Can't have you."
He means that more than he's ever meant anything, he thinks, and he sighs heavily because as much as he would like to keep talking, those soft touches are too alluring to ignore. He drifts his fingers along her bare skin. "I'll fight for you until I die."
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"We both know they're going to come for me; tomorrow, a month from now, two, but they will. And you have to promise me you won't do anything foolish...like take them head on."
Because she knew that he would, the stubborn fool.
"I love you too much to lose you to them. I can't." Her grip tightened. "I won't." She kissed him fiercely, as if she could brand her possession of him into his very skin. "Promise me." ...even though she knew he'd break it.
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Bucky knows it's reckless but so is laying in this bed with this woman he's supposed to be protecting as a witness, too. He'd lose his badge over this but he doesn't fucking care, not when it's Natalia, and he'll take another round in the shoulder if it means it doesn't hit her.
"I'll try to be careful. But I'm putting me between you and them."
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"...you're an idiot," she told him, a little breathless, and sad, pressing her forehead against his when they finally parted for air. "And I love you for it, James. So damned much it scares me."
Natalia coiled back around him, bare leg hitching high over Bucky's hip as she held him close. "I never want to leave here," she whispered. "I finally have you, and you're mine." Gentle but deadly hands softly carded through his hair. "All I've ever wanted, to be here, like this, with you."
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"M'afraid to go to sleep with you here," he says, low and rumbling in his chest. "Don't wanna wake up and not have you here with me. I missed you so much and I never thought I'd catch you. I always thought you'd slip away from me."
She's wrapped around him, though, and he cups a large hand against her ass to hold her close so she can't get away. "Don't get away from me."
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Bucky pulled her close, tight, melding their bodies together without an inch of space between, and she couldn't help but give a soft little moan into his mouth at the feel of him plastered against her; not even her astronomically vivid dreams could ever compare with the real thing. "'m not going anywhere," Natalia breathed against his mouth. "You've got me now, James. I'm yours, and only yours."
She squirmed against him, trying to finagle him exactly where she wanted him. "...take me again," she whispered. "Slow, and hard." A clever hand managed to slip between them and grip his cock, giving it a firm squeeze followed by bold strokes, and she hiked her leg higher, eager and inviting.
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It's the furthest thing from Bucky's mind right now, though, because he dips his head to suck another dark mark against Natalia's neck while he moves in her slowly. Slow, this time, so they can both savor it and just be together in all the ways they haven't had time for before now. He just wants to be right here wrapped up with Natalia and nowhere else.
"You want me to fuck you slow, then? Because that's what I want." His lips travel over pale skin and his teeth find places to mark; he wants to possess what was once unpossessable.
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"Da," she breathed, nipping at his ear, his neck, any skin she could reach. "Pozhaluysta, Dzheyms..." Natalia didn't think they'd ever make it out of bed, not in the near future. It was acutely painful, imagining him not in her arms and in her body; she wound both arms and legs tight around him, never wanting to let go, despite his heavy, stilted rhythm as he fucked her exactly how she wanted.
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"You're never sleeping anywhere else but my bed," he breathes hot against her ear. "I don't want to be anywhere but right here for the rest of our lives. I want...I want everything. All of you and I want to give you all of me."
"I want to burn the world for you."
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"Da," she breathed again, clenching down hard each time he impaled her, full breasts jerking against his chiseled chest. "YA lyublyu tebya, moya zvezda..." She kissed him again, licking her way into his mouth and breathing her own promises against heated skin. "I am yours, and you are mine. Now and for always, Dzheyms..."
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"Ride it out," he says lowly, working his hips up in time with his fingers. "Use me, darlin'. Use me and get yourself there."
He wants her to come again on his cock more than he wants to breathe and he grins up at her from the pillows.
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And it didn't take long; just a few more bold, sure strokes, four deep bucks of her hips, and Natalia was stiffening, quivering all over as her climax washed over her, and she shuddered apart before collapsing across Bucky's broad chest. Damp curls scattered over her shoulders and his chest, but the redhead was trying to catch her evasive breath even as she shivered still, lost in the afterglow of very good sex with her magnificent beloved.
"...malyshka..." she managed to purr, tilting her head to press her lips to the line of his jaw, nuzzling at him lovingly. She had no energy left; it was a herculean effort just to drape her arms around his neck and sprawl across his chest.
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“I’ll keep you safe,” he promises. “Even from them. I know how they work. I know who they are. I won’t let any of them near you and they have to go through me first. You’re going to be completely safe with me. No more running. No more being hurt. No more of them.”
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She was in upstate New York. With James. Her James.
The bed was empty, but that wasn't a surprise. After a little self-preparation, Natalia made it to her feet, feeling as wobbly as a newborn kitten, but managed to make it over to the dresser and procure a clean shirt and a pair of soft cotton shorts with a drawstring. Although she longed for a good, soaking bath, she instead went for a scalding hot shower, scrubbing everything twice and soaping her long hair, as well. She resolved to access her funds and procure her own necessities as soon as she could, but at least for the moment she was clean, and in one piece.
And safe.
Colt met her in the hallway, and Natalia ruffled his silky ears before she continued her slow amble towards the kitchen, the heavenly scent of coffee leading her own. Bucky's shirt fell to her hips, and his running shorts were way too big, but at least she didn't have to shuffle about naked. Her 'chaperone' was indeed in the kitchen, absently preparing what amounted to breakfast, even though it was nearly nine pm. Natalia paused in the doorway, one foot resting on its toes, and nibbled on her lower lip as she just watched him, possessively.
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Bucky hears her once Colt pads off and he can feel her looking at him when she lingers in the kitchen doorway. He turns, slowly, and takes in the sight of her wearing his clothes. He will never get tired of seeing her like this. Ever.
“Found something to wear?” he asks, amused as hell about her in his clothes. He’s possessive and he likes seeing her wrapped up in his things like he owns her.
“You can keep anything of mine you want.”
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She moved away slightly so he could continue his cooking, tucking her hands beneath her arms as she watched with idle interest. "Woke up a little sore, just now," she told him with a little chuckle. "You must have really missed me, James. Something horrible." Judging from the aches and pains the shower had helped to soothe.
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“C’mere. Stay close so I can keep an eye on you and make sure you don’t get yourself into trouble. That’s my job, isn’t it? Keeping you safe?”
It’s a tease, though, drawled out with a grin.
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"Mmhmm, it's totally your job," she slurred against his skin, closing her eyes in satisfied bliss. But her hands weren't idle, creeping just beneath the waistband of his cotton pants to tease soft skin, and clever fingers dipped even lower, fondling him gently.
"...we should go back to bed after we eat," she suggested, placing soft kisses across his shoulder blades. "Want to get my mouth on you this time, moya zvezda..."
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He finishes up with the bacon before turning around in her arms and kissing her soundly to pay back for the wandering hands. He grins down at her after a few long moments, fondness in his eyes.
"Well, if you wanna get your mouth on me, I'm not exactly gonna put up a fight or anything."
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Then James was grinning down at her, those beautiful blue eyes soft and dark, and she had to smirk at his cheeky quip. "I know you won't," was all she said, her alto gone a little rough. Then the redhead slid to her knees on the pristine tile floor, dragging those sweats down with her enough to free her prize, and she plumped his cock with her hands a time or two before taking him deep between her lips, whimpering at the deliciousness on her tongue.
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"Don't fucking stop," he says harshly, words echoing in the still room. He moves his hips just a little against her face, trying to chase the pleasure of having her lips and tongue wrapped around the length of him. He knows he's big but she's taken him before.
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